OK...was I rude when I said this?

[PinkGirl]

Hi Rhonda
If I'm ever in doubt regarding whether an apology is warranted,
I offer one. It is not diffucult to say you are sorry.

I also ask myself this question: "Do you want this settled, or do
you want to be right?" Often, wanting to be right doesn't get you
to a very good place in peoples' hearts.

I agree with Bonnie. I don't think this had anything to do with your
message. We never know the whole story about someone else's
life.

All of us here know that you have a big, kind heart. I think you
zigged when you should have zagged!

[rebecca0623]

Thanks for the information on the "clear margins" - I went in for a lumpectomy and node dissection last week and surgeon ended up taking a quadrant of the breast for a 1cm tumor. I was surprised, although I would have said take the whole breast if it got all the cancer, but it has me thinking about margins. I get the path results Monday but I will be sure to get clarity on the margin issue.

[Ruth]

Oh Rhonda ~
To apologize or not? Hmm....
I am thinking that maybe just talking to her (without apology) about the big C and giving her understanding is what she needs. I have friends (male and female) that had radiation only and it was kind of isolating for them. Remember how you went in, undressed, got rads, and left in all of maybe 10 minutes? While chemo you had the chance to talk, really talk to people. In radiation, you aren't sitting next to people in chairs sharing the same experience. Her words of not being able to go on was not maybe the radiation part but the whole crappy cancer part. Which lots of us understand. I can't say how many times during treatment I was a little jealous of someone who had radiation only or a small tumor, got to keep breast, no positive nodes etc... and how crazy is that? Cancer is cancer and to anyone's world it suxs! With a capital S.
You have always written such inspiring sweet posts and I can't imagine you being anything other than a caring, compassionate person. I don't think an apology is called for but maybe a hug.
Ruth

[Bill]

Hi Rhonda! Your comments sounded rude to me, but justifiably rude. Here you are, having gone through 9 kinds of hell, and a long-term member of this site, and seeing what alot of people here have endured, and then this co-worker of yours has apparently decided that radiation is too much trouble to go through on a daily basis, and might "quit". Oh boy, alot of topics are running around loose in this thread. Rhonda, an apology may be the key to opening the door to a closer relationship with her. In my opinion, she needs to suck it up and finish the radiation. Some people have a very difficult time with rads., but from your post, it seems like her attitude was that it was too much of a pain in the butt to go everyday. And as far as the clean margins issue goes, with our technology as it is right now, after a mastectomy, you irradiate the immediate area, because no test can detect the presence of stray cancer cells. Cancer plays for keeps. I'm so very sorry that some of you have had a rough time with radiation, but you have to hit it with everything you've got. Rhonda, like MA said, you may actually have helped that woman. Please keep us posted.

[Jean]

Bill,
yes, your correct - rad treatment mops up the area.
Once a lumpectomy is done, well that is a ticket to radiation treatment.

I understand and RESPECT the fear that some have regarding radiation treatment....but I consider this...
I was dx. with breast cancer now....there can be a stray tiny cell lurking ...so I look at it this way...would I rather worry about the stray cell getting out...or killing it and maybe have an issue down the road with radiation?
First of all, the methods have changed from the radiation of years past...so I am taking my chances with the radiation getting those little #%@&@#$# ....

Rhonda,
as you already know some women want details and some don't...didn't her doctor explain the treatment?
Maybe he did and she didn't listen or got angry as she did with you? Continue to be nice to her as she is
in battle, but NO I don't think you need to feel bad
that you did something wrong. Your heart is open and you were sharing .....

Hugs,
Jean

[Ginagce]

Rhonda, when I was first diagnosed, stage I, lumpectomies (bi-lateral) and rads to one breast, my husband had just come home after 7 months total away.
Four months in hospital and 3 months in rehab.

He had been diagnosed with CNS NHL only days before he went into a coma. After watching him fight for his life for 7 months, my "little surgery" and 7 weeks of rads did seem like a cakewalk and I had trouble even feeling sorry for myself!

Since that time (1997), he has since died, I have had a recurrence,(2004/Stage III, ER+, Her2+, had bi-lateral mastectomies, reconstruction, ACT chemotherapy, 2 years of herceptin and am currently taking an AI which unfortunately, for me means major bone and joint pain.

So, having seen both ends of the spectrum (the only way I know how to describe it) I will say a couple things.

I understand your response to that woman. I don't think you should feel bad about it...

It's always disturbing to hear anyone who chooses to stop treatment of what some, in comparison to their own experience, may perceive as an early small cancer that can be knocked out with rads.

But I don't think that at the end of the day, any of us "measure" each other's pain and truly believe that one of us hurts more than the other.

I also know, from the time I spent here while on Herceptin, that you are a very supportive person and will have other opportunities to be there for her.

So don't beat yourself up about it...okay?

Ginagce

P.S. And I tend to agree with the man on here....if you were talking to a man, that would have been absolutely the appropriate thing to say! (gotta luv em!)