feeling down

Hi. I was dx in Aug 2003. Started Taxol/herceptin in Sept. Had a good response -- my onc suggested a change to try and get a complete response. This week had my first taxotere/herceptin.

I do really well in terms of energy level, stamina. Good appetite. I've lost my hair. But what really bugs me is the horrdi shape my nails are in. The are eally gross -- and its hard for me to do some stuff with my fingers without feeling like Im going to lose my nails.

I'm having a hard time dealing with this new life of mine. We have three kids, agess 8, 3, and 10 months. I want to do everything I can to be here to raise my kids.

I'm scared -- what do you focus on when you have these moments?

Thanks
T.

Tanya,

First, know that you ARE doing everything you can. It's so tough to get past the fear, I know. But I believe that, like Chicken Little, fear can do us in if we let it.

Keep doing your imaging and try to "Bless it, release it and let it go." Draw your fear to you, experience it, then release it mentally. I sometimes use this phrase as a mantra until I'm able to do it!

Hang in. There WILL be better days.

Love and light,

Lisa

Tanya,
Like Lisa said, you have to believe that you're doing your best every day. When I am worried I tell myself not to think too far ahead, because that's a sure way to cause more stress. Just get through one day at a time, focus on loving your children as much as you can each day, and the rest will take care of itself.
About the nails, would it work to wrap a bandaid around the end of each finger? If you didn't have the sticky part touching the nail, it would keep them covered so the appearance doesn't bother you so much,and also protect them a bit hopefully? Don't know if it would work, just a thought.
Hugs,
Lolly

Dear Tanya:

I am sorry you are feeling down. I could really feel how you were feeling in your post. And, the responses you are getting certainly help. I was diagnosed in March, 2003. I am nearing my 1st anniversary? I have been wondering if I will celebrate or mourn, hard to know. But, I suspect it all depends on how I am feeling that day.

Lisa is right, there WILL be better days. And, her mantra is now going up on my mirror to remember and recite. I am a mom, too, and, looking at those perfect little faces (or big faces, as the case is with my kids), this rotten stinkin disease seems so so cruel. But, take a deep breath, put band aids on your nails and get some rest! Your nails will return. Your hair will return, and, most of all, this awful feeling will disappear and a feeling of hope will replace it. Hang in there! God Bless you!

Rose in Kansas.

Tanya,

First, know that you ARE doing everything you can. It's so tough to get past the fear, I know. But I believe that, like Chicken Little, fear can do us in if we let it.

Keep doing your imaging and try to "Bless it, release it and let it go." Draw your fear to you, experience it, then release it mentally. I sometimes use this phrase as a mantra until I'm able to do it!

Hang in. There WILL be better days.

Love and light,

Lisa

Rose,

Thank you for your beautiful message to Tanya and all the rest of us.

Love and light,

Lisa

Tanya, what you're feeling is so normal...this disease has many highs and lows. Like Lisa's mantra, I think of two things: Let Go and Let God and "Hug the Monster." The Let Go portion reminds me that I can't control many things that I'd like to. After all, none of us would be experiencing this if we had control. Second, Hug the Monster isn't is silly as it sounds. I finally had to embrace this diagnosis, think it through as best I could, empower myself with knowledge (and all the knowledge of this board) and move forward. I know that some days are better than others. I hope you know there are a lot of people here who not only understand you, but wish they could make things different for you.
Take care and know that we are all pulling for you -- really!

Thank you all for the beautiful things you said.
Tanja, I understand the way you feel (we also have 2 Children -13 and 7 years old-) and believe me, better days will come and you will be able to laugh again!