How do you help others with Cancer?

Faith in Him · 01-02-2010, 02:37 PM

I am sure you have all experienced this. People ask me to talk to their friends or loved ones when they are dx with cancer. Any kind of cancer.

I am always happy to take the call. To give them encouragement and hope. It is payback for all the help I received and I enjoy doing it. Sometimes I would like to do more.

What are some things you do? I am trying to come up with ideas other than the apparent ones like deliever meals, write a card etc. I have offered to sit with them durring their first chemo but I have never had someone take me up on it. Maybe that is too intrusive.

The New Year has me thinking about how I can be better. I am interested in your thoughts. Maybe someone did something for you that really helped.

Thanks, Tonya

BonnieR · 01-02-2010, 02:44 PM

Listening is what helped most, I think.

Chelee · 01-02-2010, 04:41 PM

I so agree with Bonnie...having some one to just sit and listen is so important. I'm sure you will get some other idea's...but some one to talk to and listen to me was, and still is at the top of my list.

Chelee

Sheila · 01-02-2010, 04:56 PM

Tanya
Sign up to be an angel with Imerman Angels...they are a not for profit group that pairs up survivors with newly diagnosed cancer patients, with like stage and type....I have been doing it for a few years and it is so rewarding...

if you are interested, go to
www.imermanangels.org.

Some of our group met Jonny the founder in San Antonio....he is an amzing person helping people all over the world so no one goes through this journey alone.

Cal-Gal · 01-02-2010, 05:01 PM

I am a new bc survivor and have not been asked to be a bc buddy--

From my experience what helped was my 'bc survivor' buddy--I met her through
Hester Hill Schnipper who I emailed from an online blog--she (Hester) was great and reached out to her network to find someone for me--my buddy was there for me to answer all my questions and support me through chemo--she was an online buddy--also for me receiving notes cards and special 'small' homemade gifts like hats etc from various friends--really helped to boost my morale--

AND NOW=of course this group has been so helpful in the next phase of my treatment the Herceptin--

Love to all--
PS Sheila, the angel network sounds like a fab organization!!!

Mary Jo · 01-02-2010, 07:25 PM

Hi Tonya,

Being there for others and helping them through their cancer dx, treatment etc. has been the most rewarding thing to come my way since my dx.

For starters, I joined Reach Through Recovery through the American Cancer Society however, I get more calls and requests personally than I do through them.

What I find is the most helpful for those going through their dx and treatment is just being their for them. Whether it be over the phone.....in person....but as others have said, listening. Also, while I was going through treatment, I got a card from a couple of people weekly. People that weren't even that close of friends. Just knowing I wasn't forgotten was so helpful. The notes came with messages of encouragement.....reminders that I was being prayed for and sometimes trinkets with messages of hope.

Those are the types of things I now do for those in that "boat." Also, like you I have offered to sit with them at chemo and one person has taken me up on that. Mainly though, I offer to pray....and do....and I keep in touch via the phone and cards with personal notes of encouragement.

So nice of you to want to help - I bet you are a very loved person Tonya....You are special.

Love and hugs,

Mary Jo

WolverineFan · 01-03-2010, 10:30 AM

For me, because my kids are young (dx when they were 8 and 5), anything that helped my kids was HUGE to me. I had family, friends, teachers, school counselors around to let them know they were available and would routinely check on them. People also brought over gifts for them (games, puzzles, coloring packets...things I could do with them even on days I didn't feel my best). I also had some friends that picked them up for a day and had a "day at the farm" and took them to a pottery/painting class.

As for me and my husband, visits from friends were a big boost for us both (we had several family and friends that traveled from Michigan). Also, my first day at work after shaving my head, the group of people that I work with (and I work with predominantly men), all came in wearing pink bandanas. It was an AMAZING show of support. I get emotional to think about it even now. It was very powerful!

Thanks, Shelia for the link. I plan to join!!!

ammebarb · 01-03-2010, 11:20 AM

My cancer diagnosis and treatment was 26 years ago, when my children were 8 and 11. A dear friend got my kids off of the bus on treatment days and took them home with her. She fed them supper and had ours ready for us when we picked them up, post chemo. My CMF chemo went on every three weeks for a year, and that dear friend never missed a treatment day! My dear colleagues supported me every way they could....I taught kindergarten, and on the days when I was most fatigued, they offered to cover my playground duty. They made me laugh, but were also sensitive to my fears and tears. They threw a "chemo's over" party---buying a beautiful cake that said, "Happy Bar Mitzvah, Louie"---complete with reduced for quick sale sticker! I still have hundreds of cards that I can't bear to throw away. One friend visited regularly, bringing an encouraging scripture on an index card.....They became my "sanity pack". There were countless meals and offers of transportation to treatment. Friends and family absolutely surrounded me with love and caring.....I guess any way you can do that for someone who is being treated...would be the ticket!

I have made head coverings recently and take them to my sis's treatment center. We live in a rural area with few residents, so everyone knows much about everyone else. I am often called about someone who is recently diagnosed and usually make a phone call or send a note or card asking if I can be of any help. Usually, I'm a listening ear.

Barb A.

Faith in Him · 01-03-2010, 01:06 PM

Thank you all for your great suggestions. I hope I can follow through.

Woverinefan, My kids were 8 and 5 too at dx. People were wonderful with them. My daughter's birthday party was completely taken care of by others, food and everything.

BonnieR · 01-03-2010, 01:07 PM

Loving all the reflections here. And reminding me of all the kind gestures. The neighbor who stopped by daily to encourage dog walking, even if I could only get as far as the corner. (we had never been close before). A suprise greeting card or phone call. Lunch invitation. Sometimes a homemade CAKE!
It is wonderful to hear about the kids being provided distractions.
People are so good.

Joe · 01-03-2010, 03:50 PM

Tonya,

I would offer to accompany them to their first few visits with their oncologists so that you may assist them in asking the right questions and take notes for them.

We have all been through this experience and know what it is like.

Regards
Joe

Faith in Him · 01-03-2010, 03:53 PM

Joe,

That is a great suggestion. I remember sitting in the first few apointments and nothing the doctor said was sinking in. I was still in a fog thinking this must be some terrible mistake.

Tonya

caya · 01-03-2010, 06:19 PM

I have had a number or women who have been diagnosed with BC call me - some are friends of friends of friends - I give them the low down on chemo, what to expect etc. (re: hair loss, eating, Biotene, fatigue etc.) I tell them to call me if they have any further questions, no matter how trivial it may seem, or if they feel they need someone to talk to who "knows".

I also give them the names of any BC support groups I know of here in Toronto. I am more than happy to help out anyone, I know I had women helping me when I was first diagnosed and in the meltdown mode.

all the best
caya

ElaineM · 01-03-2010, 08:56 PM

I hope I am a good listener when cancer patients want someone to listen to them. I try to give encouragement to the new patients who are scared of chemo. I try to set a good example for others and sometimes I share tips for coping with others who are having problems.
I have held the hands of people who were in pain when a nurse tried to access their uncooperative veins. I have shared my snacks with hungry people in the doctor's office. Somehow those folks were never told their treatment would take a long time and they didn't have anything to eat since early morning.

Jackie07 · 01-04-2010, 08:57 PM

I've been having so many surgeries and job losses, I never could go visit others as I had hoped to after recovering.

In our small local Chinese congregation there was one senior lady who was undergoing lung cancer treatment while I was active there. I played piano (was the only person at the time that had had any piano lessons) and helped do translations during the sermon (from English to Chinese, from Cantonese to Mandarin) for our guest speakers. We have pot-luck luncheon after the service every Sunday, and I was not only exempt from bringing cooked meal, I always got the left-overs to take home.

Not until the elderly lady (78?) passed away (2005?) was I told (by her two daughters) how much encouragement she had felt just by seeing me stay active, happy, and positive about life. She had been given 6 months for late stage lung cancer, but lived 3 more years after getting 2nd opinion and treatments at MD Anderson. I played piano for her funeral and felt that God had been preparing me for everything that I would be facing in my life.

Whenever I am waiting for my appointment in the hospital/clinic, I would always try to start a conversation with either a patient who's by herself or weary family members. Most people would get a boost when I showed them the huge scar on my head (I had earned the badge of honor 19 years ago after a marathon 23-hour surgery)and told them how I had gone through chemos without much trouble. (A good 'side effect' of having cognitive deficit after brain surgery - I generally am able to (choose to) remember only pleasant experiences.

And I always felt very happy whenever someone on this Board communicates directly/indirectly with me . To a person who has been 'happily'struggling (never quite aware of those 'struggles' because of my weak 'short-term memory'

) to stay alive since her premature birth, every day is a great day! Life is always beautiful!

Tom · 01-12-2010, 04:34 PM

Hi Tonya,

Here are my suggestions for what they are worth.

Offer to talk with them about their cancer, or about the weather, but talk with them.

Offer to help with research to find the best doctor or treatment course.

Offer to drive them to their doctor, treatment, or the grocery store.

Offer to have a cup of tea with them (green is best), a sandwich, or an ice cream cone.

Offer to pray with them for their recovery or to go with them to their church or synagogue.

Offer to go for a walk with them, or take their dog for a walk.

Offer them your cell phone number and tell them no time is bad for them to call for any reason.

Let them know that they are not alone in their battle.

BonnieR · 01-12-2010, 07:14 PM

Our area is fortunate to have a Gilda's Club and I began a journal workshop there today. Hopefully it will offer an outlet for people.
And the cancer center has a Navigator Program and I will begin training for that soon
It feels good to pay it forward......and I am grateful to be in a position to do so.
So many people were there for me...