Does the anxious feeling ever leave

dawn · 12-06-2009, 05:17 AM

I just cant shake this anxious feeling. Its like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Only for my children I wouldn't go out of the house, I want to curl up and not do anything. I tell myself to shake it off and continue on. I pretty healthly with no pain, I have a small met on my breast bone but its incapicatating me. Wondering what the future has in store. Even though without cancer you don't know. But I cant get by, will this feeling pass with time as I learn to deal with it. Should I be taking medication to help me. Im so scared all the time. I just want to sit and cry and yell why me. Please help.

Dawn

Mary Anne in TX · 12-06-2009, 05:31 AM

Good Morning Dawn!
I'm not sure the "shoe drop" ever really leaves, but it gets easier with each year! Because I'm raising my granddaughter by myself, I so understand you wanting to be there for your kids. So normal. I'm even coming along in that area, knowing that whatever life deals her, my part in it is right now...I'm trusting the next teacher, whether 2 years or 20, will be just the right one for her then. But it's taken me lots of sleepless nights and worrying hours to get there. And I slip off the "trusting stool" often. I just get right back on. God keeps on opening doors!
Getting back into life is different after a cancer diagnosis, I think, but it's not only possible, but can be even better in so many ways. I choose more wisely, I buy more wisely, and I spend my time more wisely. I love more sincerely and walk away when necessary.
You will get better! Get out the door even when you have to push yourself. It's the bestest medicine! People help us create our life and the more you "rub elbows" with them, the faster you will heal from the fears. When you need to curl up and reflect do it, but jump right back out the door when done.
You can do this new life. It's different and often difficult, but I find it also filled with joys and blessings.
ma

Pam P · 12-06-2009, 06:17 AM

Mary Anne - what a beautiful response, lovely, thoughtful, and so true.

Dawn - I can't say anything more heartfelt than what MA wrote - only to add "Amen" to what she said.

For me that anxious feeling definitely has gotten easier. In the beginnning it was all consuming - like you describe for yourself. Do whatever you need to do as hard as it is to break through it. Talk to a counselor, friends,support group, whoever can help you voice the fears and to help put some of the anxiety into perspective. Talk to the dr about anti-depressents to help. Get out of bed, get out the door, stay engaged with what brings you happiness and life today. Then TRUST. You have a plan, a trt to manage this met, you are in good health, and have good care. As the months go by the anxiety may still be there, but consumes less of your day and energy. As the years go by you realize you are living with cancer, as a cancer survivor and life is good. One day at a time, one step at a time... What you are feeling is normal. Accept the feelings, let them out and let them go. Meditation helps me.... find what's helpful for you. Then allow yourself to relax and accept calm and joy and life happening right now. Now I'm rambling... just keep hugging the kids, enjoying each day, and living life.

Sheila · 12-06-2009, 06:48 AM

Dawn
Yes, the anxious feeling is not so overwhelming now, but as you can see in our posts, it still revisits us at scan time, or when something unusual happens.

After the initial shock of diagnosis, i have always tried to stay focused on the positive....not the why me, but why not me? I have learned to use this disease as a second chance, I know whats important....and I take advantage of each day....when i was told i was stage IV, back in 2003, I thought I was near the end....well, guess what, here in 2009, I am still fighting, still on treatment, but still alive. People tell me often that I look so healthy....my reply to them is, if it wasnt for the damn cancer, I would be healthy.

If you arent already in a local support group, seek one out....others here and in aa support group can help you get through the anxiousness.....try to start living again, and focus on your children, and all your blessings...there are days when i forget about cancer...and its wonderful!

caya · 12-06-2009, 10:05 AM

Dawn,

I echo what eveyone has said. Although I am not stage IV, I still worry, it's always in the back of my mind.

If you feel you might need anti-anxiety meds, don't be shy about speaking to your onc. or GP about this. Many of us are taking some form of this medication, it's been a great help to me.

all the best
caya

Adriana Mangus · 12-06-2009, 10:54 AM

Dear Dawn;

Please make an appointment right away with your personal physician.

I see that you are up in the middle of the night worrying about this disease, you need to stop. You need your sleep, more than ever it's crucial for you to sleep and let the hormones do the job they do when we sleep...keeps us young and healthy.

Please, do it for your children.

I have been on Paxil-- it's an antidepressant, it works for most people with middle/major depression. It's a non-habit forming med, so it you want to discontinue taking it you can without any major problems. (Always check with your doctor, though.)

I know how you feel, I was 38 first time I was dx with this stupid disease, am now 54. I never thought I will see my daughter graduate from High School.

She has not only completed her H.S. education, but now she's in the process of developing her Master Degree program and curriculum and will begin classes early February 2010.

There are so many drugs nowadays, although there is no cure, these drugs are keeping us alive.

Dawn; if you want to talk to me, please let me know. Please email me and I will send you my phone#. I no longer work, time it's what I now have.

Love,

Adriana

karen z · 12-06-2009, 10:55 AM

Dawn,
I am not the best person to ask in that I tend to "run" anxious anyway. Having had cancer certainly has added to my anxiety. The advice that Mary Anne and others gave was wonderful. And I agree with Caya completely. Do not be shy about asking for something to help with your anxiety. If you have a good internist, you might start there (or find one) as that individual should be responsible for "tracking" any and all meds you are taking and coordinating things with your oncologist and other doctors. Talking in a support group or with a counselor who deals specifically with cancer can also be very helpful (in addition to MA's advice to "get out there").
Best,
Karen

Paty · 12-06-2009, 07:19 PM

Dear Dawn,

Needless to repeat all the wise words that our 'sisters' have just mentionned. I usually go through similar times and are very scarry of the return of 'the enemy'. I would advise that if you are feeling very anxious, get an appointment with your physician. I took medication for a while and it did help a lot, I am ready to go for new treatments as my depression and anxiety are back again. I am sure your doctor will be able to help you with the problem. Love,

Paty

Jackie07 · 12-06-2009, 11:08 PM

Dawn,

Glad you have shared your feelings with us. I hope you are feeling better after reading all the encouraging postings. "Life is not fair but God is good." You have many loving family members around you. I hope you will enjoy the holiday gatherings with them. Treasure the 'here' and 'now' and trust that things will work out. You've been a fighter, keep on fighting the good fight!

And yes, please make an appointment with your family doctor or another health professional right away.

dawn · 12-08-2009, 05:06 AM

Thankyou everyone. I've started taking lorezepan for the anxiety and it has made my life 100% more bearable. The weekend has been fastastic with my kids. We did skating, treelighting, a party friday night, Mass Saturday Night, had our first snow storm sunday and our first snow day yesterday, so it was sliding, snow balls and fun with the kids. I can only thank you so much for getting me out to enjoy those times.

Thank you, thank you, thank you

caya · 12-08-2009, 06:52 AM

Hi Dawn,

Glad you checked in to give us an update.
Sounds like you're back in the swing of things!!

Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas,
all the best
caya

CourtneyL · 12-09-2009, 01:22 PM

Dawn, I am glad to read that you found something that is working for you. Good old Ativan has been my magic pill on more than a few occasions when I felt like I just couldn't handle my life. The anxiety never entirely goes away but it does subside a great deal and it does become easier to deal with. Its getting use to the "new normal" that takes awhile. Our old lives as we knew them are gone forever. But in their place, an opportunity has arisen. An opportunity to really know, in a way that most people don't, that our time here is limited and we must do what we can to make the time as enjoyable as possible.

My prayer for you is that you will beat down your met and have a long and happy dance with NED - enjoying life to the fullest!

Happy Holidays!!

dawn · 12-09-2009, 07:01 PM

Thank you so much courtney.

Happy Holidays to you also.

Dawn

juanita · 12-18-2009, 01:29 PM

so glad that you found something that works for you. my magic pill has been zoloft. haven't been able to go off of it yet and when i've tried my family is begging me to go back to it.

Wendywins · 12-18-2009, 11:35 PM

Dawn,
The anxious feeling does leave but the greater awareness of how beautiful the nature that surrounds us , the sweetness of the moments with loved ones, and the delight in the opportunity to experience it all stays with us and is the "gift" that surviving a cancer diagnosis leaves with us.
Its been nearly 8 years since my diagnosis of a "very aggressive cancer" in 2002. After 3 operations, 2 kinds of chemo, radiation and after effects that were painful, I am happy with life. As someone who does not expect any life after death, its jolly good to be alive.

dx 2/02 Her2neu+++, Er-/Pr- (Stage 2); 1pos. lymph node
3/02 lumpectomy; no clean margins
04/02 lumpectomy; no clean margins
Adriamycin/Cytoxin ; 4 infusions
7/02 mastectomy +removal of lymph nodes (levels 1 +2)
Taxol : 4 infusions
several infections requiring rd the clock antibiotic injections..
25 days radiation
Taxol nerve damage to feet..etc.

mcgle · 12-19-2009, 12:09 AM

And I thought I was the only irreligious one on this site ...

Mcgle (UK)