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Old 11-21-2013, 10:24 AM   #1
Hopeful
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Facing cancer as a couple

http://www.cancercenter.com/communit...r-as-a-couple/

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Old 12-04-2013, 01:13 PM   #2
Jackie07
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Re: Facing cancer as a couple

Most men are not as sensitive as most women. All through my many surgeries, hubby seldom took the real action to 'take care of' of me. He can't cook, there was a time period he's even having phobia driving, he's a nervous wreck whenever things are out of the ordinary.

But at least he's better than my 2nd Brother-in-law who had told my 2nd Sister when she had cancelled her hysterectomy a couple of times: "Do you want to go or not? I'll take you to the hospital if you want to go ..." I had to explain to him over international long distance that besides having concerns about going under the knife, 2nd Sis probably was concerned about her womanhood and needed some reassurance ... To that he replied: "No wonder she'd mentioned something (while sobbing) about not being a woman anymore ..."

So what should we do when we are too weak to take care of ourselves? We have to understand what our spouses are going through as well. We have to manage our situation just like a CEO. We have to let our spouse know what we need and what we can do for them. We have to help them!

No 'man' is perfect. 2nd Brother-in-law is a great cook and can take care of anything that needs to be done at home. But he's a math teacher and tends to think everything in terms of logic. Hubby is a 'sensitive' guy but lacks the ability to turn words into actions. [My late Mother-in-law cooked for us in 1990 during my recuperation after staying in the hospital for 40 days. My Chinese church members helped out by bringing me food 3, 4 times a week during the 2003 chemo - thanks to the pastor who had encouraged the small congregation even though I had not been attending services for over 2 years prior to the surgery. In 2007 I asked 2nd Sister to come. And in 2010 one of my nieces spent 4 weeks with us and cooked and cleaned.]

All guys need a lot of motivation ... We have to teach them, nurture them, help them to grow ... But don't expect them to change overnight. Actually, don't expect them (or anyone else) to change at all.
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http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/doctors-letter-patient-newly-diagnosed-cancer.html
http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/MultiMedi...=114&trackID=2

NICU 4.4 LB
Erythema Nodosum 85
Life-long Central Neurocytoma 4x5x6.5 cm 23 hrs 62090 semi-coma 10 d PT OT ST 30 d
3 Infertility tmts 99 > 3 u. fibroids > Pills
CN 3 GKRS 52301
IDC 1.2 cm Her2 +++ ER 5% R. Lmptmy SLNB+1 71703 6 FEC 33 R Tamoxifen
Recc IIB 2.5 cm Bi-L Mast 61407 2/9 nds PET
6 TCH Cellulitis - Lymphedema - compression sleeve & glove
H w x 4 MUGA 51 D, J 49 M
Diastasis recti
Tamoxifen B. scan
Irrtbl bowel 1'09
Colonoscopy 313
BRCA1 V1247I
hptc hemangioma
Vertigo
GI - > yogurt
hysterectomy/oophorectomy 011410
Exemestane 25 mg tab 102912 ~ 101016 stopped due to r. hip/l.thigh pain after long walk
DEXA 1/13
1-2016 lesions in liver largest 9mm & 1.3 cm onco. says not cancer.
3-11 Appendectomy - visually O.K., a lot of puss. Final path result - not cancer.
Start Vitamin D3 and Calcium supplement (600mg x2)
10-10 Stopped Exemestane due to r. hip/l.thigh pain OKed by Onco 11-08-2016

"I WANT TO BE AN OUTRAGEOUS OLD WOMAN WHO NEVER GETS CALLED AN OLD LADY. I WANT TO GET SHARP EDGED & EARTH COLORED, TILL I FADE AWAY FROM PURE JOY." Irene from Tampa

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Last edited by Jackie07; 12-04-2013 at 01:28 PM..
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