So thoughtful,

[Emelie B]

But of course it comes as no surprise that Sheila is once again, thinking of others. You blow me away. It is strange too, because you have been on my mind lately. I have read of your setbacks and I am so sorry all these road blocks keep recurring.

On the other side I am so happy for those of you who have found a treatment that is working and looking forward to more coming down the pipeline. Just hurry up, already!!

I am doing really well, considering I have just about made it thru that famous 6th month mark and am looking at #7. See, they’re just numbers and you can’t pin anything on them.

I have to say that other than the chipmunk cheeks and chin, most people have not a clue that I am ill. Fine with me, except when I get those looks from people when I get out of my car with the handicap sticker. “Well, she doesn’t look handicapped to me.” Know what I mean?

I have such a great support group; they are really, really nice people. They come once a week and we check all my meds, my pain levels at different times of the day/night, my appetite, (I can always eat) and anything else I need help with.
I take 100 milligrams of morphine 3 times a day and the liquid kind for fast acting any time the pain is really bad and it is not time for my 100 mg. I also take dexamethasone and lorazepam to complete my med cocktail. Oh, and Ibuprofen helps too. Who knew? I chart each day what and when because that is the only way I can stay on schedule. I never said I could remember anything anymore. There are Post-it’s all over my house!

So, combined with lovely lunches and dinners with Lori R., who is my hero for going into the trial at the University of Colo. re-decorating the guest bedroom and my husband’s office, keeping my garden in shape and starting to put it to bed for winter, I am a busy lady.

If I make this sound like a walk in the park, it is not. It is however; a lot easier to manage than I first thought, and I now have a new number on my pain scale. It is right up there with giving birth to my son who weighed 9lbs 12oz. It hurt a lot; this is just a different kind of hurt.

I still am so grateful that I gave myself, my family and my friends some quality time to share. No regrets ladies, no regrets.

Enjoy the beautiful fall weather everyone and thank you again for thinking of me Sheila, you are a remarkable women.

Best regards to all,
Emelie

[sarah]

Sweet Emelie, we are all thinking of you. So sorry the pain is so bad and that they haven't found something stronger to help that.
Your attitude is amazing and I hope I have your grace when my time comes.
It's nice that you can enjoy eating and seeing your friends and family.
A cyber hug from afar
hugs and love
Sarah

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Dearest Emelie, I am so glad I came upon your post. Your grace and the obvious beauty of your Spirit is -- breathtaking! You are a shero to be sure! You are truly awesome.

I wrote my Eulogy many yrs ago. It wasn't looking good for me. I wanted those left behind to know that I didn't want them to grieve. I wanted them to LIVE, with joy and gratitude. To marvel at the blueness of the sky and be kind to family, friends and strangers. I was okay with their celebrating my life if they chose, but I didn't want them to dwell on the sadness of my parting. Because -- I love them. Yet, I am still here!

I was (as it turns out) a gestinal diabetic. Maybe you were too. I gave birth to 9 lb 10 oz kids. Oh Lord. The only saving grace was, I was told, that the size of their heads and shoulders were normal. Grateful for the details. So I see we are bonded on multiple levels...

I am so deeply sorry, Emelie, that you are where you are. I can't quite grasp the details as I read your story below your name. The stopping and re-starting of Herceptin confuses me as I stuck with it for 10 yrs. What state or country are you in?

Gardening and nurturing are such generous acts. I am glad you are following these activities along with nice lunches and dinners and the love of family and friends. Sharing lovely meals takes us back to our roots, to the roots of our ancestors, in my view. Breaking bread as it were. A grand way to acknowledge our Oneness with All That Is and to offer our thanks for our bounty...

Perhaps you could defy the odds, as my beloved friend Sue did. She went in to hospice, and she returned home eventually. She kept asking, Why am I still here?! I don't understand. And I just rejoiced at having the extra time to talk with her and be a part of her life and have her embedded even more deeply in mine!

Miraculous things can occur. With all the loving energy you are generating, I can only imagine that the Universe is speeding like energy to you. I see you surrounded by a radiant white Light.

Back in the day, midst treatment and pain and too many pills to remember I too kept a strict log, somewhat as you describe. When I took a pill I made a check mark, and noted when I next was due (listed to the right). Lists and post-its are the ticket as I see it. Like the charts in hospitals, there are simply too many details to commit to memory. I was my own nurse. It seems I nursed myself back to health. Maybe you can. Stranger things have occurred. Spontaneous remissions do happen. You sound like an excellent candidate to me... I'm just saying. Rambling. As I am wont to do.

When I made my check mark I would also (as a back-up plan cause that's how neurotic and OCD I am) turn the pill bottle upside down. So if I reached for it for some inexplicable reason, I'd see and note, What is wrong with this picture? That was my "system"...

I hope you are laughing a lot. I taped a lot of silly shows I had never watched before that just made me smile and giggle. I went on PBS and found old Jackie Mason bits and was hysterical. So soothing... So I taped those epidsodes to return to, to laugh out loud once again.

Redecorating is a passionate activity! The creative juices flow and you literally create an environment others will enjoy! You channel divine energy in that way I believe! Seriously! (Just did my ugly hideous old old kitchen, so it's fresh in my head.) Now I delight as I stand -- never cook -- in my kitchen, and hang out there, as it is the very heart of the house, don't you think?

Thank you so very much, Emelie, for checking in with us. You are a fabulous role model for all of us to read about. My arms are around you. And I am holding you close and tight. I can't let go. I love your Spirit. You are all of us, and we are you. I am so touched my you.

And, so proud of you, dear Sister!

Much love,

Andi

[Ellie F]

Dear Emelie
So happy to hear from you. Glad you are living life to the full and enjoying family and friends. Like Sarah it upsets me to think you are in pain and I hope they soon get this under control, I know we now have many, many options for pain control.
Love and hugs
Ellie

[StephN]

Dear Emilie -

You often come to mind as I come to this site and look for updates on everyone who is posting their ups and downs.

You took charge and the result has been very good (other than the pain level increasing at times). Your breathing was not mentioned this time, but must be stable if you can get things done and go out.

Sounds as though you go through your days in as normal a fashion as possible, which is the same as all of us whether in treatment or finished and recovering. Good for you to keep it up as long as possible. I am sure this attitude is contributing to blasting the "6 month" estimate all to heck! Thanksgiving - here she comes.

Rising above the situation is a wonderful attribute, and you have done that so very admirably.

Cyberhug coming your way.

[Mary Anne in TX]

Emelie, your sharing of the most difficult time of your journey with BC has blessed me so. Your courage and "organizing" of your day to day activities and med taking, helps ease my fears. I pray that God continues to bless your days and nights with sweet dreams and sweet friends. Lots of love, ma

[suzan w]

Your courage and honesty is inspiring. Your family is lucky indeed to have you. We, here, are lucky to know you.

[evergreen]

You are a wonderful role model. My heart goes out to you....

[Pray]

Thank you Emelie for sharing once again! We appreciat you so!

God bless you sweet woman.

[JennyB]

Thank you Emelie for checking in I think of you often as my Aunt made similar decisions to you and her last year, yes year was beautiful for all of us too. The pain was a constant battle also.

I wish you all the best on your journey

Jenny

[sarah]

Dearest Emelie,
I cannot tell you what courage you inspire in me and I think all of us, I feel better knowing you and I am hopefully braver.
Andi, you expressed so eloquently what we all feel in our hearts.
What an amazing site this is. To know we are not alone and that we have this wonderful, caring family that is always with us in our difficult journey. I cannot express my gratitude and awe for knowing all of you and Emelie you are amazing. Thank you.
hugs and love
sarah

[NEDenise]

God Bless, Emilie...you're right, they're all just numbers. Praying that you continue to enjoy your days with family and friends on your terms. Your time in your garden sounds like it brings you great joy.
Sending a hug, and my thanks for sharing this journey with all of us...
Denise

[chrisy]

You've been on my mind a lot. Thank you for sharing.

[alicem]

Emilie,

I can't say it any better than everyone else has already stated. Thank you for checking in and allowing your Her2 family to share in this personal time for you and your family. I wish you peace and control of your pain.

I agree with Steph, here's looking at a blessed Thanksgiving for you and and all your love.

~Alice

[KsGal]

Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. I wish there was something more they could do for your pain, and I will pray that you will get relief from it. The fact that you are comparing to childbirth tells me it is just about unbearable. I hope that when the time comes that I need to make the same decision you have, I will have even half the strength you have shown. God bless you...

[Laurel]

Emelie,

I was so glad to read your post tonight. You have been on my mind so much and it is good to hear you are embracing your journey. I am also trying to put my gardens to bed and ready myself for the winter months. I feel a bit like a squirrel every autumn. I bet you know what I mean by that if you are a gardener.

Please pop in again when you are able and thank you for sharing your journey with us.