Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21

[Jackie07]

[Mother had been my care giver since day one - the day I was born! As a premee, I needed special care after she took me home from Neonatal ICU. All through the many diagnoses/treatments, she'd been my best advocate and source of encouragement/support.]

My mother was an amazing woman who had lived an amazing life. The oldest child of a successful merchant in the Capitol of Yunnan - the Southmost province of China, Mother was living a comfortable life when the War broke. Being the first born, she was pampered by Grandpa and raised like a boy. Grandpa scolded Grandma when he found out, after returning from one of his many long business trips, that Mother's feet were 'wrapped' according to tradition (a symbol of status as the girl child is not expected to do any housework the rest of her life.）Grandpa was furious! He'd been travelling to many places and knew the world had changed drastically. The tradition of foot-binding was totally unacceptable! Mother's feet were spared –after suffering for more than a week. Grandpa encouraged Mother to go to college - at a time when most girls would enter arranged marriage by 16... Mother passed the same high expectation to her daughters. The three girls of her six children were raised feminist before we’d even heard of the term!

Mother loves wearing bright-colored clothing and likes to see her youngest daughter dressed in red – traditionally the color resembling good-fortune and happiness. Most of our new clothes were tailor-made by a neighbor living in the same alley before mass production became available/popular. When Oldest Sis was studying fashion design, I became her ‘model’ as well. There was a real cute red dress that I ‘d treasured for a couple of years and the tailor copied Oldest Sis’es design when I’d out-grown the original one. Imaging a slender 5’7’’ teenage girl wearing red from head to toe! (Yes, including a pair of red lofers!)

Quite a few families in our Army village sent their children out of district to attend the star schools in the big city. Those kids suffered from long commute in air-polluted route and were often lack of proper supervision – there’s just nothing good about it! Mother would always try to persuade other parents to send their children to the local schools I’d attended all through junior high. “My daughter never needed any special tutoring and she went on to attend the best college …”

Mother was old-fashioned in many ways (I was born when she was in her late 30's and Father was turning 45). When the government was pushing for family planning/birth control to curb the rapid population growth, she refrained from advocating the policy. Most of the women in her generation have on average 5, 6 children (the most I knew was 9!) – “How could we convince those younger Moms when we ourselves have already had so many children?” Yet when I was attempting to conceive via artificial means, she vehemently expressed her disapproval over the phone: “You have been through a major surgery – you won’t be able to endure the harsh child-labor… I have been there many times, I know how tough it is! ”

Mother insists that "women and men (in that order are equal". She hates the smell of cigarette smokes produced by Father at home. Yet in those Commissioners meetings, Mother had often been seen to hold a lit cigarette in between her fingers. She had to act like a man as the only female representative in the Commissioners Court which was composed by mostly ill-mannered local powers with little formal education. To many of the poor and powerless citizens, Mother was their only advocate because she’s not serving to gain profits nor for self interest.

Mother stayed active after retirement. She rode buses to the closest elementary school in the city to partake in folk dancing, sword dancing and fan dancing. She took correspondence courses from National Taiwan Normal University and participated in the writing workshop. She took on Chinese painting and published a collection of her works as well as a biography and a travel note. She also participated in the 'Silver Head Royals' program and visited many schools to share her life story with the students. Mother has achieved the three‘everlasting’ virtues ‘ described by ancient sage: “Do good deeds, achieve great goals, and write something to pass on.” Indeed, just as my late Father would often utter, Mother is a ‘woman with a good fortune’ !

'I can't' does not exist in Mother's vocabulary. When the communists were taking over the Mainland, Mother brought her oldest two children to safety. When she located Father in Taiwan, after thousands of miles travelling escaping the chaos of the war zone (from the Northeast to the Southwest of China, then Shanghai, Hong Kong, and finally Taiwan), Father was beyond himself! Father would often utter: "There's nothing your Mother can not handle. She's smart, resourceful, and above all, she's tough!" I am saddened to see a life vanishing in front of our eyes, yet I am at the same time proud to have such a wonderful Mother who has given me everything I need to face the challenges of life! Good-bye, Mother!