Sad about mastectomy..

Emelie · 03-27-2007, 07:07 AM

I just wanted to hear from someone who has actually had a mastectomy and if they felt sad too. The medical staff keep telling me this is the easiest part of the treatment. I am going in for surgery on Thurs. and I am feeling so sad all of a sudden. I know it has to go, but I am so scared of how I will look and feel afterward. Any thoughts, comments or suggestions are appreciated from you wonderful survivors.
Emelie

Sheila · 03-27-2007, 07:17 AM

Emelie

It is common to feel sad...you are losing a body part, with fear of losing femininity. I believe most of us have had those feelings. It has been 5 years since I had mine. But on the other side, I felt that although I was "losing" part of myself, it was diseased, and I didn't want it there to ruin the rest of my body. So while you are losing a part of yourself, you are gaining your health and your life in return. Depression and a sense of loss is very natural at this point....but the outcome you will have is much more important than the loss. Breasts don't make us women, its what is underneath in your heart that makes you an attractive person. Plus there are many alternatives, reconstruction can make you feel and look whole again. It is a personal decision. I hope you will try to look beyond the loss, you are still a woman, with or without breasts. I remember a point where I would get so irritated when I heard comments about women's breasts, I felt degraded as I no longer had both. But that has faded and a new life begins...without the cancer. Hope this helps...we have all been there.

Mary Anne in TX · 03-27-2007, 07:59 AM

Hi Emelie!

It is a sad occasion any way you look at it! I tried everything I could to talk my surgeon into just doing a lumpectomy, even at the last minute when the anesthesiologist(sp) was getting ready to send me "night-night"! Even though I knew there was no chance (cancer too many places and in the nipple), I gave it my best so that I wouldn't be questioning my decision later. But the surgery went well, little or no pain, and I got clean margins. Most of all, I was so very grateful for being alive. The first three months after surgery, I felt like I was always doing the cover-up act, not wanting people to see me. But as time went on, I have learned to wear my prosthesis and clothes that make me feel "pretty" again. I'm still sad about having to go thru it all, but much, much happier that I did it and have a shot at more life! Take time to be sad and grieve. Then as you can, get back up and go again. You are still all you, with or without that breast. Even cancer can't take that "special who we are" out of us! Best wishes for a smooth ride on Thursday and the days ahead. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you! Life will still deliver some magnificent opportunities for you. mary anne

suzan w · 03-27-2007, 08:07 AM

I experienced a great deal of sadness, from the moment I received the first call that my mammogram was suspicious. My emotions were, and sometimes still are, on such a roller coaster! I am so thankful that my treatment is going well and that brings me great joy. Then I think how weird to get great joy from such a devastating event! I have absolutely no regrets that I had a bilateral mastectomy... with no reconstruction. It still feels like a powerful decision to have chosen agressive treatment. I also think that the sadness comes from the loss of innocence that a cancer diagnosis brings. I used to think that cancer might be about the worst news I could get yet, it has given me a fierce drive to make every day the best that it can be.

Audrey · 03-27-2007, 11:31 AM

You're not alone in your feelings of sadness about the mastectomy...It's been almost six years since mine (and three years since I had the remaining breast removed as a precaution) and while I understood that it needed to be done, it's definitely a loss. I don't look the same or feel the same--I'm not the same at all since my cancer and in many ways I've changed for the better (more compassionate, closer to God, etc) but I will always bear these scars... I remember my someone asking my mother-in-law how I was doing these days and she replied, "Audrey's doing so GREAT, it's like it never even happened!" --I just shook my head, she'll never understand how much I've changed and how my mastectomy (even with reconstruction) is always a daily reminder...Hope I didn't just make you feel sadder! I'm actually very grateful to be alive, don't get me wrong, but there is always a bit of sadness with me, too, like I'll never feel carefree again.

Emelie · 03-27-2007, 01:40 PM

Thank you all for taking the time to share your experiences and emotions with me. As always, your words of wisdom and encourgement help sooo much. I too, share the joy of knowing that this step will hopefully allow me a long, full life ahead, but I also think you are all right when you say that cancer has changed you. I also have to agree with Susan, that I totally feel a "loss of innocence" since my dx. Thank you again ladies, and I'll be checking in after surgery.

Malena · 03-27-2007, 01:41 PM

You reaction is normal, dear Emelie! I was 35 when I had the mastectomy. At a first time the idea terrify me, but I was thinking a lot about the idea of femminility and about my body: at the end I was sure that I was not going to loose my appeal! I was going to fight for my life!
Two months ago I had the reconstruction and now I'm very happy. Ok, my breast has a lot of scars, but I feel good!

Belinda · 03-27-2007, 02:12 PM

Emelie - I've had both breasts off since Xmas, and feel mixtures of sadness and relief. I felt sad the last time I saw each one of them, then when I woke up in hospital, the sadness was there but also huge relief when the surgeon visited and reassured me he'd 'got it all' (first one) or 'couldn't see much of interest' (second one). It's normal to feel grief, but look forward as well to a sense of moving forward as well. And good luck - I didn't find either or my surgeries too hard on a physical level. In fact, I was grateful for the sleep, albeit anaesthetically-induced!Bx

cafe1084 · 03-27-2007, 05:25 PM

Emelie
You know, I was, I thought, fine with my mastectomy decision until the morning of. My sis, mom, and a friend all piled into the car with me and I drove, crying all the way. I remember feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders that morning. My car full of people seemed so carefree about the whole day, or maybe it was just me feeling overwhelmed. They felt the decision was a no-brainer. Then again, it wasn't their breasts being taken. I knew it to be the right decision to hopefully save my life, but for someone who never gave much thought about her breasts, I surely do miss them. Because of the tumor location, I had barely enough skin to sew back together and the left becomes very irritated and sore, rubbing across my top ribs. I have a hard time feeling feminine with the hair loss to go along with the breast loss and finding attractive shirts is difficult, but the upside is, when you are healed and you put on "the girls" and your wig for the first time together, you feel really good about yourself. Life is never the same after this diagnosis, but everyone on the planet has a burden to bear. I try to believe I escaped with a very tolerable burden.

Mary Jo · 03-27-2007, 05:49 PM

I agree with Audrey. Cancer - mastectomy scars - it's all ours forever. I also ditto what she said about how it changes you for the better also. It really does but no one but someone who has been where we've been will ever understand the sadness, uncertainties, vulnerablity and fear we face on a regular basis also.

Your feelings are all very normal. You'll get through this too. Prayers and love I send.

Mary Jo

caya · 03-27-2007, 07:54 PM

Emelie,

I can honestly say I never felt a sense of real loss - for me it was get this off and get rid of the cancer - Because mine was found during a breast reduction, for me it was more of - too bad I have to cut the breast off, now that it finally looks and feels so nice ... Both the breast surgeon and the oncologist tried to see if they could save my breast - but I asked the surgeon - if I was your wife, what would you do? - he looked me straight in the eye and said - it would be coming off - so I just said - well, that's it for me -
Like Mary Anne, I got a great prosthesis, and have started to wear pretty clothes again ( my mastectomy was recent - Dec. 18,2006). I am having the BRCA testing, and may take the other one off even it's negative - the mammogram and breast ultrasound I had 3 months before my reduction surgery missed the cancer - so I am worried about the "good" side - even though now I have MRIs...

All the best
Caya