|
I have been doing some thinking this week. School shooting, feeding tube removed, death penalty given, a little girl murdered at 9. This world of ours is really changing. I heard someone even speak that the tsunami was a "cleansing of our evil world, so that now we are back to bible times". Whatever your state of mind is after all these "tragedies", no one can understand the state of mind of a cancer survivor. We have brave soldiers that are our sons ages going to war and dying. Courage. We have fireman running into burning buildings. Courage. We have church missionaries going to countries that have deadly diseases. Courage. And then there are us cancer survivors. Courage? If you call getting a disease that is not OUR choice courage? If you call taking chemo, losing your hair because that is the only medical choice Courage? Can you call getting up in the morning even though you want to stay in bed all day Courage? I hear the word "Courage" simultanously with cancer, why? We didn't pick this. We are human beings that want to live just like everyone else. We don't have the luxury of waking up one day just to say "I'm over this now". We have to live with this until the moment we die. "Forced Courage" is what i think we should call it. The kind of Courage that comes from down deep in our souls. The kind of Courage that we get when we look at our children and say "Yes, i will take chemo again to try to live until they graduate". I would have never described me as a Couragous person. I was always the one that would not ride an airplane because" it's going to crash". I was the one that "took shelter" even if a tornado was within a 100 mile radius. And now look at me. I'm in the Couragous section just because i want to live? Having cancer Forces us to be Couragous. It makes us think of our mortality. It makes us think of what we want to wear when we die. It makes us think of our kids's weddings without us. So what do we do. We just get up in the morning, just like everyone else, and live. I have been on 12 airplanes since my diagnosis. I guess if someone wants to call me Couragous for doing this. Well then, I will graciously say "Thank you, you are right. I now know that i'm not in control of my life. Someone else is now navigating for me!".
|
Threaded Mode