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Old 07-23-2011, 04:12 AM   #1
Paula O
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Anybody have any jokes they can share?

Your Duck is Dead–



A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid
her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to
the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly
said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”



The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I am sure. Your duck
is dead,” replied the vet..
“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any
testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”



The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a
few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner
looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front
paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.



The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few
minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and
also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on
its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.



The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this
is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.” The vet turned to his
computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed
to the woman..



The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried,
“$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”



The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the
bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s
now $150.”
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Old 07-23-2011, 01:49 PM   #2
Jackie07
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

O my! That is hilarious!

A junior high friend just posted this on his Facebook (sort of a 'practical joke'):

http://www.wretch.cc/video/sky840120...le&vid=7062247
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http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/doctors-letter-patient-newly-diagnosed-cancer.html
http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/MultiMedi...=114&trackID=2

NICU 4.4 LB
Erythema Nodosum 85
Life-long Central Neurocytoma 4x5x6.5 cm 23 hrs 62090 semi-coma 10 d PT OT ST 30 d
3 Infertility tmts 99 > 3 u. fibroids > Pills
CN 3 GKRS 52301
IDC 1.2 cm Her2 +++ ER 5% R. Lmptmy SLNB+1 71703 6 FEC 33 R Tamoxifen
Recc IIB 2.5 cm Bi-L Mast 61407 2/9 nds PET
6 TCH Cellulitis - Lymphedema - compression sleeve & glove
H w x 4 MUGA 51 D, J 49 M
Diastasis recti
Tamoxifen B. scan
Irrtbl bowel 1'09
Colonoscopy 313
BRCA1 V1247I
hptc hemangioma
Vertigo
GI - > yogurt
hysterectomy/oophorectomy 011410
Exemestane 25 mg tab 102912 ~ 101016 stopped due to r. hip/l.thigh pain after long walk
DEXA 1/13
1-2016 lesions in liver largest 9mm & 1.3 cm onco. says not cancer.
3-11 Appendectomy - visually O.K., a lot of puss. Final path result - not cancer.
Start Vitamin D3 and Calcium supplement (600mg x2)
10-10 Stopped Exemestane due to r. hip/l.thigh pain OKed by Onco 11-08-2016

"I WANT TO BE AN OUTRAGEOUS OLD WOMAN WHO NEVER GETS CALLED AN OLD LADY. I WANT TO GET SHARP EDGED & EARTH COLORED, TILL I FADE AWAY FROM PURE JOY." Irene from Tampa

Advocacy is a passion .. not a pastime - Joe

Last edited by Jackie07; 07-23-2011 at 01:52 PM..
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Old 07-25-2011, 03:51 AM   #3
Paula O
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP4ab...1&feature=fvwp

(Baby humor)

Paula
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Old 07-26-2011, 02:20 PM   #4
snolan
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

I just bought a shirt that says "Yeah their fake, my real ones tried to kill me". I like sarcastic humor, made me laugh.
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dx: DCIS 6/8/10, HER 2+ 7/26/10; Stage I Age 41
Double mast w reconstruction
6 TCH w 1yr herceptin
Tamox.
25 radiation tx
Removal of expander on L due to infection. Tried to save it had 3 bouts of antibiotics and went to see plastic surgeon 2-3x wk to get drained. Saving it was my idea not his. But lost it anyway.
Reconstruction set for December 21st,2011
Finished chemo 12/2010
Finished Herceptin 8/26/11
Reconstruction 12/21/11
Expanders exchanged for silicon 3/19/12
Nipple reconstruction 5/18/12
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11/22/12-Went back to get scar tissue stretched to even the outside of breast, didn't work due to it being radiated skin.
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Old 07-26-2011, 08:25 PM   #5
chrisy
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

my first chemo go round my sister was in charge of making me laugh. this one had me laughing out loud at my desk









These are from a book calledDisorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.









ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?




WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'




ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?




WITNESS: My name is Susan!




____________________________________________









ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?




WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.




____________________________________________









ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?




WITNESS: No , I just lie there.




____________________________________________









ATTORNEY: Thismyasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?




WITNESS: Yes.




ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?




WITNESS: I forget..




ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?




___________________________________________









ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?




WITNESS: We both do.




ATTORNEY: Voodoo?




WITNESS: We do..




ATTORNEY: You do?




WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.




____________________________________________









ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?




WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?




____________________________________









ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?




WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.




___________________________________________









ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?




WITNESS: Are you kidding me?




_________________________________________









ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) wasAugust 8th?




WITNESS: Yes.




ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?




WITNESS: Getting laid.




____________________________________________









ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?




WITNESS: Yes.




ATTORNEY: How many were boys?




WITNESS: None.




ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?




WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?




____________________________________________









ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?




WITNESS: By death..




ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?




WITNESS: Take a guess.




____________________________________________









ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?




WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard




ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?




WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.




_____________________________________









ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?




WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.




______________________________________









ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?




WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.




_________________________________________









ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?




WITNESS: Oral...




_________________________________________









ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?




WITNESS: The autopsy started around8:30 PM




ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?




WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.




____________________________________________









ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?




WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?




______________________________________









And last:









ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?




WITNESS: No.




ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?




WITNESS: No.




ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?




WITNESS: No..




ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?




WITNESS: No.




ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?




WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.




ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?




WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


























































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Chris in Scotts Valley
June 2002 extensive hi grade DCIS (pre-cancer-stage 0, clean sentinal node) Mastectomy/implant - no chemo, rads. "cured?"
9/2004 Diag: Stage IV extensive liver mets (!) ER/PR- Her2+++
10/04-3/05 Weekly Taxol/Carboplatin/Herceptin , complete response!
04/05 - 4/07 Herception every 3 wks, Continue NED
04/07 - recurrence to liver - 2 spots, starting tykerb/avastin trial
06/07 8/07 10/07 Scans show stable, continue on Tykerb/Avastin
01/08 Progression in liver
02/08 Begin (TDM1) trial
08/08 NED! It's Working! Continue on TDM1
02/09 Continue NED
02/10 Continue NED. 5/10 9/10 Scans NED 10/10 Scans NED
12/10 Scans not clear....4/11 Scans suggest progression 6/11 progression confirmed in liver
07/11 - 11/11 Herceptin/Xeloda -not working:(
12/11 Begin MM302 Phase I trial - bust:(
03/12 3rd times the charm? AKT trial

5/12 Scan shows reduction! 7/12 More reduction!!!!
8/12 Whoops...progression...trying for Perjeta/Herceptin (plus some more nasty chemo!)
9/12 Start Perjeta/Herceptin, chemo on hold due to infection/wound in leg, added on cycle 2 &3
11/12 Poops! progression in liver, Stop Perjeta/Taxo/Herc
11/12 Navelbine/Herce[ptin - try for a 3 cycles, no go.
2/13 Gemzar/Carbo/Herceptin - no go.
3/13 TACE procedure
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Old 07-28-2011, 05:51 AM   #6
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Smile Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

This is why I don't exercise ...

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Dx Aug/05 at age 51
2cm. Stage 2A, Grade 3
ER+/PR-
Her2 +++

Sept 7/05 Mastectomy
4 FAC, 4 Taxol, no radiation
1 year of Herceptin
Tamoxifen for approx. 4 months,
Arimidex for 5 years
Prophylactic mastectomy June 22/09



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Old 07-28-2011, 11:11 AM   #7
Jackie07
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

This is why we get Vitamin D from (Vitamin D fortified) Orange juice

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AReD13DKT8g
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http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/doctors-letter-patient-newly-diagnosed-cancer.html
http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/MultiMedi...=114&trackID=2

NICU 4.4 LB
Erythema Nodosum 85
Life-long Central Neurocytoma 4x5x6.5 cm 23 hrs 62090 semi-coma 10 d PT OT ST 30 d
3 Infertility tmts 99 > 3 u. fibroids > Pills
CN 3 GKRS 52301
IDC 1.2 cm Her2 +++ ER 5% R. Lmptmy SLNB+1 71703 6 FEC 33 R Tamoxifen
Recc IIB 2.5 cm Bi-L Mast 61407 2/9 nds PET
6 TCH Cellulitis - Lymphedema - compression sleeve & glove
H w x 4 MUGA 51 D, J 49 M
Diastasis recti
Tamoxifen B. scan
Irrtbl bowel 1'09
Colonoscopy 313
BRCA1 V1247I
hptc hemangioma
Vertigo
GI - > yogurt
hysterectomy/oophorectomy 011410
Exemestane 25 mg tab 102912 ~ 101016 stopped due to r. hip/l.thigh pain after long walk
DEXA 1/13
1-2016 lesions in liver largest 9mm & 1.3 cm onco. says not cancer.
3-11 Appendectomy - visually O.K., a lot of puss. Final path result - not cancer.
Start Vitamin D3 and Calcium supplement (600mg x2)
10-10 Stopped Exemestane due to r. hip/l.thigh pain OKed by Onco 11-08-2016

"I WANT TO BE AN OUTRAGEOUS OLD WOMAN WHO NEVER GETS CALLED AN OLD LADY. I WANT TO GET SHARP EDGED & EARTH COLORED, TILL I FADE AWAY FROM PURE JOY." Irene from Tampa

Advocacy is a passion .. not a pastime - Joe

Last edited by Jackie07; 07-28-2011 at 07:20 PM..
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Old 07-29-2011, 01:58 PM   #8
Paula O
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9oxmRT2YWw

I found this baby's reaction to his mom blowing her nose funny.

When I hear of somebody swallowing their gum, I'm going to think of the photo shared above. HA!

Paula
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Old 08-02-2011, 10:22 AM   #9
Rainess
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

LOVE THIS. Thanks for the laugh!
Michele
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Old 10-03-2011, 08:13 AM   #10
NEDenise
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

Hi!
Not trying to "rush the season", but this made me chuckle.

Good King Wenceslas went out to the pizza parlour and ordered a pizza. The assistant asked, "Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?"
__________________
1/11-needle biopsy
2/11-Lumpectomy/axillary node dissection - Stage 3c, ER/PR-14/17 nodes
3/11 - Post-op staph infection,cellulitis, lymphedema,seroma,ARRRGH!
4/12/11-A/C x 4, then T/H x 4, H only,Q3 weeks
8/26/11 finished Taxol!!!
10/7/11 mastectomy/DIEP recon
11/11 radiation x28
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1/12 Low EF/Herceptin "Holiday" :(
2/12 EF up - Back on Herceptin, heart meds
4/2/1212 surgery to repair separated incision from DIEP recon
6/8/12 Return to work :)
6/17/12 Fall, shatter wrist,surgery to repair/insert plate :(
7/10/12 last Herceptin
7/23/12 Brain Mets %$&#! 3cm and 1cm
8/10/12 Gamma knife surgery, LOTS of steroids;start H/Tykerb
8/23/12 Back to work
12/20/12 Injure back-3 weeks in wheel chair
1/12/13 2nd CANCER-VERSARY!
1/14/13 herniate disk in back - surgery to repair
1/27/13 Radiation necrosis - edema in brain - back on steroids - but not back to work - off balance, poor cordination in right arm
5/3/13 Start Avastin to shrink necrosis
5/10/13 begin weaning steroids
6/18/13 Brain MRI - Avastin seems to be working!
6/20/13 quarterly CT - chest, abdomen, pelvis - All Clear!
7/5/13 finally off steroids!!
7/7/13 joined the ranks of the CHEMO NINJAS I am now Tekuto Ki Ariku cancer assassin!
7/13/13 Symptoms return - back on steroids
7/26/13 Back on Avastin - try again!
8/26/13 Not ready to return to classroom yet :( But I CAN walk without holding onto things! :)
9/9/13 Brain MRI - fingers crossed
Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you, and you alone, to decide. Cavett Robert
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Old 10-18-2011, 07:42 AM   #11
NEDenise
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

Jackie! I can't wait to go buy oranges so I can try the tooth thing! Too funny!

Okay...this husband is nothing like "OUR" husbands would be...

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
__________________
1/11-needle biopsy
2/11-Lumpectomy/axillary node dissection - Stage 3c, ER/PR-14/17 nodes
3/11 - Post-op staph infection,cellulitis, lymphedema,seroma,ARRRGH!
4/12/11-A/C x 4, then T/H x 4, H only,Q3 weeks
8/26/11 finished Taxol!!!
10/7/11 mastectomy/DIEP recon
11/11 radiation x28
1/12/12 1st CANCER-VERSARY!
1/12 Low EF/Herceptin "Holiday" :(
2/12 EF up - Back on Herceptin, heart meds
4/2/1212 surgery to repair separated incision from DIEP recon
6/8/12 Return to work :)
6/17/12 Fall, shatter wrist,surgery to repair/insert plate :(
7/10/12 last Herceptin
7/23/12 Brain Mets %$&#! 3cm and 1cm
8/10/12 Gamma knife surgery, LOTS of steroids;start H/Tykerb
8/23/12 Back to work
12/20/12 Injure back-3 weeks in wheel chair
1/12/13 2nd CANCER-VERSARY!
1/14/13 herniate disk in back - surgery to repair
1/27/13 Radiation necrosis - edema in brain - back on steroids - but not back to work - off balance, poor cordination in right arm
5/3/13 Start Avastin to shrink necrosis
5/10/13 begin weaning steroids
6/18/13 Brain MRI - Avastin seems to be working!
6/20/13 quarterly CT - chest, abdomen, pelvis - All Clear!
7/5/13 finally off steroids!!
7/7/13 joined the ranks of the CHEMO NINJAS I am now Tekuto Ki Ariku cancer assassin!
7/13/13 Symptoms return - back on steroids
7/26/13 Back on Avastin - try again!
8/26/13 Not ready to return to classroom yet :( But I CAN walk without holding onto things! :)
9/9/13 Brain MRI - fingers crossed
Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you, and you alone, to decide. Cavett Robert
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Old 10-18-2011, 08:55 AM   #12
NEDenise
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

DOG FOR SALE




A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a
nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard'


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Old 10-23-2011, 08:29 PM   #13
Paula O
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

Puns Intended(Unknown Author) 1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 4. No matter how much you push the envelope, itll still be stationery. 5. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 6. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 8.Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; Ill go on a head. 11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 12.. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass. 13. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 14. A backward poet writes inverse. 15. In a democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes. 16. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 17.. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, Im sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger. 18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you cant have your kayak and heat it too. 19.. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, Ive lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, Im positive. 20.. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 21. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.




Paula
I didnt sign up for this! I know that I sang, Wherever He leads. Ill go, but cant we at least check the weather report first? How could God lead me into a storm like this one? Just cling to the knowledge that you could be in no safer place than a storm of His making. You are safer and more secure in the tempest with Jesus than you could ever be in the calmest place without Him. That calm, youll come to realize, is an illusion, and the storm is for a good purpose and a short duration.
--David Jerimiah





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Old 10-24-2011, 05:55 AM   #14
NEDenise
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

Paula,
Thanks for the giggles (and groans)...I love puns! I've already copied and pasted this to an email to one of my 'teacher friends' who is a huge pun fan.

But more importantly...thanks for posting the David Jerimiah quote. It actually gave me goosebump as I read it. What a beautiful way to put things in their proper perspective!

Be well, my friend,
Denise
__________________
1/11-needle biopsy
2/11-Lumpectomy/axillary node dissection - Stage 3c, ER/PR-14/17 nodes
3/11 - Post-op staph infection,cellulitis, lymphedema,seroma,ARRRGH!
4/12/11-A/C x 4, then T/H x 4, H only,Q3 weeks
8/26/11 finished Taxol!!!
10/7/11 mastectomy/DIEP recon
11/11 radiation x28
1/12/12 1st CANCER-VERSARY!
1/12 Low EF/Herceptin "Holiday" :(
2/12 EF up - Back on Herceptin, heart meds
4/2/1212 surgery to repair separated incision from DIEP recon
6/8/12 Return to work :)
6/17/12 Fall, shatter wrist,surgery to repair/insert plate :(
7/10/12 last Herceptin
7/23/12 Brain Mets %$&#! 3cm and 1cm
8/10/12 Gamma knife surgery, LOTS of steroids;start H/Tykerb
8/23/12 Back to work
12/20/12 Injure back-3 weeks in wheel chair
1/12/13 2nd CANCER-VERSARY!
1/14/13 herniate disk in back - surgery to repair
1/27/13 Radiation necrosis - edema in brain - back on steroids - but not back to work - off balance, poor cordination in right arm
5/3/13 Start Avastin to shrink necrosis
5/10/13 begin weaning steroids
6/18/13 Brain MRI - Avastin seems to be working!
6/20/13 quarterly CT - chest, abdomen, pelvis - All Clear!
7/5/13 finally off steroids!!
7/7/13 joined the ranks of the CHEMO NINJAS I am now Tekuto Ki Ariku cancer assassin!
7/13/13 Symptoms return - back on steroids
7/26/13 Back on Avastin - try again!
8/26/13 Not ready to return to classroom yet :( But I CAN walk without holding onto things! :)
9/9/13 Brain MRI - fingers crossed
Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you, and you alone, to decide. Cavett Robert
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Old 10-31-2011, 05:58 AM   #15
NEDenise
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

Funny, Clean Halloween Jokes
  • Why did Dracula's mother give him cough medicine?
    Because he was having a coffin fit.
  • What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put a goldfish brain in the body of his dog?
    I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines.
  • Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?'
    Cos everyone was a goblin.
  • Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
    It was a stake sandwich.
  • Dracula decided he need a dog, which breed did he choose?
    A bloodhound.
  • What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
    A dead ringer.
  • What do skeletons always order at a restaurant?
    Spare ribs!
  • Who was the most famous French skeleton?
    Napoleon bone-apart.
  • Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
    No body.
__________________
1/11-needle biopsy
2/11-Lumpectomy/axillary node dissection - Stage 3c, ER/PR-14/17 nodes
3/11 - Post-op staph infection,cellulitis, lymphedema,seroma,ARRRGH!
4/12/11-A/C x 4, then T/H x 4, H only,Q3 weeks
8/26/11 finished Taxol!!!
10/7/11 mastectomy/DIEP recon
11/11 radiation x28
1/12/12 1st CANCER-VERSARY!
1/12 Low EF/Herceptin "Holiday" :(
2/12 EF up - Back on Herceptin, heart meds
4/2/1212 surgery to repair separated incision from DIEP recon
6/8/12 Return to work :)
6/17/12 Fall, shatter wrist,surgery to repair/insert plate :(
7/10/12 last Herceptin
7/23/12 Brain Mets %$&#! 3cm and 1cm
8/10/12 Gamma knife surgery, LOTS of steroids;start H/Tykerb
8/23/12 Back to work
12/20/12 Injure back-3 weeks in wheel chair
1/12/13 2nd CANCER-VERSARY!
1/14/13 herniate disk in back - surgery to repair
1/27/13 Radiation necrosis - edema in brain - back on steroids - but not back to work - off balance, poor cordination in right arm
5/3/13 Start Avastin to shrink necrosis
5/10/13 begin weaning steroids
6/18/13 Brain MRI - Avastin seems to be working!
6/20/13 quarterly CT - chest, abdomen, pelvis - All Clear!
7/5/13 finally off steroids!!
7/7/13 joined the ranks of the CHEMO NINJAS I am now Tekuto Ki Ariku cancer assassin!
7/13/13 Symptoms return - back on steroids
7/26/13 Back on Avastin - try again!
8/26/13 Not ready to return to classroom yet :( But I CAN walk without holding onto things! :)
9/9/13 Brain MRI - fingers crossed
Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you, and you alone, to decide. Cavett Robert
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Old 12-22-2011, 03:56 AM   #16
Paula O
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

Anybody hear any great clean jokes/see cartoons they liked lately? Please share away--I'd love to enjoy them along with you! Laughter has done me so much good this year. Are there others here that look for funny things every day too?

I try and share humor most days in my blog and I think the one I posted today is hilarious:
http://jpoliver.com/wordpress/archives/710
,
Paula
P.S. It's totally a light hearted "just kidding" parent's joke--hopefully nobody will take offense at the humor as none is intended. :0)

Also, here's a "Blonde joke" that I posted earlier this week in the blog:

A plane is on its way to Toronto , when a blonde in
economy class gets up, and moves to the first class
section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks
to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that
she paid for economy class, and that she will have
to sit in the back. The blonde replies, Im blonde,
Im beautiful, Im going to Toronto and Im staying
right here.
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells
the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde
lady sitting in first class, that belongs in
economy, and wont move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to
explain that because she only paid for economy
she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, Im blonde, Im beautiful, Im
going to Toronto and Im staying right here.
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should
have the police waiting when they land to arrest
this blonde woman who wont listen to reason.
The pilot says, You say she is a blonde? Ill
handle this, Im married to a blonde. I speak blonde.
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear,
and she says, Oh, Im sorry. and gets up and goes
back to her seat in economy..
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and
asked him what he said to make her move without
any fuss.
I told her, First class isnt going to Toronto .
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:15 AM   #17
NEDenise
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

Paula,
You KNOW I look for laughs all day, every day!
Keep smiling!
Denise
__________________
1/11-needle biopsy
2/11-Lumpectomy/axillary node dissection - Stage 3c, ER/PR-14/17 nodes
3/11 - Post-op staph infection,cellulitis, lymphedema,seroma,ARRRGH!
4/12/11-A/C x 4, then T/H x 4, H only,Q3 weeks
8/26/11 finished Taxol!!!
10/7/11 mastectomy/DIEP recon
11/11 radiation x28
1/12/12 1st CANCER-VERSARY!
1/12 Low EF/Herceptin "Holiday" :(
2/12 EF up - Back on Herceptin, heart meds
4/2/1212 surgery to repair separated incision from DIEP recon
6/8/12 Return to work :)
6/17/12 Fall, shatter wrist,surgery to repair/insert plate :(
7/10/12 last Herceptin
7/23/12 Brain Mets %$&#! 3cm and 1cm
8/10/12 Gamma knife surgery, LOTS of steroids;start H/Tykerb
8/23/12 Back to work
12/20/12 Injure back-3 weeks in wheel chair
1/12/13 2nd CANCER-VERSARY!
1/14/13 herniate disk in back - surgery to repair
1/27/13 Radiation necrosis - edema in brain - back on steroids - but not back to work - off balance, poor cordination in right arm
5/3/13 Start Avastin to shrink necrosis
5/10/13 begin weaning steroids
6/18/13 Brain MRI - Avastin seems to be working!
6/20/13 quarterly CT - chest, abdomen, pelvis - All Clear!
7/5/13 finally off steroids!!
7/7/13 joined the ranks of the CHEMO NINJAS I am now Tekuto Ki Ariku cancer assassin!
7/13/13 Symptoms return - back on steroids
7/26/13 Back on Avastin - try again!
8/26/13 Not ready to return to classroom yet :( But I CAN walk without holding onto things! :)
9/9/13 Brain MRI - fingers crossed
Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you, and you alone, to decide. Cavett Robert
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:55 AM   #18
chrisy
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

two peanuts were walking down the street
one was assaulted.
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June 2002 extensive hi grade DCIS (pre-cancer-stage 0, clean sentinal node) Mastectomy/implant - no chemo, rads. "cured?"
9/2004 Diag: Stage IV extensive liver mets (!) ER/PR- Her2+++
10/04-3/05 Weekly Taxol/Carboplatin/Herceptin , complete response!
04/05 - 4/07 Herception every 3 wks, Continue NED
04/07 - recurrence to liver - 2 spots, starting tykerb/avastin trial
06/07 8/07 10/07 Scans show stable, continue on Tykerb/Avastin
01/08 Progression in liver
02/08 Begin (TDM1) trial
08/08 NED! It's Working! Continue on TDM1
02/09 Continue NED
02/10 Continue NED. 5/10 9/10 Scans NED 10/10 Scans NED
12/10 Scans not clear....4/11 Scans suggest progression 6/11 progression confirmed in liver
07/11 - 11/11 Herceptin/Xeloda -not working:(
12/11 Begin MM302 Phase I trial - bust:(
03/12 3rd times the charm? AKT trial

5/12 Scan shows reduction! 7/12 More reduction!!!!
8/12 Whoops...progression...trying for Perjeta/Herceptin (plus some more nasty chemo!)
9/12 Start Perjeta/Herceptin, chemo on hold due to infection/wound in leg, added on cycle 2 &3
11/12 Poops! progression in liver, Stop Perjeta/Taxo/Herc
11/12 Navelbine/Herce[ptin - try for a 3 cycles, no go.
2/13 Gemzar/Carbo/Herceptin - no go.
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:32 PM   #19
NEDenise
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

Chris!
That is my favorite joke ever! We really are kindred spirits!

I also like...
Horse walks into a bar
Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

Never gets old!

Denise
__________________
1/11-needle biopsy
2/11-Lumpectomy/axillary node dissection - Stage 3c, ER/PR-14/17 nodes
3/11 - Post-op staph infection,cellulitis, lymphedema,seroma,ARRRGH!
4/12/11-A/C x 4, then T/H x 4, H only,Q3 weeks
8/26/11 finished Taxol!!!
10/7/11 mastectomy/DIEP recon
11/11 radiation x28
1/12/12 1st CANCER-VERSARY!
1/12 Low EF/Herceptin "Holiday" :(
2/12 EF up - Back on Herceptin, heart meds
4/2/1212 surgery to repair separated incision from DIEP recon
6/8/12 Return to work :)
6/17/12 Fall, shatter wrist,surgery to repair/insert plate :(
7/10/12 last Herceptin
7/23/12 Brain Mets %$&#! 3cm and 1cm
8/10/12 Gamma knife surgery, LOTS of steroids;start H/Tykerb
8/23/12 Back to work
12/20/12 Injure back-3 weeks in wheel chair
1/12/13 2nd CANCER-VERSARY!
1/14/13 herniate disk in back - surgery to repair
1/27/13 Radiation necrosis - edema in brain - back on steroids - but not back to work - off balance, poor cordination in right arm
5/3/13 Start Avastin to shrink necrosis
5/10/13 begin weaning steroids
6/18/13 Brain MRI - Avastin seems to be working!
6/20/13 quarterly CT - chest, abdomen, pelvis - All Clear!
7/5/13 finally off steroids!!
7/7/13 joined the ranks of the CHEMO NINJAS I am now Tekuto Ki Ariku cancer assassin!
7/13/13 Symptoms return - back on steroids
7/26/13 Back on Avastin - try again!
8/26/13 Not ready to return to classroom yet :( But I CAN walk without holding onto things! :)
9/9/13 Brain MRI - fingers crossed
Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you, and you alone, to decide. Cavett Robert
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Old 12-24-2011, 03:50 AM   #20
Paula O
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?

Ha, ha! Here's another:

A rather sharp blonde enters the library……..walks straight up to the librarians desk.
She boldly asks for a cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke.

The librarian looks at her and says……”shhh, Ms….this is a library, not a diner”.

“Oh”…..says the Blonde as she whispers.”…so sorry …..I would like a cheeseburger,

fries and a Coke.”
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