How would you feel?

[nitewind]

You may remember that I needed to ask my doctor about staging. I saw him on Friday right before my herceptin infusion. He confirmed that my breast cancer is indeed stage 2. He told me that there are a lot of factors taken into account. Ok, so I'm okay with that. I've been keeping a great attitude and had myself convinced that I'm going to beat this. I've been feeling good and trying to look forward to my future with a good attitude.
Now, as I sat in the recliner, getting my herceptin, I decided to read my chart, which I do every so often. The latest entry by my doctor was three weeks ago and at the very bottom of the page he wrote "breast cancer prognosis - poor." I nearly lost it! I started crying. My nurse came over and asked me what was wrong and I told her that I was doing fine until I read the bottom of the page. She was very sweet and said "everyone is different" and I asked how she would feel to see those words on her medical chart. I finished my infusion and walked home in a complete daze. I feel like I'm completely defeated, what is the point of continueing to get these infusions every week and being stuck by needles for all the continuous blood work. My own doctor doesn't think I have a fighting chance....why should I think that I do. I don't understand any of this, I thought I was doing well, I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. I feel the way I did when I first got my diagnosis. I'm screaming on the inside and ready to quit everything. Be honest with me, how would you feel?