Memorial Page a No-Go

Lisa · 02-27-2006, 10:12 PM

Friends,

I just received a call from the Board's founder, Christine. She was very upset that we were going ahead with a Memorial page. She believes it would be a "downer" that shouldn't be on a support site, especially her site. She said she wouldn't want to be on such a page if she passed. She wants this site to be strictly about helping others and encouraging them to live. I must say, while I don't completely agree with her, I do honor her feelings. After all, this IS her web site.

Thank you all for your comments.

Love and light,

Lisa

Lolly · 02-28-2006, 10:17 AM

Thank you for your efforts Lisa, and yes, I too honor and respect Christine's feelings on this matter. This is her baby.

<3 Lolly

jag · 02-28-2006, 02:43 PM

I Both Accept And Agree With Christine..

al from Canada · 02-28-2006, 06:06 PM

When this question first came up, I responded with a question to Joe, what would he do if it were Christine....I got my answer and I respect that. I'm sure Chris has stuggled with this as it hasn't been that long since she lost her friend Mary, and Mary will be remembered in other places but not here.

Chris and Joe, many of us owe the world to you and some of us, our lives. To that end alone, I understand why a memorial page may change the shape of this board thus changing its nature, content and results. It is your experience and insights that have made this board what it is, which is success, and Linda and I will continue to trust your judgement in its evolution so that many more will benefit. Perhaps a "memorial site" may be someone else's mission with a greater scope than just from this site.

Thanks for being there,
Al and Linda

sadie · 02-28-2006, 06:44 PM

Although your efforts and your meaning well is appreciated, I would have to agree with Christine.
When I was first diagnosed, I was terrified when I couldn't find any support groups for HER2 positive people.
Not knowing a whole lot about it, I was afraid that nobody lived long enough to give support! You can only imagine how relieved I was when I found this site!
It has uplifted my spirits tremendously knowing there are others out there who are lasting years even tho they are HER2 Positive.
Some of their experiences are something that I can relate to and gain knowledge from.
It would be very upsetting for me to see a list of all those who have passed on.
During this difficult time, I need all the positive reassurance that I can get.
Please don't take this wrong. I know you only meant well.
Sadie

Lyn · 02-28-2006, 10:09 PM

I have to agree, I wouldn't want to know I was on a memorial site, it is too final that some don't make it when we are so desperate to live and live for a long time, at least another 40 years for me, and then I would want a picture of me when I was about 30 before BC to be my opener and no sad depressing music as you read through, here lay a gal who drove us nuts would be more like it, and if tyres could be made from her DNA all the hoons would only need one set, and this example is set by her son who went through 4 sets of tyres in 4 months showing off his V8 Holden Ute and we are now coming up to the 5th month with a new set all ready awaiting for him to grow up, is is 22 now.

Love & Hugs Lyn

TriciaK · 03-01-2006, 09:50 AM

I did vote for a memorial page, and it would not have been depressing for me, but then I am probably the oldest survivor on these pages (age 76 and a 21 year survivor!). I absolutely agree, though, that Christine's wishes are foremost, because where would we all be without Joe and Christine and this wonderful site? So, not having a memorial page is fine with me. I also absolutely agree with the positive, upbeat helping-each-other-to-live atmosphere. We all need more faith, not fear, and Christine is right, a memorial page just might cause fear for some people. I think I said earlier that "fear" is "false education affecting reality"---I had that wrong--it is False EVIDENCE Affecting Reality". There is so much good education and evidence to be found on this site, and I am so grateful to Joe and Christine for starting it and for all of you who share so much. Hugs, Tricia

Sherryg683 · 03-01-2006, 07:52 PM

I really have to also agree with Christines decision. I am newly diagnosed, scared and wondering what the future holds. It scares me to see so many young, strong women dying from this disease. I like to think herceptin and the newer drugs may be our magic bullet and have to have faith in it. I think a memorial site would be disturbing to many of us and how many of these that would be on the site would have been treated with the modern medicines we have now. Even if you put it in a seperate section, it would be hard for us not to stop and read...kind of like slowing down to look at a car wreck, you can't help yourself. sherryg683

sarah · 03-02-2006, 01:58 AM

While I agree that Christine's wishes must be respected and that it is great how positive this site is and that is encouraging. This is a wonderful, wonderful site and I'm trilled it exists.
I feel that a memorial page would be helpful to those survivors who are actively involved in the site for their loved ones. I think it would comfort them to hear how much their loved one is missed and thought of.
While my husband is a great supporter, he would not ask questions of the forum or search on it - any health news he tells me about comes from the financial pages, so in our case a memorial would have little meaning except to let our on-line friends know that I'm no longer here. Personally I wouldn't find it upsetting but I like to realistically know the odds and perhaps try to give comfort to those left behind.
Sarah

janet/FL · 03-02-2006, 06:59 AM

A memeorial site, not here, where all breast cancer vicitims would be listed might be eye opening for the general public as well as a great memorial. One where the names, ages along with any other family or medical information someone wanted to post could be listed. I see it as you would click on the name and the additional information would pop up.
Don't know who would sponser such a site, but I like the idea.
Janet

03-06-2006, 07:54 AM

The message board for www.breastcancer.org does include a special feature for memorials.

03-06-2006, 09:14 AM

i understand that this is Christine's site, and I respect that. But so many women who need support eventually lose their battle with cancer, it seems unkind to not have a memoral page on a website for those with cancer, i used to lve this website when my 52 yr old mom had breast cancer, which had spread to the liver and brain. we both neeeded the support that we found here. how is remembering loved ones who lost the fight not supportive of those who are fighting?

03-06-2006, 09:17 AM

if a memorial page is wrong , why not refrain from posting anything on this board that is not postiive. no bad scan results, no posting about chemo not working. no fyi's that a member has passed on. just supportive and good thoughts . no real life

03-06-2006, 09:02 PM

I agree with Christine. The reality of actual information is valuable. But the cold hard facts of someome passing is just a bit much for some of us to bear.
How about we keep the site factual but uplifting as much as possible??
Carol

fourboysmom · 03-07-2006, 09:18 AM

Gee, I disagree. Really disagree

Lolly · 03-07-2006, 06:16 PM

Friends,

We may agree or disagree with Christine and Joe's decision, but it IS their's to make. This board would not be in existence if not for their hard work maintaining this site and the innumerable and to us untold hours they put in to that effort.

Their efforts to keep the site up and running, and the information current, are required on a daily if not hourly basis. The upkeep of a memorial page would be part of that, and in a very real sense there would be no "out" for them, unlike for us as we may come and go here as we please, and if we're having a "down" day and just want to hibernate can do just that.

I hope not to offend anyone by this post, but I think we should all put this one to bed.

<3 Lolly

03-07-2006, 07:25 PM

Lolly,
Amen !! Well said.
Carol

Jean · 03-09-2006, 06:17 PM

When I first found this site I thought I hit the lottery! I even called Christine to speak with her. She is a gift from above! This site kept me sane when I was first dx. I was so frightened and felt so very alone and thought I was a goner. This site stands for education about this disease and like Tricia said, "false evidence affects reality" and fear is false education. I like others have found a paradise in this site that offers education, friendship, strength and most of all comfort. The unknown is the worst kind of fear and this site attacks the unknown. I am happy that this site will remain as Christine and Joe designed it to be.

Thank you Christine and Joe, God Bless you!

Jean