Might need help with "Lee"

[Bill]

Okay, Lee, you've always been able to read through the lines on me. You're right, as usual, Grandma's butt-kickings were always warranted and I took 'em straight up, (except for that one time, of course, when she knee-capped me outta nowhere with that rolling pin in front of a girl I was trying to impress. Yeah, okay, alright, I cried....but that really hurt, bad). It's not Grandma, that's why I always live on a large body of water- I can always out-swim her. And it's not the fiasco last Fourth of July with the midgets, either. That was just a real let-down. Do you know how hard it is to get 12 bagpipe-playing true Scottish midgets together for one night without something going wrong? It's well nigh impossible, but I did it. I've always suspected that someone spiked their ale, brother, but I couldn't quite pin it on you..... As far as the homeowners association goes, the president and I are on the same page now. He wanted to talk to me about that mulch/grass/spent-brass ratio issue in the front yard, so we agreed to have a meeting in the backyard at 6:00 PM. It's not my fault that he showed up 10 minutes early and caught me in the middle of my bi-weekly small arms practice. We quickly became best friends, although he doesn't come around very much or call me anymore, but I miss that guy. So, that's not my reason for having to move, either