active listening training

[sarah]

ok I've been a supporter for many years and a founding member of a Cancer Support Group for English Speakers here in southern France.
Tomorrow and Thursday I'm going to 2 days of learning to be an active listener.
So not sure what this training will involve, some lectures and role playing I think.
My question is, what as a patient would you like "an active listener" supporter to do or how can they best help you?
This would be helpful for me to bring up on the 2nd day so give me your suggestions or what you would like from supporters and also what you don't want.
many thanks
love sarah

[Jackie07]

Hi Sarah,

The training sounds wonderful! Glad your support group is offering this.

I think being sensitive to the person's background (age, race, gender, cultural difference ...) is important. For example, my very outgoing Oldest Brother hates the 'uh-hum' sound. He thinks it's insincere and shows the person is not really interested in the conversation ...

28 years ago, a 'patron' in the library went to my supervisor: "The girl (me) upstairs doesn't speak English!" My supervisor shot back: "Of course she speaks English - she speaks good English!" Evidently that person was not used to the 'clarification' and 're-phrasing' techniques of active listening. I hear FIL act the same way quite often. He doesn't like to be put on hold and would hand up the phone whenever he's asked to 'press 1; press 2; ...'. When he asks a question, he wants people to give him a straight answer. That's why he often starts with: "I want to talk to the person who's in charge here ..."

[sarah]

Thanks Jackie for this. Keep the suggestions coming and the dislikes and likes.
Sarah

[StephN]

Hi Sarah -
I think this is a great idea!

Not being sure of the exact definition of "active listening" I will toss out a couple of ideas.

First is to LOOK at the person's face and try to discern their emotions. often people will try to make less of what they are feeling - not wanting to give too much of themselves away. A little "crust" to crack so you can get at what really needs to be said or understood.

On the other hand you have the sort of person who has their "heart on their sleeve." Once they begin to talk you may never get a word in edgewise. They go all over the place, and hard as you try they may not stay on track.

Listening to cancer patients may be different from listening to other types of problems. This is LIFE THREATENING. And comes with a steep learning curve that can be very difficult to navigate.

Good luck!

[suzan w]

I agree with what Steph said...sometimes being a good listener involves being able to refocus the other person back to the present, without seeming cold and heartless! I know that at times when I am talking to a "cancer-fellow" it is hard to hear their story without immediately launching into MY story!! It is not always about me (WHAT???!!!)

[sarah]

Great, thanks for this. Today we covered using open questions (ones which demand a full answer not just a yes or a no which is a closed question). confidentiality was stressed and not assuming something an example was someone on the phone was told by the carer that the patient couldn't talk so the listener suggested writing but of course that wasn't possible, obviously the carer would have suggested it. don't give advice - obviously no medical advice but make sure people come to their own conclusions - we can and do suggest getting a second (or third) opinion when a patient isn't sure what to do. never to say I would.....
anyway tomorrow's another day. I really want to know what to do when people ask those heavy questions that scare you! you know am I going to die? etc... so I hope these get covered well.
our group right now may talk over one another when we're just our core supporting group but when we're supporting someone I think we are good listeners and let people talk but apparently we should always act that way and never finish other people's sentences - husband and wives do this a lot but they say we shouldn't and we'll be happier so we'll see.
Personally you guys on this site has been fantastic and helped me personally alot, so thanks for that. I'll try to summarize some of the things. I also plan to ask some of the people I'm supporting now how they think I've changed and how they feel about it. I can only see this as positive. the proof will be in the pudding!