Don't buy into the negative crap! - Page 2

StephN · 03-27-2007, 11:21 PM

I did NOT buy in to the negatives when I was first diagnosed with Her2+++/hormone neg cancer.

I had three opinions and did get some numbers from those with different treatment options. The one I chose was the man who was less intent on those numbers and said that with the newer drugs and pacing of doses that there were better chances for most of us. I liked this approach and have not looked back since - just take a look at my "signature" and that should speak for itself.

I think a few of us should go on The View or one of the other shows to tell it like it REALLY is. There are many prospects and many ways to deal with ourselves once this disease is found out.

Seems many of us are dealing with family illness or our own relapses. Don't forget what Scarlet said, "tomorrow IS another day!"

hutchibk · 03-27-2007, 11:46 PM

I vote for going on Oprah instead of The View... At least she might give it a little more serious attention than the seemingly schizophrenic group on The View...

Roz · 03-28-2007, 04:58 AM

Sherri, I agree with you. sometimes I get down and wonder "what's the use". I think it's natural to feel like that from time to time. It can be exhausting being upbeat all the time. We need to feel the reality of our situation occasionally, as well as the joy of living. That doesn't mean that we don't all hope for as much life as we can have, but it's also not being Pollyanna.

StephN · 03-28-2007, 10:56 AM

Don't get me wrong. Continually fighting my way through over SIX years of cancer treatments from head to toe has not been easy, but getting through it meant keeping a forward-looking perspective while enduring those clinic visits.
Looking forward does not mean we have to be upbeat all the time, just keep in mind that there IS more to life than our cancer, even though we now have some limitations that were not there before.

The beauty of our bodies is that we are able to "forget" severe pain and traumas to our body as time goes by. Otherwise, what woman would want to have more than one child, if the pain was the main issue? What happens after the birth wipes that out for most of us.

The ability to heal is a wonderful thing, and "the negative crap" is a hindrance in my opinion.

hutchibk · 03-28-2007, 12:20 PM

You are a true inspiration, too Steph! Your words really resonate with me and I needed to read them today. Thanks for posting.

Vanessa · 03-28-2007, 12:40 PM

I really needed to hear those words, also. Thanks Steph.

caya · 03-28-2007, 04:43 PM

Ditto for me Steph. Thanks for the positive words.

Caya

Annemarie · 03-28-2007, 09:01 PM

I would too would say that cancer has been a hardship for not just me but my entire family. I was 32 at diagnosis. I have one child and would have loved to have more. A lot of dreams are crushed or cut short due to cancer. There are a few blessings along the way like most things in life.

My take on The View are a bit different than those who posted. I am not familar with bc and bone mets. I saw the episode and I believe Rosie said what the stats are for survival with that diagnosis. From reading the posts I see that that was inferred as a loss of hope. I think the stats are what they are and each case is a bit different. That being said anecdotal stats are not real numbers they can't be reproduced stastically. So knowing someone who beat the odds does not make Rosies information wrong.

I have had brain mets three times in six years. My neurosurgeon told me that my prognosis was not very good. He did tell me that when CA pts. get only brain mets they seem to do well. Knowing the stats was very sobering. I actually think that by knowing my stats has given me the opportunity to live my life differently. Like many who have posted I see my time very valueable now. I no longer take good health for granted and I think I am less concerned about things that don't really matter. My oncologist once said to me,"If I think you are going to die I owe it to you to tell you. Would you really want to go to work if you only had two more weeks to live?" We both chuckled but there was a lot of truth to that. So for me the truth helped me in the fight.

kat in the delta · 03-28-2007, 09:50 PM

What was that famous French ONC's name?????
just curious ---------------------------kat in the delta

Jean · 03-29-2007, 05:06 PM

Hi Annmarie,

I watched the view and did so very closely as anything to do with bc
just pushes out everything else. It is not so much what Rosie said
re: stats....she and Barbara Walter both said that it was "Terminal"
that once you have bone cancer you can expect 5-10 yrs.
survival...those were their words.

This to me was annoying...since that is a very scary thing to announce
on National TV especially to newly dx. women who may or may not think
they not only have bc, but will they get or have bone cancer from their
bc. It is just my belief it was way over the top to say and totally not
necessary. I don't think I am over sensitive just senseable...If one of the
woman had bc or was fighting the fight for a loved one they would know
better. Shame that they who have the Media Power do not do a bit
more research before they speak...I just hate the word Terminal....

Going one more step for poor Elizabeth Edwards, it is bad enough she is
being dragged through the Media but to have them say she
is Terminal was not necessary. I paid close attention to the show that
morning....the stats did not bother me at all, (Also I do not pay attention
to stats) since that is just a number for the bean counters. I am flesh
and blood so therefore I would rather just pay attention to the treatment.

That my story and I am sticking to it!

jean

Jean · 03-29-2007, 05:18 PM

Steph,

Well said, Bravo...

Jean

chrisy · 03-29-2007, 06:04 PM

First of all, I don't watch ANY daytime TV as I work (more than) full time. So I don't really know what I'm talking about on this thread, but the discussion has been great!

And EVERYONE who has commented on this thread is absolutely right. We're angry, sad, focused, positive, hopeful, all of it at different times.

I agree, you have to focus on the postive and as StephN said, be forward looking. And keep living your life.

The reality is, at this time metastatic disease is "not curable" but is treatable. This was Mrs. Edwards initial statement about her prognosis, and is exactly what I was told by my rockstar oncologist. At that point, hearing that they were beginning to look at Stage IV bc as a chronic condition that could be managed for a long time was the first HOPE we got. My other hope is that major breakthroughs are just around the corner.

On the other hand, although Rosie or whoever quoted stats was probably quoting accurate stats, they are historical and thus (hopefully!) improving every day. Furthermore, statistics are just that and not a specific prognosis for any individual. There are so many factors influencing this.

That said, I think that the media loves to use words like "terminal" because that makes it so much more dramatic. Like we NEED more drama in our lives! That does a disservice to those who are trying to maintain positive energy in the face of a difficult situation.

Anyway, I'm ramblin on aimlessly, you are all so awesome I thought maybe if I posted on this thread I could be awesome by association!

Chris

Soccermom · 03-29-2007, 06:04 PM

WOW Steph...you express yourself so clearly. Thank you for being so open,balanced and honest. I would guess this is just Steph, being Steph...what a blessing you are.

Marcia

fauxgypsy · 04-04-2007, 06:24 PM

Sherry,
I was recently diagnosed stage IV and it is frightening. I can't imagine going through this with young children. My girls are grown and I recently married the love of my life after many years in a bad marraige. Two years ago my baby brother went to sleep on his couch and didn't wake up. He was only 35. When he was a baby they told us he probably would not live much past his teens. He had two young children. Last year my stepfather passed away after fighting lung cancer for a year. He had lost two sons within six months the year before. And recently ( right after my diagnosis) my husband's stepson from his previous marraige was hit head on and killed by a driver that had a massive heart attack. Jason was 30 and the other driver was 40.
I guess where I am going with this is that we are going to die of something someday. When I start feeling sorry for myself and I do, I try to remember that I am not promised tomorrow. I have time to come to terms with this and to help my family prepare. With any luck and lots of prayer I hope to have many more years. I know that I have a lot yet to learn about and from this illness and I have had more "@#$% opportunities for growth" than I have ever wanted in my life. But I have found that I am paying a little more attention to the important things in my life and a little less to ambition. I am still very angry about it and when I am very tired I just want to cry.
My heart goes out to you and your family. I know that it is hard.

Leslie

Malena · 04-06-2007, 10:47 AM

The most important thing is not to give up.
When I discovered cancer I took a moment for me in my room: OK, I said, I will have to fight but I'm not afraid and I don't want the cancer to destroy my life.Every person has a different path on this earth and the path could be long or short: I'm like because, in any case, I know I can not lose my time.

Sandy: I definitely want to see your green shoes!

Diane H · 04-06-2007, 03:29 PM

We are at one time another up or down, negative or positive and there really is no one right way to feel. I see my diagnosis as two sided, one of the worst things that ever happened to me, and yes, sometimes I feel it has given me opportunity for personal growth. I still would have wished not to go through it. Sherry my prayers go out to you and your family, I understand your sadness.

Patricia · 04-11-2007, 09:11 PM

Cancer has caused such a complex change in me personally and I do believe that it is very important to be as relaxed and positive as possible. In the time since my dx (july 05) there have been so many others in my life that have also been dx; ex-husband, sister in law, brother in law, best friend, best friend's husband, 2nd husband's ex-wife. I feel surrounded by it and forever changed. I dont think blessed is quite the way I think about it, reborn almost. I take everything (non cancer related) easier, I am more mellow and I am more careful about all of my choices (what to eat, how to spend my time, who to spend it with, how i save/spend my money, how i do my job, etc) I am fundamentally a different person. I also live with a level of fear that I often find difficult and have to focus on managing so that the dark clouds dont take over on those days that I know we all have.

Sherry, my thoughts and prayers are with you. My ex-husband also has melanoma (stage 3c).

Hugs,
Patricia

Adriana Mangus · 04-11-2007, 10:10 PM

I agree with everything you say Cathy. I do stay away from negativity and concentrate on the positiveness that Life has to offer.

People do not understand what a BLESSING this disease has been to me.
I appreciate every single moment of my life doing what really inspires me, taking time away from work, enjoying vacation time with my husband and my daughter, cooking -experimenting

- for my family, etc.etc....(kinda of like to see the look on their faces - they think am crazy, ja ja ja).

I have always been close to my family, but this disease makes it so much more special when I get to visit them. I enjoy every single moment of my life.

I'm not happy...

I AM CONTENT. CONTENT WITH MY LIFE, CONTENT WITH MYSELF.

Thank you for your inspirational note..it's going to stay with me for a long long time...