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Old 12-19-2009, 10:50 AM   #1
dawn
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Red face My latest feelings

I woke up this morning with a pounding chest and finding it hard to breathe, then My 8 year old son came in a put the blankets over me and my daughter(5) who was asleep next to me. He said, MomI'll cover you up so you can sleep in a little and snuggle into Emily. I get lots of snuggles with you. Keeping in mind my son is boarder line Autistic "Aspergers Syndrome" so everything is very logical with him . I lay there for a few minutes hugging my little girl and watching her, then I thought, what wonderful children I have. I can hear my husband getting up with Kyle and them in the kitchen talking like buddies trying to let the girls have their sleep. I thank God for the lovely beautiful family he has given me and his beautiful way in telling me "To get Up, Take Advantage of what you have, Enjoy them and they will help you heal" My anxious feeling started to fade,. So I got up and we finished our decorating and cleaning for xmas. My son also had practise at he church for the christmas story tomorrow that he is taking part in. So it was daddy and emily time this afternoon and mommy and kyle time. Kyle is doing the ending to the story. And once again made me fill up with pride. But it also gave me the resolve to take whatever life throws at me, it may not be nice at times but I will make sure that I am her for these beautiful children, no matter what it takes, for when I need something, it seems they sense it and knows exactly when to hug, or kiss or just make mommy laugh. Our day today has been wonderful. We're setting up the christmas train, making gingerbread cookies and house, then we are wrapping the gifts for our family members that mean so mcuh to us. It is snowing here beautifully (Newfoundland, Canada) and we're hoping to get out tonight sledding in our garden with the outside fire going. I may have cancer, I may have to deal with it, but it won't rob me of our wonderful family times and memories that we have always had. I may be getting a little sentimental but Im feeling so calm and healing now I thought I'd share it with your girls also. Hey I may be on the way to accepting this and not letting it defeat me.
Thanks girls for showing me the way.
Dawn
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Dawn

Mar 2006Stage IIIA, Her2/Neu 3+++, Er & Pr positive, 8 of 18 pos 03/14/06: Mastectomy 04/19/06 started Chemo adriamycin, chlophosphamide, taxotere 25 rads
Nov 1, 06: 3 years Tamoxifen, Herceptin (1yr)
Jan 2009 Femara mets to bone aromasin and aredia
June2009: Full Histerectomy
2/22/2010 6 spots in liver 2 mm-10 mm: switched to xeloda and Herceptin will continue with Aredia J
Scan February 2011 new onc, switch to abraxane
April 2011 NED clear organs, 3 spots on bone scar tissue.
Scans August 2mm spot on liver and lungs. now on to tykerb/xeloda
Dec 2011 scans nothing on lungs, liver down to 1 2 mm spot. j
une 2012 another spot on liver on to cisplatin/gemzar.


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Old 12-19-2009, 11:01 AM   #2
freyja
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Re: My latest feelings

Yeaay! You are doing so well. It may not always feel like it, but from the sound of it you are handling things great, considering the circumstance. And you are sooo blessed to have such a supportive husband.
My son has been my best medicine, too (six years old). You have the right attitude. Fight for your kids so you can be here for them. It worked for me. I'm currently cancer free and pursuing my dreams and my family is better than ever. Hang in there. There are brighter days ahead. I love your images of the snow and the cookies (we're making gingerbread men today, too) and the train and the tree. Sounds like my childhood Christmases in Minnesota.
Enjoy the season,
Celeste
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"Dancers Against Cancer" in the Eugene, OR Komen Race for the Cure 2010
Diagnosed 8/7/08 with stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma, micropapillary pattern, Her2 3+, ER+,PR-, grade II, positive lymph nodes.
Received 6doses of Taxotere, Carboplatin with Herceptin continuing for a year...DONE.
1/28/09 Left Modified Radical Mastectomy, Right Simple Mastectomy.
Surgery pathology: No invasive carcinoma present and 17 lymph nodes removed all negative! Only small amount of carcinoma in situ in left breast.
March/April '09, Radiation to left chest wall.
Currently involved in Neratinib clinical trial.

"Well being I won
and wisdom too,
I grew and joyed in my growth;
from a word to a word
I was led to a word
from a deed to another deed." (Odin)

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Old 12-19-2009, 11:24 AM   #3
caya
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Re: My latest feelings

Dawn,

I'm so glad you posted today, I can feel the energy in your post.
Even though my girls were older at my diagnosis - 17 and 20 - they were (and still are) my reason to fight this beast, no matter what it took. Also for my mother - who is just 19 years older than me, and I know my diagnosis crippled her, but she hid it well and was a great support.
I hope you and your family enjoy your Christmas, and that the feelings of peace and love continue forever.

all the best
caya
(your Canuck buddy - not snowing here in northern Toronto today, but we have snow on the ground)
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ER90%+/PR 50%+/HER 2+
1.7 cm and 1.0 cm.
Stage 1, grade 2, Node Negative (16 nodes tested)
MRM Dec.18/06
3 x FEC, 3 x Taxotere
Herceptin - every 3 weeks for a year, finished May 8/08

Tamoxifen - 2 1/2 years
Femara - Jan. 1, 2010 - July 18, 2012
BRCA1/BRCA2 Negative
Dignosed 10/16/06, age 48 , premenopausal
Mild lymphedema diagnosed June 2009 - breast surgeon and lymph. therapist think it's completely reversible - hope so.
Reclast infusion January 2012
Oopherectomy October 2013
15 Years NED!!
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Old 12-19-2009, 11:30 AM   #4
BonnieR
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Re: My latest feelings

Dawn, beautiful sentiments. Great attitude. Be sure and keep this so if you have a dark day you can remember how you feel right now. That is how my journal helps.
Keep the faith. Have the best Christmas ever.
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Post menopause
May 2007 Core biopsy, Rt breast
ER+, Pr-, HER2 +++, Grade 3
Ki-67: 90%
"suspicious area" left breast
Bilateral mastectomy, (NED on left) May 2007
Sentinel Node Neg
Stage 1, DCIS with microinvasion, 3 mm, mostly removed during the biopsy....
Femara (discontinued 7/07) Resumed 10/07
OncoType score 36 (July 07)
Began THC 7/26/07 (d/c taxol and carboplatin 10/07)
Began Herceptin alone 10/07
Finished Herceptin July /08
D/C Femara 4/10 (joint pain/trigger thumb!)
5/10 mistakenly dx with lung cancer. Middle rt lobe removed!
Aromasin started 5/10
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Old 12-19-2009, 11:35 AM   #5
Sheila
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Re: My latest feelings

Dawn
What a gift you have given to others who may be having a hard time today.....although my children were grown, its grandchildren for me that keep me fighting....the road has not always been smooth, lots of bumps along the way, but after years of stage IV disease, I am at peace and look at all the special gifts I have been given over the past years...that I may not have noticed if it wasn't for the cancer.
What an uplifting post!
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet
is fighting some kind of battle."



Hugs & Blessings
Sheila
Diagnosed at age 49.99999 2/21/2002 via Mammography (Calcifications)
Core Biopsy 2/22/02
L. Mastectomy 2/25/2002
Stage 1, 0.7cm IDC, Node Neg from 19 nodes Her2+++ ER PR Neg
6/2003 Reconstruction W/ Tissue Expander, Silicone Implant
9/2003 Stage IV with Mets to Supraclavicular nodes
9/2003 Began Herceptin every 3 weeks
3/2006 Xeloda 2500mg/Herceptin for recurrence to neck nodes
3/2007 Added back the Xeloda with Herceptin for continued mets to nodes
5/2007 Taken Off Xeloda, no longer working
6/14/07 Taxol/Herceptin/Avastin
3/26 - 5/28/08 Taxol Holiday Whopeeeeeeeee
5/29 2008 Back on Taxol w Herceptin q 2 weeks
4/2009 Progression on Taxol & Paralyzed L Vocal Cord from Nodes Pressing on Nerve
5/2009 Begin Rx with Navelbine/Herceptin
11/09 Progression on Navelbine
Fought for and started Tykerb/Herceptin...nodes are melting!!!!!
2/2010 Back to Avastin/Herceptin
5/2010 Switched to Metronomic Chemo with Herceptin...Cytoxan and Methotrexate
Pericardial Window Surgery to Drain Pericardial Effusion
7/2010 Back to walking a mile a day...YEAH!!!!
9/2010 Nodes are back with a vengence in neck
Qualified for TDM-1 EAP
10/6/10 Begin my miracle drug, TDM-1
Mixed response, shrinking internal nodes, progression skin mets after 3 treatments
12/6/10 Started Halaven (Eribulen) /Herceptin excellent results in 2 treatments
2/2011 I CELEBRATE my 9 YEAR MARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7/5/11 begin Gemzar /Herceptin for node progression
2/8/2012 Gemzar stopped, Continue Herceptin
2/20/2012 Begin Tomo Radiation to Neck Nodes
2/21/2012 I CELEBRATE 10 YEARS
5/12/2012 BeganTaxotere/ Herceptin is my next miracle for new node progression
6/28/12 Stopped Taxotere due to pregression, Started Perjeta/Herceptin
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Old 12-19-2009, 03:39 PM   #6
Jackie07
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Re: My latest feelings

Dawn,

Great attitude! Thanks for sharing.

Now, about the waking up with chest pounding... Did you have a nightmare? Did you sleep with your hands folding over your chest? If it happens frequestly you might want go get it checked out.
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http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/doctors-letter-patient-newly-diagnosed-cancer.html
http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/MultiMedi...=114&trackID=2

NICU 4.4 LB
Erythema Nodosum 85
Life-long Central Neurocytoma 4x5x6.5 cm 23 hrs 62090 semi-coma 10 d PT OT ST 30 d
3 Infertility tmts 99 > 3 u. fibroids > Pills
CN 3 GKRS 52301
IDC 1.2 cm Her2 +++ ER 5% R. Lmptmy SLNB+1 71703 6 FEC 33 R Tamoxifen
Recc IIB 2.5 cm Bi-L Mast 61407 2/9 nds PET
6 TCH Cellulitis - Lymphedema - compression sleeve & glove
H w x 4 MUGA 51 D, J 49 M
Diastasis recti
Tamoxifen B. scan
Irrtbl bowel 1'09
Colonoscopy 313
BRCA1 V1247I
hptc hemangioma
Vertigo
GI - > yogurt
hysterectomy/oophorectomy 011410
Exemestane 25 mg tab 102912 ~ 101016 stopped due to r. hip/l.thigh pain after long walk
DEXA 1/13
1-2016 lesions in liver largest 9mm & 1.3 cm onco. says not cancer.
3-11 Appendectomy - visually O.K., a lot of puss. Final path result - not cancer.
Start Vitamin D3 and Calcium supplement (600mg x2)
10-10 Stopped Exemestane due to r. hip/l.thigh pain OKed by Onco 11-08-2016
7-23-2018 9 mm groundglass nodule within the right lower lobe with indolent behavior. Due to possible adenocarcinoma, Recommend annual surveilence.
7-10-2019 CT to check lung nodule.
1-10-2020 8mm stable nodule on R Lung, two 6mm new ones on L Lung, a possible lymph node involvement in inter fissule.
"I WANT TO BE AN OUTRAGEOUS OLD WOMAN WHO NEVER GETS CALLED AN OLD LADY. I WANT TO GET SHARP EDGED & EARTH COLORED, TILL I FADE AWAY FROM PURE JOY." Irene from Tampa

Advocacy is a passion .. not a pastime - Joe
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Old 12-19-2009, 05:06 PM   #7
dawn
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Re: My latest feelings

Jackie,

I don't think I was dreaming at least not that I can remember. I just woke up with a rush of wow, this is real. I've been doing that for a while just not as bad as today. Any Ideas!!! I did have a nightmare that I had to battle this huge green alien thing in my basement stairwell. He wouldn't leave my mother or daughter go until I fought him and he wouldn't go near my son because he was behind me. I think in the end I defeated him but I didn't wake up that morning with any fear. I remember waking my mother(who was staying with me until Pete got Home) and telling her all about it. I was very angry because how dare he touch my mother or my precious daughter. Hey, I even remember that my Kickboxing skills were awesome( I took classes for 3 years, for exercise). Any thoughts.

Dawn
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Dawn

Mar 2006Stage IIIA, Her2/Neu 3+++, Er & Pr positive, 8 of 18 pos 03/14/06: Mastectomy 04/19/06 started Chemo adriamycin, chlophosphamide, taxotere 25 rads
Nov 1, 06: 3 years Tamoxifen, Herceptin (1yr)
Jan 2009 Femara mets to bone aromasin and aredia
June2009: Full Histerectomy
2/22/2010 6 spots in liver 2 mm-10 mm: switched to xeloda and Herceptin will continue with Aredia J
Scan February 2011 new onc, switch to abraxane
April 2011 NED clear organs, 3 spots on bone scar tissue.
Scans August 2mm spot on liver and lungs. now on to tykerb/xeloda
Dec 2011 scans nothing on lungs, liver down to 1 2 mm spot. j
une 2012 another spot on liver on to cisplatin/gemzar.


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Old 12-19-2009, 06:53 PM   #8
Faith in Him
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Re: My latest feelings

Dawn,

Thank you for sharing your wonderful day with us. You are adjusting well. Children have a way of inspiring us to do our best under the some of the most difficult situations. I thank God every day that I get to wake my children up and tuck them in at night. Enjoy these special moments.

It must have been gingerbread day. I also made gingerbread houses with the kids. I think they ate more candy than they put on the houses. Took lots of pictures. You can't beat days like this. We have the advantage of realizing just how special our time with them is.

Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family.
__________________
DX 02/01/07
2.5 cm, Er/Pr-, Her2+++
18/20 Nodes
03/07 CT & Bone scan - Clear
AC x 4, Taxol x 4, Added Herceptin
Radiation until 09/07
Herceptin every 3 weeks until 06/08
01/10/08 local recurrence -IBC
01/28/08 CT & Brain MRI - clear
02/08 - Navelbine & Herceptin
05/08 -MRM
05/08 - Gemzar & Herceptin - didn't work
09/08 - Hyperthermia rads
03/09 - Tykerb/Xeloda
05/10 - Tram flap to fix wound
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Old 12-19-2009, 08:00 PM   #9
Jackie07
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Re: My latest feelings

Dawn,

"When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras." It could very well be that you were just missing your kickboxing practice...

You have a very demanding schedule there taking care of two young kids while going through treatments. Night mares and dreams can happen due to the stress during the day. Sounded like your husband is taking quite a bit of burden off of you.

I can only share with you my own experience. Both me and my husband's case are rare, especially for our age at the time.

My husband has had high blood pressure since he was diagnosed at 19. He was told to 'walk 30 minutes a day, rain or shine' by his cardiologist after he had had 3 stents put into his heart arteries at the age of 43. He actually had started 'walking' way before that. He used to be a runner, then a jogger, then a walker (when he started suffering from 'runner's knee.) Anyway, before he had felt shoulder pain and went for a stress test, he had already been experiencing a repeated 'nightmare' and waking up 'breathing heavily' (with his hands folded over his chest)for quite a while.

I'd always had dreams and repeated nightmares before my brain surgery took out the culprit - a big 'rock' in the center of my brain.

With your treatment history, I think your doctor would not refuse your request for a test/examination if the problems are bothering you. "It's all in your head." I've heard it many times in my life from my doctors. And goodness gracious, were they right!
__________________
Jackie07
http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/doctors-letter-patient-newly-diagnosed-cancer.html
http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/MultiMedi...=114&trackID=2

NICU 4.4 LB
Erythema Nodosum 85
Life-long Central Neurocytoma 4x5x6.5 cm 23 hrs 62090 semi-coma 10 d PT OT ST 30 d
3 Infertility tmts 99 > 3 u. fibroids > Pills
CN 3 GKRS 52301
IDC 1.2 cm Her2 +++ ER 5% R. Lmptmy SLNB+1 71703 6 FEC 33 R Tamoxifen
Recc IIB 2.5 cm Bi-L Mast 61407 2/9 nds PET
6 TCH Cellulitis - Lymphedema - compression sleeve & glove
H w x 4 MUGA 51 D, J 49 M
Diastasis recti
Tamoxifen B. scan
Irrtbl bowel 1'09
Colonoscopy 313
BRCA1 V1247I
hptc hemangioma
Vertigo
GI - > yogurt
hysterectomy/oophorectomy 011410
Exemestane 25 mg tab 102912 ~ 101016 stopped due to r. hip/l.thigh pain after long walk
DEXA 1/13
1-2016 lesions in liver largest 9mm & 1.3 cm onco. says not cancer.
3-11 Appendectomy - visually O.K., a lot of puss. Final path result - not cancer.
Start Vitamin D3 and Calcium supplement (600mg x2)
10-10 Stopped Exemestane due to r. hip/l.thigh pain OKed by Onco 11-08-2016
7-23-2018 9 mm groundglass nodule within the right lower lobe with indolent behavior. Due to possible adenocarcinoma, Recommend annual surveilence.
7-10-2019 CT to check lung nodule.
1-10-2020 8mm stable nodule on R Lung, two 6mm new ones on L Lung, a possible lymph node involvement in inter fissule.
"I WANT TO BE AN OUTRAGEOUS OLD WOMAN WHO NEVER GETS CALLED AN OLD LADY. I WANT TO GET SHARP EDGED & EARTH COLORED, TILL I FADE AWAY FROM PURE JOY." Irene from Tampa

Advocacy is a passion .. not a pastime - Joe

Last edited by Jackie07; 12-19-2009 at 08:15 PM..
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Old 12-19-2009, 11:54 PM   #10
Paty
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Re: My latest feelings

Dawn,

I am glad you are enjoying the moments, that 's what life is made of. Have a wonderful Christmas and forget the rest, let God take care of it. Thanks for sharing your feelings with us, that means so much...

Paty
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Dx. June 30th, 2006 at age 43
Lumpectomy rt breast
2.2 cm tumor, 13 nodes all negative
ER-PR+,her2+++
6 FAC
32 Rads
Dx. Lung fibrosis due to radiation
Ended 1 year herceptin in March, 2008
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Old 12-20-2009, 08:23 AM   #11
Diane H
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Re: My latest feelings

Merry Christmas to you and your wonderful family, may the peace you found this morning be a constant companion to you all,
Hugs,
Diane
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Old 12-20-2009, 11:29 AM   #12
sassy
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Re: My latest feelings

Dawn,

Thank you for such an inspiring post.

On the tough days, remember: You have cancer; cancer does not have you!
__________________
Rhonda (Sassy)
dx age 45
DX 2/15/05 Stage IIb (at surgery)restaged IIIa
Left mast .9cm tumor 5 of 14 nodes
Triple Positive
4 DD A/C
12 Taxol/Herceptin
33Rads
Strange infect mast site one year aft surg, hosp 1 wk
Herceptin for total of 18 months
Lupron Monthly 4 yrs
Neurontin for aches, pains and hot flashes(It works!)
Ovaries removed 11/09 stop Lupron and Neurontin
Arimidex 6 yrs (tried Femara, no SE improvement)
Tried Exemestane-hips got so bad could hardly walk
Back to Arimidex for year seven
Zometa 2X Annual for 7years, Lasix
Stop Arimidex 5/13
Stop Zometa 7/13-Bi-lateral Stress Fractures in Femurs from Zometa
5/14 Start Tamoxifen
3/15 Stem cell transplant to stimulate femur bone growth/healing
5/15 Complete fracture of right femur/Titanium rods both femurs
9/16 Start Evista stopTamoxifen
3/17 Stop Evista--unwelcome side effects!
NED and no meds.......
14YEARS NED!
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Old 12-20-2009, 11:50 AM   #13
Lien
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Re: My latest feelings

Thank you for sharing that with us. My 9 yr old brought me breakfast in bed this morning, complete with scrambled eggs and a cup of tea. It was lovely snuggling and sharing the egg. These memories we make are the most important thing in the world.

I went for a walk in the snow this afternoon with my friend who lost her mother to breastcancer when she was 7. Her mothers' sister married her father and took care of the kids, but an aunt is not a mother. We talked about the memories she had of her mother, and all she could remember were the times they spent snuggling in bed, and the things her mother said about her: that she was an independant person, that she was able to trust her instincts, that she was clever, and that she would make something of her life. My friend is 50 now, and I can tell you she is fulfilling her mothers' dreams for her. It has guided her throughout her life.

So I'm trying to tell my kids what I think are their best qualities. I try to encourage them to think for themselves and I hug them, make jokes and try to inspire them. I take them seriously as persons. That's the best thing I can give them, I think.

Jacqueline
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Diagnosed age 44, January 2004, 0.7 cm IDC & DCIS. Stage 1, grade 3, ER/PR pos. HER2 pos. clear margins, no nodes. SNB. 35 rads. On Zoladex and Armidex since Dec. 2004. Stopped Zoladex/Arimidex sept 2009 Still taking mistletoe shots (CAM therapy) Doing fine.
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