Tough times

[CarolineC]

Hello Everyone,

Well, it's been an interesting time with the chemo; after the first treatment on Jan. 12 I could feel the effects almost right away. At almost the week mark, though, I felt half-decent and went for bloodwork, to a support group meeting, out for lunch and to our local Safeway and Walmart. I felt like I was going to Europe because I hadn't been out of the house for 6 days. Within an hour of lunch I felt like I had the stomach flu. The next morning, Thurs the 19th, I had a call from oncology telling me to come in for a neupogen shot because my counts were so low. When I went in I told them I was feeling really crappy and showed the onc a rash that had broken out on my stomach and back. He didn't say much, so I went home and lay on the couch for the rest of the afternoon.

The next morning my son went off to school and one of my daughters was home for a few days, but went skiing. I dragged myself from my bed to the livingroom chair; I was weak, abit confused, and cold. I'm always cold, though. I was just cold-er. I remember phoning the pharmacist at the hospital (where onc is) and asking her about the rash and telling her I didn't feel well. She told me to phone onc. but I thought "I told them I wasn't feeling well yesterday, I'm not phoning" and fell asleep. Then the onc nurse phoned me because the pharmacist had phoned her. She had me take my temp and it was 39. Off to the ER where my bp was 91/46 and I was admitted for 3 days and put on reverse isolation. I figure I caught the flu or ate something (at a salad bar) when my immune system was non-existent and I became severely dehydrated. The doctors said it was a UTI and treated me for that. When I was younger I would get those infections mainly because I was so dehydrated. Anyway, after that fiasco you can imagine I was so looking forward to the next treatment. In all of my first 8 treatments I never landed in the hospital. However, I had been so sick before I was diagnosed and the H1N1 was floating around that I was really vigilent about being careful.

The second treatment was last Wed. and my dosage was cut back to 75% and I am on neupogen shots starting at day 3 for 4 days. The last 3 days have been spent laying on the couch and looking at the beautiful days outside. There is a fine line between wanting to knock the bad things out of my body but needing to take care of my immune system. Am I doing the right thing? Four more treatments. Then I torment myself about how many more days and I'm just wishing time away. Arghhhh!

I don't like feeling so down; I just want to be better and know that I'm doing the right thing by putting my body through 45 rads and 14 chemos in 2 1/2 years.

Thanks for listening (or reading). Time to veg on the couch again

Caroline