Recommend any good books

[Sherryg683]

I am trying to make the best to understand all of this that's going on, with my friend dying of cancer, my brother and several other people that I am dealing with that are terminal at the moment, I am just looking for some hope or answers, spritual, physical or something that I can "bite"into to help me get through this. 2-1/2 years ago, I was told I was terminal. By the grace of God, I am still here and currently NED, scans coming up have me very nervous. I would just like to come to a peace inside to where I will be able to deal with what happens, if the other shoe does drop. I've read "Why bad things happen to Good People" I have read "One minute after you die", I have read many books about spirtual contact with the passed. I seem to be obcessed to find out what's out there waiting, if I kick the bucket. I have ordered the book "dying well" but haven't read it. I've read "more than a carpenter" about jesus and the "truth about jesus". If any of you have had any book deeply affect the way you have delt with this journey, please share this with me. I have got to try and make some sense of all this. The though of telling my l0 year old daugher that mom might not be around to raise her has got me so afraid and searching. I've got to lve and I've go to find something, maybe some good books to help me through it. I don't know if it's just me but there's not many people around me that even want to talk about what I'm going through...I'm just suppose to be fine and cruising along....sherryg683

[dlaxague]

Hi Sherry,

You state the problem so well - such an important exploration and not one wants to go there! Our society is phobic about death and dying. We hide it and cover it, as if by denial, we can avoid the pain. I think that's it's actually the opposite that's true - we can lessen the pain and move closer to peace by exploration and openness. Other societies are much more open. This is not to say that the losses of death can be made easy - there's always going to be sadness and pain of loss. But there can also be richness and peace, if we open to the explorations.

I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for in books. Do you want Christian viewpoints or other more-generic ones? Like you, I used to feel the need to know more about what would happen, but somewhere along the line I began to trust that whatever it is that will be after leaving this body, it will be good. With that trust, I lost the need to know specifics.

There's a video/DVD that I like for its comfort in talking about death and dying. It's called "Facing Death" by Gangaji, who is an American woman with I think a Hindu background but her perspective is broad and helpful to those of any religious tradition. The DVD includes segments of monologue by Gangaji about death interspersed with conversations, one-on-one, with people from the audience. It's a place to start, and I think that you'll find that she has such a comforting presence that she is able to take much of the fear away from the discussion. Hmm, in looking for a link I'm amazed at how many videos she has. You'll have to scroll far down the page to the "Facing Death" one. And farther down yet there's one about Jesus, another surprise. http://www.gangaji.org/satsang/bookstore/compdoc.asp or tinurl: http://tinyurl.com/5rxd2j

Stephen Levine's books and videos are also good, although I find I can do only a chapter at a time - there's a lot in them. An easier read is Ram Dass' "Still Here", which is not so much about dying as about accepting and being. Both authors have vast experience working with those with life-threatening illness and their tone is comforting and full of peace.

We are all dying and the time to prepare is right now. In looking at death and beginning some of the letting go that paves the way for a more peaceful death - what we are really doing is freeing ourselves to live more fully right now, while we are alive.

I especially relate to your comments about your daughter. So wonderful, and so hard, to be parent. I hope that you'll be able to come to a knowing that your precious one will be fine, whether you spend many more years together or not. Your courage to do this exploration will bring peace not just to you, but to everyone around you including your daughter.

Love,
Debbie Laxague

[Mary Jo]

Hi Sherry,

I posted a long post to G.Ann when she asked for "words of wisdom." I think I also combined your post with hers (in my mind.) Many of the things I said in my post to her could apply to your post as well.

The book I would recommend to you would be the Greatest Book ever written.......The Holy Bible. It has comforted me greatly. Many specific versus "speak to me and and our God can be trusted. So learning to trust in Him and His word can bring us peace, comfort and joy.

Some of the versus that bring me great comfort are:

"For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and were called according to His purpose" Romans 8:28

"All the days ordained for me were written in your Book before even one came to pass" Psalm 139:16

"Let us then approach the throne of Grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our times of need." Hebrews 4:16

"..and the God of all grace who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1Peter 5:10

"For God so loved the world that He gave His One and Only Son (Jesus) that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have Eternal life" John 3:16

Sherry, I ask God to help you through your difficult time and pray that His word would speak to your heart. I've also read many "spiritual" books and love them but none is as accurate or speaks to my heart like God's Word does in the Bible. Afterall, those our His words..His promises and He can be trusted to keep His promises.

Sending you love and hugs,

Mary Jo

[MJo]

Sherry -- I can't figure it out either. In my support group -- a Living well in recovery group!! -- one person has recurred, one has a new primary cancer and three are coping with relatives who are stage IV. Frankly, last night I said "I hope this isn't contagious, because I don't want any troubles." Insensitive, maybe. But either I speak up or leave the group. I don't know why the creator piles it on sometimes. I ask him/her, but get no explanation. I remind myself to be grateful for every day.

[Sheila]

Sherry
I just finshed the 5 people you meet in heaven...I truly enjoyed it....I also liked Embraced by the light.....but then again I just watched the Bucket List...and it speaks volumes!

[basset girl]

Sherry, I know how you feel. There are times when all I can think about is what happens if my daughter has to grow up without a mother. The fear of it all is sometimes so overwhelming. Mary Jo thank you so much for your words of wisdom! You are right, reading God's word gives me so much encouragement. He tells us to give all of our worry and fear to him. He wants us to live each day in peace and joy knowing he is taking care of us. The more I stay in the Bible the more at peace I become. Another book that has helped me is by Joyce Meyer (Joyce Meyer Ministries) titled "Be Anxious for Nothing". Dr. Charles Stanley from In Touch Ministries also has a wonderful CD called "After Death What Then?". He is a wonderful preacher and writer. I hope this helps.

[Sherryg683]

Thank you all. Debbie you have hit the nail right on the head for me. What I am trying to do is find a peace to where I can fully live right now. I am so tired of these death thoughts ruining my day and getting me depressed. There is absolutely nothing I can do about when or how I die. I will be out having a good time and then the thought pops up again. I seem to be having a very difficult time ignoring that big pink elephant in the middle of the room. It seems to get worse around scan time, understandably but it's always there. I have made a list of the above books, and of course the Bible is the best source of all. I just sometimes wish God would part the skies and tell us it's going to be OK. I guess when the time comes he will...sherryg683

[G. Ann]

Hi Sherry,
I've not been dx'd with your stage so I hesitate to offer any comments. I don't think there is a single book that fits perfectly except the Bible. Having a few uplifting verses when you really need them might be helpful.

When I was first diagnosed four years ago, and my inclination is to expect the worst so I'm somewhat prepared, I decided to keep a small booklet of verses, messages, bible verses, etc. that I collected and wrote out, that picked my spirit up. I didn't want to go searching in a book somewhere, for that special thought or words of consolation, when I was feeling overwhelmed. I also thought if things did not turn out as I hoped, it might be a nice momento to leave to my adult daughter.

One book that I grabbed onto with gusto when I was first dx'd, was "There's No Place Like Hope," A Guide to Beating Cancer in Mind-Sized Pieces--by Vickie Girard. I think she was dx'd in 1989 with breast cancer and had recurrence in 1992 of Stage IV. The book was written in 2003 but it doesn't state her condition now. She did go to Cancer Treatment Center and has given talks for American Cancer Society.

There was one part at the end talking about "going on a picnic on a cloudy day." You can still plan the day, make food, pack the car, even though there's a chance of rain and take rain gear just in case. Or stay home and let the mere possibility of rain rob you of the day.

So easy to say but very difficult to do. I do believe most people have all they need right within you if we only stop and listen. In the scary times though, keep sharing and seeking. My recent scare put me in a tailspin and all my positive thoughts were out the window. The great responses to my post picked me back up again. You are in my prayers.

[Mary Jo]

Hi Sherry,

I thought of another book that really helped me A LOT. I read it through like 4 times. It is called "Grace For Each Hour" by Mary J. Nelson.

Mary Jo

[mts]

Hi Sherry-

If you are looking for a spiritual book about the self rather than the spiritual path of others, take a peek at this link (at the end of my thread). I know, I know... so Oprah recommended it... So what.
Actually, I know a scientific researcher that specializes in research for breast cancer treatments using Herceptin as a carrier for tumor targeting and cell membrane transport of nanoparticles for nuclear imaging... - my point is that even brilliant people have difficult issues.
I think many of us get stuck in the what ifs and what the future holds instead of focusing on the present. We think too much without talking to ourselves. We are great at giving advice but don't listen to ourselves.
Anyway, the brilliant scientist had both her breasts removed because she did not want to go through life wondering if they were going to eventually "Do her in", despite her very good health and NO CANCER risk !
She recommended the book to me.
There are as many books as there are experiences garnered from them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eckhart_Tolle

Warmly,
Maria

[Bill]

Hi Sherry! I'm sorry if this one has already been mentioned, but I think there is one called "On death and dying" by Kubler-Ross. I'm sorry, I'm relying on old memories here. you are in my prayers and thoughts, and The Bible is the Ultimate source of comfort and wisdom. Throughout my Life, however, I have found comfort in one of the major tenets of Buddhism. "Wants and needs are the root of all human suffering"

[Jackie07]

Hi Sherry,

By now you should have gotten plenty of titles to choose from. As a former reference librarian, I was tempted to look up more books for you. Then I thought about my own experience and realized the key is not just in the books.

I was baptized at age 19, while a Freshman in college. Although I had attended church since childhood off and on, it was the culture shock in the big city and entering adulthood finally got me to "find my religion".

Because I believe, I know there is a purpose for everything that happens to me. And that's why instead of being upset and panicking, I was actually feeling relieved when I was diagnosed with a brain tumor at age 30. I felt God had led me to the United States, settled in this particular town in the particular year, just so that my life-long tumor could be removed by one of the best neurosurgeons (a Johns Hopkins trained Chinese American) in the country. He got married right after I was discharged from the hospital and then he moved away with his new bride a year later. (He had come to our town only because of a heart-breaking divorce)

Each of my next 3 major surgeries (a Gamma-knife on brain and two breast cancer surgeries) also happened in a peculier manner especially on the timing. I knew since the first diagnosis of breast cancer that it's all in the genes. The gene defect caused me to prone to have cancer. But I know that had I not had a 'religion', I would not have handled all my illnesses with such confidence. Not a confidence that I will survive (every living being is 'terminal'), but a confidence that there's a purpose to all the 'happenings'.

One of my favorite books is the collection of short stories by Leo Tolstoy. A particular one entitled 'love', which is my favorite, answers a lot of the questions we are asking here. It concluded that man 'live' by love. Because of 'love', orphans and widows are taken care of. And true love is from God, which will never perish.

That reminds me of a movie called "The Princess bride". I think everybody ought to have a copy at home.

[R.B.]

I've got to lve

Sherryg683

Sounds to me like you a being very brave and dignified.

Somebody said to me be kind to yourself - seemed like good advice - taking it is something else.

This may not be the most exciting reading but may help improve the odds against recurrence.

http://her2support.org/vbulletin/sho...ght=greek+diet

[Pam P]

"Kitchen Table Wisdom " by Rachel Naomi Remen is a book I just finished that I found very helpful. Short writings so easy to just read a few pages. Lots of insights to ponder

"Forever Ours" by Janis Amatuzio. She's a pathologist/coronor in my area. I've heard her speak twice - she's very powerful.

"Dancing in Limbo" by Glenna Halverson-Boyd

These are 3 I can think of right now that have been helpful to mr. I'm also writing down others suggested on this thread.

Sherry, just reading this thread has been a comfort to me this night. I truly have the same thoughts, feelings, questions as you expressed and would like to be able to talk openly about them.

I recall a verse in Jeremiah that give me comfort: "For I kno
w the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and inot for evul, To give you a future and a hope." (I hope I wrote that correctly)

Pam

[harrie]

I am reading Eat, Pray, Love right now. It's good!

Grace and Grit is also good.

A New Earth by Eckhardt Tolle

All books I really liked.

[Joan M]

Sherry,

I can relate. Just last night I was telling my brother that I just have to learn to live with my new condition of advanced cancer. Not that it's easy for anybody to do.

Bill cites a classic by Kubler-Ross. I can recommend The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra, which deals with living our lives the best we can because we're still here, learning to accept what is, and letting go. Then there's Jack Kornfield's A Path with Heart. I haven't read it in a long time, but it's also deals with acceptance and living in the moment.

Joan

[harrie]

Joan, I recently picked up Jack Kornfield's book, The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace.

An exerpt:
Embracing both joy and sorrow,
our heart can remain
tender and wise.

~ We can walk through the darkest night with the radiant conviction that all things work together for the good.
....Martin Luther King Jr.

[Joan M]

Hi Maryanne,

An ancient Buddhist meditation from his book:

May I be filled with loving kindess.
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.

It's a very nice mantra.

[harrie]

Joan, very nice.
I can see how you can direct it out towards others, such as...

Joan, may you be filled with loving kindness,
May you be well,
May you be peaceful and at ease,
May you be happy....

Duga, may you be filled with loving kindness,
May you be well,
May you peaceful and at ease,
May you be happy....

I really like that mantra. Thanks for letting me know about it.
Maryanne

[fitztwins]

I have read a ton about the subject.

But what has given me comfort is the 2 books by Allison DuBios. The lady that Medium is based on?

One is "Don't Kiss them Goodbye" and "We are their Heaven".

I guess actually reading accounts that death is not the end, even though I am a christian, I found very comforting.