New Battle

[ammebarb]

Hello girls. I am only a little uncomfortable since the removal of the plaque yesterday. My much smaller patch can come off tomorrow, when I will begin eye drops and an antibiotic in my eye. Marcia, the testing is supposed to take about three months. I still have trepidation about having the testing done. If I find out that it is a class one tumor, I'll be vastly relieved. But if it is a class two, there isn't much to do about metastatic liver cancer. There is a Dr. Sato who will talk to me, if the genetic test warrants it. Nerve wracking times, for sure!

[Soccermom]

Barb,
The testing is being done is to determine the characteristics of the ocular melanoma. BRCA testing is different in that identifies mutations in the BRCA genes (which are tumor repair genes, which if working properly do just that) We all have 2 copies. It is done via blood draw. The reason I brought it up is because of your prior history of two non related cancers. There are targeted therapies much like Herceptin available in clinical trials for those who test + for one of the mutations.
I know this is a lot to digest right now.. No hurry.. But thought discussing it with your Oncologist might be helpful.

With love and prayers,
Marcia

[ammebarb]

Hello everyone. I was able to take the ligthweight patch off of my eye this morning and begin putting medications in. They had me all prepped for seeing a nasty, nasty eye. It's not pretty, but not really as bad as I anticipated. I am having double vision, but was prepped for that too....had to cut muscle to get the plaque in. Muscle is now reattached, but will need some time to strengthen. Vision is crappy right now, but hoping it will improve with healing. (Just in time for the radiation damage to "kick in") My fears are still about mets.....know you all understand that. Thank you all so much for listening to me.....I've invaded your bc group with a totally different cancer...You are gracious and kind to respond so lovingly.

Barb A.

[BonnieR]

You stop that right now, saying you have invaded our group! Besides, you once had BC so that makes you one of us forever!
I'm sure everyone would agree that we are here for you. And you are making us aware of an area that was unfamiliar. A part of our education.
Keep the faith.

[ammebarb]

Thank you, Bonnie. This is certainly a loving, caring group. I have appreciated you from the beginning of my sis's bc journey, but I'm especially grateful for all of you now. I'm gradually seeing a bit more out of my affected eye and I'm glad that while it is uncomfortable, it is not painful. I'm having a miserable time with the emotional end of this .....lots of being scared and weepy. Bless you for being here!

[Laurel]

Barb, I am afraid you are stuck with us and us with you FOR A LONG, LONG TIME! Glad to hear the eye is less shocking then predicted, but sorry to learn you must deal with double vision. I think that would make me battier then usual! How do you cope with that?

Might be headed your way this week. Never did get that Christmas tree, so if I can steal a bit of time I will trek north to clean up the cabin after the intrepid hunters and grab a tree. Think you might be up to a cuppa coffee? I can come to you. No worries if you do not feel up to visiting and no guarantees I can get away.

[ammebarb]

Good morning, Laurel. I'm continuing, one foot in front of the other, as is the only choice. The eye feels better each day. I'm doing ok about the double vision because my doctor assurred me that it would clear when the muscle recovers.

I'm having a miserable time with fear of metastasis. And even as I say that, I know that I'm writing to a group whose sisters deal with mets.

If you come to the area, I'd love for you to visit. Do you still have my phone number?

Barb A.

[BonnieR]

Barb, do you still have Ativan? I recommend a bit to take the sharp edge off the anxiety and keep the faith

[ammebarb]

Thanks, Bonnie. I am taking the Ativan, and I'm sure it's helping, but I'm still mighty shakey. My daughter is dealing with some problem with her esophagus and anxiety and I'm also very concerned for her. She's trying to work while worrying about me, fearing pain in her chest and making mistakes at work. Praying, praying, praying......

[BonnieR]

Just read a good quote from Abraham Lincoln: "the best thing about the future is it only comes one day at a time". Keep the faith.

[Soccermom]

Barb, as Bonnie said, you are one of us.. Period!
My heart is so heavy for you and I am praying!
Ativan was my friend (still is) when the anxiety us overwhelming , don't be shy about needing it. We've all shared your feelings at one time or another and we care.. We truly do care. I wish I could make this all go away for you and everyone else living in limbo,

Gentle loving hugs,
Marcia

[ammebarb]

Thank you, Bonnie and Marcia.

[Pray]

Barb, You can count on me for prayers. You and your family are in mine everyday. Gods blessings to you and your family.

Peace my friend,

Nancy

[ammebarb]

Those prayers mean the world to me, Nancy. Thank you, thank you. Please continue.

[Laurel]

Barb,

I totally get the anxiety crescendo you are experiencing and I agree Ativan is a godsend in times such as these. I think I will be able to get up your way at the end of the week. I will PM you to confirm and yes, your number is in my cell.

I am really sorry you are going through this nightmare, Barb. Hope to bring some cheer your way!

[Soccermom]

Thinking of u,Barb..XOXOXO

[ammebarb]

Thank you, Marcia. The eye is healing as it should, I think. The mental, emotional healing is slower....Praying, resting, giving myself pep talks, relying on the love and prayers of family and friends. Bless you for thinking of me!

Barb A.

[Laurel]

Barb,

It was wonderful visiting with you and Brooke this week. I hope those books are lifting your spirits and fortifying your faith. I have your adorable snowman needlepoint by my favorite recliner (we old farts all have one of those, don't we? LOL!) and he reminds me to pray for you every time I glance his way.

When I was diagnosed and living in the awful limbo of "what if-ville" I used to sing to myself that song from Veggie Tales called God is Bigger Than the Boogie Man!

Oh God is bigger than the boogie man
He's bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on TV
Oh God is bigger than the boogie man
And He's watching out for you and me!

BTW, everyone, Barb's eye looks terrific. If you did not know she had surgery on it, you would not ever notice anything was remiss.

[ammebarb]

Hi Laurel,

The eye continues to feel a bit better each day....still bloodshot some, but not uncomfortable until the end of the day. Probably eye strain. Fighting for attitude in a big way. Praying, reading, resting and praying some more. I'm thinking that some radiation fatigue is setting in.....I'm really tired.

I so appreciated your visit. Touched me hugely that you would come to see me. Bless you, bless you.

Barb A.

[NEDenise]

Barb,
So glad that you're on the road to recovery! Rest all you want! It's likely just the thing you need.
Sending a warm hug, and healing prayers your way!
Denise