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Old 06-07-2007, 09:11 AM   #1
Andrea Barnett Budin
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Wink CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC -- hear me out...



CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECT -- please hear me out...
<HR style="COLOR: #aa8799" SIZE=1><!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->I read ILLNESS IS A TEACHING. At first, I was offended. Surely, I did not wish for myself (or any one!) to get ca. But I read further. We all know the mindbody link goes on all day. The mind sends messages to the body, sometimes the body sends messages to the brain, asking for advice as what to do. If we consciously feed our mind with a dialogue that goes something like -- HEAL, I AM COMMANDING YOU TO HEAL AND BECOME WELL AND FUNCTIONING PROPERLY with a heart full of belief and faith in our ability to heal ourselves -- our body responds.

If we are especially stressed, full of anger, resentment, blame, remorse, great sadness, the inability to forgive, a sense of failure, FEAR, much worry and deep concern for our well-being -- our thoughts and our emotions are filled w/a great deal of negative energy. They evoke negative images to go along with them. They evoke the obvious feelings that come along with such ideas and visions. We become a magnetic field calling or drawing negative energy to us from the Universe.

However, if we consciously CHOOSE to fill our heads w/positive thoughts, desired outcomes vs feared and dreaded outcomes -- we can call miraculous results to us, manifesting our dreams. WHAT WE CONTEMPLATE ALL DAY DETERMINES THE END RESULT, for good or bad. KNOWING this power exists, we must consciously choose to be THE MASTER OF OUR FATE and actively participate is our own wellness, programming our thoughts, rather than living victimized by our thoughts. We have the power within us to take charge of our lives!!!!!

I had to work on the forgiveness thing. It was eating at my core. I couldn't let go. All my life I thought what had occured in my childhood could not be changed and therefore I would always feel sorrow for The Child That Was Me. I grieved for her. Was still angry for her. Wanted apologizes for her. Until I saw that in fact I had the power to live in The Now -- where happiness is. That the lost Soul that verbally abused me had not learned how to control his own rage emotions, brilliant though he was. I began to see him as a lost Soul who had failed. I began to feel compassion for him, more than for myself. My love for him sprung up out of no where and filled my heart. And forgiveness soon followed. I made a big ceremony of forgiving him. I wailed and sobbed and all the repressed emotions and thoughts came up out of my Id, the primal part of our mind that REMEMBERS EVERYTHING, unconsciously -- AS IF IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY. Once I freed myself, I began to live more in joy and serenity, even while fighting the ca and the ravaging side effects of the chemo. People asked me, What am I seeing? My countenance was full of bliss and tranquility.

This is what I which for each of you. Somethings to think long and hard about, I know. I pray there are lessons within this posting that will resonate with you. That you will go within yourself and connect with your True Self, at your very center, your Essence. I call it my Soul or Spirit. Once you align yourself with sacred energy, that fragment of divine energy from your Source, your world changes forever. Once you begin to identify yourself as A RADIANT SPIRIT you will become transformed. You will begin to see the world through the eyes of your Soul and love, kindness, generosity of Spirit, humble gratitude and awe will fill you up to overwhelming. That is what I wish for each one of you with all my heart. Bless your life with such KNOWINGS, please... ANDI
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Andi BB
'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...

'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...

Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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Old 06-07-2007, 11:20 AM   #2
Vi Schorpp
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A very thought-provoking post...along those lines, I read a book that I never forgot called Man's Search for Meaning, the premise of which was that we cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond. I understand that positive thoughts generate positive feelings. I try to find the good (or if that's impossible, the humor) in something. I know it's easy to focus on the negative, and it's a habit we can get into without being fully conscious of it. Thanks for your post.l
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Old 06-07-2007, 11:29 AM   #3
Andrea Barnett Budin
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Wink We Need Not Be Victimized By Sour Thoughts

Yes, we can control how we RESPOND. Our illness does not define us, but rather how we choose to respond says who we truly are. I agree, always look for the good -- or the humor -- AND seek out the Lesson buried within the obstacles.

THOUGHTS CAN BE VERY ADDICTIVE. Becoming AWARE of our thought paterns and determining to alter them (with our Free Will and our power of "choice") is EMPOWERING! We need not live victimized by sour, negative, fear-riddled thoughts. We need to stop thinking of ourselves of being the victim. I think of myself as LUCKY! It could have been so much worse, I believe. My husband says if I were lucky I'd have never had bc. But I respectfully disagree. Wholeheartedly as a matter of fact. I have chosen to respond with a positive dialogue running in my head. I choose to rewrite my thoughts and go with the happy images they conjure up. That is the energy I want to put out into the Universe, KNOWING it will be sensed and responded to IN KIND.

Sending loving, healing energy to all... ANDI (BB)
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Andi BB
'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...

'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...

Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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Old 06-07-2007, 01:02 PM   #4
saleboat
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Hello,

I want to make sure that I'm reading this correctly. Are you suggesting that our thoughts can influence our health? Our thoughts can influence our battle with cancer?

Just wondering.

Jen
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dx 4/05 @ 34 y.o.
Stage IIIC, ER+ (90%)/PR+ (95%)/HER2+ (IHC 3+)
lumpectomy-- 2.5 cm 15+/37 nodes
(IVF in between surgery and chemo)
tx dd A/C, followed by dd Taxol & Herceptin
30 rads (or was it 35?)
Finished Herceptin on 7/24/06
Tamox
livingcured.blogspot.com

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow." -- Helen Keller
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Old 06-07-2007, 01:09 PM   #5
Mary Jo
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Hi Andrea,

I was thinking of just ignoring your post as far as a response goes but thought better of it and must repond for the benefit of all my her2 friends who are struggling with recurrence and/or progression of this horrible disease.

I do agree with you when you say that we can choose how we respond to our situations BUT to insinuate (and that is a VERY LARGE BUT) that we can control our overall health by the type of attitude we exhibit is simply not true. I know many, many, many people who have VERY positive attitudes ~ have a fighting spirit and sadly have succumbed to cancer progression to NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN.

I'm sorry to come across a bit harsh on this issue but it really strikes a cord with me and I'm sure with those who have had progression. No one EVER should be made to feel that their outcomes had ANYTHING to do with their attitudes etc. It simply isn't so.

Mary Jo
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"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Dx. 6/24/05 age 45 Right Breast IDC
ER/PR. Neg., - Her2+++
RB Mast. - 7/28/05 - 4 cm. tumor
Margins clear - 1 microscopic cell 1 sent. node
No Vasucular Invasion
4 DD A/C - 4 DD Taxol & Herceptin
1 full year of Herceptin received every 3 weeks
28 rads
prophylactic Mast. 3/2/06

17 Years NED

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Old 06-07-2007, 01:17 PM   #6
Andrea Barnett Budin
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Wink Phsyiology Reflects Psychology... Absolutely!

Your body is a reflection of your psychological state. I am saying that treating the "symptoms" (the cancer, the bad back, the migraine) will not cure you. YOU MUST HEAL what is buried, repressed unconsciously in your Id. We each carry a "reservoir of rage" (Dr. John Sarno in THE DIVIDED MIND -- fabulous but slow read -- so much to absorb!). It lurks beneath the surface and pops up. He says the Superego believes it is protecting us by creating a malfunction or pain in our body, to distract us from delving into what is unhealed in our minds.

Searching in your mind's attic you must uncover what you've naturally repressed, too emotionally painful to investigate, we think. But once we get past that hesitation, and look for and allow ourselves to feel those horrid emotions, we become healed, free from them, free from physical dysfunction. The mindbody link is real. Our breathing, our healing, our blinking all come from signals from the body to the mind and the mind's response. Some is unconsciously carried out. But truly healing involves our being holistically/totally proactively involved!

We have all suffered traumas in our lives we'd like to hide from. Hence our reservoir of rage, coming out inappropriately at a stranger or loved one who "triggers" our reaction as the situation or a word reminds us of past emotional pain. Once we become aware of the tricks our mind plays on us, we can consciously seek to fix the psychological problems we all have. We can heal our emotional wounds. We also have the power to command our body to HEAL. THE BODY HEARS EVERYTHING YOU THINK OR WHISPER -- and takes it very literally. It responds, following orders as directed.

When I say It's killing me watching my husband suffering so much pain from the shingles he just got, I hesitate. I hear that energy. I will NOT allow it to kill me, I counter. Knowing my body will hear my thought. I correct immediately so as not to send the wrong message. I will remain well and healthy, strong, brave and determined, stable with NED! Still it hurts to see my wonderful husband in so much pain. It will not kill me, however. Because I will not allow it. I am alert to my thoughts and thought patterns all day. I monitor them, to weed out fears, wandering worries, doubts, alarm and replace the energy of my thoughts w/loving energy full of compassion, kindness, generosity, gratitude and awe. I then reap a sense of joy and serenity knowing I am doing my job -- staying well, directing my body to do as it is supposed to, per my instructions.

Sending loving, healing energy... ANDI (BB)
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Andi BB
'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...

'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...

Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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Old 06-07-2007, 01:20 PM   #7
Mary Anne in TX
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Hi Andi! I think about my thoughts like sunshine and rain. It seems to me that when I control my thinking, I am adding the healing power of sunshine into my body and spirit. Not sure what depth to which the healing goes, but I know that my thoughts give me peace or give me frustration. I'm a retired librarian and history teacher (plus other adventures) and I love ideas and the freedom to think and believe as I'm brave enough to do. My mom never restricted what I read and I am today so very grateful to her. Can't read the scarey stuff even now, but find myself seeking my own truths about this disease, just as I had to find my own relationship so many years ago with God. Thanks for stirring up the "thinking pot"! Blessings and good thoughts to you, mary anne
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MA in TX.
Grateful for each and every day....

Diag. 12/05 at age 60
Stage II, Grade 3, 4.5 cm primary tumor
ER/PR- Her2 +3 strongly positive
Her2 by FISH 7.7 amplified
vascular invasion
Ki67 20% borderline
Jan - March '06 Taxotere/Adriamycin X 3 to try to shrink tumor - it grew
April '06 Rt Modified Radical Mas, 7 of 9 nodes positive
April - Aug. '06 Herceptin/Taxol/Carboplatin X 8 (dose dense)
Sept - Dec. '06 Navelbine/Herceptin x 8 (dose dense)
Radiation & Herceptin Jan. 22 - March 1, 2007
Finished Herceptin Dec. 10 '08! One extra year.
Port removed August, 2012.
8 1/2 years since diagnosis! 5 1/2 Years NED!
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Old 06-07-2007, 01:50 PM   #8
Andrea Barnett Budin
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Red face Mary Anne

What a great thinker you are! Sunshine and rain. Good visual. I wish you SUNSHINE AND JOY AND ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE. Yes, that energy is very therapeutic and very healing. I picture a radiant white Light coming from above through the top of my head and washing through my body. Divine, Universal healing touches every cell in my body. I do this daily. And of course I feel bathed in it, calm, serene, joyful as a result of this practice. When the rain comes I know it is necessary to cleanse myself of the toxic thoughts. I experience them, vent them and release them as quickly as I can. I substitue thoughts full of love, compassion, kindness, generosity, authentic verbalized gratitude for my many blessings and awe.

I try as best I can to stay clear of what ifs and I'm just afraid thats. But they do occur. They need to be wrestled with and then booted out. They are hazardous to my health, I know.

I love your free, open mindedness. You are indeed brave. It takes a lot of courage to take this journey. But, I have discovered, that it also takes a valiant effort to think w/yr innate spirituality. It is life-altering. Transforming! I'd never have taken this road had the ca not occured. Which is quite amazing. We are always where we need to be. I have taken the Lessons and kept them close. I too don't read the scary stuff. I can come up w/my own scary scenarios. I am not a statistic. IF ONE PERSON HAS SURVIVED YOUR KIND OF CANCER -- THEN YOU CAN SURVIVE! We each have the potential to be a miracle, calling our desired destiny to us, healing ourselves with faithful determination every day, throughout the day, as we rise up and as we lay down. I thank God every day for sustaining me and enabling me to survive and enjoy the gift of each day.

Blessings and good thoughts to you and all... ANDI (BB)
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Andi BB
'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...

'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...

Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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Old 06-07-2007, 02:02 PM   #9
Esther
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Andrea I appreciate your right to believe whatever you wish, but to post your thoughts as if they are the complete truth and answer doesn't sit right with me.

I think you are way off in the conclusions you reach. Yes we can control our thoughts, and positive thoughts make our overall QOL much, much better.

But the concept that some inner pain or hurt that we need to uncover, is the core or our illness just flies too far off the radar for me.

I'd feel more comfortable if you were more open with the idea that these are YOUR thoughts and opinions, and are sharing them for discussion, rather than the blanket way you are putting them out there.

This sounds like just another version of blame the victim. I do not believe that I caused my cancer by anything I did or did not do, or by any repressed anger or hurt feelings. I'm also the Queen of positive thinking and positive living, even though stage 4, I snow ski 30 days a year, water-ski, rock climb, motorcycle ride, play golf and travel extensively.

While all this makes my life fuller and happier it does not cure my cancer.....
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Old 06-07-2007, 02:30 PM   #10
lightsteve
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I wonder, is the 'you are what you think' a feature of humans or all life forms? Is llness and death in dogs, cats, chickens, mice, etc. due to psychological states?
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Old 06-07-2007, 02:39 PM   #11
Caroline UK
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Andrea, I too respect your right to hold your own views, but that is all they are, not facts. It does seem that our thoughts and feelings have a physiological effect on the immune system, and even without any of the scientific studies that would make sense. That's really important, I agree, but I think it's still only a small part of the whole picture. To suggest that you can heal yourself by the power of positive thinking, is to also suggest that you are to blame if you don't heal, and that I feel is quite wrong and unhelpful.

Since having bc I seek out things and people who make me laugh. I go and see funny films, and I'm slowly easing away from people who I now realise bring me down and sap me of my energy and love for life. I look on the bright side more, and consciously count my blessings ( I now see how many I have, too). I take care of myself more, walk up the stairs instead of taking the lift, take regular vitamins and supplements, eat better, make an effort to see friends and tell people I love them. I appreciate my ever-increasing, post-chemo energy, and notice the small stuff more.
I'm sure we'd all agree with you that we need to 'think positive', and if nothing else, it makes for a happier way of living and being. Anything else, like the effect it may or may not have on our immune system, is an added bonus.

I don't want to put a complete downer on what you've said, but I would just urge you to take extra care over how you say things, perhaps. We actually just don't know what would or wouldn't happen if we did nothing at all to look after our minds, bodies and souls.
I can see that you want to encourage people to take responsibility for their own happiness, and I like that in you and your previous postings. I'm glad to be reminded. BUT, we can't take 100% responsibility for whether we beat cancer or not. I'm wondering if maybe you didn't quite mean it like that, but that's how I understood it from what you said.
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Caroline
Diag. March 10th 2006, aged 46.
Invasive ductal carcinoma, 2cm + multifocal. Stage 2, Grade 3
HER2+++, ER+/PR+
Right mast. May 2006. 6 of 20 nodes positive
FEC x 4, taxotere x 4; port implanted after 6 cycles
Rads x 25
1 year of Herceptin ended Nov 07.
Arimidex 5 years

Considering reconstruction, maybe soon...
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Old 06-07-2007, 02:54 PM   #12
Adriana Mangus
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I Agree with you Andy

I believe that's the reason am still around am extremely positive, no matter what, or where,who. I simply put my mind to work and puff!!!..

Sending positive vibes to you all..


With much love..
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1994 - rt brst, .lump, underarm node dissection,chemo+rad 1.2 cms, Grade 3.
28 nodes neg
Er,Pr, Positive HER2 status unknown
2003- Recur to rt lung.July 16 ( B-Day!)
Her2+++ Er,Pr, Negative
2003 - Aug04--Navelbine + Herceptin
2004- 2007--
NED - Herceptin, only
2007 Feb-April Xeloda added to hereceptin
2007-May Back on Navelbine+Herceptin
2008-Feb-Mar 15 Ses Rad to Rt. Lung
2008- Oc 17 Add Tykerb to Herceptin
2009- June-- Discont Tykerb
2009 July 7--Current Taxol + Herceptin
2009 Dec--Discontinued treatment due to progression. Looking into cyberknife.
2010-Aug Accepted to TDM1, no SE, except liver count went up.
2010-2011 September got kicked out of the trial, due to a small spot found on lung.
2011- 2012 September thru early 2013 on Herceptin
2013- March Bone density shows small spot on 5th rib.
2013 - April 4th appt with onc. will post after discussing course of treatment.
2013-March-April Cyber knife to brain and radiation to rib. Chest --base line before chemo-CT-Scan stable for lung issue. CA2729 Normal.
2013 April Herceptin- TDMI
2013 Sept Herceptin + Perjeta . CA2729 within normal range. Brain and Pet scans October 31st. will post results.
2013 October Brain MRI- mixed response. Will see Onc/rad on Halloween.
2013 October/November Brain-MRI nothing new. Repeat MRI next year in May.

2013 December Continue Herceptin and Perjeta. Stable at the moment.
2014 February Brain MRI -clear!
2014 January Added Taxotere to Perjeta+Herceptin.
2014 March Stopped chemo-chest ct-scan next.

2014- March Scans shows tumor's larger, CA2729 higher. Discontinue Herceptin.
2014 April Perjeta+ Halaven
2014 April CA2729 went down 60 points after one cycle. Cough does not want to go away.
2014 June Continue on Perjeta + Halaven-- no more cough. Stable
2014 June Back on Herceptin + abraxane
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Old 06-07-2007, 03:03 PM   #13
Andrea Barnett Budin
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Wink We Each Have Our Beliefs

I am not a doctor or medical professional. I am a bit of a professional patient, as the result of the last 12 yrs. I have read extensively on spirituality and have found many lessons and messages that resonated with my heart. And I believe these things to my core. I share them for whatever they are worth to you, praying they ill inspire you to think long and hard and draw your own conclusions. I mention THE DIVIDED MIND by Dr. John Sarno, who I actually saw in 1980 for a debilitating agonizing bad back that orthopod wanted to operate on, but I refused that knowing many who'd had the surgery and had either no good result or fleetingly good. Dr. Sarno is a physiatrist. He deals with the entire body, treating the entire patient, versus just the symptoms. Not getting at the cause. He is a professor at NYU, was head of the NYU Medical Center outpatient clinic and taught at Rusk Institute. His views are controversial. Mainstream docs don't see bodily malfunction as he does. After two yrs of constant pain at the age of 40, reaching for a way to live w/my diagnosed "degenerating disc disease" (which was visualized on MRI w/a protruding disc that was oozing AND the spasms of which could be felt by the doc's hands) -- this healer taught me about the power of our thoughts.

I had been alert to the mindbody connection in the '70s, watching PBS specials w/studies on the topic and was blown away by the power of the mind. A young adolescent had a very serious illness, I can't recall precisely what. But what struck me was they had given her some new med that "cured" her, or stopped the symptoms. But she was young and could not stay on this drug longterm. They began infusing her w/the drug while exposing her to the very pungent odor of roses (or some such flower). Slowly they weaned her off the drug. Her body began to respond whenever exposed to that odor that had trained her brain to respond (much like a conditioned response). She "took" the odor regularly, and remained well. That's incredible I thought.

Another woman, dx as a split personality, would change character before the doc. One was a diabetic. When she believed she was the other personality, her glucose was normal. When she believed she was the diabetic personality, her glucose soared. Isn't that interesting I thought.

So Dr. Sarno, who's book is poignant and worth slowly reading and digesting, explained the power of our thoughts w/lectures and demonstrations -- as I began to see that I was stuck in a cycle of fear/pain/fear. The more pain I felt, the more fearful I became of having a recurrence of total dibilitation, the tenser my muscles became, squeezing and pinching nerves creating more pain. My God I have a degenerating disease of the SPINE! That means I will only get worse than I already am! More fear. Which created more pain. Around and around in a circle. Dr. Sarno explained that each time I felt the "gasping" pain out of nowhere I should stop what I was doing and go back and search my mind for the exact thought I was thinking at the time the pain struck. He predicted that I would prove to myself that EVERY time I would see a connection to a stressful thought (from what will I make for dinner to how will I deal w/my youngsters temper tantrums). As I proved this to myself over the next wks, I began to see that my thoughts were creating the gasping, debilitating pain, along w/my body's help in tensing, etc. Within a month I was pain free. My back was healed. No meds. No rehab.

I felt no guilt about having caused my own pain. It was not consciously intentional. It is the way our minds impact our bodies. I took the lesson and began to apply the power of our thoughts in positive ways. I had no desire t punish myself. I happen to like myself very much. My Spirit wants what is best for me. But I never even knew it existed before bc. My ca led me on a spiritual journey that enhanced my QOL immeasurably. I found serenity, enriched joy, greater compassion, more kindness, awe and gratitude than I ever imagined possible. And that is what I wish for all of you. So I try to share my experience. I do not wish to change your mind, but make you think a bit, as Dr. Sarno made me think. Test it out. See if it works for you.

Surely I do not blame the victim. But, in hundreds of ways, we are all victims, beyond bc. We have all suffered traumatic events in Life. Not to would be remarkable. Pain makes us grow, makes us more OPEN to receiving lessons and messages. Bc has opened my heart to become a vessel for Universal Love. I meditate with my hands out and palms up, as I read that this makes us more able to "receive" energy from the Universe. As I think loving, kind, compassionate, generous, grateful thoughts full of my goals and dreams for myself and those whose lives have touched mine -- that energy will draw LIKE ENERGY from the Universe to me.

Never feel you have cursed your life. But rather see a way to bless your life. Don't respond with anger and outrage. See the gift of such KNOWINGS -- the PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT they offer. I wish you all bliss and tranquility, empowerment and healing and generosity of Spirit... ANDI
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'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...

'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...

Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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Old 06-07-2007, 03:04 PM   #14
Carolyns
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CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECT -- please hear me out...

Hi Andrea,

You said it was controversial and you are right. I work with a healer and we have similar, sometimes heated, discussions. On this journey I find it much easier to have this perspective when my counts and scans are good. I find that this perspective adds to my guilt and sadness when my situation takes a turn in the wrong direction.

Love, Hope, and Peace,

Carolyns
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Old 06-07-2007, 03:24 PM   #15
kimber
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Andrea:

I am appalled that you would insinuate that any of us gave ourselves this disease. Have you ever heard of GENETICS among other things. Give me a break.

This board is for HELPING one another. Not blame! I am sending YOU prayers.
-kim
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IDC stage IIA
ER+ (100%) ER+ (75%) HER2+
double mastectomy
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6 months Herceptin - stopped due to MUGA
35 chest wall rads
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Lat flap with silicone implant reconstruction on left side due to radiation. "Normal" silicone on right. Finished all reconstruction 6-07!!!
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Old 06-07-2007, 03:30 PM   #16
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Sorry, I disagee

I REALLY appreciate what you are saying, and I am really not questioning your right to choose your own beliefs and your own path, but I do think your comments are a bit inflamatory and disrespectful to those brave (and positive) people who have battled bc and lost.

Regarding your primary premise, I have to agree with Maryjo and the others who have so clearly articulated a more reasoned point of view. And, I have a simple question for you.....if you take your thought process to its logical conclusion, why are you still on Herceptin? If you follow your own counsel wouldn't you be able to do without it? It seems you might want to lecture others about swimming in the deep end of the pool, while you hold on to the ledge....
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Dx 1/2/07 DCIS/IDC
Lumpectomy 1/4/07 1.1cm tumor
SNB 3 nodes clear
Stage 1, Grade 2, HER2+++ (FISH 6.8)
ER + / PR +
TCH, 6 rounds, finished 6/1/07!!!
Herceptin to continue for 1 year
36 rads finished 8/22/07
Port out 8/27/07
Switched to Herceptin weekly for joint pain
Ooph 11/13/07
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Old 06-07-2007, 03:38 PM   #17
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Interesting post, Andrea. I do agree with you to a point, but I just wanted to share that when I was diagnosed in 2001 my prognosis was "poor" and I had the worst attitude. I walked around under a dark cloud for months, and my thoughts consisted of "I'M DOOMED"- I did show up faithfully for chemo/radiation and a year of Herceptin and slowly, slowly I realized that I wasn't dying after all...No one is more surprised than I am that I am still here six years later. Now I am filled with joy and wonder and look for the positive in everything, but this attitude definitely came about AFTER I had treatment that worked for me. I give credit to God, my doctors and medical science (especially Herceptin), but my attitude was certainly not what healed me at the time. I seem to have been healed in spite of my poor attitude, while other positive people in support groups, etc. died. I do think a positive attitude can enrich your life, but don't think necessarily makes a difference in the outcome of your illness.
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diagnosed July 2001, at age 36
large tumor, 11+ nodes
Stage IIIb, er/pr-, Her2+
treated with A/C, weekly Taxol
radiation, + year of Herceptin
on clinical trial. double mastectomy
followed by reconstruction
NED!!
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Old 06-07-2007, 03:45 PM   #18
Andrea Barnett Budin
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Wink Ca Is Not Your Fault

MY CANCER IS NOT MY FAULT. Absolutely, I agree. I do not in any way blame myself or feel any guilt or shame. I have always done the best I could at the time. But we are all here to learn lessons, and to love one another and ourselves! Yes it is fabulous that after having bc I am kinder to myself. I see the value of laughter and loving. Very therapeutic and healing. And joyful. It has taught me to walk away from people who bring me down (toxic relationships), people who are not giving of themselves, lack generosity of Spirit and a loving nature. They are takers. I surround myself w/loving people who appreciate me for the True Me. They see my happy smiling face full of tranquility and marvel. I appreciate them for the wise and wonderful Spirits they are and I keep them close, if not literally by phone and email.

I was always optimistic, which is handy when facing an adversity like bc, but I never saw how truly blessed I am. I count all the tiny things, I see the sublime in the ordinary, literally! Now. I have learned much since being dx. I have read much, as all of us have, but I don't pour over the factors and percentages, I focus instead, on spirituality. For me, this is fulfilling and gratifying. It enhances my life immeasurably. It makes me feel happier, more alive and more in harmony than ever before. More than I imagined possible.

I pray for more energy. I watch my diet, eating the good, and rejecting the tempting but bad. I see an oncol/hematol/nutitional expert who has given me multiple supplements (to boost my imm sys, strengthen my heart, fight free radicals, anti-oxi, energize, etc.) Mainstream docs think it's a waste of time. I respect their opinion, but respectfully add supplements anyway, w/my 1 onc blessings. I do my best to take care of my temple (body, mind) and of course my Soul.

Surely I know too many who had positive attitudes but lost their battle. I grieve for their loss to this world, to me. I loved them dearly and tried my best to support them. We all have weak moments and some times we find we stray off the positive trail. I know I have. And how difficult it was to get my footing back. I have failed numerous times. None of us is perfect. Perfect is boring as I see it. I am human. I do the best I can at the time. No one could ask more of themselves. When I was in a valley, lost and groping I did not feel angry or disappointed at myself. I simply tried my best to pick myself up. It would take a comment from my daughter, Pami, who is surely an old Soul, to say to me -- You've lost touch with your spiritual Self. Simple as that. I'd rally. I'd go back to meditating and connecting deep inside myself with my Spirit. And miraculously, all of a sudden, the ME I love being was back!

So, I wish for all of you never to blame yourselves, but to keep searching for lessons and messages and healing in every capacity -- body, mind and Soul. I send you all loving energy at all times because in the end that is what Life is all about -- going within and being lifted up, reaching out and loving one another. Don't beat yourself up -- EVER. Be as kind to yourself as you would your own child or your best friend. That's what you deserve. And keep on doing your best. No one can ask more of you. I wish you wellness in your brave fight, strength to carry on and belief in yourself and your own EMPOWERMENT. That is your birthright. ANDI (BB)
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Andi BB
'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...

'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...

Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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Old 06-07-2007, 04:12 PM   #19
Andrea Barnett Budin
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Wink Sorry You Feel Offended

When I broke my ankle, just after Taxotere I did not feel I had caused the accident. The pot hole created the problem, the way I looked at it. When I was dx w/bc some suggested I go the spiritual route. NO. I would do the mastec/reconst tram flap/and all the chemo AND do the spiritual thing. When I recurred, again absolutely I went w/the cutting edge opin of all 4 oncs -- w/the most aggressive weapon they had in their arsenal, to match my aggressive Her2 gene, found in between episodes. I thank God for Herceptin every day.

I also thank God for my bld pressure meds. Like I would imagine a diabetic is grateful for insulin. My husband's grandmother died of diabetes, before insulin came along. We who benefit from Herceptin (or Tykerb) live in humble gratitude.

Those who have failed in their battle were no less strong, brave and determined. All that we see is not all there is. Reasons beyond my imagination must have been in play. Perhaps they were needed in the Spiritual Realm for a task only they could manage. We are each unique. Why would you think to besmirch their memory w/such ugly thoughts?

I am still a warrior, holding on to the edge as best I can. I do not have any desire to LECTURE you. Sorry you feel that is so. Just trying to offer the best advice I have accumulated over the last 12 yrs to those struggling. Offering my hand -- to grab yours and help you over the edge w/me. That is my motivation. Nothing sinister. It is a loving gesture. Please don't be offended or angry w/my offering. If you are so filled w/harsh criticism that you don't want a spot on the lifeboat -- that is your choice. You do not have to think like me. What I post is a suggestion for your consideration. You are an adult, fully capable of making your own choices. Just some ideas you may not have considered that might be worthy of your attention.

I have nothing but respect and loving admiration for ev women on this board and ev woman I have known that has been thrust on this journey. None of us volunteered for this. But here we are, trying our best to do all we can do to help ourselves. It is what it is is where I went immediately (mentally) when dx. There was no escaping that. But I knew I could choose how I would respond. So I chose to be proactive, informed and take the spiritual path, having gleaned many lessons on the mindbody connection and now using it for my survival. And of course wanting to share these lessons w/all who are OPEN. To blossom you must open. If you are not ready, or choose not to think of the power you have been blessed with -- perhaps you will find other lessons, and hopefully, share them w/all of us. I promise I won't attack you for your opinions. I won't take them personally. I won't feel they fly in the face of those who've fought hard and lost.

Isn't it natural for all of us to wonder WHO ARE LIFE'S VICTORS? Who are the Olympic gold medalists? How did they get there? Was it luck? Or is there a common thread. I have noted this since I was a child, struggling daily against a raging father who was, as I see now in retrospect, a lost Soul. I felt mortally wounded and became mature quickly, fighting for my life against verbal assaults. When someone on TV asked the winners WHY DO YOU THINK YOU WON? I turned and listened intently. Same if they asked the "favorites" why they thought they lost. I turned and became riveted. I saw the common thread. What they all had in common was this -- they each KNEW they would win, or FEARED they would lose. They each SAW themselves winning over and over in the last yr, or vice versa. This lesson impacted me profoundly. Going within myself was how I remained optimistic, open, friendly, loving, compassionate and kind. It all had to happen to make me evolve into who I am today. And I am grateful for it all. No anger. No resentment or blame. No inability to forgive. I am free -- to BE. Sending you loving energy to nourish your Soul... ANDI
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'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...

'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...

Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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Old 06-07-2007, 04:22 PM   #20
Andrea Barnett Budin
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Wink Dear Appalled

Try living with more generosity of Spirit. I INSINUATE nothing. I am very straight forward. About myself, my feelings, my thoughts, precisely. Dear God, you, nor any or us, gave ourselves this disease. Do not twist my words. Perhaps you should read some of my posts. Or perhaps you're too busy being offended, defensive, angry and appalled to read any of my posts. Perhaps you could learn something -- if you are OPEN, in mind and heart. Let go of the rage, it's really not good for you. Don't mean to be offensive. Progressive maybe in my thinking, but surely many experts on holistic med agree w/the premise. Feel free to negate it. Absolutely do not feel "responsible" for yr bc. I do not say I am responsible for it, BUT... Read about Dr. Sarno and my bad back. That might help give you perspective. No one is out to get you. I am simply offering you what I have found. I want to share what I see as incredibly EMPOWERING. I want you to feel personally empowered. It is grand. Sending you loving, healing energy regardless of your point of view... I do not judge any one. It is not my place to judge. ANDI
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Andi BB
'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...

'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...

Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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