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I cried at my treatment three weeks ago from sheer frustration. I cried shortly after I got there. No one had told me my onc was going to be out of town (for a month) and then his assistant wasn't there either. I had been having some problems and thought we might be able to resolve them. The assistant had not followed up on something like she was supposed to and it just left me hanging. The nurse called her while I was there and she just sort of blew me off. No explanation. So I cried from sheer frustration as I was leaving. It was embarrassing. The hurry up and wait of the last year and a half, the frustration of doing what I'm told to do and having the doctors and their staff drop the ball, time after time, has really ramped me up. Chocolates did not help. I finally called her on the way home, and left a message saying politely but firmly that if she was not going to order the test for MRSA that I had requested then I expected an explanation. She called me back the next day. That is when I found out that she had not followed up and gotten the information that she should have gotten to order the test.
I guess where I am going with this is that it does all build up and it hits sometimes when you are least expecting it. The anger, the fear, and the pure frustration of all the things that are out of our control in our lives. I remember once when I arrived for a treatment at the hospital and the "former" oncologist's office had forgotten to schedule it. The next time I saw him he started to lecture me about missing my treatment. I was there, the treatment wasn't. After a while it seems like all of these little things start to build up. And I cry because my toast is too brown. I cry when I feel that I have no control over what is going on in my life. I cry when I feel like I am not being heard by people who are making decisions about my life. And I have always hated crying in public. I don't want sympathy, I am not crying because I am sad.
I think I just reiterated what Lee said, in a way. I do think that it is a reasonable reaction to all of the stress and trauma in our lives but I also know just how embarassing it can be. Hope youy feel better now.
Leslie
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In the world of destiny, there are no statistics.
Jan. 26- mammogram and ultrasound- suspicious lump
Mid-February- lumpectomy, infiltrating ductal carcinoma ~4.5 cm and a 1 cm DCIS, did not get clear margins, did not check lymph nodes
ER+/PR+, her2 +++, nuclear grade 3 of 3
February 20-PET scan showed something on liver. No biopsy.
March- Started carboplatin, herceptin, taxol on a four week cycle
May 3- Pet scan, with intent to do a biopsy, found nothing, liver or breast- no biopsy because there is nothing to biopsy
June 21- new onc, very concerned that there had been no biopsy,
June 18th-CAT scan, bone scan-negative
August 7th - Brain MRI-negative
August 9th- mastectomy, all pathology negative
January 2008 still NED! New oncologist -herceptin for full year after chemo- until July, and tamoxifen---negative scans since May '07
July 2008-Finished Herceptin!
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