~This Sounds So Terrible Of Me, Please Forgive Me - Page 2

lexigirl · 08-27-2009, 02:06 PM

Marie,

I have no words, but wish I was there to give you a hug and a hand.

Praying for you and Ed now.

Lexi

flynny · 08-27-2009, 02:36 PM

Hi Marie,

I know its been awhile since I've last posted, but I do come on here and try to get updates about the Mighty Oak as well as everyone else, but you have been on my mind a lot!!

Oh gosh, I do know what you are going through all too well and I am so sorry that you have to deal with this right now or EVER. Especially since you lost your mother-in-law not to long ago. It isn't easy watching the person you love suffer. I pray that whatever the outcome is that it is peaceful and quick for his sake as well as yours. Death is not an easy thing to watch but know that you we are all here for you and it's OK to yell in your car, scream hysterically or just curse when you need to. Venting gets me through those days and I am now sending you a big cyber hug!!!

Lots of Love to you!

ElaineM · 08-27-2009, 04:22 PM

Maybe both you and Mighty Oak need a little extra help to get you both through this. Mighty Oak wants to live.
He certainly needs all the support and medical help he can get to accomplish his goals.
You need some caregiver support. It is normal for caregivers to get a little tired and overwhelmed. There must be an organization in your area you can tap into for that---------an organization that gives caregivers a little respite. Maybe there is an organization that can provide help for Mighty Oak for a day, so you can take a day off to do whatever you want to do or need to do for yourself. Maybe the American Cancer Society can point you in the right direction.

ammebarb · 08-27-2009, 04:58 PM

Dearest Marie, my love to you and Ed during this most stressful time. I remember thinking the exact same things when my Dad was in last stages of brain cancer. We just don't want to see those we love endure the weakness and pain. We have trouble enduring personally too.....only human. I'm wishing you comfort and peace, Marie and the sure knowledge that your family here is enfolding you with love.

Barb A.

Jaimieh · 08-27-2009, 05:12 PM

Marie~ Your post says so much about the love you feel for Mighty oak. You are far from being selfish or unloving you have been nothing but supportive and loving to him. I hope you both get some relief soon. Just know that it is okay to come here and speak your mind.

juanita · 08-27-2009, 07:45 PM

oh marie my heart goes out to you! you mean so much to me it's hard to see you feeling like this. i'll say an extra prayer for you and send lots of hugs your way!

Paty · 08-27-2009, 08:30 PM

Dear Marie,

I understand how you feel and I know how exhausting is to be a caregiver. I am very greatful that you can come to us and have the confidence to let your emotions out. Please know that we understand you and love you. We hope that tomorrow will be a better morning, whatever it brings.

Love you,

Paty

hutchibk · 08-28-2009, 03:16 AM

I love you. And Ed. You know.

Sheila · 08-28-2009, 04:55 AM

Marie
Lean on us...this is a difficult time, one that would tax the strength of even the strongest of persons....the job of a caregiver is neverending and quite overwhelming at times. Is there any way you can get a respite break....i feel it would help you find yourself again in these very difficult times you are going through. We are here for you!

Joan M · 08-28-2009, 07:08 AM

Marie,

That your love for Ed is strong is evident, but his suffering is difficult, not only for him but for you because you love him.

It's okay to have mixed feelings. It's normal. Everybody does. Ed's cancer has been a hugh strain on you. Getting the assistance of a hospice nurse is good. The both of you will get more help.

Joan

Colleens_Husband · 08-28-2009, 07:57 AM

Marie:

What you said is nothing but compassionate. I don't think anyone wants to have a loved one suffer. He is the Mighty Oak after all and that is how he should be thought of and remembered.

Marie, I think it is time that you get some help for yourself. You have done a remarkable job caring for Ed, and as a fellow caregiver, I am amazed at your strength and courage, and I hope I if I were in your shoes, I could meet your incredibly high standards. But you are only a human and you need care and maintenance as well. I think you may want to explore talking to a cancer counseling center. They may be able to help you take care of yourself so you can continue providing such excellent care to Ed.

Marie, please know that you are in our hearts and in our prayers. I know you are on a long and difficult journey, but it is a journey you will have the strength and courage to complete. Marie, please take excellent care of yourself.

Lee

freyja · 08-28-2009, 08:09 AM

Dearest Marie,
I know this is just excruciating for you now. Thank you for being honest with us and with yourself about it. That's very healthy. I'd be more worried about you if you didn't say things like that. I know Ed probably has exactly the same thoughts at times, too. I also know he hates that you have to go through this and he wants you to have your life back, but really doesn't want to leave you, and feels torn and confused. I GREATLY admire both of your powerful wills to live. You are both so brave and strong! Shows how strong your love for each other is. Your love affair with Ed is legendary. Get as much help as you can so you can recharge that energy. It would make both of you feel better. He'll be ok with someone else in charge of him for a little while. Taking care of yourself is not selfish.
We are all here for you during this very tough time. Would you please PM me your address so I can send you some love?
Love, Celeste

suzan w · 08-28-2009, 10:26 AM

Dear Marie and Ed...my heart is breaking with everyone else's. We are all family, and when one of us suffers, we all suffer. When you share your pain and innermost feelings, we all try to help by shouldering al little bit of it for you. And most importantly, I, as family, appreciate your honesty at a time like this. Love=honesty and honesty=love. Love, Suzan

Patb · 08-28-2009, 11:29 AM

I think of you daily and how it must be to see
him suffer. You have done so much, so I also
believe help of some kind would give you a break
and let you rest. My prayers and thoughts are
with you as always.
patb

charlotte · 08-28-2009, 03:23 PM

Marie you have given me comfort at times when I needed them. Please try to rest Not trying to be glib about this, but you and mighty oak know you are loved .. also you are a very giving person.. Even through your pain , I see where you have reached out to folks ... Please take care, and I am sending up prayers as well..
much love... Charlotte

'lizbeth · 08-28-2009, 03:56 PM

Marie,

I hope that hospice can give the help and the rest you need to support the Mighty Oak in this terribly difficult time. I can only imagine how difficult it is for Ed, he must love you so much and you have been a mighty oak for him during this wretched illness.

Continued prayers for you both,

'lizbeth

Sherryg683 · 08-28-2009, 05:18 PM

You have been one of the best caregivers I have ever known. And I know you will continue to be, but you are tired and hurting. Watching my brother go downhill was exhausting emotionally and I wasn't even with him every day. My mother was his primary caregiver and she pretty much had a nervous breakdown, she became an angry, spiteful woman to my brother. But it was so hard on her to watch her son die. You need a break, you need help. We know how much you love Ed and it's not wrong to want to see him not suffer. As I sat by my brother a few hours before he died, I prayed for God to please take him, he had suffered so much and had no fight left. I would never have wanted my brother to die if there was hope. Sometimes we have to just let go....We love you girl..sherryg

Laurel · 08-28-2009, 06:47 PM

Loving Marie,

You are just letting go. It is a very natural human response and a way of preparing yourself for what appears to be looming on the horizon. I hear a woman releasing her best friend into the next life, not because she wants him to leave her, but because he has fought the good fight and now his body is weary. You are looking into that cloudy future that seems dismal, gray, empty, and lonely. While it is frightening you instinctively know it must be faced to reach a new dawn. This is all a natural part of grieving. I hear a woman who is reaching the end of a long good-bye, not by choice but by the callous circumstance of cancer. Guilt, anger, and despair are all common emotions in life's darkest moments.

None of these feelings mean you have given up hoping, praying for a miracle.

Whatever befalls you in these next few weeks I know you will meet every new challenge with the dignity and grace that defines you, Marie. I also know that you will go on, because you must...for Ed.

And we will all be right here for you come what may....

Believe51 · 08-28-2009, 08:55 PM

Thank you all for your unconditional love and understanding, this post has sparked new thoughts for the road ahead. I know whatever may come, relief is soon to follow. I look forward with dread to move on into the future. Bittersweet. But I have so many that love me and will help to guide me back to the laughter and color that once was my life. I miss my old life but I miss the old Marie even more. I am in a cocoon right now but there will be a day I am a butterfly......and I know all whom love me will be there when I morph.>>Marie

hermiracles · 08-29-2009, 02:01 AM

Dear Marie ~ you have every right to feel what you feel and to express it amongst people that love and care about you and Ed. Is there any chance you can get some respite care?
Surrounding you both with love and prayers.
Blessings
Hermiracles