A few words from the (not) heartless

[Debbie L.]

Hello friends and sisters&brothers,

We're going thru especially hard times on this list right now. I so admire everyone who chimes in on every thread with lovely and eloquent words of support or tribute. But I do want to say, for some of us who are more quiet on that front -- that it does not mean we're not paying attention or not sending much love and prayers and good thoughts to everyone.

For every posted word of love and support I'd bet there are dozens who read and hold people in their heart but do not post. Some are just shy, others (me) tend to be more pragmatic and post only if they think there's something to suggest or discuss. Different styles (it's good, to have diversity), but know that it doesn't mean we silent ones are not sharing every smile and every tear with our list sisters and brothers.

Much love,
Debbie Laxague

[AlaskaAngel]

I could not say it better.

I often feel as if, as an oldtimer who has remained NED, it is as if I am on the sideline of a much greater battle with no weapons or strategy helpful enough or timely enough to be of comfort.

A.A.

[BonnieR]

I agree with what you have both said. It reminds me of a different, but similar, situation. I'm an "oldtimer" in AA and I find that often it is the newer members who best relate to those just coming in. Everything is fresher, somehow, and they are on the road to recovery together. They identify. But I stick around to testify that there is long term sobriety and hope and that we get there "one day at a time". Newcomers appeal to me. That is why I am a Navigator at the cancer center. It is good for me.
I think your experience is invaluable to this board. Just being here to boost the newcomers in a general way and show them that it works!
But as Debbie said, we all have different approaches. And when either of you post something, I pay attention because I know it will be pithy and not superficial!
Keep the faith

.

[chrisy]

Debbie,
Having cherished your posts over the years and having been lucky enough to meet you in person, I know you are not heartless! If anything, you have too much heart! I know you and Brenda had a special understanding and mutual respect - and everyone needs their own space and time to reflect.

AA - although I am in somewhat the opposite situation, I sometimes feel like an outsider or sideline myself and do not post. After all, I am everyone's worst nightmare!

I wanted you both to know, I really appreciate that you continue to "hang out" here even as you view cancer in the rear view mirror, and continue to offer your support. And I agree with Bonnie, when either of you do post,I sit up at attention because I know it will be worth noting!

Much love,
Chris

[yanyan]

Well said, Debbie. Thanks a lot !

[JennyB]

I am with Bonnie and Chrisy whenever you post I read because it will be intelligent well thought and articulate - quite the opposite to me in fact! I presume from your responses that you are not heartless because you never ever give that impression.

Regards

Jenny x

[Paty]

Debbie,

Totally agee with you. Sometimes we suffer And pray in silence, but we are always here, listening to each one of our sisters.

[rhondalea]

+1

I have been half crazed by my inability to find the words to express my hope and my grief. Thank you, Debbie.

[Bunty]

Thanks Debbie - wonderfully said..... and Rhondalea, thanks, so succinct, but so true...
Much love
Marie

[Joanne S]

Debbie, So Eloquently put...Well Said!!! In other words WOW! It's wonderful to know you are there
Perhaps we all have insecurities and fears or feel we don't fit. We are neither rated by which stage we are, which treatments we have had or not had, nor by the number of posts. We are bonded survivors, all affected by this terribly heartless disease...reading and/or posting for educational and therapeutic benefits...

[Joanne S]

I only hope some of my posts offer some help and understanding. I'm not sure how I come across----At times whining, venting, complaining and asking for reassurance too... I'm actually pretty sensitive and softhearted, but think I probably come across as an overly-emotional rambler........ I don't write very well and always stumble on my words for a long time. I've even wondered if I belong now that I have uncommon BC metastasis is to my uterus, and that is now changed to HER2 negative. Additionally I still feel guilty and out of sorts that I took a long leave of absence from here.

[Ellie F]

Debbie and AA
When I read your posts a tune came into my head. It was from an American sitcom I used to watch called Different Strokes.the theme tune went something like 'well the world don't turn to the beat of just one drum'......... All I have to say is that there are lots who express themselves in different ways on this board but all are valuable,I wouldn't want you to change the way you do things for a moment. Keep on beating YOUR drum, it's always good to read.
Ellie

[NEDenise]

Ladies,
I have never, even for one moment thought of any of you as "heartless", or even uncaring. I'm glad you posted this so I could have the chance to assure you that you are appreciated, and that your words are valued!

My Dad was a man of few words...which made the words he did share precious. That's how I think of all of you. (Well, except you Chris...you and I are certainly not women of few words!) But as Ellie said...Different strokes!

Denise

[Pray]

Joanne, Your so sweet! You will always belong here! Your not the only one to take a leave of absense here. What an awesome gift you had of just enjoying life with out the constant fear. Never feel guilty for enjoying life. Everyday is a great blessing. We're sorry you had to come back but you are definatly needed here. Although your new dx is rare there are others here just like you and going from her2+ to -. I'm glad you came back! Every single fighter here has inspired me so. I'm not sure if you know just how much you have done just by logging back on here. Its so important to all of us to see all of the great warriors here no matter what the fight. Gods blessings to you! I think your amazing! Peace my friend, Nancy

[LeahM]

I am one of the dozens that read and pray even though I don't respond much. I still consider myself a newbie here in HER2+ land.
I do admire the strength, honesty and support I see here every time I log on.
All of you are worriors and all of you are held in my heart.
Leah

[LeahM]

That's warriors, not worriers.

[rhondalea]

"Worried warriors" just about nails it, Leah.

[Debbie L.]

>>That's warriors, not worriers.

Laughing, Leah! I think we're all pretty good in both departments. We've got it ALL covered.

Thanks, everyone -- this is turning into an interesting thread, isn't it. I like that we're reinforcing that we're all here together, whether our name and words actually show up in the thread or not.

Joanne, I'm afraid that once you've joined us, there is no escape. Of COURSE you are still part of this group. And the line between asking for support and offering it is so nebulous. Sometimes I have received just what I needed from someone else's post when they were asking for help, not technically offering support (but that's what they did, nevertheless). ('can't figure out how to write that word "elses", and spell-check isn't helping, it offers "elves")

Debbie Laxague

[mimiflower07]

It is difficult to post when your life is going well, and busy with raising children. I'm reminded that its important to post or reconnect to let other know that many of us living well for today, knowing full well that this could change in a single moment. I agree with all who have posted, we are still her2 and standing with you all.
Some of us are never very far away!
Suzanne

[NanaJoni]

You all are such remarkable people with precious gifts you freely share here and, I'm sure, in all areas of your lives. I agree with Denise - you are here (whenever it may be - often or not) simply because you are NOT heartless. There is strength in the diversity of our experiences. Good discussion here.