"I AM EVERY WOMAN" from my journal today

[SoCalGal]

I AM EVERY WOMAN

I am every woman with stage-four breast cancer. I am every tear ever shed. I am every pain, every fear, every test, every scan.

I am every unpredictable tumor marker. Rising to diminish hope. Sinking to diminish fear.

I am every feeling of despair, of fear, of loneliness, of isolation, of shame and of worry. I am every woman longing for her breasts, grateful for how they nourished her children and satisfied her lovers. I am every woman mourning their loss. I am that empty space; I am every missing breast. I am every lopsided shirt, every uncomfortable bra, every prosthetic, every implant, every insert, and every effort to camouflage and fill in the void. I am every reconstructed nipple trying to match what only God could make.

I am every child who has watched their mother fighting for her life. I am every child who has lost their mother to the fight.

I am every hair, floating from its scalp, falling in clumps, in tufts, in long winding tattle-tails until nothing is left but a newborn’s head.

I am every woman’s broken heart as she stands in front of the mirror;
Pale from chemo, Breast-less and bald, Naked and vulnerable, TRYING to be a warrior.

I am every woman as she puts on her warrior paint. I am every hand-drawn eyebrow, every glued-on eyelash, every pot of blush, every wig, every scarf, every turban, every cap, and every hat. I am every woman warrior, painted bravely for battle.

I am every woman with stage-four (metastatic-shhhh!) Breast cancer
Trying to sleep at night, trying to find comfort and safety and hope.

I am stage-four (metastatic-shhhh!) breast cancer.
Dividing for NO reason or for too much? estrogen, progesterone, sugar, stress…OR genetic damage, Or not enough? Antioxidants, amino acids, omega 3’s, omega 6’s, melatonin, vitamin d, vitamin e, vitamin a, vitamin b, vitamin c, green tea, red tea, black tea…

I am every woman with METS to her lungs, her sternum, her bones, her lymph nodes, her spine, her liver, her kidney, her skin, her brain, her body, her heart (BUT NOT HER SPIRIT).

I am every woman with Stage-Four Metastatic Shhhh! Breast cancer to her life. Mets to her family, her friends and her lovers.

I am every woman with STAGE FOUR metastatic breast cancer (out loud), desperately awaiting a cure. Wishing and hoping and praying and begging and fighting and fighting and fighting.

I AM EVERY WOMAN WITH STAGE 4 (of 4) METASTATIC BREAST CANCER (LOUD). Running for a cure, walking for a cure, painting for a cure, writing for a cure, researching and networking, and donating, and praying and hoping and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting for a cure. I am every woman, demanding a cure. I am every woman, with stage-four metastatic breast cancer, DEMANDING A CURE.

SoCalGal
July 17, 2007
Round #1 – Day 1
Carboplatin/Gemzar/Tykerb