I'm losing Caryn :(

[eric]

My heart is breaking as I'm writing this but Caryn is not doing well at all. Her liver has not recovered as hoped and since she hasn't been able to have any treatment the cancer has now taken the problem to a whole new level. She's been in the hospital since Tuesday so they could manage the pain and horrible bloating. She's disoriented from the drugs and her liver failure and I'm having a hard time not continuing the fight. I know her liver can't handle any chemo but I wonder if there's another targeted drug that could possibly offer a miracle that we so desperately need. They told me once before that the fight was over but we continued anyway and to their surprise, she's still here four months later.
Honestly, I'm torn...do I look again for a miracle or are we so far gone that I just accept that there is battle is over and lost????
I HATE the idea of losing her. She's the center of my kids universe and for 20+ years she's been my universe.
She's an amazing person and I can't bear the thought of her not being around. This SUCKS!!!!!!!