Do you ever wonder WHY?

Ceesun · 03-10-2008, 07:54 AM

Do you ever wonder why your her2 breast cancer happened in the first place? Family history, brca, environment, toxins? I believe I know why for me, I received radiation as an infant for an enlarged thymus...this lead to thyroid cancer 27 years ago and I believe my Her2 breast cancer as well. Ceesun

PinkGirl · 03-10-2008, 08:30 AM

Honestly Ceese, I used to wonder about that
but now I don't. I know that we have to
educate ourselves - knowledge is power.
I am my own advocate but I now try to find
some kind of "happy medium" balance with the
scientific part of this adventure.

I want to be informed but I try not to obsess
about it. In my mind, too much information is
going to drive me crazier.

I trust my doctors but I keep an eye on them. This
works best for me but I know it is hard not to
wonder why we got this crappy disease
in the first place. But I sure understand where
your question is coming from.

Barbara2 · 03-10-2008, 09:44 AM

Yes, I wonder. I had about 20+ years of yearly mammograms prior to the cancer, so maybe the radiation played a part.

I also took hormone replacement therapy for about 1 1/2 years before breast cancer. I truly believe that was the trigger.

MJo · 03-10-2008, 11:34 AM

I took HRT for seven years before diagnosis, and feel upset when I think I was feeding my ER/PR pos. tumor. Hungry little *!@!$@. On the other hand, five great aunts on my mothers side had breast cancer in their fourties, so heredity likely kicked in too. Science needs to know the answers so they can stop this thing!

nancy dip · 03-10-2008, 12:54 PM

I think that I was almost too contented with my life!! I became complacent about my weight, didn't exercise as much as I should have--probably thought that it would never happen to me!!

Sometimes I feel guilty about "causing" it to happen, but I try to resign myself to it and hope that I can stop it coming back. I don't know if I would have more peace of mind if I knew the cause. Nancy

madubois63 · 03-10-2008, 12:55 PM

Funny story (at least to me and my warped mind)...I am in the transplant ward (isolation) here close to home getting my first round of "induction" chemo for the leukemia. This kills off your immune system completely - getting the body ready for the transplant. I am sound asleep in the middle of the night as the voice of God speaks to me, "Do you have Acute Myeloid Leukemia?" With my eyes still closed and my mind all foggy, I speak out, "Yes???" The deep voice then asks me if I worked in the printing industry. Again, I say, "Yes." By now, I realize this can't be God. He already knows where I worked in my life. The voice continues on about benzene causing AML and that benzene was in a lot of the chemicals I used over my 20 year career in the printing industry. You should realize by now that I fell asleep with the tv on and this was a commercial for some attorney that likes to sue large companies for large settlements. I didn't sue anyone, but it did get me thinking...I was originally told the leukemia was caused by chemo, but then I find out that it could have been caused by my job. So was the original breast cancer caused by my job or the fact that I live on what use to be farm land (potatoes supposedly emit some sort of nitrate in the soil that MAY cause cancer...blah, blah, blah)....If you go to the "cancer map," my home is smack dab in the middle of the most cancer ridden place in America. So is this whole mess due to my place of birth, my job...I know it wasn't hereditary for me. I could go on. Was the leukemia going to happen to me anyway without the breast cancer?? Who knows...I drove myself crazy for a while, but have decided it is not worth it. I will never have an absolute answer. I think it's better to spend my time doing more constructive things. You can't change what has already happened..............

Andrea Barnett Budin · 03-10-2008, 01:02 PM

Hello there, CEESAN,

From the getgo I didn't question Why Me. I did graze over the fact that my father's mom (grandma) had bc, as did my dad's sister (aunt). I was on HRT for 6 mnths. Might have triggered the problem. I participated in a study (donating a bit of my orig tumor) b/c I lived on Long Island and our bc rate was way higher than anywhere else on the planet (which is an abysmal reality to begin with for all women!). I wanted to help others get to the root cause (was it the water, the pesticides, whatever).

I informed myself about bc. I saw the stats and got sick to my stomach. I decided I wasn't a statistic and that someone had to fall in the little group of survivors the books and articles all spoke of. WHO ARE THEY, I wondered? I decided they were the ones who were actively involved in achieving and maintaining wellness with every fiber of their being. Not the ones who agitated, were filled w/anger, blame, resentment, the inability to forgive and FEAR!

I did, and do, my best to recognize, acknowledge and rid myself of all that negativity as quickly as I can. It only serves to weaken me.

I began reading what I saw as Self Help books. They turned out to impel me on a spiritual journey! I found great comfort and belief in what I was learning! And, believing from personal experience in the MINDBODY CONNECTION since the '70s, I began to realize that the stress I had lived w/definitely impacted my body in varying ways (from aches and pains and headaches to back dysfunction, to bc...). AND THE GOOD NEWS WAS -- though our thoughts can create such woesome problems, we can choose instead to empower ourselves! We can use our thoughts to create a serene and happy environment -- and -- we can use them to draw our desired outcomes to us. I began living AS IF what I wanted already existed in my life.

Wondering, as you describe, is (I decided) not productive. Unless we consciously choose to alter the causes! So that's how I now live. Using supplements, meditation, guided imagery, mantras, trying to eat making healthy choices and connecting with my Spirit and therefore God... I live grateful and joyful w/ea new day! It's my prescription for Wellness!

I have never said POOR ME. I always felt -- it could have been so much worse. I look around and see the many blessings I have that previously went unseen by me. My life is fuller and richer. And I have grown and become more than I ever dreamed of even aiming for!

And of course, my godsend, Herceptin (and all the surg and tx I have endured), plus the expertise and compassion of my docs and nurses all counter in big time as well. Many ingredients go into this survival thing. That's how I see it.

I have tried to mentor others, giving of my heart and myself and my experience. I have been working for 5 yrs on a book, which is a passion, a delight, a mission, a purpose and very cathartic, reinforcing my bedrock belief system that keeps me buoyed.

Sending loving, healing, happy energy to all my Sisters and all on this board,
Andi

Roz · 03-10-2008, 08:22 PM

Ceesun, You didn't cause your cancer. There are some things that we human beings haven't achieved yet, and there are a million things that we have no control over. At this stage in human evolution, how we got cancer is one of those things about which we can only speculate, not know definitely. Lots of love

Bill · 03-10-2008, 09:31 PM

Ceesun, Nicola, for a short time, questioned, "why me?", then she said, "why not me?", meaning that she finally understood that she was a special Being in God's plan, as we all are, and she was meant to be where she was, when she was, and when she realized that, she did the best she could in her fight. I became friend's with Jim, at chemo., and he questioned why he had gotten Pancreatic cancer, "Bill, I've never smoked, never been overweight, never drank very much" He was very tired, and asked if he could lean against me and rest while his wife and daughter went to get the car. "Of course, Jim" and I held him up as the car came around and told him like I'll tell anyone, "don't blame yourself for getting cancer, sometimes it just happens. You didn't do anything wrong, it just happened. You can't live your live worrying and fretting about everything you've done or eaten or had to drink in your past. What kind of life is that? Just do the best you can with the cards you're dealt, and that's all you can do, but don't worry yourself over woulda/coulda/shoulda"

Andrea Barnett Budin · 03-11-2008, 11:20 AM

I passionately believe that one of the most unhealthy ways to live is obsessing about yesterday. It's over! It cannot be changed. Though I look to learn Lessons not to be repeated -- in the Now -- I reject sorrowful, remorseful thoughts full of regret, blame or guilt. These are useless emotions that only serve to bring me down and defeat me! While I know to treasure the Lessons buried within the obstacles.

I also make it a point not to mistake what I know for all there is! That's big! I have come to learn that we are always exactly where we are supposed to be. That in some deliberate Grand Scheme, we are needed to experience unwanted realities, incomprehensible though that appears. Where I am is a necessary step in becoming who I will be... Wiser. Enriched. Expanded. More than I was yesterday.

For me, my priorities had become out of sync with the true meaning and purpose of my being alive, I think. I see now that my family and those I love were to a certain extent deprived -- because of my disconnection from my Spirit, as of course was I. Bc brought me greater compassion, the genuine desire to understand, a generosity of Spirit in giving my full heart and myself to others, staggering awareness of the beauty that surrounds us and the blessings that I have been given and thus deep gratitude.

My Spirit was given to me by my Source and carries a fragment of the divine energy of that Power, as I see it. Once I merged w/this previously unrecognized radiant and magnificent part of myself, in fact my True Self, I became elevated. We are spiritual beings on a human journey! (How awesome is that!) I began to see the world through the eyes of my Soul. And everything changed! I stopped lingering in yesterday. I stopped fretting about tomorrow. I became firmly planted in The Now. And that's where happiness is!

I live open to miracles. I believe in them. And in my ability to prayerfully call them to me with the power and passion of my most intensely embraced thoughts. EVERY THOUGHT IS A PRAYER. EVERY PRAYER IS A POTENTIAL MIRACLE... That's what I wonder about, Ceesun. Sending loving, healing, happy, serene energy your way...
Andi

TSund · 03-11-2008, 02:09 PM

I believe to a certain extent it may be helpful to wonder "why" at least as far as the science is concerned. If chemical balances in the body can make a difference in response to treatment, then they may play a role in the formation of cancer also; and vice-versa. I believe we owe it to ourselves and those that follow to at least explore those ideas as we are able (and as we are interested)? I know I have a different vantage point than many, and that is why I stress only as able and interested...

PinkGirl · 03-11-2008, 02:25 PM

TSund,
You make a very good point. How far
we delve into the science of this
adventure is a personal choice, and
as MJo stated, it is the science that
will help us and others in the future.

goops · 03-11-2008, 03:21 PM

I used to addicted to Diet Coke - I drank between 18 and 24 cans a day. 3 years ago I developed neurological problems which included temporary partial blindness. The problems did not go away until I quite using both aspartame (Nutrasweet) and Splenda.

What I did not know was that aspartame is extremely addictive. I believe my cancer came from using these sweeteners.

I come from a family where everyone lives to be pretty old with very few health problems. I therefore never expected to have cancer.

CLTann · 03-11-2008, 08:21 PM

I have little doubt about how I got the cancer. It was the hormone replacement therapy all doctors in America were instructed to advise their female postmenopausal patients. I blame FDA for its inaptness and poor judgement.

goops · 03-11-2008, 08:29 PM

Quote:

I have little doubt about how I got the cancer. It was the hormone replacement therapy all doctors in America were instructed to advise their female postmenopausal patients. I blame FDA for its inaptness and poor judgement.

I remember a friend of mine pushing me to go get on Hormone replacement - she practically told me my life depended on, I did not go on it, It is now pretty sad for those who were made to feel they must.

jones7676 · 03-14-2008, 07:08 AM

I haven't ever drank diet drinks had hormone replacement or a variety of other reasons people listed here. Overall, I was healthy until this hit except for IBS. There is no family history of cancer. I have always eaten a lot of home grown veges etc. The only big changes in my life I could see prior to breast cancer were a decrease in time outside (office job + college), decrease in physical activity due to career change -long desk/study hours, and increased stress due to both of those factors. I keep asking why - but I don't see answers anywhere.

Jackie07 · 03-15-2008, 04:55 PM

Ceesun,

I was in the incubator for a while because I was born premature. I am pretty sure that and the birthmark on my father's forhead (My neurosurgeon asked me if anyone in my family had a mole or birthmark on their head)were the cause of my brain tumor (I had had headaches/dizziness since I was little.) And another neurosurgeon told me that 'people who have one type of cancer tend to have another type of cancer' when I was diagnosed with breast cancer two years after the Gamma Knife radiosurgery. My breast cancer gene is probably from my mother who had lymphoma 10 years ago.

And the hormone positive part - I did take birth control pills for a couple of years to control the growth of 3 uterine fibroids (which grew because of 3 fertility treatments - instead of babies, I got fibroids...) So it looks like everything has a 'side effect'. But everything also has an antidote - or the doctor will invent/find one.

Mary Jo · 03-15-2008, 07:38 PM

Hi all.....

Better late than never.

I guess I never responded because I wasn't sure if I wondered "why" or not. But, I guess I did.

My mom died of pancreas cancer when she was 47 years old. I was 28 when she died. She suffered so incredibly and oh how I never wanted cancer. I often asked God to never give me cancer. I truly believed it wouldn't happen to me. So, when it did...............I was shocked.

Having every kind of cancer imaginable in our family (mom's side) - breast, colon, rectal, kidney and lung I surely shouldn't have been shocked, but I was. I felt betrayed by my body and let down by God. Those are not nice feelings to have.

I've come to believe that genetics play a huge roll. I was an avid exerciser before cancer, took off 30 pounds approximately 10 years before my cancer diagnosis BUT did eat a lot of sugar. Did that "make" me get cancer? I don't know and I'll never know.

So scientifically, knowing what I know, I TRY to do the right things. I try to eat less sugar, exericse more, keep my weight down, take a few supplements, fish oil etc. (just in case I can control this cancer stuff) but me being me, know that in the whole scheme of things my God, who loves me incredibly is control of it all. Did He give me breast cancer? No, I don't believe that at all. I believe we live in a fallen world and bad things happen - period. God knows - sometimes He allows things to happen to us. Why? Only He knows that. However, I can tell you this.........................breast cancer has been a blessing to me. I've grown closer to my God..............I am happier...........I am at peace!

That's all I know for sure.

BUT, that's enough for me.

So, yes, I did wonder "why me?" But, I now feel that I have the answer to that "why" and it's ok.

Hugs and Peace....

Mary Jo

phurst · 03-15-2008, 08:40 PM

I have a good one for all of you to think about who are beating yourself up..My wife (of 32 years) is 53 and does not fit any of the criteria.No family history,no hormone repalcemant,never smoked,breast feed,has always stayed in great shape(aroebics instucter for 30 years)extremely healthty diet.Tried to do everything right her whole life.Sometimes things just happen.That's the only excuse we can come up with.Stage 3,mamograms missed everything,discovered in lymphnodes.We just pray now.

Bill · 03-15-2008, 09:43 PM

Yep, brother, sometimes things just happen, kinda like Jonesy said. Sometimes you might be able to put a finger on what caused your cancer, but sometimes you do everything right and have no family history of it, and it happens anyway. That's what makes it such a diabolical disease and why research at this point is going in so many different directions, but I believe at some point in the near future all of the researches will converge upon the answer.