THIS IS MY NOW time...!!!!!!!!!!

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

THIS IS MY NOW time. I am not living on borrowed time. Against all odds, defying the statistics and the thoughts and images in my head -- I am still here.

How? With: The help of my wise and wonderful docs and nurses. Surgery. Chemo. Herceptin. Many supplements taken faithfully and daily since '98. Talking directly to my body and instructing it to specifically, "HEAL! STAY HEALTHY AND WELL. Making my INTENTION and my EXPECTATION clear to both my body and the Universe. Looking up, smiling and saying, THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE, with every single day, several times a day! Using daily meditation and vivid guided imagery (seeing myself far, far into the future, surrounded by the love of family and friends and envisioning myself glowing with joy and serenity). Consciously guided by my Spirit and supported by the Universe itself (in response to the energy I purposely emit throughout each day)...!!!!!!!!

Yes, each is a part of my complex recipe for surviving and thriving.

You can read my story below. Despite 4th stage initially and again 3 years later, despite the necessary losses that came with getting to where I find myself -- I managed to alter what certainly felt like predetermination.

AFTER 10 YEARS OF HERCEPTIN, I HAVE BEEN OFF OF HERCEPTIN SINCE JULY OF '08. I just had comprehensive blood work done and chest/abdomen/pelvic CT scans. I AM STABLE. STILL STABLE. NED. No evidence of disease.

I feel grand. Blessed. So blissful about the path the horrid diagnosis took me on. To a long stirring spirituality I can now affirm with all my heart. I found the most important part of who I truly am.

I AM A SOUL. WITH A MIND AND A BODY. Full of love, compassion, awe, gratitude, forgiveness and almost unwavering positivity. I have my moments. I am human after all. But still, I KNOW that every one of us is connected. A radiant and sacred Spirit, full of eons of wisdom we need to find a way to -- remember.

Once we stop listening to the voice in our heads and begin aligning ourselves with our Inner Voice -- we find grace and ebullience and peace.

This is what I wish you all, my Sisters. I thank each of your loving caregivers for all they do. They keep us buoyed and afloat.

Love and Light, Healing and Wellness,

Andi

[Shobha]

Great to hear from you and with such a wonderful uplifting post! Wishing you continued success - it does bring hope to all of us.

[KristinSchwick]

Andi- that is soooooo wonderful to hear from you- someone who has done so well. How is your quality of life now? Any pain?
Thanks for sharing!

[Pmoore]

Hoping to get there one day,you are an inspiration!

[Mandamoo]

Thank you Andi - I love your inspiring posts. It could happen for any of us. While I do wish I never had this disease I am grateful for what I am learninag about me, for learning to find my truth, my real soul. For that I am grateful.
Xxx

[ElaineM]

Very beautifully said and written. You are right.
Good medical treatment and advances in medical science are important, but surviving and thriving involves alot more than medical science, doctors, nurses, chemo, radiation and surgery.
It takes compassion and prayers from those around us.
It involves what we eat, do and think.
Having a positive, assertive attitude helps.
It involves spirituality and a connection to something greater than ourselves.
It involves a sense of thankfulness for life on earth.
Keep doing what you have been doing, because it is certainly working. I am so happy for you.

[Redwolf8812]

Thanks, Andi. You are so inspiring! God is good!

- Penny

[Mary Anne in TX]

Hi Andi girl! So good to hear your soaring spirit! ma

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

This thread is absolutely written to be inspiring. Not to brag. I appreciate all your comments more than you can know.

Yes, I have pain. In my arm, where in 1995 they removed 21 lymph nodes. That was how it was done back then. Felt like a turniquet was tied way too tightly around my arm, above the elbow. I used to swing my arm like a pendulum forward and backward to revive the blood circulation. I mean even in public, in a line, when I became particularly aware of that familiar pain. It got better. Took what I recall as a really really long time.

Now all day I am fine. When I lie down, propped on a multitude of pillows to watch TV and relax, that pain returns. I have a bolster I put my arm up on and wait for it to subside a bit. If I get up, it goes away. But I want to lie down.

I still have the IBS that came with the chemo. It is far better than it was, I'll give you that. And I've learned my many trigger foods and seriously steer clear of them. I am aware of where the nearest bathroom is at all times. I take zoloft for a number of reasons. Sanity being one. Also to counter the fear factor that comes with IBS. Accidents at home make my entire body quaver. I can't even let my mind...

I still have a small pericardial effusion that came with the Taxotere, which helped save my life as it left me barely able to lift my feet (I shuffled) and tripped a lot. I walked on all fours going up stairs. I could barely speak. Which is essential to my well-being. Chatterbox that I am. I whispered. It takes so much energy to talk I learned! But now I walk gingerly and feel no pain (even where I broke my right ankle in '01, in a pothole in NY) that required surgery as it was broken in several places. I had torn ligaments and tendons and was not allowed to bear weight on that foot for 3 months. Then came the rehab. The plate and pins and screws remain but I have no pain and no impairment. I soldiered through the rehab (which seriously hurt like he**), determined not only to walk without a limp but wear at the very least low heels.

The pleural effusion (fluid around my lungs) that came with the Taxotere slowly disappeared after ending that chemo.

The severely dry eyes that kept me clutching a tissue at all times, with tears dripping all day and people responding to me with extreme caring as they thought I was crying -- that remains but is far better. No more tissues required. Just Bausch & Lomb's Soothe drops at night, throughout the night.

Within my supplements are things that give me energy. And if I fail to take one -- I feel it! I take supplements for memory, which at age 67 is needed regardless of the chemo brain. And what I take really helps. I take supplements for the IBS. And they really help. I take supplements to keep my heart strong. And my cardiologist says I am good, as per my ECHOs to check on my effusion.

I take supplements to boost my immune system, to fight free radicals, to detox, blah, blah blah. I really believe in all of them.

Neuropathy from Taxotere is gone. Deep muscle pain is gone.

Tram flap reconstruction is good. As I've read, symmetry is highly over-rated. I am glad I can look normal. Well -- in clothing. With a bra. Otherwise I look a bit like I've been hacked, but you know, all my scars are badges of courage to me. Not reminders of the dysfunction that nearly killed me. Could the stomach cramping be from that? (I wasn't a candidate for implants. Too large a tumor. Couldn't save the skin.)

I never feel like a victim. I always felt lucky. My husband would ask dismayed, How can you say that?! Chrisopher Reeve fell off a horse the month before I was diagnosed. He was paralyzed and needed help breathing! I have always been able to walk and talk, feed and bathe myself. These were especially cherished gifts I sorely became aware of as I dealt with my Mother's 24/7 homecare when she developed Alzheimers. After 3 years, I had to put her in a nursing home, as one nurse couldn't lift her from the wheelchair to the bed. Ambulettes were needed for each doctor visit.

Yes, I feel lucky. Blessed. And genuinely grateful.

I pray that each of you meets NED, and comes through this journey smiling, despite it all.

Much love, as always,

Andi

[KDR]

Andi
When I spoke to you the other day, I willed that you would post...wishes do come true.
I LOVE YOU!
Karen

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I know you know -- the power of the energy of our thoughts is mighty. It colludes with the Universe to bring about our desires...

I LOVE YOU BACK...

Andi

[chrisy]

ABB - so glad to see your post and hear you are doing well. In fact, I have also been willing you to post - so you see, you didn't have a chance with Karen AND me on the case!

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I think about you so often, Chrisy. Big heart, radiant Spirit, beyond fun and funny. Always think of you with love. Always with wishes for your wellness.

I see, you too were sending out energy! I was MOVED to post... Hmmm...

I saw my onc today. In our discussion, he let the word slip. I was touting my supplements, as I handed him my longgggggg list. He said, Don't you think the chemo had something to do with your cure???

I immediately said, And my docs and nurses!!! I always give you credit! Which I do.

It was Paul (my DH) who pointed out, Did you use the C word?!

I stopped talking. A feat in and of itself. No one ever dared to use that word with me. With cancer. But I've known this marvelous man since '95. He let it slip.

Call it what you will. I am living in the suburbs of cancerland and elated. Free. This is my Now.

This can happen to everyone of YOU, my Sisters. Love you all...

Andi

[Sheila]

ANDI BB...so glad to,see your post....like a dear
friend stopped by for a visit.....so happy to know you are doing well...you are never far from my thoughts.....wish you would connect more often...always learn from your posts, and leave feeling so much more positive....you have that effect you know! Still waiting for your book.....and happyntomhear from you !!!

[dawny]

Thanks for posting Andi, you are so an inspiration to all of us!
Dawn

[KsGal]

Thank you so much for posting that. Reading posts like yours are what keeps me going when I feel down.

[fauxgypsy]

Andi, I haven't been here for a while. I logged on and there you were. All happy. Good to here from you!

[caya]

Thanks for checking in Andi - your post brings much joy and hope to all of us!

So glad you continue to do well.

all the best
caya

[Ceesun]

Andi, Count me in as one of those who is thrilled to hear from you as well. I feel a little bit like The Little Engine That Could when I read your posts...what a nice boost after my afternoon of Herceptin....aka Vitamin H! Although I still live in Michigan, I am an official Florida resident now!!! Just might find you one day! Ceesun

[Mel3]

I always love reading your posts, thank you for sharing!