CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC -- hear me out...

[IRENE FROM TAMPA]

I was drawn to what you had to say and I understand what you are saying.

I also understand the thoughts of the other ladies. Although I have always been a very positive person and very open minded, I have issues like everyone else. I have been trying to work on these issues through the mind/body healing method.

I can't say that I would totally depend on that for my cure, but I also see where it could be of benefit to my immune system and soul.

I am one of the fortunate one's that has survived this cancer for the last 11 1/2 years and have lived with active cancer for the last several years. There were many other ladies on our board that were brave and galant fighters that were not as fortunate. Why I am still here, I don't know but I do know that I will continue my fight with all the strength of my being. I dont blame anyone for my cancer and I definately do not blame myself. I think of myself as a "chosen one" and that there must be a purpose/plan for me.

I am going to continue working on that positive thinking in hopes of getting to that peaceful place in my mind.

I have printed your post and will read it for inspiration.

Thanks Andi and have a great day.

[saleboat]

Hello Andi,

It is my firm belief that one's response to treatment is based on poorly understood genetic quirks. If it makes you feel good to think that your fabulous resonse to treatment is because of your own free will, well that's your take on the world. I think it is a little heartless to broadcast it to women who aren't so lucky, but I guess that makes me a cynic, right?

I know we'd all like to think that we have some control over cancer, and there are many ways that 'we' try to gain it...thinking warm fuzzy thoughts, taking supplements, praying to our God.

Me, I'm just hoping that I have the right genetic quirk that equals a good response to all the poison I've consumed in this fight.

And I'm wishing everyone peace, strength and courage in their battle.

Jen

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Thanks so much for sharing your experience. That takes courage, I know. I too was always seen w/a smile on my face, happy serenity beaming from me. I loved Life and people and the world. But deep inside I too was lost and groping.

My readings say that unhealed, unresolved emotions are reflected in our genetically weakest area. Some get migraines, some get stomach issues, etc. Some have been eating the wrong foods for their body to perform at peak level, unbeknownst to them (or they'd surely unequivocally alter that pattern). Some eat whatever they want, much junk food plus smoke and don't get sick till they are in their 90s. Its all fascinating and confusing, for us and the professionals. But we do the best we can. I send you my love and prayers and thank you heartily for yours. I have written your beautiful sentence down -- "IN THE VERY BLACKNESS OF THE NIGHT A LISGHT SO BRIGHT AND WARM COVER ME WITH BLANKETS OF LOVE". What a remarkable and radiant Soul you are! It is an honor to know you. Stay in touch, please. Sending loving, healing energy your to help in your struggle to be and stay a Survivor.

BTW -- I admire ev woman fighting this brave fight that calls upon ev shred of strength and grace we can muster -- whether they win or lose. I applaud them, admire them, grieve for them and know they did their very best. Big hugs... ANDI

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I love your Spirit! You encapsulate what I am trying to transmit. You have the recipe down. I never asked why me. I didn't even cry. (At least not the 1st go round, the met stunned me for a while thinking -- I'M DYING. It's incurable, inoperable and I will be on long term chemotherapy for the rest of my life, said my onc slowly and w/obvious sadness and pain. Those words rang in my head. I couldn't speak to anyone. I was processing the info. Went for 4 opin. 1 onc said incurable, ca is incurable, it is a chronic disease, but we can manage it, get you in to remission. Inoperable? You're better off without the surg. It'll weaken you to fight the side effects of the chemo. Longterm chemo -- there are new kinder gentler chemos you can take. And if they don't work, we've got doz more. You are healthy. I laughed. Aside frm the ca I was healthy. You have a great attitude, a great support team (husb, dghtrs, friends) -- you'll do fine! I embraced that attitude, after thinking I'd just heard the worst possible words from my 1st onc (who I still see and love). He has 3 dghtrs, he'd known me for 3 yrs, was shaken. I forgive him. He is a good man and a great onc.

But his 1st words sounded like something you hear in soap opera. They were the worst words you could imagine hearing. A death sentence. I'd been on chemo (Adria CMF) 8 mnths of that, and the lingering effects for so long after finishing that -- that's a way to spend the rest of your life. But then came Herceptin. I can do this. Now ev 3 wks (triple dose). It's a walk in the park. Many tests to keep on top of all body parts, annoying, but ev day I enjoy the heck out of it and spend much time thinking of being loving and grateful.

I sit around full of anger and bitterness is self-defeating. And sure I have my moments of fear and worry and feeling overwhelmed, but I scrabble back up the mountain and get my footing again, because I know that's what I must do to keep on keeping on.

I HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF CHEMO AS "POISON". It is the best the med prof has to offer us today. One day it will be viewed as primitive, to be sure. But for now -- it is our lifeline. It pulls me through the rough waters. I hold my head high and endure the drug that is out to annihilate ev malig cell in my body. I try to help through "guided imagery" which some teach. Thoughts are energy. You are energy. Even the visions we have are energy. They are emitted by us and felt by others AND they are sensed by the Universe which responds by sending us LIKE ENERGY. It's some Cosmic Law, as sure as gravity. We couldn't see bacteria before the microscope but many believed they existed. And, besides, "thinking" loving, joyful, compassionate, grateful thoughts(for our suddenly visible multitude of blessings) -- if nothing else -- HOW WE WILL "FEEL" ALL DAY.

Please ladies, do not dwell on feeling embittered, victimized, forced to succumb to poisoning ourselves -- you will feel miserable as a result, at the very least. Don't do that to yourself, please! You deserve better than that. And maybe it counters in to a degree in healing (as they have found laughter and social contact do). Ever listen to a 100 yr old person explain why they think they've lived so long. They've mourned many at their age, but found their way back to happiness. They are full of laughter and humor.

When I had my (always dreaded) mastec, I began to oddly think -- when I put on a double breasted jacket, is it still double breasted? Can I still do the breast stroke in the pool? It was weird, but it made me laugh, in the face of my worst nightmare ever, losing a breast AND having ca AND having to have 8 mnths of chemo. I was shocked to find when I went for my 1st mammog that I was unilateral. I got a bargain rate. Oh, great. I thought of my reconst tram flap breast as a breast. True, made out of stomach parts, but they were my stomach parts. I came home and told Paul. I said does that mean if I get ca in my left breast, I'll have stomach ca? We both laughed. Keep smiling. Being in the 1% club doesn't make me better than anyone else. I want every one of you to join me! I'm doing my best to suggest ways to get there. UCLA (through Pegram and Slamon) did a 1 yr study of longterm Survivors -- to try and figure out what makes them diff. I had hrs long interviews 3 X over the yr. I filled out many pgs of questionnaires asking PSYCHOLOGICAL questions. Rating on a scale of 1 to 5 if most days you feel things like: sadness, fear, anger, etc. Then there were essays. And 3X a day swabs all 3 X throughout the yr -- to check your seratonin levels. Did you drink alcohol today? Do you smoke? What pills did you take and what dosages and why do you take them. My 2 doz supplements were listed, along w/my prescrip drgs. Did you exercise today? Is this typical, unusual, etc. Have you had caffeine today? In depth study. Looking for answers predominantly outside the lab, beyond genes. I was honored to take the time to participate. I want the 1% to be the 90 something club! I want YOU to join. Sending much love your way... ANDI

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

But understanding, and becoming aware of, the nature of the psychosomatic process, is more than edifying. It is empowering. We can't help what occured for whatever reason. But we can help with knowledge and awareness of the power of our thoughts -- to our great benefit! That is the point.

I lived most of my life on Long Island where the predominance of bc is the worst in the entire country. They wonder -- is the something in the water, in the pesticides (my house was built on a one time potato field) as were many others. Dix Hills was largely farmland. North Shore Hosp and many other agencies are investigating these and other possibilities for well over a decade, w/still now specifid conclusions. There is nothing I could do but filter my water, watch what I ate (low fats and carbs and red meat) and pray from time to time. Of course, I assumed bc, though dreaded beyond words and congnizant of the awful statistics, no matter where you lived, would happen -- to someone else. You never truly imagine it, or any great tragedy could happen to you. YOUR house wouldn't burn down. You would never personally experience kidnapping or the like.

But as I was living with a smile on my face, a genuine expression of my Spirit, I felt clinically depressed, struggling to make sense of my traumatic childhood and somehow fix it. I was wounded but didn't get that. I was angry, blaming, resentful, unforgiving, mad as hell. But bc helped lead me to the answers to finding joy and peace.

Even as I discovered that my thoughts were creating my agonizing, immobilizing back pain -- I never felt guilty! I had no idea there could be such a connection. Even w/structural malformation and visible MRI disc impingement. I felt no shame or blame there. WHAT I FELT IMMEDIATELY WAS WOW -- WE HAVE BEEN GRANTED SO MUCH POWER! My head reeled with the possible applications of this Secret of the Universe.

Dr. Sarno told me that studies had been done on people w/the same narrowing of the spine (which is natural w/age) and w/bulging, intruding discs -- WHO HAD "NO" PAIN. Really? He cited these various studies w/specificity. Amazing. Okay my malfunction and bulging L4 and 5, etc. doesn't necessarily cause the pain. So where is it coming from?

The pain decreases when we allow ourselves to more fully feel our sadness or grief or anger, etc., Sarno explained. I tended to suppress my outrage, as I'd learned to do as a child of a father who could not tolerate seeing me cry or look sad. In fact, studies show that if you smile, you begin to release the same chemicals that come from naturally smiling. I had adopted a natural, perpetual smile as it made me feel better and made others respond so wonderfully. Smiling, and laughter, increase our sense of well-being. So I use my sense of humor at all times, in the oddest of places, it just pops up. I do not like movies w/violence (which are truly difficult to avoid these days), but seek movies that I can learn something from (Waitress) and that make me laugh (Little Miss Sunshine). We are all dysfunctional, in varying degrees. There is no NORMAL.

Watching my mother's long death, Alzheimer's, inability to speak, understand, read or write, play cards, have a conversation and then her paralysis as diff brain parts were dying off -- was indescribably painful for me. It began in the late '80s (her late 60s). Ihad round the clock nurses for her for as long as I could afford to. We had a hoya lift to transfer her from bed to wheelchair. I managed a mini hospital staff. I marketed for her. I paid her bills. I grieved for her. (I wrote her eulogy 5 yrs before she died, as I started to forget the person she was, first writing avid reader, up on everything, volunteer all her life. Then the words became sentences and they became paragraphs.) My mother would stare into space blankly. I was caring for the shell of my mother as best I could. I hired ambulettes to transport my mom to doc offices as the nurse and I could not manage this alone.

Paul and I searched for Geriatric Care facility. She was not a candidate for assisted living. We were on a waiting list, expecting the call any minute and knowing we had 24 hrs to move her in or we'd lose our spot. Ev time the phone rang my heart leapt. I had hr packed and ready. One the day she went into the home, I "decorated" her room as cheerily as I could w/items I'd bought and saved. I put up a bulletin board I had made at the frame stare and pics I collected of her as a child, a beautiful young woman, w/my father who was long gone, pics of me and my sister as children and present, and the grandkids, pics of her parents -- all to hopefully remind her and give her a sense of being surrounded by love. It hung on the wall facing my mom's bed. An added perk to this was that the nurses had a sudden knowing of the woman who was now a shell. She was such a beauty. Those pictures. Wow. I can see her. They would ask me who was who and then review this w/my mom in my absence. Sometimes she'd smile back.

But the toll that took on me (from the late 80s to 01) was beyond mammoth. I was dx in '95. I never told my own mother I had bc. She wouldn't understand and if she did, it would gravely upset her. There was nothing she could do, but I felt, how could such a profound event take place in my life and me never mention it to her. I'd discuss my dghtrs and husb and the events of the day, prattling on. Surely the psychological impact of that horrendous ordeal for her, and more for me to watch, as she seemed not to know, had to contrib to disarming my imm sys. Not my fault. Just life happening. No blame, no anger, no resentment.

But had I known of the potential physical toll of my emotional upheaval I would have been better armed, to vent more, to find a peaceful place midst the turmoil of it all. I had a thousand pounds on both my shoulders of responsibility. (My sister was having her own family problems and therefore I was The One, it all fell to me, as if I were an only child.) I wanted to call my brother! But I never had a brother!!

Waves of sadness swept through me. There is no hope for a person in my mother's position at that time. My prayers turned to pleading w/God to release her from this tragedy and let her go in peace to a better place. I prayed ev time I left my mom, unable to feed or bathe herself. I thought I was dealing w/it, but now in retrospect -- not so well. Packing up her apartment and disposing of all contents in one way or another was so painful. My dghtr Ali helped me w/the papers. I couldn't focus on what needed to be saved and what could be tossed.I was disposing of her belongings as if she had passed on, but she was still alive. I felt I was intruding, peeking into drawers and crannies.

Surely I am not a self-destructive person. Never thought such a thing. I have been a survivor since childhood. That is how I have always seen myself. I do not see you or any one who has ever faced this dasterdly disease as bringing it on themselves. That is absurd.

Let us all do as Adriana says. She is much like me in so many ways. Long time survivors who have no intention of doing otherwise. I don't believe we were just LUCKY. Nor does UCLA, or many places of prestigious med research done on our behalf. Let us all add our personal experiences and best guesses and share our readings with one another to better understand the bc conundrum and try to get a better handle on it.

Please, ladies, don't any one of you feel an iota of guilt, blame or shame. That is totally unfounded. We are all here unwillingly but here all the same. Let us put our heads together and offer our heartfelt thoughts. Let us network our collected info (beyond the med percentages). INSTEAD LET US STRIVE TO ALTER THOSE PERCENTAGES -- TO OUR ADVANTAGE!

[vickie h]

Who could possibly feel that Andi was blaming anyone for their cancer. The anger I read in many of these messages, as well as guilt and unforgiveness astouds me, Which brings me back to what Andi was trying to say. No One intentionally created their cancer.....but unresolved issues, trauma, unforgiveness of others, blame, etc, as well as environmental issues, diet, etc do have a part in our cancer, just as chemo has had a part in resolving some or all of it. Please reach out to one another and love each other. Forgive those around you if you ask for forgiveness for your own acts. Don't ask for forgiveness if you can't forgive ( a message from God) And Grace, your message is filled with hope and a positive attitude. Railing against injustice is about the most positive thing I can think of......LOve to you all, Vickie

[StephN]

The brave explorers who took heart and sailed in crowded wooden boats onto wild and vast seas have always held a special fascination for me. Why would someone leave the comforts of their known land and set sail outside the known world? I was recently reading the life of St. Brendan, the Irish chronicalist of 1500 years ago. He and a small group of Christian monks made a small craft and it is said they actually made it across the Atlantic to America and BACK! Not once, but twice. This is well before Christopher Columbus.

Somehow he was called to take this voyage. He seems to have had no choice, nor did he even WANT a choice. His voyages were taken as a way to know God. This "voyaging" is how I have come to see my fight with my cancer. Many dragons and sea monsters have been encountered to tame along the way, but seem able to do this so far. They are near, but do not threaten.

An unseen hand seems to guide and comfort me, keeping the periodic freakouts to a minimum. Accepting this disease as another life partner has been key in my type of battle.

Perhaps this is my way of using my energy as a healing force, even though I may be a bit selfish with it, getting less involved in the social pressures and problems of our times.

Learning from all here how you fight (and, yes, die) has been a way of keeping me afloat. There is so much valuable input that includes and goes beyond our individual attitudes. Keep it coming ... "with Love, from me to you."

As one not ready to give up my ship, I enjoy the wisdom shared, both ancient and modern.

[Val Pfeiffer]

Andi--I really like your post (and I LOVE your photo--I just updated mine, but now I think I need to do another one that's more fun:-)

After reading this, I wanted to add the list of things that I felt then (at the time of diagnosis) and now and will in the future--because it reinforce it again for me, and because sharing ideas is what this board is all about:

1. There isn't anything I can do about the fact that I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. But I can choose my response to it.

2. There will always be someone out there who has a worse health situation than me. I can choose a pity party or I choose to live my life the best way possible.

3. I will continue to live my life by doing everything I have always done, unless it becomes impossible. I will continue to teach spin, because a high heart rate might give the Herceptin more "passes" through my body. I will continue to work because it keeps my brain active and happy.

4. While I have not gotten very upset about my situation, I need to understand that others close to me will grieve at different levels. They may expect me to behave in a certain way, or have certain needs, and when I don't match their expectations, I need to be understanding of their emotions.

5. Positive thinking is an effective weapon against fighting diseases like cancer. I can help my chemo drugs work their magic by mentally cheering them on.

6. Today is a great day because I'm alive. Others (like the guy I dated in high school and was engaged to right after high school who was instantly killed in a motor vehicle accident two years ago) don't get the chance to fight for their lives. I am lucky because I have been given that opportunity.

7. In general, people are generous, caring and totally cool. The people on this board, the people who brought meals when I was getting chemo and radiation, the people who sent emails to keep in touch--they are my heroes!


Val

[hutchibk]

Yes Val! Yes, yes, yes!! Thank you. You have put it down in affirmation form and the clarity of your writing and list is perfect.

[Believe51]

I do not think Andrea wanted anyone of us to be appalled or offended, this topic was just a discussion. Everyone's health achievements come from many forms of tactics. Chemotherapy, excercise, eating right and avoiding sugar, supplements, maintaining a good doctor, asking the right questions, etc. etc. and MIND POWER. "In conjuction with everything". Andrea loves us all and means no harm I am sure. I think what she is saying here, is that the mind is another tool we can use to fight and that it is a very powerful tool. We all know that the will to live has to do with mind power. We all have the right to be offended, but some might be offended knowing that others believe it is all in GOD'S Hands!! Keep an open mind and I hope I did not hurt or offend any one of you girls, I love you all too!!>>Waiting For A Miracle...Believe51..(Marie G)

P.S: WE ARE ALL HERE TO HELP EACH OTHER AND OUR OPINIONS ARE NOT ALWAYS SEEN THE SAME BY OTHERS, OUR GOALS ARE ALL THE SAME!!!

[RobinP]

The chances that a woman purposefully or unconsciously did something to trigger bc or promote it is remote, if any. Instead of blaming, we need to encourage each other to look at our situation differently, without guilt and shame.Let's uplift each other, make the best of worst circumstances, and see bc as an opportunity where we can help each other survive and feel better about ourselves.

Just wanted to add that I think the author of this thread was trying to help others, despite some contraversial views.
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[HavahJ]

This sounds a lot like self-blame to me. HavahJ

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Havah, This Universal religion if you will called Spirituality makes us see our Oneness w/each other. It is not about blaming ourselves for unconsciously creating physical reactions to our psychological internal dialogue. It is not about the bad news, but rather THE GOOD NEWS. We are are so much more powerful than we ever thought. We have been blessed w/a birthright to enable us to continue to create ourselves and the world. Not a blame game. We are not victims, though we all have days we feel as such. We are proud, strong, brave, determined warriors on a path to gathering as much info and pathways to healing. Traditional medicine, spirituality, supplements, diet, exercise it all counters in to the mix. Some of us have nastier genetics to overcome. All of us are fighting for our lives, even those who reach a stable NED place. We all feel we must keep our footing, work at stay well the best we can, doing our very best on a consistent basis. That's quite a challenge. And we want to do it with as much grace as we can muster. With love in our hearts, as we are touched by so many loving Souls. With compassion, the genuine desire to understand, to share and communicate our experience for the betterment of us all. We must see our many blessings and be deeply grateful for all we have, not focusing on what we have lost. This is the foundation of a happy, harmonious and healthy Spirit. I wish you all that and more... ANDI

[Joe]

test

Regards
Joe

[fauxgypsy]

Hi Andi,
I am tired too. I have had two Aranesp shots, four weeks ago and two weeks ago. I am going to check out the supplements you have mentioned. We have a busy day Monday. I have an appointment for a second opinion and my husband has to have a CT scan. He has been hurting lately and I was wondering if it was his gallbladder but instead they found a spot on his right kidney. Hopefully it is nothing, but we will see. He keeps saying that it is a pulled muscle. I hope so.
The second opinion is one I should have gotten before now. First it was in my liver and then it wasn't, no biopsy to prove it either way and no surgery or dose dense chemo because it had already spread but maybe it hadn't. After we started treatment the oncologist said that it might have been a fluke. I am very glad that nothing showed up in my second PET scan. But I still have my doubts about the course of treatment. I think the second opinion will give me peace of mind. I have met the new oncologist (he was my stepfather's when he had cancer) before and really felt that he was compassionate. He takes his time to talk with you and I am very uncomfortable with how rushed I feel with my current oncologist.
I am hoping that I will paint more now that I doing less faux finshes, etc. I live near Oxford, MS, where the University Of Mississippi (Ole Miss) is located. It gets a lot of alumni, of which I am one, and tourists because of this. Not Oxford, England although I would love to visit there.
Hope you and your husband feel better soon.

Leslie

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Vickie, I have been preoccupied w/my husband's medical misadventures, but from the moment I read your post about being given the grim news by 4 docs surrounding your hospital bed, alone but for your pneumonia -- I have been beside myself. What were they thinking? This was clearly not the time to approach the lone patient. The synchronicity of their being in the same place at the same time was not a strong enough case to hit you over the head, blindsiding you. Traumatic doesn't even begin to cover what you went throug. I am so sorry that happened in that most awful of ways.

A few times you mention you assured others YOU WOULD BE OKAY. That was your Spirit speaking! Do not dismiss it as placating, attempting to comfort others in your compassionate way. BELIEVE IT. Your trip to Mexico, taking long walks, swimming in the buoyant waters, wondering about all things was your Spirit trying to make you feel connected to Life. Eating the right things was your Soul seeking to nourish you as it craved your acknowledgement. Once we find our True Self, discover our Essence, at our core, we can more easily tap into Universal guidance and wisdom.

In MY PRAYER FOR SURVIVAL that I wrote in Dec '98, midst Taxotere and torment throughout my body, at the lowest point in my entire life, I began with the following words. I AM WOUNDED, BUT I WILL SURVIVE. I AM DEEP IN THE WOODS, BUT I AM NOT LOST. MY BODY ACHES WITH THE DEATH OF MY CANCER CELLS. BUT I AM STRONG, BRAVE AND DETERMINED. THIS STORM WILL NOT TOUCH MY CORE. I WILL NOT LET IT. MY ESSENCE IS CALM AND POISED. MY WILL IS GREAT AND SHALL TRIUMPH. I WILL BE STEADFAST. THE BEST IS YET TO COME.

Vickie, you are not broken. I understand that you may feel lost and cheated. But know that -- you are being led. The tangible evidence of your efforts lie before you. As you expect the best, so it will come. It is a Universal Law. Do not retreat. There is a malfunction afoot. You will not break. Your Spirit will not be broken. Diligently stand guard against toxic thoughts and images. Acknowledge them, experience them and then be done with them. You have much to be grateful for. ou are truly blessed. As you see the radiance of life, the darkness within dissolves.

You are in a process of spiritual unfolding. When all is calm, we stagnate. You are becoming more than you were, your life enriched immeasurably with fresh perspectives, the gift of feeling truly alive with each new day.

You write with such artistry, Vickie. YOU WILL BE OKAY, as your Spirit told you repeatedly. Stop resisting participating in this unwanted drama. It is your Life. Rejoice. You are on a gravel-packed road but with the power of your chosen thoughts and images, stubborn determination that will not flag and belief in your abilities to triumph you will be guided through this the mother of all storms.

With much loving energy being sent your way... ANDI

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

<TABLE class=tborder id=post126550 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD class=alt1 id=td_post_126550 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #aa8799 1px solid">Thought you who were interested in the CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC of the mindbody connection (which turned out to be a whole lot more *controversial* than I'd guessed at first) -- would be interested in this post from OPRAH thread. Seems most of you have at the very least *suspected* the link and many are actually utilizing your innate healing powers to your advantage. In that spirit -- I copied the following posts to help feed your expanded consciousness. Sent with loving energy to all, as always!

Andi - I never answered you.... 'Om Namo Guru Dev Namo' means "I bow to the teacher within my soul, I bow to the friends that I've come to know." My counselor taught it to me, it is a Kundalini Mantra and it is used for healing balance of the chakras through the fingertips... the fingertips of each hand corresponds with the chakras as follows: thumb with 2nd chakra; index finger with 5th chakra; middle finger with 3rd chakra; ring finger with 6th chakra; and little finger with 4th chakra. I don't know much more than that, but I know I am experimenting with it as I learn more about meditation.
<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->__________________
Brenda

AS OF 6/07...
* Nov'03, diagnosed stage 2B
* Dec'03, Rt side mastectomy, Her2neu+, ER/PR+,10 nodes removed, one +node
* Jan'04, Taxotere/Adria/Cytoxan x 6
* NED, Clean margins, no Rads
* Tamoxifen 1 year, then Arimadex for 3 months
* NED 14 months
* Sept'05, recurrence/microscopic mets in lungs/chest nodes/one underarm node
* Switched to Aromasin after recurrence
* Taxol/Carbo/Herceptin x 7
* NED 6 months - Herceptin only
* Aug'06, recurrence/micro mets in chest nodes & bone spots at C3 in neck
* Added Taxol to Herceptin indefinitely
* Feb'07 Genetic testing, BRCA 1 & 2 negative
* Apr'07 MRI revealed 2 small (9mm) brain mets & 5 punctates, and new left chest met.
Small increase of bone met in neck.
* Starting Tykerb/Xeloda May'07
* MRI June'07 - stable brain mets, no new mets, 9mm spots less enhanced.
* Tumor markers down from 45 to 17 in 7 weeks.
* Ty/Xel working it's magic!
* Will re-scan Aug'07.

NOV'06 - 3 year anniversary


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</TD><TD class=alt1 id=td_post_126573 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #aa8799 1px solid"><!-- icon and title --> I Bow To The Teacher Within My Soul

<HR style="COLOR: #aa8799" SIZE=1><!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->BRENDA THAT IS SOOO BEAUTIFUL! Thank you for remembering to share that. I am reading a link Leslie posted in CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC and I have thrill chills. It speaks of connecting with that teacher within, with your Spirit and the INFINITE POSSIBILITIES that alignment holds for us.

We have each been thrust into a process of RENEWAL with our dx of bc. Mythologist, scholar, teacher and author Joseph Campbell speaks of "regeneration...a retreat from the desperations of the wasteland to the magic" within, "golden seeds (that) do not die". The Soul being eternal.

Medtation allows the "self-righting" mechanism of the body to come into play. Learning to "live in" in the positive images we create is key component of self-HEALING, I am reading. That resonates as a KNOWING I had but was not yet aware of. Having the ability to shift out of "the critical, analytic mode of information processing", to SEE beyond -- "inhibits the interfering signals of doubt and skepticism", says researcher Ian Wickramesekera.

Those "blessed" with the awareness of their healing capabilities have "easier access to...a primarily intuitive and emotional response, thather than a logical or rational one". Harvard anthropologist Richard Katz notes "healers" are "more 'expressive' and passionate'". They raise within heir bodies the "boiling energy", as he studies the African Kung Bushman tribal ceremonies. Katz points to healing being associated with unexpected recoveries. The experts are busy studying "psychological changes that might precede healing -- searching in effect, for a Tumor Necrosis Factor of the Mind".

Fascinating stuff! Makes my heart smile to know such prestigious inquirers are scrutinizing this virtually untapped, hidden resource within each of us.

Sending loving, healing energy to all my Soul Sisters... ANDI
<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->__________________
'95 age 50 post-menopausal dx ILC -- 9cm tumor + 2 nodes out of 18 -- Lt mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT+8 mnths chemo (4Adria + 8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen '96-'98. Felt LUCKY. Blessed. Something deep inside told me I WILL SURVIVE THIS!

'98 -- multiple mets to liver + HER2+ 80% ER/PR-. Flushed Tamoxifen down toilet. Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast, per tests over 1st 2 wks. New PORT + 9 mnths Taxotere (isn't called The Freight Train Drug for nothing) but it did the job! We have a love/hate relationship. Made me miserable but helped save my life! Gotta love it...

Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked its' use for met bc). BEEN ON VIT H EVER SINCE! I believe it keeps my Her2 gene from acting up, keeps more mets at bay, sustains me. Pronounced in CAUTIOUS remission May '99. Now I am a walking miracle. IN THE 1% club, they say! Still NEMD. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! "A CANDLE LOSES NOTHING IF IT IS USED TO LIGHT ANOTHER."
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[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Meditation allows the "self-righting" mechanism of the body to come into play. Learning to LIVE IN the images we create is a key component of SELF-HEALING, I read. Having the ability to shift out of "the critical, analytic mode of information processing", to SEE beyond -- "inhibis the interfering signals of doubt and skepticism", says researcher Ian Wickramesekera.

Those *blessed* with the awareness of their healing capabilities have "easier access to...aprimarily intuitive and emotional response. Rathan a logical or rational one". Harvard antropoligist Richard Katz notes "healers are more expressive and passionate. They raise with their bodies te "boiling point", as he studies the African Kung Bushman tribal ceremonies.

Becoming duly scarified impels us to go within and connect with our Spirit. That in turn grants us expanded vision and understanding. You can't prescribe it...but you can learn it. See Flori's post I'M SO UPSET from today and read the thread through for more on soothing your psychological blockades and activating your healing powers.

Sending much loving energy to all my Soul Sisters... ANDI