Is anyone ever afraid to make plans?

[KellyA]

Is anyone ever afraid to make plans for the future, because your worried about recurrance? I seem to be having a lot of difficulty A). feeling motivated to do things and B). taking new risks because of the fear of cancer returning.

I work a very easy part-time job right now, and it has been nice. I have just been offered a chance at a new job that is full time and a little more demanding, but a wonderful find because it is at my children's school, is alot more money, and is just generally a big step up. Before cancer, I would have jumped on it in a second. Now all I can think about is, "would I be able to work this job if cancer came back? Will I feel the same bond that I felt with my current co-workers?" I know (because I have done it now) that I could work the current job if I needed more treatment. I feel "safe" in the current job. The new one seems very scary and I feel so insecure. I know that I have to go on, and live life to the fullest, but I am not that far out from dx, and still feel so unstable.

I notice that I feel this way really about so many things- just change in general, actually. Whether its about looking for a larger home (which we desperately need), making new friends, anything really. I've always been a creature of habit, but it's much worse now.

Is anyone else ever afraid to dream, make decisions, etc. because of what the future may hold?

Love, Kelly