The power of your thoughts

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

We share our energy. Healers tend not to like that term. I love it! It speaks of a spiritual communication, an info exchange without words.

Positive thoughts produce positive energy which is emitted by us and is responded to -- by our bodies (which take their marching orders from the one in charge -- YOU).

That energy is also sensed and responded to by others. Silently.

And -- that same energy is sensed and responded to by the Universe itself! SO -- THE POWER OF YOUR THOUGHTS IS AWESOME.

This is why I monitor my thoughts and eject all negativity as fast as I can let it go. I work at accomplishing this. Because it is that important!

Positive thoughts and energy go out from us on a higher faster vibrational wave than those composed of negativity. This is how your body, others, and the Universe "read" your thoughts. See your energy.

The frequency positivity goes out on is also a wave that moves higher and faster.

Everything in the Universe consists of vibrations occurring at different frequencies. Change the frequency of that vibration and you change the nature of the particle that the vibration defines. When electron vibrates, I've read that -- the entire Universe trembles.

A vibration is simply a repetitive movement. A guitar string vibrates when plucked. The number of times the string goes back and forth per second is the frequency of the vibration. Change the frequency and you change the sound.

Change your thinking patterns and you change predetermination.

If you put 2 stringed instruments (Gregg Braden writes in Walking Between the Worlds) on opposite sides of a room -- and the lowest string of one instrument is plucked, the same string on the second instrument will vibrate!

No one touched the string. It is responding to the waves of energy that traveled across the room and found "resonance" with the second string. There's been a transference of information!

Let that settle in. Marinate for a while. I'll get back to y'all with more to help EMPOWER you!!!

P.S. In order to be helpful to the reader, I use different colors. Organized carefully to assist in organizing complex matters. Don't be distracted by the variations. Use them for your ease.

Colors impart an energy. Blues make us thoughtful. Reds are invigorating. Pinks are feminine and alluring. And on and on... Purple speaks to me in a passionate way...

Sending Love and Light,
Andi

[NEDenise]

Andi,
I would humbly piggyback on what you say here...

My friends...
Like the strings in Andi's post that vibrate in syncronicity...I firmly believe that the people with whom we surround ourselves cause us to 'vibrate' in a manner similar to their own.
That is to say...positive people surround us with their positive energy and bring joy into our lives.
On the other hand...people who resonate with negative energy can, and do, suck the joy out of us. With the joy, goes the healing, the health...any positive energy we have is stolen by association with this negativity.

I've heard so many people say, "I can't help it. It's just the way I am".
I don't believe that. Come on!
As adults, we CHOOSE our attitude toward every situation.
That's right! We are actively in control of how we CHOOSE to react!
If we "can't help it", who can?
I'm not advocating a Pollyanna worldview, where one pretends everything is great all the time. That would be ridiculous! (and annoying to everyone nearby!)
But if we can look for the positive...even in bad situations...I think we help ourselves...and all those with whom we interact. And, I also believe that if we can't be positive...we should be quiet! Don't drag other people down too!

In fact, long before BC ever reared its ugly head in my life...I realized that there were people that I loved...but who just sucked the joy out of me with all the negativity they projected. I had to make a conscious choice to limit how much time I spent around those people and the negative attitude toward life they were CHOOSING. Since becoming sick...it's become even more important.
But truly, and some of you ladies may have noticed this in your own lives...the people who choose to be negative aren't lining up to visit/help/support us anyway. They're too focused on their own little miseries to reach out to anyone else. So avoiding them isn't as hard as you might think!

Okay, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. That certainly wasn't my intention. This is just my humble opinion...and I could be completely wrong... But I think that choosing to be positive is so important for our own well-being...and for those around us too. Others might say it won't help...but....what could it hurt?!

Choosing to be positive...
Looking on the bright side...
Sending love and light your way...
Denise

PS- Andi...I'm impressed that you have a plan behind the colors you use to highlight what you're saying! I just like to change colors and fonts because I it's fun...and looks cheerful to me! And, honestly...it makes it easier for me to read. Different strokes...

[Mary Jo]

Awesome .... Like you Denise, I too believe in finding the blessing. It's their. It's not always evident, right away, but it's their.

Choosing to be positive....choosing to be what we want to be....yes, you are right, it is OUR choice. Often we hear, "well, I can't help it...it's the way I was raised." "It's my parent's fault." ..... blah, blah, blah. The only persons fault is your own if you continue to walk in a way that is negative.

God gave us this life. It's precious. It's wonderful. Like you say Denise, "polyanna world" - no way! Everything is NOT always wonderful.......far from it.....BUT, it is what it is. Living thankfully is the ONLY way to live.

A very special Bible verse to me is this...."encourage and build each other up." 1 Thessalonians 5:11 - In my opinion it's the ONLY way to live. Put others needs ahead of your own....you will be blessed.

Thanks Ladies.....Great insight.

Mary Jo

P.S. Notice how boring I am......same color all the way through. Hahahahaha

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Ah NEDenise, I love vibrating in synchronicity with you.

Positive people bring their energy and contribute it to all the come in contact with, spreading joy. And then there are the energy suckers who suck the life out of us on the spot.

There is a strategy to insulate yourself and block that, but I am forgetting at the moment where I learned that or what the process is.

Which is important because other than not hanging with the negative and/or energy suckers (if I'm stuck momentarily w/them) I become very quiet. Which as you can only imagine, is totally uncharacteristic for me!

And as you say Neddy, "with the joy goes the healing, the health"!

We were given life, blessed with an awesome gift, and we were also given a birthright. That is THE POWER OF CHOICE. We need to claim that, along with our personal responsibility for what we do, how we act, what we say...

We can be taught one way, we can adopt certain ways, and we can, if so choose, to consciously act in a better way. We hopefully learn from our mistakes (beyond apologizing or rationalizing our ways and actions). We are meant to continue to evolve. To contribute to the ongoing evolution of the world.

Our energy (the energy of our words, actions and even thoughts) go out with a rippling effect. We are each absolutely necessary to the Universal Consciousness that permeates all of our lives...

I got some suspicious results yesterday from my CT scans. I could panic, but I've chosen to LET IT PLAY OUT. I'll go for blood work on Monday. Maybe have an additional test (when my onc returns from his educational foray). I've moved my mid July ev 6 mnth appt up to maybe June 23, earlier if there's an opening.

"I" am the controlling the urge to let my imagination run wild. I am smiling. Spending some time quietly. Being still at my core. Choosing not to freak. Tempting, but not in my best interest.

I am seeing some positive midst the new news, I am making jokes (cause the area in question in the abdomen which I've noted seems to have -- at the age of 68 -- gathered fat from all other areas such as thighs, defying gravity, and moved to said area. I have bulges where I didn't before. The tram flap reconstruction left a bit of an unsightly mess to begin with.) I'm going with the insulting gravitation with humor and yes even laughter.

The negative people, who btw are also amazingly unappreciative of all you have given of yourself to them and who though they say, I'm here for you, call me anytime (i.e. @ dx in '95) when I called, they were simultaneously carrying on a conversation w/their husband, dghtr, the dog -- even though I began w/"this is really important". This happened w/2 really good friends. Hmmm. 1 came to visit me in the hospital after my mastec and had a sour look on her face, cause she'd just found out that her hairdresser who was going to do her hair the day of her step dghtr's wedding (in 3 wks) wouldn't be able to be there. Seriously. It was all she and her husband could talk about during their hosp visit...

So without fuss, I simply stopped contact w/these pp who were like family. I was midst fighting for my life. If you can't be there for a dear friend at such a time, I'm good with never seeing or speaking to them again. You just don't need that kind of "friend".

For my health and well-being, for my family and much loved friend who are there fort me, I talk and hug and laugh and smile and deal one day at a time.

It's my belief that we're all here to help one another. To be there for one another. That's why I talk to every friend of a friend who is sent to me and was recently dx and feeling low and lost. I drop everything and spend how ever long it takes to talk to them. Then to e them. That's why I post on this wonderful site.

We're here not just to tolerate one another, but to love and support one another. To celebrate one another!

As for my present situation, I am waiting till I have a few more parts of the big picture. Putting fears aside, moving forward with positive expectations. It would be a mistake to assume the worst, or the best. Still putting the puzzle together here. False conclusions are foolish. Inferences are being drawn and intuition tells me the sudden appearance of soft tissue masses will prove benign.

Seeing an abdominal surgeon on Monday. Onc's office called for me, now wanting a biopsy. I concur. Me too. Makes sense.

Life is a roller coaster indeed. I am not screaming. Frankly I don't do roller coaster when given a choice. But seeing as I am on a wild ride moving up, up, up -- I will hold my breath and hold off deducing till I have more information.

It's been a crazy 2 wks. Computer down. Then up. Then down again. Now up. Garage door broken. Nightly essential mouth guard vanished (now w/that I was hysterical and not in a funny way). I tore the house apart. Allllll day Monday and Tuesday. A little on Wednesday and then on the way out the door for an appt, I stumbled upon the thing in the absolutely most ridiculous place you could never ever possibly imagine.

I live in a constant state of gratitude for my life.
Every single day, several times a day, I see my little pewter figurine on bended knee, arms outstretched, forehead to the ground, saying THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE!

Living with joy, harmony, kindness, caring, the genuine desire to understand, generosity of Spirit, forgiveness and gratitude is a choice I make every single day. I try to do the right thing, as my Dad used to tell me he was sure I would. Think about it, he'd say, I'm sure you'll do the right thing. Often hard, but always the right choice.

Let all that positive energy fill you up and spill over from you...

I have consciously chosen to be a vessel of Universal Love. I've found that if you open yourself with all your heart, Love streams in in plentitude, straight from the Heavens. Then -- consciously choose to give it away. It will be returned to you tenfold.

There's an abundant supply, an infinite amount of Universal Love out there, I promise you...
Andi

[KDR]

I love you, Andi. You let go of one of those old friends and got me.

You will prevail, you will not be rattled. I have learned so much from you! (Oh yes, and I have been chosen the tie selector for many, they speak!) Literally, there used to be tie wars in our law firm: Ferragamo, YSL. Color speaks.

Denise, you are so right. As adults, we pick our attitudes. Most certainly.

Karen

[NEDenise]

Andi...
If anyone can focus her positive healthy energy...and resist the temptation to worry...it's you!

My gut tells me that the "new finding" is benign. But...just to be sure...I'll be focusing my positive energy your way too.

We have another thing in common it seems. We both had wise fathers who trusted our goodness. My Dad used to tell me, "If you do what you honestly think is right...don't look back. You did the best you could do."

Your friend who was mourning the loss of her hairdresser on your time...unreal! Almost as unbelievably...I only told anyone outside of our group here, and my immediate family, about my brain lesions about 2 weeks ago. There was nothing they could do...and people so often say stupid things when they don't know what else to say...
I really didn't need that!

Anyway...since telling those friends...I sense a distance and some actual anger from a few of them... for not letting them be "in on things" I guess. I know feeling a little hurt for not being included in "the secret" is natural...for like a few minutes...but, in fairness...I did apologize for not sharing sooner. I even explained my reasons. I assured them that it was because I needed to cope on my own...something they should be used to by now. I didn't have the energy or emotional fortitude to reassure them AND do everything I needed to do to heal. So the anger...the silence...Really? I, who have a brain tumor and metastatic breast cancer should have been more in tune with your feelings? You have clearly been wronged... I let you down.
Yeah right!
Like you, Andi, some people who were supposed to be my friends will just need to go on without me. They have become joy suckers.

Now, I know curiosity killed the cat, but...I reeeaaaally won't sleep soundly until I know where that mouth guard was! If it's too embarrassing to post...PM me...but I neeeed to know. This comes from the woman who recently found her datebook in the knife drawer. Why? God only knows! It was missing for 3 days before I even noticed it in the drawer that I open 2 or 3 times a day. Which means it didn't even seem out of place to me when I did see it.

Thinking of you...praying for you...
Love you, my friend!
Denise

[NEDenise]

Mary Jo,
All one color is not boring! It's your words that make YOUR posts cheerful and worth reading!

I love your quote from Thessalonians...so true.
And I'm so glad your positive words, prayers, energy are here for all of us!
You are definitely a HER2 support treasure!

We're lucky you CHOOSE to be you, and CHOOSE to be here!
Denise

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Okay, Neddy. You never fail to make me literally laugh out loud, shoulders shaking! You delight me!

I have friends who don't tell/can't talk about illness -- yours, theirs, any... TMI... That's how they are. I accept it. I wish it were different but I understand. Those who don't understand your silence till now are just like my friend distraught over the loss of her hairdresser, when I have just lost a breast and am fighting 4th stage bc IMHO. It is not all about them. And you, and I, are better off without such self-involved brats. Frankly, when we moved and I no longer had a pool in my backyard, certain friends stopped calling/disowned me. Really? Okay then... Onward and upward.

The mouth guard story is kind of boring, but I will tell. We moved the bed, the 1,000 lb night stands, we crawled on our knees with flashlights looking EVERYWHERE. At 4:30 AM I heard a noise and it was my husband clanging the toilet brush in its holder, still looking... We checked the backyard in case our newest rescue/furry baby who loves to dig, took his prize and tried to bury it. (He does go around the house and collect all his toys and pile them up in his little doggy bed in the center hall.)

We searched allll day and night Monday and Tuesday. By Wednesday I was only semi looking. A bit less frantic. I keep a 6 pack of toilet paper in my armoire in the MBR. I MUST have a SPARE roll of paper at all times (IBS is a major issue.) On Wednesday I went to put a new spare in the bathroom. I always take the plastic wrapping and put it by the door to the garage from the laundry room. (As I do with tissue boxes and Bounty wrappings -- a signal to my husband to bring in whatever, which he hordes on high shelves in the garage. He's 6' 1", I'm 5' 2".)

On Wednesday I took the spare roll of toilet paper to put in the bathroom and noted I had only 1 more roll to go in the Armoire. So I put 1 in the bathroom and moved the 1 in the Armoire, taking the wrapping and placing it by the door to the garage.

Am I boring you yet? I hear Paul call, What is this?! You want a 6 pack of toilet paper?! I moved it. Now you can get your own." However my DH did bring in a 6 pack and put it on the floor on top of the wrapper.

I was in a hurry. I called, Thank you, picked up the 6 pack and put it on the dryer top. I even took the wrapper and put it there too, not wanting to take the time to put it in the garbage can. I hate being late! When I put the wrapper on the dryer I heard a noise. Like keys clanging. What the...???? I investigated. I felt all around, seeing nothing! AND IN THE TOILET PAPER WRAPPER WAS MY CLEAR PLASTIC MOUTHGUARD!!!

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS...!!!!, I shouted to my husband who was in the kitchen. He knew right off. I had found it.

I reasoned that since my last thought in the middle of the night was that my mouth guard (having been worn for many hrs) was getting uncomfortable). Since I was peeing, I determined that I would wait till I returned to my bed, and place it in its holder for safe keeping. I am very careful re my precious mouth guard (costing about $1,000 and I cannot sleep without it). I don't just put it down anywhere.

Apparently I also noted that I needed a new spare roll of toilet paper. I must have taken my guard out with my left hand and opened the armoire door w/my right. I figured I would reached for a roll w/my right, but had difficulty dislodging it from the wrapper, and MINDLESSLY used my left hand to help -- not remembering I was holding something in that hand, and letting it slip from my hand into the wrapper.

In the morning, I went to take my guard and its holder to the bathroom for brushing. The holder was empty! Hence the crazed search.

We even looked in the bed, shook out all 7 pillows, looked between the mattress and the board -- about 18 x...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I've been walking on air ever since. So thrilled with my accidental discovery.

I didn't mention that about mid afternoon on Monday I decided to look for my SPARE mouth guard (which my dentist volunteered to make last July at the same time, for the same price). It's in a kelly green plastic fist sized container. I've thoroughly emptied and rearranged 15 large drawers in the bathroom. Found the rubber temporary in a tupperware container. Removed and looked behind every drawer -- twice. IF YOU FIND MY GREEN CONTAINER, PLEASE EMAIL ME...

I couldn't let Denise, and goodness knows how many more, lose sleep over the big mystery....

BTW -- Mary Jo, monochromatic has its' charm for sure!

Andi

P.S. Having told my body every single day at least 3 x -- healthy and well, no more cancer -- for 15 yrs, I feel certain this mass mess is benign. Seeing surgeon on Monday. Apparently can't needle biopsy this as w/my liver I'm told. That's more than disappointing. But a biopsy must be taken when you're 4th stage blah blah... It's the responsible thing to do. It's the "right" thing to do. (Dad would be proud.) Still !&$#* -- don't you hate when that happens???

[PinkGirl]

I call them light-suckers. I have a relative who tries to
suck the light out of me ... I avoid her ... it isn't easy but
I manage to do it.

AndiBB???????? Have you broken up with me? Are we no
longer going steady?????? The only explanation would be
that your e-mail to moi regarding your 'mass mess' got lost
in cyber space somewhere ... I'm just saying ... (all one
colour but bolded)

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

ALL BOLD COMING FROM YOU, PINK, IS SERIOUS.

COMPUTER DISABLED, THEN BUNKY FIXED IT, THEN PAUL SAID AT 10:30 PM HIS COMPUTER WAS DOWN -- I SAID I'M SO SORRY. IT WAS AN HOUR BEFORE I REALIZED THAT MEANT -- NEITHER OF US HAD A COMPUTER. HE SAYS HE'S EXPLAINED THIS TO ME A MILLION X BEFORE, APPARENTLY I STILL DON'T GET IT.

ANYWAY, SORRY, I DIDN'T TELL ANYONE CAUSE THERE'S NO NEWS REALLY, JUST A SCARE, AND THE NEED FOR OUT PATIENT SURGERY TO GET A BIOPSY.

MY FINGERS STARTED TYPING AND I KNEW I WANTED TO TELL THIS BOARD, MY KINDRED SPIRITS WHO'D UNDERSTAND BEST. YOU ARE ALL LIKE FAMILY.

LOVE YOU.

YES PINK, WE'RE STILL GOING STEADY. OF COURSE. THROUGH THICK AND THIN. FOR EONS... (You sent me flowers 7/24/08 on my THIS IS MY NOW Day, when I had my last Herceptin tx after 10 yrs of being on. Only YOU understand what that FREEDOM meant!! Who else could begin to get it?!) Always there for one another, no matter what...

ANDI

[PinkGirl]

whew ... ok ... we're still a couple. I was a bit worried.

Tell me what time and time zone this is taking place and
I'll send you some good vibes.

[StephN]

Dear Andi -
I will try to add my "thoughts" at the appropriate time. So they see some artifact on a scan that wants a closer look.

It will just be a little blob of nothing. A cyst or some such bothersome bit of nothing. Think of it as anti-matter and it will be nothing ...

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Exactly Steph. Some lymph nodes are enraged/inflamed, a la recent major IBS bout. Nothing more. "Soft tissue" sounds encouraging to me. "Increased mesenteric fat stranding" -- did the Radiologist call me FAT???!!!

However, darn it, they can't do a needle biopsy as w/my liver. Minor surgery is involved w/abdomen. Out patient same surgery, maybe they'll keep me overnight. It is not cancer. I do not have cancer. I had cancer many yrs ago.

Already checking my stored list for pre-surg. Will need some pre op tests. A bother. Need to stop some of my supplements. I think E, Omega, ginkgo, and of course aspirin. No Advil. Fine.

Going Monday to see surgeon. Much fuss over nothing.

Although I do think I have an umbilical hernia. Self dx from Internet. Tehe. My SIL/ob gyn concurs and says to tell them about hernia and they can fix that at the same time, which I've been putting off. Doesn't hurt, doesn't interfere w/bowels, no biggie. Just a tiny bulge above the belly button. SIL says ask to have it done laprascopicly. Sigh.

Years ago my TMs were rising (2 yrs off of Vit H). Concerning. Onc says we'll wait another 3 mnths. I said, No! Well, when then, I said, Next week. He said, Let's compromise, One month. Done. TM's even higher. Not my normal. Wait another month. TMs out of normal range! Terrifying for me. One mnth later -- 13.

Nurse called to tell me. I said, I don't believe it! She said, neither did doc or me, so we retested. 13...!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plummeted.

In retrospect, I had a virus/flu thing that lasted 3 mnths prior to this. My body must have been all messed up, naturally and my TMs were up. If I never had bc, I wouldn't even have been checking my TMs. Lots of pp must have messed up TMs after a ridiculously long episode of illness and don't even know about it.

If I didn't have scans on Thurs, having had 2 days of major IBS issues, I could have just sailed through. Timing. It is everything.

TMs have stayed put for years. As directed by my thoughts. Remember -- the power of thoughts? Your body hears everything you think, say or whisper!

Will do what I must. It'll be fine.

Not allowing my brain to even entertain other possibilities. But what if -- banned... Will I have to -- not given permission to occupy space in my brain.

Babysitting tonight. Smiling. Feel fine. Well, a little anxious, but will move forward, one step at a time...

Thanks for love. I send it right on back to you all...

Andi

[Mandamoo]

Sending you a load of love from downunder Andi. xxx

[Jackie07]

Sending you positive thoughts from Texas ...

[Ellie F]

Hi Andi
Positive thoughts from across the pond.
IBS is such a pain I know. Do you know what triggers it off? Manuka honey is supposed to be a really good anti inflammatory and be reall y effective against IBS
Hugs
Ellie

[Redwolf8812]

Hey, Andi. Thanks for being so inspiring. You are in my prayers and I am looking forward to hearing about your BENIGN biopsy!

- Penny

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I gladly accept all the love and prayers offered! And I thank you.

Feeling very optimistic. Anxious to prove my mass mess is benign, so I can get on with my life.

Will know a bit more tomorrow, when I see the surgeon. His name is Andy. Already, I am feeling good about our relationship.

Wonder if a robot will help w/the surgery...

Honestly, I didn't realize how lucky I was that they could needle biopsy my liver. I should have been more appreciative. It's the little things that always mean so much.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all you wonderful Dads out there. Going to celebrate my husband, Paul, and my two sons-in-law who are like sons to me!! All outstanding fathers, and very, very, very appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With Love and Light for all,
Good luck on scans/MRIs, whatever you're facing.
Always praying for my Sisters,

ANDI

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

OKAY. The surgeon is not really concerned, not in any way rushing to do surgery. (A SURGEON WHO ISN'T UP FOR SURGERY!!) Don't you love this guy already??!!

He does not believe what we're looking at has anything to do with IBS or lymph nodes. He says he think it's just stuff new high speed CT machines are picking up that they never had before. Said he had 4 patients recently w/similar results that proved to be nothing. (SURE HOPE I MAKE 5...!!!!!)


He'll have 2nd radiologist read and offer opinions tomorrow morning. Will talk to my onc tomorrow (just coming home tomorrow) and they'll discuss among themselves.


Will discuss possibility of doing biopsy MAYBE w/needle w/radiologist, if they can pinpoint anything. It's all kind of a vague, mushy soft tissue thing, amorphous, undefinable.

He seemed not to be worried, which elated, and pleasantly surprised me.


So I am feeling relief for the first time since Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BTW -- remembered in the shower what we're supposed to do when confronted with a light sucker, joy buzz killer, energy siphoner.

MENTALLY HOLD A MIRROR UP TO THEM. LET THE ENERGY OF THEIR NEGATIVITY BE REFLECTED BACK AT THEM!!! And see their behavior change before your eyes.

Haven't tried it yet, but if you do -- please let us all know the results.

At least it gives us a tool to use in defense...
Andi

[KDR]

Andi
I have a very deep feeling (gold) that this was just your body reacting to the "action."
Love you
Karen