Whew! Big scary and emotional day...

[suzan w]

fighting cancer is a job in itself...the most difficult and important job...thoughts and prayers going out to you and also hoping for good news on your scans

[Sheila]

Pam
I was so sad to read your post this morning...happy for you on the disability, as I know its a hard decision...anytime there is a big change in anything in OUR lifes, it seems difficult. I am also sorry to hear about your friend...the loss of a friend is a big bump in the road on our journey...I lost friends 2 years in a row in June to this disease, I refuse to lose anymore! I am hoping that the next treatment will be the one...I also know what the treatment merry go round is like...I am also constantly getting on and off it! Enjoy your wine, eat some chocolate and know that you are loved and have a million prayers going out for you each day...may this week be brighter for you dear friend!

[Diane H]

That's a tough, tough week to handle.
How hard to lose your friend, and have to deal with the other issues.
Only you can decide on the disability option but it sounds awfully good to me.
Sending you hugs,
Diane

[Joan M]

Pam,

I'm sorry to hear about your friend Debbie. A good friend of mine from my local bc support group died last year -- she was triple negative. When we first started the group both of us were early stage. And the news of your tumor marker at the same time is very trying.

Keep in mind that sometimes markers go up and there's nothing on a scan. (And the opposite can happen too. In my case, between my lung and my brain, my markers have always been normal. Go figure.)

But amid all this, congratulations on your decision to formally retire. I know it was a major step but you've really done your homework on being able to make a go of it. My next glass of wine will be a toast to your retirement.

Joan

[vickie h]

Pam,
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I, too, lost my best friend months ago and it has taken me this long to come back to the boards and post. I was just devastated.
I am happy about your retirement and disability sounds good to me, too. I'm raising a glass of wine in honor of your decisions and praying that tomorrow will be a better day for you. Again, I'm so saddened to hear of your friend's passing. she is with the angels now.
Love and Hugs,
Vickie

[Catherine]

Hi Pam,

What a huge decision. From the wisdom of those who have already posted, it sure seems that you made the right decision. Everyone is saying concentrate on yourself. You could not have a bigger village than right here. We are all with you in this tough decision. I too would add, to get yourself a weekly schedule as soon as you can. Going from a full-time career to being home everyday can get old quickly and can even feel confining. I am happy that you will have more time to devote to yourself and family and friends. Drink the coffee, smell the roses and keep sipping the wine. (no longer necessary to feel bad if you are late for work, or if your report is not ready.....)

Sipping right along with you, Catherine

[Pam P]

Thank you everyone for your encouraging posts and support and suggestions.

Today is the day I announce to the staff at our weekly meeting that I will begin my leave of absence tomorrow. It's roughly 15-20 people depending on who's here. Only 4 already know. Hoping I don't cry, but I've had to tell it a few times now & each time it's a little easier. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but I work for a church, so after today the word will spread and there will be lots of talk & lots of questions so I'll be telling it to individuals over and over. I've been on staff at the church for 25 years & I'm a member there too so I'll not be leaving per se. 3000 members, many I've worked closely with on committees, projects, etc. and many have become good connections and friends. So I'll have lots of support, but this will be big news on the grapevine in the next few weeks.

I am treating myself to a trip to Santa Cruz CA July 10-20 to visit my cousin. It's wonderful there & right on the ocean, paradise you might say. So that will be a good transition time.

Then I come back & have my scans on July 21 & see the dr. on the 23rd to learn my new plan of attack for chemo etc.

So most of July is accounted for. Then if I have to change chemo drugs I can begin that without the stress of the FT job too. I am hoping to start a weekly routine in August - do more water aerobics at the Y. I used to go 2-3 times a week, but haven't for a long time so will get back to that and also will try out the yoga classes offered there. One step at a time.

So here I go with another big day - last day of full time work. (Unless my disability is denied then I'd be back full time in the fall, but I doubt that will happen.)

[Sheila]

Pam
Here is hoping today went well for you...I know how tough the decision was....I think you made the right one....you are in my thoughts!

[flynny]

You have had to make some difficult decisions, however this can help you with your healing and moving forward. It is time to concentrate on YOU! I'm so sorry to hear about your friend and I can't imagine how upsetting that news was for you. I know she is sending good thoughts down to you.

[Believe51]

Pam, I stopped by to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. I am happy to hear of your plans, especially because those decisions were not easy for you to come to. I am also very pleased of your transition vacation you planned. If there is anything I can help you with in the future let me know. Thinking about you Pam and wishing for your complete happiness.>>Believe51

[Pam P]

Thank you, Marie, Sheila & everyone for continuing to check in and offer encouragement. So far so good. "Last day" at work went okay on Tues. So far so good. Treatment this morning, then instead of working the rest of the day... who knows, maybe a nap!

[Mary Jo]

Just wanted to offer you a hug and my support Pam.

Love and Peace,

Mary Jo