Bump in the road...talk me off of the ledge

[Carolyns]

Hi All - I am freaking out a little... you know a vmail from the doc on Friday.

Okay here goes... I am Stage IV with mets in the bones. My right arm started hurting a while ago and it has gotten really bad over the past 8 weeks. Now I can hardly move it away from my side. So I finally fessed up to my doctor and she sent me for an exray. The exray said that a fracture could not be ruled out. So the NP sent me for an MRI... I finished the MRI (which was ordered stat). My NP had told me to schedule with a Radiologist Oncologist for next week. Anyway, when I get home I have a message that they made an appointment with a Orthopedic Surgeon for me on Monday but that I still need to see the Radiologist Oncologist. She also told me not to do any exercise over the weekend.

My history is that I had a cervical vertebrae replaced 4 years ago due to bc mets cancer... but it never hurt. I got a call late Friday that I needed to see a surgeon the following Monday. So I am flashing back to needing some sort of replacement surgery. Why would I be going to the ortho? Could it be as simple as just to rule out a broken bone? I am so nervous I have a call into my Dr. who is on vacation.

Ohhh I hate these Friday evening calls. Please talk me down.

Thanks for listening.

Carolyn

[Lori R]

Carolyn,
So glad you came to us...as you've already realized the timing on this could not have been more anxiety provoking. I began to write a series of questions and realized that at the end of the day when we face these incredibly difficult emotional challenges.

Focus on the now. Is your son there with you? What are you guys going to do this weekend? Are you going to make him breakfast tomorrow morning? My daughter really likes chocolate chip pancakes. OK...not health food but she loves them. Can you take him to a fun movie? Stay busy, busy and Monday will come soon enough. Remember...don't let BC steal one more minute of joy and happiness from you.

Calming...soothing...hugs....Lori

[BonnieR]

Okay, Carolyn, back away from the ledge....now take a deep breath..
Don't you just HATE the Friday syndrome.
I suggest, as hard as it is, to not read too much into things until you have concrete reason. After all, it may be nothing more than the doc trying to be efficient and get answers asap. And, as you say, just trying to rule things out.
I recently had a scare with my lungs and PT scans, CAT scans and all of that. It was a weekend deal too. So I know the fear you are feeling.
But, as I always say, keep the faith.

[BonnieR]

Lori's post gave me another thought. As peverse as it is..I kind of welcomed the weekend without any doctor news when I had my recent scare because it was like the calm before the storm. I could not do a thing about anything. It felt like a reprieve or a respite. Does that make sense?

[Becky]

Carolyn

Wow! I think doctor's have terrible timing but perhaps yours just didn't want you to break your arm. Perhaps all you need is some stability - don't we all.

Things will be okay. It might be harder than you would want but whatever. Just whatever. You will be able to do it. You know you can. Don't worry. And if you are, call, call,call. Someone is on duty. Those oncs get paid ALOT of money for someone to be on duty. YOUR onc gets paid alot of money to be on duty. Call him. He gets paid alot to be there once for you. I wouldn't hesitate. If he has an email, email him/her. Why should you be the one who has to think about it all weekend. Call (but at a decent hour since we are all nice people here).

[sarah]

Hello Carolyn,
First a BIG hug. I totally agree with Lori. You don't know anything yet and your doc may just be being very careful since you already have fragile bones, after all, bones is not his specialty.
I never understand why doctors ever chose Fridays to say anything but I think often it's the only day that they have any "free" time to make calls, etc. Doctors do work very long hours.
Concentrate, as Lori says, on the day to day pleasures and chores, maybe go to the movies or out to a meal with friends.
Take some deep breaths and don't let the bad thoughts in.
Your doctor seems to think he knows what you need or is turning to the necessary people and that's a very good sign. It means he has a solution to whatever the problem is. Since it was a phone message he couldn't give you all the info.
You're not alone in this journey.
health and happiness
hugs and love
sarah

[jhandley]

Hi
Just sending positive thoughts your way. Whatever happens you will be able to deal with it. Lots of hugs coming from down under.
Jackie

[MJo]

Oh my. I've had disc surgery on lower back and I have bone spurs on my cervical spine area. Lost the use of my right arm once due to swelling in cervical spine area, which pressed on nerves. So I know that these areas can be troublesome, aside from the cancer.

Maybe it's a broken arm, or maybe there's some swelling in the disks that's causing the arm trouble. Makes sense to send you to the orthopedist. I have a cervical collar that I bought at the drugstore. I wear it at home when my arm bothers me and i feel my neck needs support.

It stinks that once we have cancer, other things go wrong. When we have to fight cancer, I think we should get a free pass on things like back aches, broken bones, rashes and indigestion. Darn, it doesn't work that way.

Hope the cancer is behaving and the orthepedist can fix this trouble.

[Ellie F]

Carolyns
So sorry to hear about this difficulty. I have no words of wisdom only to say that there will be a solution. Please hang in there. it's such c***p that having this disease makes any symptom a worry. Before bc I often had aches and pains and put it down to a bit of arthritis, now any twinge has me fearful and anxious. I guess it goes with the diagnosis but the fear is so hard to live with and so draining.
Thinking of you
Ellie

[ElaineM]

Your doc's timing is not the best, but maybe he was just trying to ask you to take things easy over the weekend until you can go see the people he wants you to see next week and to let you know that you are going to have a pretty busy week next week.
I know it is hard not to think about the doc' message, but try to do something enjoyable and relaxing over the weekend. Treat yourself special, because you are special and deserve to enjoy yourself once in awhile.
We all have our fingers crossed for you. Take good care of yourself.

[tricia keegan]

Hi carolyn,

I hate when that happens right before the weekend too!!!

Just wanted to send you hugs and good wishes for your appt!

Tricia xx

[Kathy T]

Hi Carolyn,
I, too have bone mets and have consulted with the ortho-surgeon several times at the request of my oncologist. In my case I know he wanted his input and advice. Keep us posted--we are thinking of you.
Kathy T

[Patb]

Sending you peaceful thoughts from across the state.
Enjoy the sun and call the Dr. if you can, if not use this
time to set up a plan, at least you feel like you are doing
something. I now waiting is the worst thing for all of us.
Please let us know what Monday brings. The best
patb

[Carolyns]

Update....this is what heard from my doctor:

You have a lesion in the humeral head and a possible fracture. It is not very clear but there is a suggestion of a small fracture. You usually treat that with radiation but I want the orthopedist to give us an opinion. I don't expect surgery.

So that is the update, knowing is better than not knowing for me.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!!! It is amazing how much alone I feel when the things I try to think of as bumps in the road freak me out. I mean this journey forces us to become tough cookies but sometimes rather than the tough getting going the tough just want to roll up in a ball and cry forever.... go away cancer and leave me alone. No one in my alternate universe can handle this type of reality... they try hard but... It is here that I come when I am most affaid. Thank you for always being here and listening and knowing just the right things to say.

Love, Hope, Peace, Carolyn

[Shobha]

Hi Carolyn,

So happy to learn that it is only a small fracture and not the C word. I totally understand coming here when you are most afraid. I do the same.

Hugs,
shobha

[juanita]

Good luck!

[Jackie07]

Carolyn,

Thanks for the update. Be sure to let us know the follow-up.

I was diagnosed with 'cervical vertebrae degeneration' on the right side of my neck. Since my BC is also on the right side, I'm concerned it might be from BC met. So I am glad to learn that you had one replaced - showing me that there's something we can do about it if indeed my 'degeneration' causes further damage.

Take good care of yourself and know that we are thinking of you.

[schoolteacher]

Carolyn,

Hope you are feeling better today. Glad to hear your update.

Amelia

[Carolyns]

Update - I have an appointment with the radiology oncologist to decide how to approach this new lesion in my arm. The orthopedic gave me a shot of steroid but it didn't help. I feel much better about being on a path. It is easier to get on with things, in the present, when I feel that I am staying on top of this sneaky beast. Trying to stare it in the eye and say not me... not today or tomorrow or anytime soon. Go away or we will blast you back until there is a cure and you are gone for good.

Thanks again for your support and concern.

Love, Hope, Peace, Carolyn

[Patb]

It is always good to have a plan and feel like you are
doing something not just waiting for things to happen.
Keep us posted. Take care.
patb