What do you say?

[lasarles]

Just wondering what some of your answers are when friends and family say "when will they know if they got it all?" or "are you in remission?"

[Kellennea]

Hi!

I always count being "Cancer Free" from the day of my lumpectomy (with clear margins) and node biopsy (no node involvement).

[JillaryJill]

I have a standard answer. I tell them "so far so good" If they have never had cancer I don't get into too deep. The only people I trust with the details is other survivors...they get it. Others survivors and I talk openly about the treatment we had, personal decisions we made, prognosis, the stage we were at diagnosis, the surgeries and all the mental "stuff" that goes along with the diagnosis.

[lasarles]

That's why this support group is so important. I haven't posted much but have read many, many posts since my dx. It is still so surreal to me. My family and friends have all been wonderful and supportive but just like myself, I didn't truly understand until I walked in your shoes.

[sarah]

"so far so good" sounds like a good suggestion - also "I certainly hope so!"
The problem is when you're first diagnosed, you're very sensitive about talking about it. I remember hating all the questions my sweet and worried friends asked me such as what was I going to do, etc... finally I wrote them an email and said something like, "I know you're worried and want to help but please don't ask me about my cancer. By all means call me up to talk about movies or other things. When I've decided what I'll do, I'll let you know." Looking back now, I remember how scared and confused I was and talking about it just made me more anxious.
Only survivors will understand the emotional turmoil. Friends are scared also, for you, for the possibility that they may "get" it. Also friends, who aren't survivors really don't know what to say and don't really want to hear depressing news, some shy away from people who are seriously ill or talk too much about their illness.
You have to decide what you're comfortable with and explain that to your friends. I did it the first time around a little harshly perhaps but I couldn't have taken another long conversion about it. Today (12 years later) I can discuss just about anything with anybody.
Remember your friends care, are scared and confused. Even our spouses sometimes are at a loss of what to say.
There was a post about cancer etiquette on the site that I remember was quite good, maybe search for it and take a look, it may have some good retorts.
Your cancer was caught very early so you'll be fine. A friend of mine always says "you can't die of cancer in the breast" meaning it's only when it gets out, it's a little trickier but still very treatable.
Chemo's tough but remember it's killing those bastards. Rest, take care of yourself and spoil yourself. watch funny movies and remember a year from now it will all be in the past and life will be back to normal.
Cancer's a terrible shock but breast cancer is one of the best known and well treated cancers.
Also remember if you have any concerns about your treatment, etc. get another opinion.
This site is fantastic and extremely helpful. Ask the nurses about the potential side effects and what you can do should you have any - there are creams for the skin and nails. By the way, if you lose your hair, it comes back thicker and softer. Don't take anti-oxidants (vitamins) during chemo and radiation, although I believe a multi is ok and many on the site take co-enzyme Q10 to protect the heart during Herceptin. I took it and still do. Drink lots of water.
take care
hugs and love
sarah

[snolan]

I tell people I am in remission until the day I die from something else they can say I was cured. That what my Dr told me. But like it was stated above people really don't get it unless they have been through it.

[evergreen]

I say I feel good, am doing all I can to help my cause i.e., diet and exercise, but that there are no guarantees because cancer is a complex disease. I also say that one positive about cancer is gaining a greater appreciation of the value and pleasures of life....

[chekmark]

I don't really like the word remission. To me that sounds like we are just waiting for it to come back. I say that's what they tell me and I hope to keep it that way. One can hope, right?

[candlegranny]

i asked my doctor what was right to say... he said i am not 'in remission' i am cancer free. so when anyone asks i just say i am cancer free.