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Old 05-28-2012, 05:29 PM   #1
AliciaB
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frustration and anger

Hello ladies and gents- my bc group does not meet for a while, so I am grateful for this group.

Does it make any sense that the week I feel the best I am cranky all week? I am taking TCH chemotherapy every 3 weeks. I am heading into my beat energy week ( Chemo is.next week June 5), but I am very cranky. it doesn't make sense.

Alicia

dx Feb 7 2012
Left breast 2.2x2.1x2.0 tumor (right breast clear)
Stage 2B
ER+ PR+ HER+
BRCA I & BRCA II negative
March 2012 bilateral mastectomy (family hx)
April 2012 chemotherapy, TCH

Last edited by AliciaB; 05-28-2012 at 08:20 PM.. Reason: correcting tumor size
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Old 05-28-2012, 08:33 PM   #2
ElaineM
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Wink Re: frustration and anger

Give yourself a break. It is okay to be cranky once in awhile. In fact I think it is normal.
You have a serious health problem. The medicines may be affecting your hormones, and everything else in your body. I bet there are days you do not feel your best physically and are tired too. We are asking our bodies to do things they never did before. Cancer is a stressful health problem in addition to being a physical one.
Relax. Give yourself a little extra time to get things done. Take naps if you need them. Treat yourself to a special food or some other treat you may have been avoiding for health reasons.
Now go enjoy your favorite music, food, place or whatever. Take a nap if you want one. Don't worry about what people think, say or do. You are number one right now.
All the best to you.
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Old 05-28-2012, 09:40 PM   #3
AliciaB
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Re: frustration and anger

Thank Elaine. I believe most people do see me as a "perky" person. But when I check that reality with my husband he hesitates to agree. We have a 2.5 year old son that keeps us hopping. The emotional aspects of this is harder than the physical since I have had very little unmanageable adverseside effects. I may be over thinking things. Perhaps tomorrow I will take a little walk. By the way, I LOVE your quote. I have used it several times in conversations.
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Old 05-29-2012, 06:58 AM   #4
NEDenise
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Re: frustration and anger

Alicia, Alicia, Alicia...
Cranky? As long as you don't hit anyone...I think you are totally entitled to every bit of cranky you are feeling! Cancer sucks! And you have the added sucky-ness (if that's even a word) of having a toddler to care for when you're not feeling well. Add to that, the fact that you are clearly a loving and devoted mommy...and the emotional toll this is taking on you is HUGE.

Embrace the crankiness! Revel in it! You are entitled. Just don't be cranky with your beautiful son...and again, don't hit anyone...that's generally not a good idea.

And, on a more serious note, all the suggestions Elaine made are good ones. (no big surprise there!) But I would like to suggest that you mention the irritability to your care team. I was experiencing some of that, combined with an inability to concentrate...and my team recommended meds to help balance out my brain chemicals. What a relief! They helped so much! It may not be appropriate for you, but it might still be a good idea to mention it, so your docs are aware.

Good luck on the 5th! I'm headed off to the city now for my "vitamin H" infusion.
Sending a big cyber-hug your way!
Denise
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1/11-needle biopsy
2/11-Lumpectomy/axillary node dissection - Stage 3c, ER/PR-14/17 nodes
3/11 - Post-op staph infection,cellulitis, lymphedema,seroma,ARRRGH!
4/12/11-A/C x 4, then T/H x 4, H only,Q3 weeks
8/26/11 finished Taxol!!!
10/7/11 mastectomy/DIEP recon
11/11 radiation x28
1/12/12 1st CANCER-VERSARY!
1/12 Low EF/Herceptin "Holiday" :(
2/12 EF up - Back on Herceptin, heart meds
4/2/1212 surgery to repair separated incision from DIEP recon
6/8/12 Return to work :)
6/17/12 Fall, shatter wrist,surgery to repair/insert plate :(
7/10/12 last Herceptin
7/23/12 Brain Mets %$&#! 3cm and 1cm
8/10/12 Gamma knife surgery, LOTS of steroids;start H/Tykerb
8/23/12 Back to work
12/20/12 Injure back-3 weeks in wheel chair
1/12/13 2nd CANCER-VERSARY!
1/14/13 herniate disk in back - surgery to repair
1/27/13 Radiation necrosis - edema in brain - back on steroids - but not back to work - off balance, poor cordination in right arm
5/3/13 Start Avastin to shrink necrosis
5/10/13 begin weaning steroids
6/18/13 Brain MRI - Avastin seems to be working!
6/20/13 quarterly CT - chest, abdomen, pelvis - All Clear!
7/5/13 finally off steroids!!
7/7/13 joined the ranks of the CHEMO NINJAS I am now Tekuto Ki Ariku cancer assassin!
7/13/13 Symptoms return - back on steroids
7/26/13 Back on Avastin - try again!
8/26/13 Not ready to return to classroom yet :( But I CAN walk without holding onto things! :)
9/9/13 Brain MRI - fingers crossed
“ Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you, and you alone, to decide. ” – Cavett Robert
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Old 05-29-2012, 07:11 PM   #5
CoolBreeze
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Re: frustration and anger

I know the steroids I've taken have made me cranky at times. I did TCH a while back and they gave me steroids with it. I hadn't had them for a while but then they gave them to me with Abraxane and that first one got me going again!

Not only can the steroids make you cranky but honey - you are going through cancer treatment. That can make even the calmest person a teeny bit cranky. Just tell everybody to deal with it and be the way you need to be.
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08/17/09 Dx'd.
Multifocal/multicentric IDC, largest 3.4 cm, associated ADH, LCIS, DCIS
HER2+ ER+/PR- Grade 3, Node Negative

10/20/2009: Right mastectomy, reconstruction with TE
12/02/2009: Six rounds TCH, switched to Taxol halfway through due to neuropathy
03/31/2010: Finished chemo
05/01/2010: Began tamoxifen, the worst drug ever
11/18/2010: Reconstruction completed
12/02/2010: Finished herceptin
05/21/2011: Liver Mets. Quit Tamoxifen
06/22/2011: Navelbine/Zometa/Herceptin
10/03/2011: Liver Resection, left lobe. Microwave ablation, right lobe - going for cure!
11/26/2011: C-Diff Superbug Infection, "worst case doctor had seen in 20 years"
03/28/2012: Progression in ablated section of the liver - no more cure. Started Abraxane, continue herceptin/zometa
10/10/2012: Progression continues, started Halaven, along with herceptin and zometa.
01/15/2013: Progression continues, started Gemzar and Perjeta, an unusual combo, continuing with herceptin and zometa
03/13/2013: Quit Gemzar, body just won't handle it. Staying on herceptin, zometa and perjeta.
04/03/2013: CT shows 50% regression in tumor, so am starting back on Gemzar with dose reduction, staying with perjeta/herceptin/zometa. Can't argue with success!
05/09/2013: Discussing SBRT with Radiology due to inability of bone marrow to recover from chemo.
06/07/2013: Fiducial placement for SBRT
07/03/2013: Chemo discontinued, on Perjeta, Herceptin and Zometa alone
07/25/2013: SBRT (gamma knife) begins
08/01/2013: SBRT completed
08/15/2013: STABLE! continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin, Zometa
06/18/2014: ***** NED!!!!***** continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin, Zometa
01/29/2014: Still NED. continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin. Zometa lowered to every 3 months instead of monthly.
11/08/2015: Progression throughout abdomen and lungs. Started TDM-1, aka Kadcyla. Other meds discontinued. Remission was nice while it lasted.

5/27/18: Stable. Kadcyla put me right back in the barn. I have two teeny spots on my lungs that are metabolically inactive, and liver is clean.

I’m beating this MFer. I was 51 when this started and had two kids, 22 and 12. Now I’m 60. My oldest got married and trying to start s family. My youngesg graduates from Caltech this June. My stepdaughter gave me grandkids. Life is fantastic.
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Old 06-07-2012, 07:23 PM   #6
fauxgypsy
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Re: frustration and anger

Be cranky. I had TCH. It is enough to make you cranky. You feel what you feel. I think that you need to trust your feelings. It will get better. Having cancer and chemo is very stressful and you are only human.
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Jan. 26- mammogram and ultrasound- suspicious lump
Mid-February- lumpectomy, infiltrating ductal carcinoma ~4.5 cm and a 1 cm DCIS, did not get clear margins, did not check lymph nodes
ER+/PR+, her2 +++, nuclear grade 3 of 3
February 20-PET scan showed something on liver. No biopsy.
March- Started carboplatin, herceptin, taxol on a four week cycle
May 3- Pet scan, with intent to do a biopsy, found nothing, liver or breast- no biopsy because there is nothing to biopsy
June 21- new onc, very concerned that there had been no biopsy,
June 18th-CAT scan, bone scan-negative
August 7th - Brain MRI-negative
August 9th- mastectomy, all pathology negative
January 2008 still NED! New oncologist -herceptin for full year after chemo- until July, and tamoxifen---negative scans since May '07
July 2008-Finished Herceptin!
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Old 06-07-2012, 08:37 PM   #7
Vicki revised
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Re: frustration and anger

While on TCH last summer there was a couple of times when I went verbally postal with my husband and sons. It isn't the TCH as much as it is the steriods and now I'm back on them with Abraxane, so I've forewarned everyone this time. Today I've felt like hell physically and weepy so there's a storm warning for the weekend in our house.
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Lord, give me the comfort of Your embrace and acceptance of Your will.

3/11: DX: IDC, HER2++, ER/PR neg, stage 4, mets to liver. Primary tumor: grade 3; 11 cm. 2nd smaller tumor: ~2.5cm. Multiple affected nodes, 1 spot on liver. 6 rounds TCH prior to bmx.
7/11: Nothing left except Primary breast tumor now 1.5cm.
8/11: BMX, 17/17 nodes clear. No post-op chemo or radiation indicated. NED!
10/11: NED! Continue Herceptin indef.
2/12: Reoccurence of liver mets; both lobes. Tykerb added to Herceptin.
5/12: Progression of liver mets. Stop Tykerb, start Abraxane & Herceptin weekly.
8/12: Progression in liver and lymph nodes around liver and right kidney. Herceptin not working anymore! Stop Abraxane and Herceptin. Start Tykerb and Xeloda.
10/12: Severe side effects. 3 weeks break from everything.
12/12: It's working! All tumors gone except 2 (from 20+) Continue Tykerb and Xeloda. Brain and spine MRIs clear.
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Old 06-08-2012, 03:30 PM   #8
Rolepaul
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Re: frustration and anger

From the husband's point of view, it can be hard to deal with. So can me leaving the toilet seat up from your point of view. It is called a Marriage because there are some "Mar"s in it. Most family members understand the strain of the disease on you. Not everyone, and certainly not every day. Everybody in the house, including the dog and cat, are in this with you. They may not like it, but the truth is you did not choose to have the garbage inside you. If they wanted Beach Barby every day, then the should have married someone else. At the same time, when the steroids are in full force, find a soft padded room, warn the others, and buy stress balls to destroy. And the steroids are a big issue for me to, so sometimes we have to take turns in the timeout room.
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Old 06-09-2012, 06:31 AM   #9
Debbie L.
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Re: frustration and anger

I agree with everyone else, Alicia. Cranky, although unpleasant for you, is normal. It could be the steroids, it could be the general turmoil of diagnosis and treatment, it could be fatigue, and it could also be hormonal, as your ovaries are taking a hit (perhaps a temporary one) from the chemo, too. Probably it's some of each.

You can just try to wait it out. You can experiment to see if there are specific things (exercise, warm baths, walk in the woods, etc) that help smooth out the roller coaster. You can ask your providers for drugs. Maybe it will help just to remember that, like most of the other side effects, for you this is temporary. AND you're in the home stretch.

I'm curious about Abraxane and steroids. I thought one of the main benefits of Abraxane (over the other taxanes) was that you didn't have to take steroids with it?

Debbie Laxague
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