What has cancer given you? The good and the bad?

laureen · 02-06-2011, 07:54 AM

I know what it has given me, a whole list of emotions. New life(my son), tears, fear, hope, new friends, a new perspective, anxiety, lymphedema, etc... Not really sure where I am going with this. Maybe its my form of therapy. Guess I just want to hear all your good and bad too. Being prego sure makes you emotional.

MJo · 02-06-2011, 08:44 AM

I hope I am more compassionate. I am so very aware of how vulnerable we humans are.
I allow myself to be ordinary. I beat myself up for so long because I wasn't as successful, outgoing (fill in the blank) as I thought I should be. I still am hard on myself, but it's tempered with a willingness to be ordinary.

Mary L · 02-06-2011, 09:21 AM

I think we all change after going through cancer. I too, am more emotional and am hurt very easily, however I feel that I am more caring and giving than I was prior to cancer. It's a very rough journey we all go on and it has to have it's side effects. Mary L

ElaineM · 02-06-2011, 11:00 AM

I have learned alot more about nutrition, science and medicine. I am still learning everyday. I have also learned to be a more compassionate person.

Patb · 02-06-2011, 01:21 PM

I try everyday to have a new experience no matter how
small. We put off so many things or things we want to say, no more for me. I experince life more deeply and
want to reach out more to others which sometime backfires but I try. After four + years the sky is still
bluer.
I am still super careful with what I can do to improve
my health and the least little ache I react. Thanks for
good Drs. and new ideas.
patb

Becky · 02-06-2011, 02:38 PM

Cancer has given me more gifts in general - it has shown me who my real friends are and taught me how to take care of my self and take time for myself. It has given me perspective of what I want to do with my career and what I want to do everyday.

Cancer made me more scared than I ever was in my entire life but also made me strong and brave. It made me speak up for myself and made me realize that you have to know what you're doing and not just go with the flow on real important matters. I am not afraid.

I appreciate everything - even the utterly stupid Christmas gifts I get from my husband - and don't complain as much as I used to.

Most of all, cancer gave me all of you of whom I would never had met otherwise.

Jackie07 · 02-06-2011, 02:58 PM

Cancer has given me 'peace'.

I had been 'wronged' my whole life before my life-long brain tumor (and recurrence) was discovered. I was still 'wronged' by my doctors and others when breast cancer (and recurrence) was diagnosed.

Obviously the biological and environmental factors in my life have caused all my ailments. "The Queen is innocent!" is the type of relief I felt whenever a diagnosis was confirmed.

ammebarb · 02-06-2011, 03:14 PM

What a good question, Laureen! It has been twenty seven years since my bc diagnosis, and the length of time since my diagnosis has given me lots of time to realize all that I've been given. I was soooo depressed for the first few years that I couldn't have come up with a positive....You are all so much better off if you've been able to get to where you know what the positives are. I realize now how much precious time I'd have wasted if I'd never gotten some perspective and began to LIVE. So first positive is, I think, not taking a single moment for granted. I appreciate quite ordinary things....being well enough to grocery shop, make order in my home, laugh with my husband. The extraordinary things include being here to love my grandchildren and to see my grown children find happiness in new marriages. I enjoyed thirty years of kindergarten teaching, with a dedication that came as a result of going through that time after bc diagnosis when I questioned my purpose. I guess when all is said and done, I think I am able to love and be loved more deeply than before cancer, and I know that my faith in my God is increased.

Barb A.

BonnieR · 02-06-2011, 05:24 PM

I've learned that today is the first day of the rest of my life. And that life is not a dress rehearsal. This is IT!!!
My cancer center has a group called Spirtual Reflections where we ponder such things as the gifts cancer has given us. The insights, the grace, tolerance, forgiveness, gratitude, etc.
Good topic

Joanna J · 02-06-2011, 07:33 PM

Bonnie,What a neat group to be in,that is a wonderful idea.

Mary Jo · 02-06-2011, 08:57 PM

Cancer has taught me what really matters. Cancer has shown me what true happiness is and where it lies. All those things we fret over.....stress over......get anxious over. Just about all of it is for naught!

Cancer has given me a stronger confidence in myself. It taught me how strong I am. It taught me where my true priorities are. It has given me a true sense of peace.

I rest in the confidence of knowing my life is in God's hand's and not mans. What will be will be. Things happen to all of us......cancer......other diseases........job loss........lots of things. We can either grow .... persevere .... and learn from what life throws at us or we can cave and run scared. I ran scared at the beginning........I was VERY AFRAID, but have learned that this life is a gift. A gift that one day will end here on earth but will continue in the glorious Home of Heaven waiting for those of us who believe.

Cancer sucks....yes.....but so does all those "bad things" that touch each of us. No one escapes this life with everything going perfectly. No one. It's those "bad things" that help shape us into the people we are today.

And like Becky said, cancer has given me a whole new group of friends. Wonderful, caring and positive people. You all, here at her2support, are among those.

God Bless each of you as you go through whatever it is you are going through. It's tough for many of you. I wish that were not so.

Love to you all....

Mary Jo

Trish · 02-07-2011, 12:04 AM

I've experienced extraordinary kindness from strangers. Acquaintances and colleagues have become friends. My friendships have deepened. My family and I take enormous pleasure in the fact of being together.
Unfortunately I have lost the confidence to plan too far ahead,but I do savour many precious ordinary experiences. I've traded long term planning for living (more) in the moment.
Trish

Mary L · 02-07-2011, 09:24 AM

I am so glad that this topic came up. Just reading what all of you wrote helped me realize that I am so blessed to have survivied and how thankful I am. I too feel able to love more and appreciate every minute of life I live. Thank you. Mary L

Delaney · 02-07-2011, 02:07 PM

A short lifespan!

tricia keegan · 02-07-2011, 04:25 PM

Cancer changed my life, but I'm still not sure it was for the good, I've met some wonderful and amazing people I would'nt otherwise have met and made lifelong friends but.....it's also given me a change of focus, much financial hardship and stress so it's hard for me to seperate the good from the bad.

I do agree with Becky's point though that its made me research and be more pro active in my healthcare and not trust any important decisons to my Dr's!

Debbie L. · 02-07-2011, 10:00 PM

I agree with most everything that all of you have said, except for a small quibble with the language.

I don't really think of it, in my own mind, as what cancer has "given" me. It's more along the line of what I took, or gleaned, from the experience (and I'm full of gratitude for all that has been taken or gleaned). To me, that slightly more active tense paints us as less victims or passive recipients and more as active participants. As the years go on, that seems important to me, although early-on I didn't distinguish or quibble in this manner.

Debbie Laxague

laureen · 02-08-2011, 05:21 AM

Thanks everyone for sharing, like I said, just some free psychotherapy for me. I loved reading your comments.

Gerri · 02-08-2011, 09:13 AM

Cancer has caused me to not sweat the small stuff. Now, when faced with a problem, I think about whether or not it is worth fighting for/about or just to let it go.

I take much better care of myself and have finally dropped (almost all) the weight I have been lugging around for so many years.

Echoing Becky, I have a group of friends that I never would have met. Oddly, even though we have never met, I really do feel a connection to all of you.

ginnyg898 · 02-22-2011, 07:05 PM

What a great post!

I am a week out of surgery so I am still in the trenches, but I would say so far that this entire experience has made me really appreciate my life, my family, and all the wonderful friendships I have.

fauxgypsy · 03-27-2011, 09:04 AM

I have mixed feelings about this right now. I feel that my life has been enriched by coming to know many people here. In some ways I feel stronger. I also feel that I have lost so much. I have learned to know fear. I know that I will die some day of something. Possibly breast cancer. My fear is that I will die sooner than I have to because of the calculating coldness of insurance companies. I have realized that the world is divided into people who have empathy and those who don't care as long as it doesn't affect them directly. I have become more cynical as I see a brave new world of treatment options that are available only to those who can afford them. When I read on this site of women being denied treatments that could save their lives, it makes me so angry. I have always railed against the unfairness of the world but I have come to see a darker side of it than I had imagined possible. It is not that we don't have the resources (that is debatable), it is a matter of profit and what individuals are worth to their governments and to the world at large. I try to be positive and I know that this is not sweetness and light but this is how I feel now. Many people are trying very hard to do the right thing and I do not mean to disparage that effort at all. But it makes me so very angry that people are treated as numbers. To quote Anne Lamott, this is only one six-billionth about me. On another website that has to do with health insurance coverage I had a member of the armed services tell me that there is always collateral damage, and that the people who did not have insurance (or who were denied treatments by the insurance that they did have) were just collateral damage.

So far I have been one of the lucky ones and I have had to fight for what I needed many times. It is wearisome to have clerks in an office somewhere tell you that they know how you feel but "Sorry, we won't pay for that." Or tell you not to get upset when it is your life that they are denying. Maybe my outlook will get better soon. I just feel so powerless.