A special case

[Attilash]

I am 34, and writing from Rome,Italy. My story begins in year 2000, when at 28 I found out this strange lump in my left breast. It was the end of August, and on Oct. 31 I had a quad- and all the lympnodes on that side were removed, too. Then, a nice chemo with AC/CMF, which lasted from Nov. 24 to May 18, 2001, and following that, radio for some two months and a half. On August 13, 2001, with the last day of radiotherpay, my first (and at that time, I thought and hoped my only one) encounter with cancer ended. Throughout the cure, I was told that I was a special case, because I was so young, and there were good chances that I had a genetic failure of some sort, due to the fact that nobody else had ever had BC in my family. I was told that the usual rate for such an occurrence would be 1 over 600.000. WOW! In Italy we have lotto game (sort of betting on numbers), and I bet on 1 and 16 and 60, and WON... ;O)
Well, it was hard and sad and demanding. To lose my hair, to lose my (supposed) friends - people are afraid, here in Italy, so much afraid...- to lose my freedom, somehow to lose my youth in this terrible, disgusting way...
But I made it, and won. I managed to sleep, and to eat, and to go out, and find boyfriends, and make new friends, and lead a normal life, thinking that every year that passed would be one more towards the five that make the difference...
Then, this spring (four years and 6 months later), a sudden hurting in my chest, and a strange feeling and a few qustions, and suddenly I found myself back in the hospital, to have my sternum removed. Again I have been told that I am a spcial case: my onc said that in 30 years of practice, it was the second time he ever had seen such a rare occurrence - or rather, recurrence - bone met in the sternum alone...
Lucky me, isn't it?
Anyway, now I am a sort of bionic woman, with a goretex sternum which, who knows, might have special powers (keeping me warm while skiing...? ;O) ). Up to now, I have had 6 taxotere, and 8 herceptin, and I am supposed to continue with herceptin at least until July, possibly for another year, and maybe also to add navelbine, but the onc doesn't know yet. On Tuesday, Jan. 24, I will have a pet-scan to check what's going on inside...
I sincerely hope that whatever it's going on, it's just the usual stuff, and no surprises... :O/
In the meantime, I have lived: I found my second cat (cats sometimes happen, I discovered), I renovated my apartment - especially the sitting room, I bought a new bookshelf for the many books that I have to read yet, I quit an unuseful boyfriend (who, the day I got my bone scan confirming a black spot on the bone right there where the heart is, had the courage to affirm that I had not given him enough attention), and learned to dance salsa.
I also found this web site, where I have come many times to look for solace.
My hair is growing back, and I really do hope it will grow in locks, as it did the first time it grew back, so that I can charm a cute lawyer that I met at dance lessons... ;OD
In truth, I have plans for myself. Starting with trying to sleep and eat regularly (when I am upset, these two things seem to become really difficult to do), and then smiling, possibly every day, and being positive, and sewing me a nice frock for the summer, and learn to dance the most difficult figures in salsa... I need to fight a good fight - and I need to win my war.
And, of course, there is the cute lawyer.... ;O)
A huge kiss and hugs to all of you, to all of us.