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Struggling with divorce, cancer, chemo. Not sure how to survive. Very bad day!
I'm just reaching out to my sisters because you are going through at least 50% of this agony with me. I was married for 25 years and the divorce became final just over a month ago. He started coming back around recently, probably out of pity, but I (not snoopingly) found his dating profile asking for dates for Christmas parties, which means current. I feel dead inside and not from the poison.
Anyone else going through the divorce aspect. I know it's more common than we would believe. Caregiving is hard. I just feel like the will to fight is dying, too.
I'm not depressed, certainly don't need more drugs. I'm devastated, hurt, and sick. I feel like my future is so bleak and what's the point, except my daughters and that should be enough. If it weren't for them, I'd just wilt.
Any advice or your own experiences shared would be such a blessing. I've turned to scripture and pray and I know that God stays with us but shows us His will in His time. I cannot, cannot, cannot lose faith. Please help.
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6/6/2015-Found a lump in my L breast at 45 years young.
6/12/2015-First u/s
7/2015-Mammogram and 2nd u/s (same day)
8/7/2015-Needle aspiration u/s biopsy. Doctor indicated looked malignant. (thanks doc!! the wait after that sucked)
8/20/2015-Diagnosed w ER+,PR+,HER2+ BC in L breast (now 46 years young.)
9/24/2015-Saw first surgeon, referred by oncologist. Great guy. Office staff not advocates.
10/12/2015-Met w Plastic Surgeon. Amazing doctor. Recommended not immediate due to chemo and 'just get the cancer out first' attitude. Will do recon with him after chemo is complete.
10/12/2015-Called first surgeon's office who told me that it's been too long since the first consult and will need to schedule another consult on 10/24 and then schedule surgery within 2-3 AFTER that date. (BITE ME)
10/12-Found a new surgeon.
10/15-Consulted with new FEMALE surgeon. She was AMAZING! Asked me if I wanted to do the surgery on Monday (in 5 days). Stunned and thrilled!!
10/26/15-Surgery for bilateral mastectomy, port placed, and 3 nodes removed for SNB. 3 drains installed.
10/28/15-home from the hospital to recover.
10/30/2015-Follow up with surgeon. Drains removed. Was told tumor was removed but had more than doubled in size from 1.3 to 2.9cm. 3 nodes removed, all negative. Healthy breast was clear but several suspicious areas on affected left breast. Looks to be Stage 2A. Oncologist appt next week.
11/5/2015-Follow up with oncologist. Planning to start chemotherapy (Herceptin, Taxotere, and Carboplatin together beginning November 30th). Very nervous about side effects, low white blood count, anemia, steriods, etc, etc, etc. I'm not usually one to medicate myself for anything. Not ready for this. Kinda scared.
11/30/2015 - Isaiah 41:10 today for sure. Today was my first day (round) of TCH chemo treatment. Before receiving the cocktail, I saw the doctor who delivered the news that my CT scans (abdomen, chest, and pelvis were all clear). Praise God!! Feeling okay right now after chemo, just a bit sleepy. We'll see how the Neulasta, along with the other effects, rear their lovely heads over the next few days. Prayers please, as always.
12/17/2015-Decided it was time to shave my head and face the music.
1/11/2016-Went in for 3rd treatment. UGG. Spoke to the doctor first. Asked him to reduce the Decadron. Agreed! From 10mg to 4mg dosage. YAY! It still worked and I was able to rest and live. Praise God. I jokingly told him if he felt like dropping some of my treatment, to feel free. Guess what?! He agreed! Agreed to drop my 6th treatment meaning that I now only have 2 left and in March I'll be able to begin the reconstruction process. Additionally, he agreed to schedule me for a brain MRI to just double check for any spread. Anxiously awaiting.
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