Sheila's 2000th post commemorative thread

[Colleens_Husband]

Dear Friends:

As some of you have noticed, our dear friend Sheila is about to make her 2,000th post. To me, that shows just a whole lot of dedication and commitment to the cause of ending HER2 breast cancer or at the very least, help those get through this harrowing ordeal.

With this in mind, I propose a public service commemoration, which will help bridge the gaps of understanding between female persons and male persons. This is really a pretty simple concept, if there is some aspect of behavior that baffles you about the opposite sex, just post a question here and a member of said opposite sex will provide answers, thus creating bridges of understanding over the chasms of information over the highway of life.

Let me start out, a certain female person I know (I am not going to name names) makes the bed each day and puts about 103 decorative pillows on top of the bed. Every night when I go to bed, I take those pillows and throw them on the floor so I can get to the bed and the one pillow I actually use. That one pillow is not one of the ones on prominent display. And the next day, she does it all over again so that I can throw them back on the floor the next night. My question, is this behavior something I should be worried about?

[Vi Schorpp]

as far as I'm concerned. I think her behavior changing to not being concerned what your marital bed looks like is something to worry about. Be grateful you don't have that problem, right?

[juanita]

Why do guys refuse to ask for directions?

[Sheila]

WHOA....so I dedicate my 2000th post to a guy who whines about too many decorative pillows on the bed???/
Rule #1...Accessorize Accesorize Accessorize
Rule #2 ...You can NEVER have too many throw pillows on the bed....the point is to make the bed less able to be inhabited in the middle of the day for a nap

[Bill]

Whoa!!!, Sheila,,,,,,My boy, Lee,,,, ain't complainin' about a single throw pillow that some chick takes two and a half hours to 'throw', he was merely concerned that when he felt a need to take a nap, that he had to 'throw' fifty of them onto the floor just to get to the bed.

[StephN]

Throw pillows = dust mite city.

Can't tolerate that myself, so we have only the pillows needed for sleeping. Throw pillows in guest room!

I think Sheila needs a DAYbed where she can put her feet up with a good book and sip that occasional chocolate martini.

When we take naps, we really need them!

[hutchibk]

Oh boy - I can see that this one is gonna be fun!

Throw pillows are jewelry for the bed. It's that simple. I have been prohibited from buying them currently, but they are a bed's best friend, and I WILL win this battle one day soon. But I do believe in only two or three...

Q #1 : what is the opposite gender person's predisposition to leaving the pantry door, or the silverware drawer, or the bathroom drawer open? I bruise too easily for this to continue.

Q #2 : Opposite gender person's predisposition to come to an agreement about a negotiated topic (after a mostly unnecessary long and drawn out discussion), only to forget 1 hour later what was decided, to play dumb, and to try and change the plan?

Just curious.

[Sheila]

Whoa Lee and Bill.....did you ever notice we also try to put lots of them on the sofa???

My question....do men really think they are the only ones who can drive correctly? My husband constantly complains about my driving, but when you "compare stats" ( tickets, accidents) , my record is clean as a whistle...his could use a little buffing up.

[PinkGirl]

Juanita

Why does it take a gazillion sperm to fertilize one egg?

Because they won't ask for directions.

[Colleens_Husband]

Well done Pink Girl, that was too funny.

Okay, I get the throw pillows, after all they are called throw pillows because I throw them on the floor and she throws then back on the bed.

As to why men don't ask for directions, as Juanita asked about, the fact is we do in fact ask for directions, only we do it when no one is watching. The most important trait that men can have, according to men, is competence. A man can be a raving donkey's backside, but if he is competent, men can excuse most everything else. Getting lost is not a competent thing to do.

[sarcasm on]Sheila, men are the only ones who do drive correctly. When we get tickets, we get them skillfully. When we get in accidents, it is our amazing driving skills which keep the accident from being worse. If you don't believe me, ask a man.[sarcasm off]

Actually, Colleen is always backseat driving me, but I have the better driving record.

Brenda, as to the open silverware doors, I am not sure that is endemic to just men but perhaps he is trying increase your agility. You should thank him for his efforts.

[Colleens_Husband]

Here is one for the girls. What is the correct answer to the following question:

Do these jeans make my butt look fat?

I am just wondering because running to the nearest room with a lock on the door yelling "I invoke my Fifth Amendment rights ........" just isn't working out as well as I hoped.

[PinkGirl]

Lee,
The answer to that question is: Does this tie make me
look stupid?

[PinkGirl]

A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price.

He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - do the modelling naked - return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself.'

So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.

The husband says 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.




His funeral is this Thursday

[StephN]

Dear Brenda -
I think the answer to your questions is:

SNEAK ATTACK!

Men/Boys love playing those kinds of games. Jumping out from a doorway as we are coming down the hall with a load of laundry, or tickling when I am trying to load the dishwasher.

Or leaving the dishwasher door down for me to bark my shins on.

I think letting you "win" one and then trying to change it later is in the same category.

Leaving shoes in the middle of the floor for us to trip on in the middle of the night.

This is just a short list of common "sneak attacks."

As for driving - hubby and I HAVE come to an agreement. If one or the other does TOO MUCH "backseat driving," the car is stopped and the drivers are switched. Silence ensues.

The above does not count for the "no directions" problem. We keep maps in the car so I can navigate if hubby fails to get instructions for a first time visit someplace, and his "competence" deserts him in this hilly, full of lakes, where streets do not go through region. No to mention hard to read street signs in the dark!

[Becky]

Does my butt look fat in these....?

Is the Pope Catholic? If you gotta ask, then it is...

[Colleens_Husband]

Ummm ........ Becky?

I am kind of thinking that your answer to the "Does these jeans make my butt look fat?" question might not smooth the waves on the sea of marital bliss. You don't hold stock in an orthopedic fracture clinic do you?

Why do women go to the bathroom in herds? I always thought that having to sit down on public toilets was the reason. You know, one hovers while the other holds the hoverers hands so they don't actually have to sit down, but my wife said I was wrong.

[hutchibk]

I honestly don't know why we go in herds... I don't need to hold anyone's hand to hover, it's an innate talent. And NEVER flush a toilet in public with one's hand - the gymnastic move of flushing with one's foot/shoe is the proper procedure...

Some answers to consider when asked "do these jeans make my butt look fat?" are:

“Not to Stevie Wonder.”
“Big time! That’s why I’m sleeping with your best friend.”
“I guess there’s not much point in asking if you mean fat with ‘f’ or phat with a ‘ph.’”
“No hablo ingles.”
“Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things balance out.”

[PinkGirl]

Lee,
We go to the washroom in herds so we can ask each other
if our butts look fat/phat in our jeans.

[Sheila]

We always go to the bathroom in groups....someone has to put the lid down that the guy left up, and it gives us someone to talk to about the whole lid thing.

As far as do these jeans make my butt look big....not long ago, I was getting ready to go somewhere and my husband thinking he was a frickin comedian said
"Whoa, check out that big ass....I immediately turned, gave him "that" look and said, I know, and as much as I regret it, you're coming with me/
Nuff Said.

[PinkGirl]

How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down?

No one knows, it's never happened.