Update

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Andi honey, You know I am praying for you, from Boca Fl to IOWA. I too am glad you are not in pain, and I am doing my best to call a miracle to you. We all are. Your post is remarkable. Your courage and strength, your grace and loving Spirit are self-evident to us all. I stand with you in your fight to never give up but to be free of the awful side effects while doing so. A stoic decision, and beautiful message sharing your situation w/all of us. It will remain indelibly engraved in my heart and mind. You can be a miracle. I will never stop believing that. May all our prayers be heard in your name (which is mine), so I feel extra bonded with you, my Soul Sister, my fellow warrior. Please GOD send Andi in Iowa healing NOW!!!! I send you my love and continued prayers. Please stay in touch, Andi. We all want to hear from you. Big hugs, ANDI (BB)

[Kim in CA]

Dear Andi,

Just sending my prayers your way. I am truly humbled by your courageous spirtit and sharing with us such a difficult decision. My dear Mom has a favorite saying that she uses alot when things don't go like we wanted. It is simply, "We're not in control" . Despite our grandest efforts, we sometimes just have to give it up to God. I wil continue to pray for a miracle, and that you remain pain free.

I will pray for your sister and family too. I know it is hardest for those left behind... I have grieved more over the sudden and tragic deaths of my baby brother at age 2, and then years later my father at age 51, than I thought a person could grieve. None of us want our loved ones to feel that kind of pain. You seem to be at peace with your decision and I know that should be of some comfort to your loved ones.

Thank you for being so open with all of us,

Love Kim in Ca

[vickie h]

Dearest Andi, May God hold you gently in his arms and breathe the breath of life into your soul and spirit. There is alot of praying for you out here in California, we will all be together someday, through the next lovingly opened door. Miracles happen every second.......Love and wamr hugs to you and your family, Vickie

[IRENE FROM TAMPA]

Words can not express what I am feeling right now for you, but I am so happy that you are at peace with this.

I see that you are a gardener - so am I. I love being outside - one with nature.
That is a time for me when I feel the closes to God and everything beautiful.

I will pray that something will come your way and you will have that miracle.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Andi, You are a hero in all our eyes. Your grace is something that should be reported on the news, it is that extraordinary. I read your last post and came across the beginning of one sentence that struck me hard. You wrote something like "I know the time I have left is short". Sweet Andi with the Spirit of a saint -- when you KNOW something, the outcome follows. It is a self-prophesizing act. Just giving you a heads up, since I am still praying for a miracle to go from the Heavens to you in Iowa and I want you to be receptive to it. I thank God you are feeling no pain, have peace and are no doubt surrounded by love (family and friends). In addition, you have the passionate prayers of all of us on this board. We are on the sidelines cheering you along, sending messages full of love and healing. Remember us, as we will never forget you and your sweetness in keeping us informed. We all care deeply. We all want to see you miraculously rally. Keep talking to your body loud and clear. Try KNOWING that many are working on sending you a miracle, to your door.

I just want to add a short story about my beloved friend Sue. She had a rare stomach ca, multiple mets, multiple surg, much chemo. She couldn't take it anymore. No chemo was working. Bld transfusns and much suffering. She was the dearest, kindest, wisest, strongest, bravest, most loving human being I've ever known. We would write love letters to ea other. She was more than sister, more than a mother to me. We adored ea other. I was heartbrkn when she decided to stop all treatment. You know me, I begged and pleaded, coached and prodded, but then backed away and respected her right to do w/her life as she chose. She kept on living for many yrs. She kept saying to me, Why am I still here? I want to go. There must be some reason why God is keeping me here. She'd moved frm Boca back to Conn. Her unmarried fifty yr old dghtr became nearly crippled w/Croyn's (?sp). Sue and her incredible, devoted husb Al tk care of Jen for well over a yr, got her back to health. They grew even closer, as Sue would sit by Jen's bedside and they would chat. Still more yrs Sue stayed w/us. Wanting to go but somehow KNOWING she was meant to stay for a while longer. She would be needed. When I got the call that she had passed on I was prepared but crumbled. I KNEW her Spirit still was, had passed on to the Spiritual Realm, and she no longer would have to fight and suffer, but I longed for comfort of her loving words. The point I want to make is, you never KNOW you have only a short time.

Richard Bloch of H&R Bloch was dx w/4th stage terminal lung ca. Given 3 mnths to live tops. Put yr affairs in order. Other oncs concurred. He decided to live anyway. He fnd an onc who put him on very aggressive chemo and he lived for over 20 yrs. He has written a bk about his exper promoting THE WILL to live and the power of your thoughts, meditation to calm and soothe and connect, the love of his wife and his inner KNOWING that he would prove those docs wrong.

Trying my best to give you positive ideas to ponder and maybe even adopt. Be alert to what you KNOW. Use it to your advantage. Stay open to the answer to all our prayers for you and a remarkable miracle to call your own. (Then you can write your own bk)! With much love, ANDI (from Boca)

[Belinda]

Andi I am so sorry to hear the turn your health and your prognosis is taking. With everyone else here I will keep you close in my thoughts and send healing vibes your way. I hope you can keep your spirits high. This disease is not fair.


Hugs and warmest wishes - Belindaxxx

[Catherine]

Andi,

I am praying for you as I type. This site is so wonderful to all of us. Thank you for being so brave and sharing the good and the not so good with us. Big hugs to you and your family. I too am praying for a miracle and praying for peace in many ways.

Love to you and your family, Catherine

[lexigirl]

Andi,

Just wanting to let you know that you are in my prayers.

Lexi

[Emmay]

Dear Andi,
Your strong and graceful spirit lights up and reaches so many people through this board, and we are all sending positive prayers to you, from so many directions... this one from Boston. God Bless You and more power to you.
Emmay

[newgg]

It takes courage....raw courage to make such decisions. May prayers and for you and your family as you continue this journey. Just know that you can feel all the love coming your way. Some one asked about hospice and if you have contacted them. You will be amazed at all they can do for you and your loved ones. We all share so much to help each other...come back when ever you wish to feel the Warrior Woman power we are sending your way. Yes, it is in HIS hands and control it there. BUT still praying that a new chemical is right around the corner just for you.
Big Warm HUGS, Bonnie

[Vanessa]

My heart is breaking to hear of your news. I will continue to pray for a miracle. You are truly an amazing women. I will also be praying for your family and your sister-in-law.

[pattyz]

oh Andi...

A very hard decision to make. I know there are other chemos and combos out there for you, but the question as to quality of life and potential for success are foremost.

My sincerest hope: that whatever your remaining time is, you are surrounded by loving support and find much joy in the moments of each day.

With love and warmest hugs,
pattyz

[R.B.]

Andi

How bravely and with what dignity you are plotting your path.

I have thought quite hard as to whether to repost these links here, and decided I would regret it if I did not in case you were not aware of them.

Thank you for sharing with us. It says a great deal about your views on Joe's board and the community that uses it.

I hope you find the light whatever your path.

RB




Re n3 Lipid infusions. QOL, cachexia, etc

http://www.her2support.org/vbulletin...ught+provoking
http://www.jimmunol.org/cgi/content/full/171/9/4837
http://www.joplink.net/prev/200603/200603_17.pdf

[mamacze]

Dear Angel,
This is such a difficult time for you...How can it be that you were diagnosed in '05 and already you have run out of treatment options? Is it not enough that you are facing your own mortality head on; but that your sister, too, is struggling with similar thorns?
This crossroad for you must be excrutiating; it came on too fast...your were caught up in the throws of battle and it seems as if you ran out of ammunition...too soon! Instead of resting in the hopes and dreams that you had for your future with your children and grandchildren, you are forced to deal with a struggling and weakened body and the grief of friends and family that surround you. How are you maintaining, Andi? Is the added oxygen enough for you? Are you able to control the incessant coughing? Can you control it long enough to communicate?
Dear God, please hold Andi in the palm of your hand...comfort her, keep her pain free and fill her with peace. Stay close to her children and grandchildren; fill them with peace and help them to stay strong and loving for their mama.
Thank you Andi, for giving us the privilige of knowing you just a bit, and learning from your loving words. Stay with us if you can.
Love Kim from CT

[SoCalGal]

Andi,
I remember when I read your message to me on Joy's thread, and wrote back asking what treatment you were on - I thought you had just not yet updated your current regime. I feel clumsy for asking, and of course, I did not realize that you stopped treatment. I respect and support your decision.

I am crying as I type this - I don't know you but you are me, and we are every woman with cancer. Although you said you were at peace, I can only imagine the sadness you are feeling. Life is so brief and in the end, it all boils down to love. The fact that you mention your family and ask for prayers for them says that you are surrounded by love. I will specifically pray for your family and also for you, to be able to remain present in each day - whatever it brings to you.
I wish you peace, strength and blessings. ~Flori

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

KIM and FLORI have summed up what I am carrying w/me since the day we learned of your situation. All Kim's questions plague me. Her consternation clutch at me. But mostly her stated prayer for you and your family are filled w/the precise words that fill my heart and mind. Yes, I pray for a mirace to be sent to you in Iowa, not to confuse the Universe, for right now YOU are the Andi we all pray to help. I make my prayer clear and passionately several times a day.

I am hoping too of course that the oxygen is doing more than sustain you. I hope you can go to R.B.'s post. I checked out the site's he offers as -- something to hold on to and to seriously consider trying. I know you must be weak and not want to budge -- but as R.B. said it was a carefully considered choice to offer these old posts to you at this time. How could we live with ourselves if we each didn't offer all we possibly could to help you create a miracle, to assist you in becoming a miracle -- for all of us to behold, along with beloved family. Our prayers are for you and for them. And, admittedly, we each would be buoyed by witnessing a miracle. The loving energy of every one of us is out in the ethers and pointed at YOU. May you feel all that love, and may you find an answer even the brightest of doctors hasn't thought of. It wouldn't be the first time I heard of such a thing.

Parents of a young child who was dying of a rare illness went from doctor to test to doctor to test. Then they googled and googled and found a little know answer that turned out to save their child's life!

Please click on R.B.'s sites and then GOOGLE away -- you, or your family. For me, my Paul did all the goggling, as I focused all my energy on absorbing all the love and prayers that went sent to me and in my name. I concentrated on healing and informing my body it better get going, in no uncertain terms. I feel sure you are doing the same. Check out R.B.'s sites listed in the above post and let your family google and get you back on track. Please God -- stay w/ANDI in Iowa! Guide her Spirit. Carry our love and prayers to her. We have all come to know this woman of grace and courage and we are all touched profoundly by her struggle. As someone above this post said, ANDI -- YOU ARE ME AND WE ARE EVERY WOMAN WITH CANCER. We stand by your side, even from thousands of miles away. With my love and prayers, ANDI (BB)

[Believe51]

Thinking of you and sending our loving prayers!!>>Waiting For A Miracle>>Believe51..(Marie G)

[Andi]

RB - are there any supplements that would provide the right amount of omega 3's? I don't each a lot and not everything sounds good to me. I you could condense your links for me and make some suggestions in lay terms, I would appreciate it as my concentration is shortened because I tire so easily.

Andrea - nice picture.

[SoCalGal]

Hi Andi,

I take Pro Omega - high concentration, Pharmaceutical grade, molecularly distilled omega 3 fish oil.

I take (2) per day among a bunch of other pills - have been on a dairy free, gluten free diet and also on many supplements and acupuncture program for about 4 weeks under an MD at UCLA.

Most of my pills are from Douglas Laboratories. www.douglaslabs.com

The Pro Omega happens to be from Nordic Naturals. www.nordicnaturals.com

I buy it all at the Campus Pharmacy - I don't see the exact bottle I buy on their website. The stuff is pricey - $59.95 for a bottle of 120. Worth mentioning is that I have a horrible stomach and NONE of these bother me - a miracle in itself. Infact, my gastro probs are all but gone since beginning this regime. (Not counting the side effects of ty/xe which is improved).

If you need me to send you anything just say the word. Good to see you posting. With prayers and some of my strength your way, Flori

[SoCalGal]

PS ANDI

I tried to email you with my phone number - the mail was bounced back. If you need me to buy you anything and overnight it - send me an email: flori@adelphia.net
and I will reply with my phone number and do whatever you need.