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Old 04-05-2014, 04:52 PM   #1
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Posts: 237
Hiding anxiety attack.

What do you do when you have anxiety attack about your wife illness (especially the first few days after news of progressing disease) when it's getting harder to control the anxiety and/or keep your wife from knowing about your anxiety?

Many thanks,

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Old 04-07-2014, 03:27 AM   #2
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Re: Hiding anxiety attack.

Hi Nguyen,

I've had several anxiety attacks in the past 30 years. So I know what you are talking about.

The first time happened when I was worried that I couldn't see my family doctor (at least that's what he put on the chart) Once I was squeezed in and went to his office, a glass of water calmed me down.

My husband, who's been with me all these years treating brain tumor (and recurrence) and breast cancer (and recurrence), has been diagnosed with 'generalized anxiety disorder' and the daily pill (and daily walk prescribed by his cardiologist) has helped him tremendously.

I was the one encouraged him to seek help - most men (and probably most women as well) are resistant to the idea of seeing a psychiatrist. He went to the doctor and then was prescribed a talk therapy for several months besides the antidepressant.

He's now back to (the jolly) himself and can drive and function normally.

Sending you good vibes.

Erythema Nodosum 85
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Last edited by Jackie07; 04-12-2014 at 04:49 AM..
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Old 04-09-2014, 02:31 AM   #3
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Re: Hiding anxiety attack.

Hi Nguyen, that must be so stressful for you. My Mum (one of my 2 dearest people in the world) was diagnosed with breast cancer this year, and it would be so scary to be facing a progression.

This may not be the case, but is it possible that you are each putting on a brave face for each other and it might help to talk to each other about the fears this news brings up for you both? Right after mums diagnosis we were both terrified that she may not have long to live, and as painful as it was, talking through all this together was so much easier than each thinking it but being afraid to say it for fear of upsetting each other. Only you will know if this would help in your own situation - depends how your wife is handling the news.

Counselling and/or anxiety medication may also be helpful.

Best wishes, I really feel for you.
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Old 05-06-2014, 09:17 PM   #4
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Re: Hiding anxiety attack.

Hi Nguyen, I pray this post finds you feeling less anxiety ridden and hopeful. My husband and I we're experiencing the same as you with out telling the other! Until I saw him! I beleive the feelings are much the same for both of you. Noone wants the other to go anywhere! Gods blessings are all around you. Please know you and your family are in my prayers. His peace my friend.
dx 11/12/09 IDCI
Stage 3a
ER 98% PR 80%
Her2 +3
4/12 nodes
6 rounds TCH
Herceptin 12 months 3weeks
Rad. 30 tx
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Old 05-11-2014, 11:01 AM   #5
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Re: Hiding anxiety attack.

Hi all,

Thank you very much for your supporting thoughts, it actually help reading them.

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Old 05-25-2014, 07:08 AM   #6
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Re: Hiding anxiety attack.

I got breast cancer two years ago and was on antidepressents prior to diagnosis...i know exactly how it feels...the anxiety has been terrible...get antidepressants...if one doesn't work,try another and get xanax for anxiety...that is what has helped me....good luck....
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Old 06-13-2014, 07:16 PM   #7
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Re: Hiding anxiety attack.

what a wonderful husband u are. wish mine had been.
Here is what your wife needs......
Break down crying at anytime in the house, independent of what is going on.
What a mistake for you to hide your dependence and love for her....
You will end up acting like my husband!!! Don't hide it.
Please....allow her to hold you and both of you let go. You will never forget this moment of love. Whether she lives or dies. honest. raw. helpless. emotion. please show her you care.
fall 2008: mammo of rt breast worrisome so am asked to redo mammo and have ultrasound of rt breast.I delay it til january 2009 and the results are "no cancer in rt breast. phew."
found plum sized lump in right breast the day before my dad died: April 17th 2011. saw it in mirror, while i was wearing a top, examining my figure after losing 10 lbs on dr. bernstein diet.
diagnosed may 10 2011

mast/lymphectomy: june 7 2011, 5/20 cancerous nodes. stage 3a before radiation oncologist during our first mtg on july 15th says he found cancer on the lymph node of my breast bone. Now stage 3b.
her2+++, EN-, PN-. Rt brst tumors:3 at onset, 4.5 cm was the big one
chemos: 3fec's followed by 3 taxotere, total of 18 wks chemo. sept: halfway thru chemo the mastectomy scar decides to open and ooze pus. (not healed before chemo) eventually with canasten powder sent by friend in ny (illegal in canada) it heals.
radiations:although scheduled to begin 25 january 2012, I am so terrified by it (rads cause other cancers) I don't start til february, miss a bunch, reschedule them all and finally finish 35 rads mid april. reason for 7 extra atop the 28 scheduled is that when i first met my rads oncologist he said he saw a tumor on the lymph node of my breastbone. extra 7 are special kind of beam used for that lymphnode. rads onc tells me nobody ever took so long to do rads so he cannot speak for effectiveness. trials had been done only on consecutive days so......we'll see.....
10 mos of herceptin started 6 wks into chemo. canadian onc says 10 mos is just as effective as the full yr recommended by dr. slamon......so we'll see..completed july 2012.
Sept 18 2012: reconstruction and 3 drains. fails. i wear antibiotic pouch on my job for two months and have 60 consecutive days visiting a nursing centre where they apply burn victims' silver paper and clean the oozing infection daily. silicone leaks out daily. plastic surgeon in caribbean. emergency dept wont remove "his" work. He finally appears and orders me in into an emergency removal of implant. I make him promise no drains and I get my way. No infection as a result. Chest looks like a map of Brazil. Had a perfectly good left breast on Sept 17th but surgeon wanted to "save another woman an operation" ? so he had crashed two operations together on my left breast, foregoing the intermediary operation where you install an expander. the first surgeon a year earlier had flat out refused to waste five hours on his feet taking both boobs. flat out refusal. between the canadian health system saving money and both these asses, I got screwed. who knows when i can next get enough time off work (i work for myself and have no substitute when my husband is on contract) to get boobs again. arrrgh.

I have a blog where I document this trip and vent.
www.nora'scancerblog.blogspot.com . I stopped the blog before radiation. I think the steroids made me more angry and depressed and i just hated reading it anymore
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Old 06-14-2014, 09:22 AM   #8
Carol Ann
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Re: Hiding anxiety attack.

Nora is right ... it is OK to let it go. In fact it is MORE than ok. So cleansing and healing on so many levels.

Your wife is so lucky to have you!

Carol Ann
July 24, 2013: "Infected" Right Nipple and benign cyst removed, pathology report revealed Paget's, DCIS, and ILC 1.25 cm, ER+/Pro+/HER2 equivocal, Grade 2 under benign cyst, previous diagnostic mammo/ultrasound said I was perfectly healthy in both breasts.

Aug 18, 2013: MRI report says Left breast is perfectly healthy "consistent with previous studies".

Sept 2013: I insist on a bilateral mastectomy anyway. Too nervewracking to let left breast remain with higher risk after 3 cancers in right, nipple in right is already gone anyhow.

Sept 18, 2013: Bilateral mastectomy, 11 right nodes removed, ALL negative BUT -- ER+/PRO+/HER2+ tumor, 1.0 cm, Grade 2 found in a piece of "grossly unremarkable" breast tissue from prophylactic mastectomy of left breast, no nodes removed.

Oct 25, 2013: 13 left side nodes removed, ALL negative, Stage 1 across the board, NO RADS needed, YAAAAY! Port also installed.

Nov 25, 2013 Begin 6 rounds TCH.

March 10, 2014 Just finished 6th and LAST Chemo today, YAAAAAY!

March 24, 2014 Echocardiogram to make sure I'm still good for Herceptin every 3 weeks.

March 31, 2014 Echo results NORMAL, first Herceptin all by itself. Now if only my eyes would stop streaming from the Taxotere ... :)

April 21, 2014 Started Arimidex and therapy for "mild" lymphedema in left hand and arm

May 2014 Therapy completed, I have sleeves and gloves for both arms, a Flexi touch lymph pump to hook up to for an hour every day, and I've become an arm bandaging expert. :)

June 2014 Begin Fosamax to prevent osteoporosis; bone scan revealed osteopenia

Nov 17, 2014 FINAL Herceptin!

Dec 4, 2014 My right thigh muscle has been extra achy for days ... I discover a blister rash cluster on the side of my right thigh while taking a shower. Port appointment cancelled until Dec 17, my doc is working me in tomorrow afternoon to see me and the rash. My muscle at least feels less achy.

Dec 5, 2014 Yep, I have shingles. Boo! I start acyclovir and also have a prescription for a painkiller just in case for over the weekend.

Dec 17, 2014 Port is OUT!

January 2016 Shingles again and this time it started where my left breast (where the hidden HER2+++ tumor was!) used to be. My onc nurse got me a same day appointment to see my doc when I called and told her I had a rash on the site. The antiviral meds are working once again, though, so that is good news. :)
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Old 07-15-2014, 04:43 AM   #9
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 7
Re: Hiding anxiety attack.

Hi I am a caregiver and my wife starts rad this week and has a brain MRI this week as well which is the reason I'm on here this morning. . I gain strength by reading this website and I talk to my close friends. Feel free to catch up with me anytime.
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