new here, and really, really scared

[PatientSpirit]

I was dx with invasive ductal carcinoma of the left breast in April 2002;
Her 2 + and ER-. I went in for a lumpectomy and woke up without a breast
on 4/24/02, as in the OR the tumor was found to be 8 cm, and 5 out of 14
lymph nodes positive. Two years ago I was considered NED. My sister even
wrote a book with a chapter devoted to breast cancer, as my second sister
was dx 10 months after me. www.invisiblenomore.com

Last week, after a six-month healthy blood draw and check-up, I was told my
protein, liver values, etc., etc., were cause for concern. Since last
Thursday I have had multiple further tests. Yesterday I got the verdict. I
am not a breast cancer survivor. I now an stage 4. It is throughout my
body; particularly my liver, bones and elsewhere (elsewhere yet to be
determined). I was told 18 months, or if I am lucky 5 years with chemo.
But, five years of WHAT?

I am really, really scared. Have never felt so frozen and afraid of
anything in my life. I am scared to death. I don't want to die.

Thank you for listening.

Lynn in Michigan