question re:Hope and Faith...

[Kimberly Lewis]

Joe and Christine, If this is inapropriate for this site please delete.

I have been a believer since I was a girl. This diagnosis came at a time of a crisis of faith for me. I have really struggled with the attack on my body at the same time. I am at a place now where I would just like some solid honest answers about how we hang on. Not a book reccomendation but just a factual account of your faith. please private message or email me if you like. Thanks - KimLewis@Wilkes.net

[Vi Schorpp]

All I can say is that growing up I believed that God decided this person will be wealthy, this person will have a "great" life, this person will be put into despair, etc. It wasn't until my 40s that I finally got it. God cannot dictate how our lives will develop (to a point). We are all on a different journey and have different things thrown at us. There are things that we cannot control. But, God is there for YOU when you need him. Doesn't necessarily mean you can give it over and it will be taken care of, but does mean that HE will give you what you need to get through it whether it be strength, courage, etc. Or, He might surround you with people (or boards!) that can ease the journey. I hope this helps.

[KathyH]

Hi Friend,

I am on your same journey. I was diagnosed in stage 3c at age 39 when my children were 6,8, and 11. I have been a Christian since childhood. I have come to understand as an adult that my relationship with the Lord is the result of his pursuing me, not the reverse. I truly feel that these circumstances have come through His hands and His message to me is, "This doesn't look good, but it is for good. These circumstances provide a ladder for you to come higher and go deeper to see my love and faithfulness." I have truly seen them in ways I never would have had the opportunity to otherwise. His still small voice has ministered to me in miraculous ways. If you want the details, just e-mail me. alankathyhammond@mindspring.com.

Love, Kathy

[CherylS]

Dear Kim,

First let me say that I can not think of a more appropriate question for any of us on this site. If we are not wrestling with this beast within the context of who God is and who we are to Him we are hopelessly lost. I hope you don't mind my posting here instead of emailing you. I started to, and then I realized how significant this struggle is to us all and I hope that together we can work it through. It is paramount to each one of us.

God's word has a lot to say about suffering. I am finding myself thankful that I finally understand it's purpose and meaning in the life of a believer. Life had dealt me some pretty severe blows in the past, but they were all things I thought I could "buck up" and deal with in my own strength. Now cancer, that is entirely another story, isn't it? My cancer journey has been about a year and a half long now. The helplessness that consumed me at the time of my diagnosis led to the brokenness God needed from me to teach me so many things - about Himself, about myself, about purpose. I have had to ask the hard questions. Do I believe He is who He says He is? Is He the all knowing, all powerful, merciful, compassionate, loving Father He claims to be? Are His promises true? Will He cause all things to work together for my good because I love Him and am called according to His purposes? (Romans 8:28). Can nothing seperate me from His love?(Romans 8:29). Will He never leave me or forsake me? Are His plans to give me hope and a future, to prosper me and not harm me? (Jeremiah 29:11). And then I found the answers to all of my questions in the following verse "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart, I will be found by you declares the Lord". (Jeremiah 29:13) I completely agree with KathyH. Although I have called myself a believer for many years, and in fact outwardly did a pretty good job of looking like one, the inward transformation had not come. God was pursuing me, as she said, but nothing ever brought me to the point where He had my complete attention, that is, until now. Until cancer. When I fell face down in front of Him, helpless and frightened to death He said now, come to the well and drink. I had to become an active participant by submitting my will to His and accepting that the "hope and future" He ultimately has in store for each of us who believe is not here. It is so hard for us to reach beyond this temporal state we are in and to see beyond the life we know and love here. As I have used this time to seek Him with all of my heart through the diligent study of His word and through prayer, real prayer, talking to my Father who loves me prayer, I have become not only accepting of that fact, but homesick for heaven. I want to be with Jesus. I want to see His face. I want to experience the freedom from suffering that is forever. And while I am still here, each day is a gift to be used to display His glory, as that is why I was created. Only possibility of that is letting Him live through me. Only possibility of that is complete submission to His Will, in complete trust. He can be trusted. I have found great relief for myself in comforting others who I see suffering as spoken of by Paul in 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. But I can't take away another's suffering, because I see now that it needs to fulfill its purpose in their lives too, to draw them into a real and personal love relationship with Jesus - The kind that surrenders complete trust and kindles the desire to see that trust fulfilled by looking on His face some day (maybe even sooner than later) and not being afraid because His promises are true. The kind that makes everything in this life worth living through because it draws us deeper into a knowledge of Him and allows us to reflect His glory for others to see and perhaps be drawn to Him as well. I heard the question asked recenty, "Shall we have no crowns to cast?" The Lord's deepest desire for each of us is to be transformed into the image of His son and the share in His free gift of eternal life. All else pales in comparison. The hardships and trials we face, even death itself cannot separate us from Him and His love. The can, if we are willing be the very vehicles, dare I say the only vehicles, through which are hearts can truly be transformed. We are storing up treasures in heaven dear friend. I would urge you to ask God to strengthen you to see this severest of trials in that way.

One last thing....You said no books to read. Only one. His word. Have you ever done a Beth Moore Bible Study? I have devoured them over the past 18 months. I love them. If you don't know of them or how to get one email me at dcsletten@yahoo.com and I will help you. Email anytime Sister. You are in my prayers from now on. May the presence of our Lord surround you with His peace, love and joy from this moment on. "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, shall keep your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Amen."

[aquinis2000]

Dear Kim,
I'm sorry that it has taken so long to reply to your post, as God surely laid it on my heart to answer you right away.
I couldn't have put it any better than cheryl did, and want to stand with her in saying that my Hope, my strength and my ability to hang in there comes from my relationship with Jesus Christ. He promised us the Spirit to comfort us, and he has never let me down. I have found that devouring the bible has been uplifting and has changed my perspective on everything. I read that this earth is not my home, but that I am to look to heaven as my home, like I am a stranger here. I look at this life as a dress rehersal for the coming main attraction. Live each day to please the Lord, as if this is the last day I'll ever be here. Paul writes that we go through suffering, in part that we may learn to comfort others. He also tells us not to think it strange when we suffer. Its all part of the christian life. God never says we won't suffer, He only promises that He will never, never leave us. Kim, God is right there by your side, and your journey now has great purpose, even though you don't see the reason now. I find it strange that post after post, I see people saying "God bless" and "I'm praying for you", yet few have answered your plea for real life stories , as to why they say that. I'm sorry, as I'm sure like myself, people find it hard to put into words. I really know that there are many here, that live by the grace and strenghth of God each day.I'm sure everyone here has stuggled with the "why" is this happening to me, the "are you really there Lord"? questions. Even the apostle Paul wrote, "Lord help my unbelief". Read his Word for comfort, and find yourself a quiet little place to pray. He is there. He is with you.

[Marlys]

Dear Kim,
I may have a bit of a different perspective on this God thing. I was raised in a pretty much fundamental religion. I believed that God was a loving God and that He would not make me sick as a form of punishment for something I did or did not do. My first baby was stillborn and my father suggested that maybe God was punishing me because I was not living as I had been brought up
to believe. I personally want nothing to do with that God. My God loves me and does not ask me to do anything to receive that love. It is unconditional!
Now to the meat of my post. I am a member of a 12 step program and have been for over 25 years. After about 13 years I quit going to meetings although I did maintain close relationships with "my group of friends." About 5 years ago I started going to meetings but only occasionally. Then came March 9, 2005 and breast cancer. I did not rush to my church, but instead to the place where God, as I understood him, could be found. And there He was in the people that were there. I am absolutely amazed that this disease has not only not made me angry at Him but has served to strengthen my faith that nothing happens in God's world by mistake. I truly believe that!
However, I do get angry at what this disease does to people. I rarely read the posts without tears. I have only been here a year
but in that time people have died that I had come to love by reading their posts-Lyn, the living legend, Al's wife, Linda and others. I have cried for Yoda, too, and prayed for his recovery!
I guess what I mean to say is that God loves us regardless.
I pray that your faith can be strengthened. and you can find a God who loves you regardless.
Love & prayers,
Marlys

[G. Ann]

Dear Kimberly,
I just attended a weekend all about hope and faith. Without going on and on, God is love. Hope is holding onto the promise despite problems. I also heard that a jarring experience (i.e. cancer, divorce, loss of job), can call into question everything including your notions of God, which can lead to rethinking, and a new understanding. It can be a good thing to question.

I also have been a believer from early on. Despite my cancer diagnosis in 2004, dealing with parents' deaths, ups and downs of marriage, concerns for children, and many other difficult situations, I've tried to hang on to the one constant - knowing God was there for me when all else failed. Sometimes I didn't show up or ignored the message, and that usually lead to chaos within and being overwhelmed. Particulary with BC diagnosis, I realized I HAD to turn it over to God or I would not be able to function. I would tell God how worried I was and all my "what ifs" and then say "I'm turning the outcome over to you, Lord." I thank God for putting compassionate people in my life, family, friends, and sometimes even strangers. Knowing God is my anchor and safety net has helped me. I'm never going this alone.

One time I told my friend I felt like I was drowning and I couldn't keep treading water. She said, "roll over on your back, and rest in God's loving arms--He will keep you afloat."
Praying for God's peace for you - G.Ann

[chrisy]

Dear Kimberly,
I also think this is a totally appropriate subject - and am not surprised by the number of "views" relative to the number of "responses". We all need hope and faith, but in the face of bc diagnoses, both get challenged. It seems there are more questions than answers. I think God is ok with the questions, and always answers whether or not we are listening.
I really did not know if, or how to respond to your question. It's a tall order to give a factual account of my faith or a solid answer to how I hold on.
I am reminded of the story of Mother Teresa (I think) when told that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, responding "sometimes I wish God didn't trust me so much"
I don't know how I hold on, and sometimes I can't. When I can't hold on I basically surrender and admit I'm just not in control - and that God is. And then somehow remarkable things happen, usually unexpected messages of love or hope just when I need them most.
Sometimes I get myself into a little pity party and think how unfair it is that I and my family should have to suffer with this situation. Then I ALWAYS somehow come back to it's not fair that I should have a wonderful husband, sister, and niece and other blessings too numerous to count.
I've always been a believer, but that doesn't stop me from asking the "why me" questions and to be healed and, ok, cured of this disease. With God, all things are possible. And although it's hard, maybe sometimes impossible for me to see the good of this, I do believe God is working for good through this. I hope I'll get a miracle, but whatever, it's in God's hands and I trust in that.
You are not alone.

[Kimberly Lewis]

Thanks all for responding... I had a lot of faith up front with this but as time goes on and I keep up with treatment and recurrance possibilites I do grow weary I guess. The analogy of drowning was exactly what I felt... like waking in the morning and having to swim up from the depths of despair to breath... We are all so changed by this and coming to grips with all that means is a challenge. Just reading here is so helpful- I take your all words and hold onto them as life preservers!

[tousled1]

I was brought up in a fairly religious family and as I got older I drifted away from my religion. I'm not saying I stopped believing because that is not the case at all. With my breast cancer diagnosis I do often ask God why me, what did I do to deseve this. Then I stop feeling sorry for myself and thank God for all the good things in my life. Brest cancer is a dreadful disease and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. I do believe that for every door that is closed God opens a window and that He never gives you more than He thinks you can handle. Right now I tell Him that I have all I can handle and that it's time for Him to open the window. I have always been a fighter (not physical) and this is the biggest fight of my life. I pray to God to help me get through this and also pray for all the women on this board, some whom are worse off than me. I thank God for every day and I'm beginning to enjoy the simple things in life.

One thing I would like to add here is that I moved in with my daughter August of last year and was diagnosed with bc in October. While unpacking some of my things I came across a rosary -- I had never seen it before and had no idea how it got into my hands. The cross is engraved "E.Mc 3-17-59." Well, after some family research I found out that the rosary belonged to my father's sister who had passed away from ovarian cancer. I tend not to believe in the supernatural, but believe that somehow this rosary was sent to me and that my Aunt is looking out after me. Sounds strange but true.

[Mary Jo]

Hello,


After reading the original post and reading the responses to your post I feel compelled to add my two cents worth. However, I had to think and think of responding because I felt I wanted to put something concrete down here. But, that's hard to do. Impossible I guess. How do we KNOW that God is real? How do we KNOW that He is with us every step of the way? How do we KNOW that He feels our pain? How do we KNOW that He loves us unconditionally and that HE didn't do this to us?? I don't KNOW but I DO KNOW. Does that make any sense??? To those who have felt the Hand of God - felt His presence - feels the Peace of having quiet time in prayer with Him - you do KNOW also. He's real. He cares. He loves and this journey we are on is something we will never understand.

Someone told me once that we'll never suffer as much as Jesus did when He died for each of us on the cross. So, we'll take what we have - do the best with it that we can - hope to grow in His grace and love and follow Him to our Heavenly Home when He calls us. Their............... the ultimate healing is ours. Their...............all tears will be gone.

Hugs to you,

Mary Jo

[CherylS]

All of these responses are so uplifting. Thank you Kimberly, for posting such an important topic for us all. I just wanted to bring it up again so that more can read these or add to them. Chrisy said something about the number of views. I don't know where that is found, anyone?


What a strong, brave group of women. Isn't it amazing how far beyond ourselves the power of God can take us?

[CherylS]

I just found it by clicking on User CP above. 369 views, 11 posts. I agree Chrisy, that is very interesting. Everyone is searching for the only true source of hope.

[Donna]

Hi Kimberly,

I had a huge breach of faith with this diagnosis - I won't go into it all, but my beliefs were yanked out by the roots and thrown to the wind. Slowly I have learned that the first step for me was acceptance and the second was to release this lesson back to the infinite as soon as it has been learned.

But what really turned it around for me in the blink of an eye, as they say, was watching this video called "the Secret" - you can watch it online for $5 or buy it, or watch it for the $5 and take $5 off if you decide to buy it. I watched it first and then bought it and I am going to watch a little of it each day - it's the most wonderful thing I've seen or heard in ages. It is spiritual but I would not call it religious and I think any beliefs would not be offended, but only be uplifted by it's message.

Here's the website in case you are interested: http://whatisthesecret.tv/

I also do raku, but my main art is glass. Sometime we should talk.

Best to You,

Donna

[dede10]

I have believed all my life, being raised in a Catholic home until my parents divorced when I was 4. My mom left the Church-you just didn't get a divorce in the early '60's in a tiny town.

My mom remarried, & we hopped from one church to the next. Over the years, work, raising kids, & life seemed to get in the way. After 2 broken marriages, & 3 children, I married my husband. We went to church and became active. He thrived, & I felt something missing. When I was dx'd, it was a total shock. As a nurse, I thought I knew it all, & just figured since it was not in my family, I wouldn't get it...also, I breast fed & did everything right, or so I thought.

I went with my husband to be "prophesized over, & to a few 'healers'. I ended up returning to my home Church, the Catholic Church, & God. I now pray not only to be healed-if it is His Will, but for the grace to endure whatever I need to. I have learned alot since my dx. I was burning the candle at both ends, constantly on the go, now I relax, enjoy my grandkids. I realize there is so much more to life than buying the house on the hill (although we DID buy the house on the hill this year) or having the newest car.

I am continuing to learn how to enjoy life. I needed to learn how to stop & smell the roses.

I attend Mass always, and have also found the peace I had been missing for so many years.

[RobinP]

I too have been a christian all my life and continue to remain so even though I DO have questions about human suffering, particularly since my bc diagnosis. For example, why do bad things happen to very good people? Conversely, why do good things happen to very bad people? The bottom line is that life doesn't make sense sometimes. Still, I believe and trust God is in control and will make things right someday in eternity. In the meantime, I am persusaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him until that day... when I meet Him in eternity.

I often reflect on the following writing to help perserve my faith:
The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr- Often acclaimed author of the serenity pray; however, no one is totally sure who wrote prayer

[Jackie]

I have been a Christian since my childhood. The Lord has taught me much through trials in my life. I grew in my faith as a college student watching my dad die of cancer. The Lord was with me every step of the way. Many times I didn't understand the "why" of what was happening, but I did know that God promises not to ever give us more than we can handle and that ALL things work for the good of those who love the Lord. When I was dx I held strong to all of this. I do truely feel that I have continued to grow in my faith. I have had a peace through all the ordeal (including 6 months after my dx when my husband was dx with prostate cancer--early stage). The thing we have to remember is that we live in the world that Satan has been given freedom to roam. This is not our home. I don't understand what the purpose of a cancer dx might have for anyone, but will continue to trust that the Lord will bring me through it a stronger person as the result. Keep the faith.

[CherylS]

Just bringing this back up to see how everyone is doing with these questions and to make it available to some new members.