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04-23-2015, 04:46 PM
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#1
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 52
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Frustrated
I am so angry about this damn disease I could just spit tacks. It's been 1.5 years of pain/fear/being positive/pretending it's nothing (with two young kids at home).
Today, I just want to be angry. Even my very loving and supportive husband just does not "get" that being in menopause sucks, taking hormones on top of that sucks even more. I could just throw the meds out the window and feel good again…. but it's not possible or I'd be basically holding a gun to my own head (as my oncologist reminds me).
I really appreciate all you women on here. I know that many of you have such unbelievably difficult struggles with this disease and I was lucky to find mine early. I'm just mad today. Just mad. And, I couldn't think of anyone else to talk to who would get it.
__________________
Kathryn Ellman
8/2013 Diagnosed age 42 with boys aged 2.5 and 6, Stage 11b, 1 cm her2+++, 30% ER positive, 5% PR positive, Rt Breast. Also DCIS in second spot of rt breast, high grade.
9/2013 Bilateral mastectomy, 3 nodes positive
10/13 Started AC/TH, Perjeta and Herceptin
1/14 Finished Chemo
3/14 Radiation, 5 weeks
4/14 Started Tamoxifen
6/14 Discontinued Tamoxifen due to extreme joint pain, exhaustion and depression
6/14 Started Exemestane and Zolodex shots to suppress ovaries
11/14 Finished Herceptin
11/14 Discontinued Exemestane due to similar side effects as Tamoxifen.
1/15 Reconstruction
3/15 CT Scan (routine) shows possible liver mets.
3/15 PET/CT scan shows no mets - huge sigh of relief
4/15 Began Letrozole. Knee and hip joint discomfort but minimal. Otherwise, knocking on wood - so far, so good!
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04-23-2015, 06:37 PM
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#2
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Stockton, NJ
Posts: 4,179
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Re: Frustrated
Oh do I get it. Although I am 56 now, I had my ovaries removed over 10 years ago to shut off the estrogen so I could go on Arimidex which was brand new then. So at 45 (only a bit older than you and 100% premenopausal), I truly, truly understand. But I will say it improves or maybe it improves because you just get used to it. But, in August I will be at 11 years with no recurrence. You can see my signature and I am very similar to you and I am still here. I have 3 daughters and have seen all 3 graduate from high school. 2 graduate from college (one to go) The oldest is 3 years married and another is getting married in September. So, to me all the crap and treatments and menopause is totally worth it and you will see that it will be worth it to you - scratchy vagina and all 
Huge hugs to you
__________________
Kind regards
Becky
Found lump via BSE
Diagnosed 8/04 at age 45
1.9cm tumor, ER+PR-, Her2 3+(rt side)
2 micromets to sentinel node
Stage 2A
left 3mm DCIS - low grade ER+PR+Her2 neg
lumpectomies 9/7/04
4DD AC followed by 4 DD taxol
Used Leukine instead of Neulasta
35 rads on right side only
4/05 started Tamoxifen
Started Herceptin 4 months after last Taxol due to
trial results and 2005 ASCO meeting & recommendations
Oophorectomy 8/05
Started Arimidex 9/05
Finished Herceptin (16 months) 9/06
Arimidex Only
Prolia every 6 months for osteopenia
NED 18 years!
Said Christopher Robin to Pooh: "You must remember this: You're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think"
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04-23-2015, 06:47 PM
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#3
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 1,580
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Re: Frustrated
I get it. Look at my signature. Still, I know everything is going to be alright. And, yes, I still believe in the cure.
Happy days ahead!
Karen
__________________
World Trade Center Survivor (56th Floor/North Tower): 14 years and still just like yesterday.
Graves Disease, became Euthyroid via Radioactive Iodine, June 2001.
Thyroid Eye Disease. 2003. Decompression surgery in 2009; eyelid lowering surgery in 2010.
Diagnosed: June 2010, liver mets. ER-/PR+10%; HER2+++.
July 2010: Begin Taxol/Herceptin. Eliminate sugar from diet. No surgery or radiation.
January 2011: NED
April 2011: Progression in liver only. Other previous affected areas eradicated. Stop Taxol/Herceptin after 32 infusions.
May 2011: Brain MRI: clear.
May 2011: Begin Tykerb daily, Xeloda twice per day for one week on, one week off, and Herceptin.
November 2011: Progression in liver. All other tumors remain eradicated.
December 2011: BEGIN TRIAL #09-093 Taxol, MCC-DM1 (T-DM1), Perjeta.
Trial requires scans every six weeks, bloodwork and infusions weekly.
Brain MRI: clear.
January 2012: NED. Liver mets, good riddance!
March 2012: NED. Developed SMA (rare blood clot) in intestinal artery and loss of sight in right eye due to optical nerve neuropathy. Resolved when Taxol removed this month.
Continue Protocol of T-DM1 weekly and Perjeta every 3 weeks.
May 2012: NED.
June 2012: Brain MRI: clear.
June-December 2012: NED.
December 2012: TRIAL CONCLUDED; ENTER TRIAL EXTENSION #09-037. CT, Brain MRI, bone scan: clear. NED.
January-March 2013: NED.
June 2013: Brain MRI: clear. CEA upticking; CT shows new met on liver.
July 3, 2013: DISASTER STRIKES during liver ablation: sloppy surgeon cuts intercostal artery and I bleed out, lose 3.5 liters of blood, have major hemothorax, and collapsed lung requiring emergency resuscitative thoracotomy, lung surgery, rib rearrangement and cutting deep connective tissue, transfusion. Ablation incomplete. This life-saving procedure would end up causing me unforgiving pain with every movement I make, permanently, otherwise known as forever.
July 26, 2013: Try Navelbine/Herceptin. Body too weak after surgery and transfusion. Fever. CEA: Normal.
August 16, 2016: second dose Navelbine/Herceptin; CEA: Normal. Will skip doses. Watching and waiting.
September 2013: NED, Herceptin only. CEA: Normal. Started Arimidex.
October-November 2013: NED. Herceptin and Arimidex. CEA, CA125, 15-3: Normal.
December 2013: Something brewing. PET lights up on little spot on liver; CEA upward trend, just outside normal. PET and triphasic liver scan confirm Little Met. Restart Perjeta with Herceptin, stay on Arimidex. Genomic sequencing completed for future treatments, if necessary.
January 2014: Ablate Little Met on the 6th. Happy New Year.
March 2014: Brain MRI: clear. PET/CT reveal liver mets return; new lung mets. This is not funny.
March 2014: BEGIN TRIAL #10-005 A(11)-Temsirolimus plus Neratinib.
April 2014: Genomic testing indicated they could work, they did not. Very strange drug combo for me, felt weird.
April 2014: Started Navelbine and Herceptin. Needed something tried and true, but had significant progression.
June 2014: Doxil and Herceptin.
July 2014: Progression. Got nothing out of it. Brain: NED.
July 2014: Add integrative medical hematologist-oncologist to my team. Begin supplements. These are tumor-busting, immune system boosters. Add glutathione, lysine and taurine IV infusions every three weeks.
July 2014: Begin Gemzar, Herceptin & Perjeta. Happy.
August 2014: ECHO perfect.
January 2015: Begin weekly Vitamin D Analog infusions. 25 mcg. via port.
February 2015: CT: stable.
April 2015: Gem working, but not 100%. Looking into immunotherapy. Finally, treatments for the 21st century!
April 2015: Penn Medicine. Dendritic cell immunotherapy.
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04-23-2015, 07:12 PM
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#4
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 52
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Re: Frustrated
Becky, you made me tear up then laugh out loud. Karen, thank you for listening and being kind. I read your signature and think to myself, JESUS, HOW DOES SHE DO IT? But, also, wow…it can be done.
Thank GOD for this site.
Kathryn
__________________
Kathryn Ellman
8/2013 Diagnosed age 42 with boys aged 2.5 and 6, Stage 11b, 1 cm her2+++, 30% ER positive, 5% PR positive, Rt Breast. Also DCIS in second spot of rt breast, high grade.
9/2013 Bilateral mastectomy, 3 nodes positive
10/13 Started AC/TH, Perjeta and Herceptin
1/14 Finished Chemo
3/14 Radiation, 5 weeks
4/14 Started Tamoxifen
6/14 Discontinued Tamoxifen due to extreme joint pain, exhaustion and depression
6/14 Started Exemestane and Zolodex shots to suppress ovaries
11/14 Finished Herceptin
11/14 Discontinued Exemestane due to similar side effects as Tamoxifen.
1/15 Reconstruction
3/15 CT Scan (routine) shows possible liver mets.
3/15 PET/CT scan shows no mets - huge sigh of relief
4/15 Began Letrozole. Knee and hip joint discomfort but minimal. Otherwise, knocking on wood - so far, so good!
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04-23-2015, 09:22 PM
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#5
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Mountains of Virginia
Posts: 2,267
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Re: Frustrated
Rant and rave here all you like--we get it!
As you can see, my journey is similar to Becky.
I was 45 at Dx and my boys were 12 and 13.
The oldest graduated from college and is marrying a wonderful girl next month--and I'm getting to help plan the wedding! Youngest graduates from college in December!
Love is good and it's all worth it!
__________________
Rhonda (Sassy)
dx age 45
DX 2/15/05 Stage IIb (at surgery)restaged IIIa
Left mast .9cm tumor 5 of 14 nodes
Triple Positive
4 DD A/C
12 Taxol/Herceptin
33Rads
Strange infect mast site one year aft surg, hosp 1 wk
Herceptin for total of 18 months
Lupron Monthly 4 yrs
Neurontin for aches, pains and hot flashes(It works!)
Ovaries removed 11/09 stop Lupron and Neurontin
Arimidex 6 yrs (tried Femara, no SE improvement)
Tried Exemestane-hips got so bad could hardly walk
Back to Arimidex for year seven
Zometa 2X Annual for 7years, Lasix
Stop Arimidex 5/13
Stop Zometa 7/13-Bi-lateral Stress Fractures in Femurs from Zometa
5/14 Start Tamoxifen
3/15 Stem cell transplant to stimulate femur bone growth/healing
5/15 Complete fracture of right femur/Titanium rods both femurs
9/16 Start Evista stopTamoxifen
3/17 Stop Evista--unwelcome side effects!
NED and no meds.......
14 YEARS NED!
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04-23-2015, 10:28 PM
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#6
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 3,154
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Re: Frustrated
Kathryn,
The first 3 years are the most difficult.
You are still recovering from treatment and adjusting.
Those early years from dx. are what I call the "what if"
years. So many questions, along with the worry of raising your children. You still want to be the mother you were prior to dx. We have all been there.
Like Sassy and Becky we have seen our children graduate and marry. I just celebrated my 10 years cancerversary.
I guess you can say Sassy, Becky and I (plus a few others) are early stage and now old timers.
You will be too!
Becky.....now you let our secret out of the bag by sharing that info on the scratchy vagina, lol I have tears from laughing.
Kathryn, you will find laughter again also.
You will enjoy your children growing too!
Hugs,
Jean
__________________
Stage 1, Grade 1, 3/30/05
Lumpectomy 4/15/05 - 6MM IDC
Node Neg. (Sentinel node)
ER+ 90% / PR-, Her2+++ by FISH
Ki-67 40%
Arimidex 5/05
Radiation 32 trt, 5/30/05
Oncotype DX test 4/17/06, 31% high risk
TOPO 11 neg. 4/06
Stopped Arimidex 5/06
TCH 5/06, 6 treatments
Herceptin 5/06 - for 1 yr.
9/06 Completed chemo
Started Femara Sept. 2006
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04-24-2015, 09:14 AM
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#7
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 1,580
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Re: Frustrated
Kathryn,
One key is supplements. My liver function is normal due to Zemplar. a vitamin D analog and supplements (I take about 50 high-grade customized supps every day). Before doing this, my liver was a huge problem. I am moving in a new direction...after all these years...after all we were taught...chemo is the only way...it is NOT!
As I said in another post, search for YOURSELF, deny doctors if you must, but look into the future: immunotherapy, GM viruses, et al.
YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS! In just a short time, I believe the chemos, that haven't changed much in over 50 years, will be replaced by cutting-edge treatments and cure!
Stay positive, love yourself, breathe, take your supplements and be assured, the right thing is on the way...
Karen
__________________
World Trade Center Survivor (56th Floor/North Tower): 14 years and still just like yesterday.
Graves Disease, became Euthyroid via Radioactive Iodine, June 2001.
Thyroid Eye Disease. 2003. Decompression surgery in 2009; eyelid lowering surgery in 2010.
Diagnosed: June 2010, liver mets. ER-/PR+10%; HER2+++.
July 2010: Begin Taxol/Herceptin. Eliminate sugar from diet. No surgery or radiation.
January 2011: NED
April 2011: Progression in liver only. Other previous affected areas eradicated. Stop Taxol/Herceptin after 32 infusions.
May 2011: Brain MRI: clear.
May 2011: Begin Tykerb daily, Xeloda twice per day for one week on, one week off, and Herceptin.
November 2011: Progression in liver. All other tumors remain eradicated.
December 2011: BEGIN TRIAL #09-093 Taxol, MCC-DM1 (T-DM1), Perjeta.
Trial requires scans every six weeks, bloodwork and infusions weekly.
Brain MRI: clear.
January 2012: NED. Liver mets, good riddance!
March 2012: NED. Developed SMA (rare blood clot) in intestinal artery and loss of sight in right eye due to optical nerve neuropathy. Resolved when Taxol removed this month.
Continue Protocol of T-DM1 weekly and Perjeta every 3 weeks.
May 2012: NED.
June 2012: Brain MRI: clear.
June-December 2012: NED.
December 2012: TRIAL CONCLUDED; ENTER TRIAL EXTENSION #09-037. CT, Brain MRI, bone scan: clear. NED.
January-March 2013: NED.
June 2013: Brain MRI: clear. CEA upticking; CT shows new met on liver.
July 3, 2013: DISASTER STRIKES during liver ablation: sloppy surgeon cuts intercostal artery and I bleed out, lose 3.5 liters of blood, have major hemothorax, and collapsed lung requiring emergency resuscitative thoracotomy, lung surgery, rib rearrangement and cutting deep connective tissue, transfusion. Ablation incomplete. This life-saving procedure would end up causing me unforgiving pain with every movement I make, permanently, otherwise known as forever.
July 26, 2013: Try Navelbine/Herceptin. Body too weak after surgery and transfusion. Fever. CEA: Normal.
August 16, 2016: second dose Navelbine/Herceptin; CEA: Normal. Will skip doses. Watching and waiting.
September 2013: NED, Herceptin only. CEA: Normal. Started Arimidex.
October-November 2013: NED. Herceptin and Arimidex. CEA, CA125, 15-3: Normal.
December 2013: Something brewing. PET lights up on little spot on liver; CEA upward trend, just outside normal. PET and triphasic liver scan confirm Little Met. Restart Perjeta with Herceptin, stay on Arimidex. Genomic sequencing completed for future treatments, if necessary.
January 2014: Ablate Little Met on the 6th. Happy New Year.
March 2014: Brain MRI: clear. PET/CT reveal liver mets return; new lung mets. This is not funny.
March 2014: BEGIN TRIAL #10-005 A(11)-Temsirolimus plus Neratinib.
April 2014: Genomic testing indicated they could work, they did not. Very strange drug combo for me, felt weird.
April 2014: Started Navelbine and Herceptin. Needed something tried and true, but had significant progression.
June 2014: Doxil and Herceptin.
July 2014: Progression. Got nothing out of it. Brain: NED.
July 2014: Add integrative medical hematologist-oncologist to my team. Begin supplements. These are tumor-busting, immune system boosters. Add glutathione, lysine and taurine IV infusions every three weeks.
July 2014: Begin Gemzar, Herceptin & Perjeta. Happy.
August 2014: ECHO perfect.
January 2015: Begin weekly Vitamin D Analog infusions. 25 mcg. via port.
February 2015: CT: stable.
April 2015: Gem working, but not 100%. Looking into immunotherapy. Finally, treatments for the 21st century!
April 2015: Penn Medicine. Dendritic cell immunotherapy.
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04-27-2015, 06:19 PM
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#8
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Naples FL
Posts: 1,744
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Re: Frustrated
Oh yeah...I get it!!! Going on 10 years of hot flashes and sweats...I have sweat gallons and gallons and live to sweat another day!
__________________
 Suzan W.
age 54 at diagnosis
5/05 suspicious mammogram-left breast
5/05 biopsy-invasive lobular carcinoma with LCIS,8mm tumor,stage 1 grade 2, ER+ PR+ Her2+++
6/14/05 bilateral mastectomy, node neg. all scans neg.
Oncotype DX-high risk
8/05-10/05 4 rounds A/C
10/05 -10/06 1 yr. herceptin
arimidex-5 years
2/14/08 started daily self administered injections..FORTEO for severe osteoporosis
7/28/09 BRCA 1 negative BRCA2 POSITIVE
8/17/09 prophylactic salpingo-oophorectomy
10/15/10 last FORTEOinjection
RECLAST infusion(ostoeporosis)
6/14/10 5 year cancerversary!
8/2010-18%increase in bone density!
no further treatments
Oncologist says, "Go do the Happy Dance"
I say,"What a long strange trip its been"
'One day at a time'
6-14-2015. 10 YEAR CANCERVERSARY!
7-16 to 9-16. Extensive (and expensive) dental work done to save teeth. Damage from osteoporosis and chemo and long term bisphosphonate use
6-14-16. 11 YEAR CANCERVERSARY!!
7-20-16 Prolia injection for severe osteoporosis
2 days later, massive hive outbreak. This led to an eventual dx of Chronic Ideopathic Urticaria, an auto-immune disease from HELL.
6-14-17 12 YEAR CANCERVERSARY!!
still suffering from CIU. 4 hospitilizations in the past year
as of today, 10-31-17 in remission from CIU and still, CANCER FREE!!!
6-14-18 13 YEAR CANCERVERSARY!! NED!!
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04-27-2015, 06:45 PM
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#9
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot Springs, South Dakota
Posts: 158
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Re: Frustrated
Its ok to get mad and frustrated - I mean - gosh we are only human.
__________________
Paula T. (saygoon means dog, yes I am Native)
DX March 2012
Stage IV w/ 5 bone mets to spine 2 on ribs
Herceptin, Zometa, Taxotere and Anasterole and of course radiation
2/14/2014 2 mets on pelvic bone
Stop Anasterole continue on Herceptin and Zometa start radiation (again)
2/24/2014 start T-DM1 continue Herceptin and Zometa
4/28 more radiation that brings total to 5 (10 days ea) - I think I will soon glow in the dark....
6/01/2014 Great news! Rib mets gone, 4 of 5 spine mets showing new bone growth and pelvic mets shrinking.
8/28/2014 T11 on spine is being stubborn started Perjeta, Herceptin, Zometa and Taxol - goodbye hair!
9/04/2014 Tomo therapy - pain finally gone
1/3/2015 - starting New Year out as still stable. Feeling positive
2/23/2015 - problems with left leg, bone met flaring up - MORE radiation Whew!
2/24/2015 Stress fracture in right side of pelvic - (great just great) back to wheelchair then walker then.....
2/26/2015 Off Taxol!! Still on Perjeta, Herceptin and Hormone Blocker starting to feel a little more human.
4/10/2015 Cancer has spread to spinal fluid - not sure where I go from here
6/29/2015 Omaya Port placed,begin IT Herceptin on 7/7/2015
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04-27-2015, 07:04 PM
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#10
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 184
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Re: Frustrated
I am there with you. Weight gain of 20 pounds and continued hot flashes and sweats at inopportune moments.
Ranting is good sometimes
Hang in there
__________________
[SIGPIC]Lisa
Routine mammogram 12/20/2013
Call back with repeat films on12/31/2013 Ultrasound with core needle biopsy same day
Dx 1/2/2014 IDC ER/PR+
1/10/14 HER2 +
2/14/14 BRCA results negative
2/17/2014 skin & nipple sparing BMX with reconstruction Tissue expanders placed
IDC Stage 2A left breast. 9mm tumor no other CA 1/4 nodes positive
ER + PR + Her2 +(by FISH)
Right breast no cancer, sclerosing adenosis
3/13/14 Round 1 AC minimal side effects
3/27/14 Round 2 AC
4/10/14 Round 3 a little more nausea
4/24/14 round 4 hurray! Done with phase 1!
5/8/14 THP ( taxol weekly x12, Herceptin & perjeta every 3 weeks x 4)
7/24/14 done with chemo
Continue of Herceptin every 3 wks x 1 yr
5/14 start Tamoxifen x 5 years
8/18/14 removal of TEs silicone implants placed
9/14/14 Cellulitis Right Breast, suspect infected implant. Managed with Oral antibiotics, avoided surgery to remove implant. Whew!
12/17/14 nip & tuck revision of Left breast
We gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face. The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, not in daring to come to grips with it. We must do that which we think we cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt
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04-27-2015, 07:08 PM
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#11
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 362
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Re: Frustrated
I hear you. I am 40 but feel like a 95 year old. I have no sex drive. Like zero. My mojo is gone. I spend my nights covering and uncovering myself and my days running to the freezer so I can shove my head in it. I have sprouted menopausal achne and have lost a lot of volume from my head. I am a sight. I forget everything. I meet someone and a minute later I can't remember their name. I constantly miss appointments. I don't recognize my life but I'm here. Alive. So I wait. When I'm done at the age of 47 and I take my last tamoxifen pill, I will go through an awesome sexual revolution. Lol....so I hope. Maybe my zits will also clear up and I won't need to tease my hair to create the illusion I have hair.
__________________
DX 10/2011
PET Scan + MRI 10/2011
Lumpectomy 11/11/11
Stage 2B +++ ER+(10%), PR+(5%), HER2+++(1 positive node, 1 micromets to second node)
AC started 12/2011 ended 1/2012
Taxol + Herceptin weekly for 12 weeks ended 4/2012
30 zaps of radiation done 6/2012
Tamoxifen 6/2012
every 3 weeks of Herceptin for another year.
Metformin Trial 8/12
10/12 MRI- CLEAR
01/13 BRAIN MRI- CLEAR!
01/13 Neck MRI- CLEAR!
FINISHED HERCEPTIN 1/9/2013...Woot Woot
Starting Walter Reed Vaccine Trial 2/13
CT Scans + ultrasound of abdomen CLEAR-5/13
02/2015 through 11/2015 emergency D&Cs for Tamoxifen induced uterine polyps which caused uncontrollable hemorrhaging
12/2015 blood clot to left leg caused by Tamoxifen. No longer taking it. On Xarelto, a blood thinner
12/2015 Ablation to prevent hemorrhaging from potential issues with Tamoxifen residue in my system
1/2016 continuing journey without hormonal therapy. Reevaluating the option of a hysterectomy and oopherectomy.
4/1/2018 2mm stroke. Yes, stroke! No cause ever found but they believe it was a migraine that went bonkers and created a tiny clot. No deficits. I was back to normal with 24hrs. Now on baby aspirin for life.
7/27/2018 hysterectomy and oopherectomy
01/07/2019 Mastectomy and expanders put in
3/22/2019 Vtach, almost died. Cause unknown.
7/22/2019 New perky boobs put in
7/21/2020 Off of all drugs but a baby aspirin because of the stroke in 2018.
www.mychemobag.org
www.facebook.com/mychemobag
8 YEARS NED
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