~Mighy Oak Update~August 10,2009

[Believe51]

Well, he is still having some problems getting the tests done. Ed agreed to not get admitted and try these on his own because he was not assured that tests would take a day or two. We went for a brain MRI on Thursday and the person doing the procedure came out with him and said he cannot do the test. He was gasping for air and could not breathe, I can not say for sure this was an anxiety attack. This has happened at home several times but the added pressure of what is happening in the brain brings new worries. He was clammy and needed to sit for a while before leaving.

He has had boughts of confusion that are not always apparent to him. Of course he is not allowed to go anywhere without me. I am so worried about someone taking advantage. I must admit between the confusion and him being almost completely deaf, he just keeps getting cuter and cuter. His blood pressure is great, appetite so-so and he gained two pounds. The tumor markers have been cut more than half. I am so curious to find out if the Ixempra passed the BBB.

Our plans are to get these tests done and restart a new chemo. We have an appointment on Thursday with OncoMan to trudge forward. All in all, his attitude is that of calm. He started getting some headaches, mild ones but we cannot say why. Ed has some things to get in order and I know that this is bothering him. The more I watch this man the more I love him. He has not passed out since that day and balance is a tad better. The neuropathy is extreme and he walks in a very sad manner, he has a cane but does not need it for the house. I cannot express how skinny he is, it saddens me deeply.

My heart literally hurts as I try to stay strong and focused. I have been having issues with holding back tears and catching myself before I am totally in a funk. Our Granddaughter has been over and although Ed slept most of the day, he was content having a visit. She told me how I always cheer her up and that the more she knows me, the more she loves me. What is better than that? I was just about to fret about being jobless in RI's 12.4% unemployment rate and....

Rexin Rose called. She told me that she is about to go public. Rose told me she had formed her Board of Directors and was moving forward as planned. She also told me to take care of what I needed to take care of and love my husband. Today's call was to assure me of a secured job when I am ready. I can collect until first week of October before applying for extended benefits. I technically still have to look for work and let' face it, I took a huge hit in the pocket now that I am collecting, especially because I am taking taxes out. By the end of the year we are looking to hire a total of 200 people. Things are falling into place.

I know I have been distant lately. I feel like I am going insane at times. My migraines are back thanks to summer and my body is bad. The neck and back are in and out of service.

But he is still here and so am I. I do not want to miss a thing, a split second of loving him. I am still packing hope and Ed still has his battle armor on. We have just begun to fight, set back but not giving up. And I just wanted you all to know how better I feel talking to you this early am....hugs to all.>>Believe51