May I vent please?

Every day I am more thankful for this site. All of you are so positive and so amazing. It really helps me during my rough days. Yesterday I was doing a little surfing regarding late stage breast cancer and pregnancy. (I am at Stage IIIA 7 of 12 lymph nodes positive, ER/PR -, Her2 +++.) I have a 2 1/2 little girl Emma. I have always wanted to have another child so that Emma can have a sibling. I understand that we may not have that option depending on what happens with my period, as well as other factors. I read an article yesterday that hinted that women in the late stages of breast cancer should consider not getting pregnant. Not because of reoccurence, but because they wouldn't want to leave their children motherless. It was the first time in a long time that I had this huge feeling of hopelessness. Even if I don't have another child, I don't plan to leave my child motherless. My husband never new his father because he died even before Dan, my husband is born. I know how much this has affected him. I don't want Emma to have to go through this. Finally, I was telling this to my best friend yesterday, who has been just awesome through this, and she told me that maybe I should prepare myself for reoccurence. I don't want to do this either. I know she doesn't understand. I just had a rough day yesterday. I am sorry.

Hi, I just had to respond to you as I am waiting to go for a ct scan to see if my cancer has spread. I am stage 2. 2+nodes. I am 38 , with a 7,6 and 3 year old. I was awake almost the whole night, worried about leaving my children w/out a mother. My husband also lost his dad when he was young, to cancer. I lost my mom 4 months ago to cancer. I hate this damn disease!

My onc and chemo nurses(I am still getting Herceptin every 3 weeks) kept telling me that the pain in my underarm, upper rib area could be anything. But I have a horrible feeling that it is the cancer back. I also feel that no one understands. I try to carry on, doing everything with my kids that I used to do, when inside I am freaking out and have to go into the bathroom to cry, so they don't see me.

I don't think there is any way to prepare yourself for a recurrance. I was diagnosed almost a year ago, and felt life was starting to get back to normal, and then I have a scare, like I am having now, and it brings back all of the overwhelming fear. Everyone keeps telling me to take one day at a time and don't worry about the "what ifs". It is good advice and I try to do it.

You didn't say where you are in your treatment. I hope it is going well .Spend as much time with your daughter as you can. I know nothing makes me happier than spending time with my kids, reading books or playing games.

Good luck, Laurie

[sarah]

this is a hard one to answer. You may live a very long healthy life, you just don't know. I think what you and your husband need to consider is what if the worst case senario happens. does he feel good about bringing up two young children without a mother? That said, you may be around for a long time. This is a question for you, your husband and oncologist to discuss.
good luck and good health.

[juanita]

Even though I am older and not planning on having any more kids (mine are 23, 22, 21 and 17 plus I'm about to be a grandma) when I was having these thoughts because I wanted to see my youngest graduate, a friend of mine at work told me that none of us knows how long we have left. It might not even be the cancer that gets one of us, we could be hit by a bus crossing the street or whatever. I guess we just have to look at the whole picture and not just the cancer. Don't know if I worded this very good or not.

Thank you so much for your response. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. We sound like we have so many things in common. I just lost my mom to lung cancer about a 1 1/2 months ago. I also hate this damn disease as well. It runs rampant in my family and I am angry that I had the luck to continue this "horrible tradition."

I am so sorry to hear about your scare. I know it is hard, but remain as positive as possible. Like your dr.'s said, it could be something else. You are still on Herceptin. When will you know the results? I will pray for you and send positive thoughts your way.

What has been your course of treatment? I had 4 rounds of AC. I am currently in the midst of 12 rounds of taxol/hercepting (8 more to go). I will start radiation after that followed by a year of herceptin. I am counting on herceptin to really help me. Were you her2 +++?

Again, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you again for your response.

[kristen]

Dear Lisa and Laurie,

I want you both to know this is the place to vent and don't ever apologize. That is what makes this place so special.
You are both so raw right now. I mean you are in such the early stages of the treatment and follow-up and when you think it's over, it's not over. There are years of follow up. But that is good. The longer you go disease free the better. This is the time now after the shock and when your winding down that the fears take place. This is normal. So let them out and talk about them. Your friend is trying to help, she is doing what she thinks is best. Everyone of us has been there. It's a roller coaster and you will have good days and bad ones. Scares come with the territory. I can't tell you this dang thing won't recur, but this is the place to come to ask what does that feel like and what did you do. We can help and we do understand what your going through. These ladies have helped me through it all. They are great.

Lisa, the decision about having another child is a hard one and so personal. I know women who have struggled with this and have gone both ways. Some having another child and others opting not to. In time you will know what to do. I wouldn't do to much surfing on the net, some of it's old and if you were on Herceptin as an adjuvent with chemo, who knows what the study will bare out?
I don't know how your supposed to prepare yourself for a reoccurance, I wouldn't even try. I tried to stay positive. It's not always easy, especially if you were going in for a test because something isn't feeling right? My advice is one this board gave me and that is to pro-active. Like Laurie, her doctors are telling her it could be a number of things, but she is getting it checked out and it will hopefully be nothing and it will give her peace of mind and she can continue on. Stay Strong ladies. I hate the saying, but in time, it does get better.

Thank you so much Juanita and Sarah. When it is the appropriate time I am going to discuss with my husband and oncologist. It will be a big decision for my husband because he and his brother were the ones who were brought up with just a mom.

I tend to think a little more like Juanita. Who knows when we will go? My husband's father died of a sudden heartack. I still have a long way to go before I even think of all of this. Thank you again for your responses!

[Michelle]

Lisa I also agree with Juanita. You have to go with what your heart tells you. We all come into this world dying, and none of us have a guaranteed amount of time on this earth. That being said I would not ever want to leave my children while they are so young, but neither did that perfectly healthy woman who never made it home from work. I would not plan on reoccurance-know that it could happen, but then again you could also win the lottery. I say go on with your life, and make your decisions to the best of your ability. The future was always unknown even before you were diagnosed with cancer.
Laurie, i will be thinking of you, and hoping your pain is anything but mets.
Michelle

[Lauriemn]

Well, I got the results of my ct scan and everthing is o.k. Whew! I will also have a pet scan next week, so not ready to celebrate yet.

Yes, I am also Her+. I have had the same treatment you are having. I did the 4 ac, followed by the 12 taxol/herceptin, then radiation and the herceptin by itself every three weeks. My year is almost up, don't know if I will stay on longer.

I am sorry about your mom. Its so hard to be going through this and lose a loved one at the same time.

The treatment time did go by pretty quick. I had a pretty easy time with the taxol/Herceptin. Are you taking B6? It can help with the neuropathy. I didn't have any until about the 10th treatment, and it went away about 3 months after finishing treatment.

I am glad you found this site. It has been such a wonderful source of information and support for me this last year.

Laurie

Hi Laurie. I am so glad your CT scan was clear. Hooray! I will send positive thoughts and prayers your way for the PET scan. Please let me know how it goes. Enjoy your family and have a great weekend. I will do the same with mine!

[Lyn]

Hi there, well I may be a dinosauer on this site but believe me all of the feelings felt here are felt by each and everyone of us many times, I have been on this roller coaster since 1998 and on this site for as just about as long as it has been in existance. 43 when first diagnosed with an 8 year old daughter who has grown through this experience, not the way I would have liked it but positive. I have had that many reoccurences and also had as many other hit and misses in life struggling to stay alive just with traffic, environment, stress and depression. Each time I have to face the results of this disease, I end up having my own pity party for a few days and then a bit like Pollyanna, anyone remember her? the good things, like yes they do want to see me next week, so at least I am not checking out today, a bit like the lottery, we all hope for a silver lining. so the simple answer live and love today and let tomorrow worry about itself, easy to say no, as I lay in the hospital wondering who will work out how to do the internet banking or pay the electricity, or who will wake my 22 year old son up when he sleeps through his alarm, and yes there are 4 of us living here, but I just don't want to let go and I am now 52, I was given about 2 - 3 years back then and we are getting better science each day, just remember we are all here for a purpose, when someone finds out mine please let me know. Like the chicken and the egg, someone has to go first, just not us or anyone we know and love.

Love & Hugs Lyn

[sassy]

Just a work of encouragment and support goes a long way, know you are not alone and your worries and concern are very real to you and valid.

Sassy
________
Side Effects From Avandia

[Rozebud]

Lisa - I think Kristin summed it up well.

I struggle with the same thing. Would love another child. Unfortunately I am PR positive (slightly), so onc says I shouldn't consider it. I'm stage 3C.

However, she told me that after 3 years she'd feel comfortable writing a "good prognosis" letter for me if we wanted to adopt. She said most recurrances of our kind of cancer happen within 3 years. So, give it some time, and a few years out from treatment, you might be able to have that baby (especially since you are ER/PR-). There is evidence out there that women who are ER/PR- that go on to have babies actually have LESS recurrances than those who don't ("healthy happy mom" syndrome!) Don't give up hope.

Thank you all for your encouraging words. I have never lived "just for the day (I am a big planner)" and since I have been diagnosed my eyes have been opened and I can finally do that and feel like I can enjoy life. Thank you all for your inspiration!