A new day! Thanks for the support last night.

linn65 · 07-18-2013, 06:05 AM

A new day and my son popped in with his friend for a bit. Then he said they were going to cruise around town (I went to bed).

But this morning I woke up to my favorite look him sprawled out sleeping soundly, and I wanted to go kiss him on the forehead before I walked out the door but I KNOW BETTER!! Just say he IS NOT a morning person.

Thank you to all my cyber friends for the continued encouragement it gets me through when I am having a hard time doing it on my own.

I noticed there are conventions that people on this board go to, and I am hoping to go to one of those in the future and maybe meet some of you all!!

Bucket List!!

'lizbeth · 07-18-2013, 07:44 AM

Ahhh . . . a bit of rest and family and you are feeling better.

Breast cancer is like an emotional bomb, it helps to get rid of a lot of false perceptions about your life. Boom! Cancer.

It can become a time of intense reflection and disappointment when we see life with an expiration date. Ouch!
This is a painful time, but it is an opportunity too. You might be able to change negative patterns and have a much bigger, happier future.

linn65 · 07-18-2013, 08:40 AM

It can become a time of intense reflection and disappointment when we see life with an expiration date. Ouch!

OMG Lizabeth you HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD IN THE ABOVE SENTENCE!!!! Very intense reflection and disappointment when we see or could be a expiration date. I have said that exact thing through so many tears this year.

False perceptions of your life??? What do you mean by that? Example please.

I didn't ask for child support because first of all quilt of leaving him and 2nd he said he would ruin my credit and not pay bills. I buckled with bullying tactics. I never thought of the continued control he would have in my life....dumb, dumb, dumb. It made sense at the time because he does love our son very much just as I do. He had just turned 16 years old, and I knew he would do more then he would pay in support. However, I had to put up with 5 more years of the control, because he paid for everything for our son. It was the most STUPID THING I could have ever done, and I know that now. It haunts me in my "Intense Reflection" I have done this year. Now, with the new girlfriend he will say things like you don't offer to pay for anything, and I am sure his GF thinks wow what an unbelievable guy. He is very good with kids and doing with kids so she has a great nanny when she travels for her job. The retirement I didn't care about that and really still don't he has worked for it and he can keep it.

You are right about the "Value" analogy, and I feel he didn't value me enough to change for me, but he value's her enough too change. After 20 years of marriage and these last 5 years I have changed him for her and that hurts, and I don't know why it hurts so much now. But I guess because a possible expiration date which causes reflection and it hurts in a deep way inside my mind, body and spirit. I guess he has respect for her, value for her, affectionate with her (calls her honey) so after giving up the primetime of my life and now cancer with a possible expiration date and feeling like damaged goods. Who benefits from it all???? The two of them.

What did I get from it this year of reflection; At times I think I didn't try hard enough, I miss moments with my son because of divorce, I miss Holiday's I loved with his family and loved the holidays with them. I am deeply grieved that I broke up the family unit and because of that it will effect my son and if I am around still my grandchildren. It's a heavy, emotional grief and who does it hurt?? It just hurts me because no one else cares, and I know it so I have to move past it. Back to I need a lobotomy!!!

Lizabeth, I guess I don't know where to start.

jaykay · 07-18-2013, 08:55 AM

You are definitely on an emotional roller coaster. My 2 non-professional cents:

I believe that we gear ourselves up for the cancer fight (both mentally and physically), get through each step and when the end is near, it's kind of "what's next". All that energy that has gone towards fighting the beast can now be diverted elsewhere and I think it's natural to start thinking about past experiences, both good and bad.

I also believe in a little anti-depressant assistance. Not Ativan, but something like Celexa or other SSRI's. It helps even you out emotionally. Talk to your doctor.

Now - for the really opinionated Janis: You need to go for half his retirement if it is more than your retirement. My best friend's ex took half of hers and my brother's significant other took half of her ex's 10 years after they were divorced - and they were friends! You should talk to a lawyer

He can't bully you anymore and you are a fighter - you've proven that by getting through the cancer fight. And you're worth it!

xoxoxo
Janis

linn65 · 07-18-2013, 11:07 AM

Janis,

It has been 5 years since the divorce, so I don't think I can get anything now. The only thing I did do if he sold the house than I get 1/2 the equity. But he isn't going to sell it he is adding on and making it bigger. I wish I could go back and make him sell the house now too, but I can't do that either. Before he had a GF which is this last year if I wanted I could stop by the house if Alexander was there anytime, but I can't now.

I take 75 mg of ventaflaxin which I think is effexor for the hot flashes, but it is a anti-depressant. I did take Lexapro which helped I thought however it isn't good to take with Tamox because it can make it work less effectively.

jaykay · 07-18-2013, 02:41 PM

Hi - wasn't aware of the interaction with Tamoxifen. I'm on an AI myself. Was on tamoxifen from 2000-2005 and didn't need the anti-depressant back then, lol!

I'd still talk to an attorney. What do you have to lose?

starwishn2 · 07-18-2013, 03:50 PM

Dear Linn~
I'm late on this post.. sorry. I have had the "pleasure?" of a divorce after 25 years. Dealing with an ex and the kids along with everything cancer throws at you is not easy. You are doing amazing! Don't think you haven't done enough - there is only so much you can do. Your picture is awesome - you're a beautiful woman. My husband decided at 22 years to start "dating". There are so many emotions that ride with that and then you get thrown this curve ball. And, YES, check with an attorney. My ex and I had businesses together and he took all the money and ran. I found out later I actually could have filed against him on the divorce decree up to 7 years post divorce. All states are different but you should check that out (my 2 cents worth).

And conventions... I would like to do that as well. How do we find out about these??
Jeri