***Not BC related*** HELP!!!!

RhondaH · 06-15-2007, 03:23 PM

I'm sorry to bother you again, but you are all like family and I don't know where to turn (I've looked all over Google and have come up empty), but for mothers of boys, did/do you allow them to play w/ toy swords, guns, light sabers? Any special rules? How old were/are the boys? I would ask, but there are some problems in the neighborhood and I am trying to sort things out. Thanks again. (It's hard to believe that life really HAS gotten back to normal after breast cancer

Take care and God bless.

Rhonda

suzan w · 06-15-2007, 03:32 PM

Hi Rhonda, I have 2 "boys" (now 29 and 31 years old). As a young mother and war protester I had decided that my sons would NEVER play with guns or have guns etc...well, one day when they were 2 and 4 years old I was horrified to see them out in the back woods shooting at each other with sticks! By the way, we did not have a TV and to my knowledge they had not ever seen such behavior! After talking with my other young mom friends of the same ilk...we decided that the old adage must indeed be true...'boys will be boys'. Later heard similar stories about little girls in 'shootout' situations. And then there was the little boy who made a doll out of a paper bag (his dad said, "my son will NEVER have a doll")...Santa brought him a Cabbage Patch kid a few months later. I digress!!! My boys have grown up to be fine young men despite their early tendencies to make weapons out of just about anything!

Emelie · 06-15-2007, 04:15 PM

Hi Rhonda,
I have one boy and two girls and they all wanted to, and did, make their own versions of guns. They played war in the yard and used sticks and such for their guns. My son is now 30, has served in the US Navy, and is a very peaceful, kind, person. My girls 21 and 19 are both very kind, loving, peaceful people. It is you who sets the tone of whether play guns are bad or not.
Good luck!

KellyA · 06-15-2007, 05:25 PM

Hi Rhonda! I have 3 boys (8,10,16). We have never allowed the boys to have toy guns, with the exception of water guns. We have discussed at lengths on numerous occasions the subject of guns, how dangerous they can be if used incorrectly or get into the hands of the wrong people. I even had an incident where we had to stop allowing one of our children to play with the another child in the neighborhood because his father, who was a police officer, kept guns in the house that were not locked up. I know that many people have them as protection, but I have personally seen more than one tragedy result from guns in the house when there are children. I just don't think the two mix. My boys did go through a "fascination period" where they would look for anything to pretend with. My middle son even chewed a gun out of his piece of toast one morning much to my dismay. But I do believe that they all have a respect for guns and an appreciation of how dangerous they can be. And that is my goal- simply for them to respect them and always be aware of thier potential danger.

Love, Kelly

Mary Jo · 06-15-2007, 06:36 PM

I absolutely ditto what Suzan said. We, too, had 2 sons. They are not 25 and 28. My husband didn't hunt - we tried to protect the boys from violence on TV, etc. BUT, like Suzan said "boys will be boys." Why it is that these things intrigue them is beyond me.

Good Luck Rhonda.

Mary Jo

juanita · 06-15-2007, 07:19 PM

My boys played with toy guns for awhile, but then something else came along and they moved on to other things.

Donna · 06-16-2007, 09:20 AM

Hi Rhonda,

First let me say how much I always enjoy your informational posts!

My son was so into swords - we are pacificists and provided no weapon-like toys, but he used everything in sight from broom handles to tree limbs to expensive glass blow pipes to make swords. He now has a small collection of samurai swords. This all came uninvited, unsupported and in fact, actively discouraged.

By the same token, he loved necklaces, called his robe a "dancing dress" and would play dolls with my niece.

He is now almost 19 (in one month), a really fine young man that the whole community loves and respects - with a great collection of swords hanging on the wall.

I don't think it is so much the "toys" as it is the attitude.

Have a great day!

Donna

mke · 06-16-2007, 01:23 PM

I have 3 boys now 20 to 26. We closely monitored the TV, no guns in this house. HA! They made guns out of every thing Lego, Constructs (a building toy), sticks, you name it and a kid can make a gun out of it. They also made swords and shields out of unlikely materials. We let them have water pistols, but never allowed the replica type guns.

When they were around 8 to 10 I had their grandfather teach them to shoot a rifle. I wanted to remove the romance of guns for them. If it came up later, they could honestly say "Oh I did that years ago". They're all pretty nice guys.

Jean · 06-16-2007, 11:05 PM

Rhonda,
Raising a son to be a gentle man...is a very long road.
My son loved playing so many different characters. One day he was
a knight with a sword chasing dragons and bad
black knights....the next day he was a cowboy and truly dressed
up for this events. Oh and Zoro with the hat mask and that sword
again...Rhonda, he also played doctor and vet - fireman and cooking
chief with his own kitchen. He also played with dolls and had a doll house.
He had and still has a great imagination. I always kept a chest filled
with play cloths to dress etc. Today my son is 23 years and a
recent college graduate who is now working for NBC as a Jr. assissant
producer....So I do think we should allow our children to play and use
their imagination instead of sitting in front of a TV with a video game
playing with the switches and not using their beautiful brains to play.
There was a major study performed on this issue of children who were
not permitted to play with any toys that represented weapons.
These children were explained over and over again about the dangers
of guns etc. When left in a play room with many choices of toys
what toy do you think they ran first to each and every time?
Guns.....It is like everything else...part of life. I do believe that healthy
play does not make a child grow into a gun carrying dangerous person.
Hug and love your son and give him your old outfits, jewerly, hats,
and let him dress up and have fun.

Enjoy these years with your beautiful Tony, they pass way too fast.
Hugs,
Jean

tricia keegan · 06-16-2007, 11:40 PM

Rhonda I have one son who is thirty now with the gentlest personality you could wish for. He and his friends played with guns swords etc but at times he also played with dolls or tea sets!! I really don't think it's worth making a big deal about and he won't either,by out lawing them you may just make them more attractive. Good luck!

jones7676 · 06-17-2007, 07:08 AM

My son had a "laser gun" when he was young and of course water pistols. We live in Upper Michigan where there are many avid outdoorsman and women. My husband is an avid hunter and we have always had fire arms in the house. As much as we tried to shelter our children from violence on television - it was there. It was also printed in the newspapers.

The big rule at our house was that guns were never allowed to be pointed at people. We reinforced that you could never know if a gun was loaded or unloaded. We felt that our children could run across firearms in other people's homes and wanted to reinforce safety.

My daughter actively protests wars and other violence and my son is considered to be one of the gentlemen of the community....although at 26 he has not outgrown his fondness for "shoot 'em up" video games.

I was always more concerned with thier sexual practices and peer pressure regarding drugs and alcolhol, which I consider to be a far bigger threat to our children although it does not receive the sensationalized press coverage that gun violence does.

Just my two cents!

Jeanette · 06-17-2007, 07:41 AM

Hi Rhonda, I have four sons, all of them ran the gamut of toy guns, swords and anything else that was going. All served in the USMC and are very well adjusted men. It all depends on the teaching and rules laid down when they are young. They do grow up thankfully and some day have children of there own and will have to go thru this.themselves. Try not to worry too much. Hugs, Jeanette

vickie h · 06-17-2007, 12:26 PM

As anti-war protesters, you would think we would be horrified by our grandson's choise of guns, swords, etc. But, actually there is research saying that the withholding of these "toys" makes no difference, except that maybe the ones who played with sticks are a bit more creative. They are all well adjusted boys ages 6-12, and they love music, guitar, sports, and even ice skating. I think the love you show them has much more to do with their esteem vs. the use of toy guns. I also think some of the violent, army?navy bloody battles they play on their x boxes/playstations/game cubes, etc have a much greater impact. When you are actually shooting someone in a game and watching them be maimed or dying is heinous. Love, Vickie

sassy · 06-17-2007, 08:52 PM

Rhonda,

I have two teenage boys who have been around all types of hunting equipment including guns and bows all their lives. They now have their own and enjoy hunting with their father, uncle and cousin. My husband has been a wonderful teacher of the use and care of these items, and they are not viewed as weapons. We have also taught the boys that they are never to point a gun at anyone and that these are not toys to be played with. The did play with toy guns as children and still enjoy squirt guns! They have grown into very responsible young men with a healthy respect for guns and the like.

I think what you teach about anything has more impact than just banning it. I think simply banning items sometimes makes them more attractive. I know my brother and sister-in-law banned chocolate from my neice, and she would try to sneak it every chance she got! When they approached it as something she could only have as a special treat--she really didn't care about it anymore. It lost its facination.

Boys will be boys. What we teach them makes all the difference.

Good luck--I know you will raise a fine young man.
________
PiercingsPussy

Smiley · 06-20-2007, 11:02 AM

My son is now 35, the father of the two most beautiful girls in the world. His is both gentle and strong. We never bought hime a gun etc. but as he got a little older (5-6) and started playing more with nieghborhood kids we gave in because he couldn't play without the toys. We didn't make a big deal about it, just let him know we didn't really like it.
I think with proper upbringing and moral guidance from the family thier is no harm in this. Hope it helps.
Smiley

Heart Sutra · 06-23-2007, 08:51 PM

Hi Rhonda,

I am not a fan of guns, nor am I a fan of shoot 'em up movies. I've never hunted, don't even like the thought, and probably never will. However, my role as a father supersedes those biases.

Boys play with fantasy weaponry, so do girls. What I did with my son was to realize that guns are a reality in this world, and the best way to give him the ammunition (pun intended) to deal with this reality was to teach him to respect and handle guns by way of a very low power B.B. gun. I did the same with my daughter. I made this a very clear, very methodical, and often repeated lesson. As a result, they both lost interest in gun "play" and began to think of the weapons as they were designed to be used, saw no personal use for them, and abandoned that line of fascination.
Exposing them to those little B.B. guns took away the taboo, the mystery, (certainly the imagined machismo associated with them) and reduced the objects to what they are and nothing more, or less.
Kevin