I'm in shock-new tumor...where old one was 4 years ago...

[jessica]

Hi All~
This is more than my brain can wrap around...I'm hoping you guys can help me...I'm upset and shocked and scared and in complete disbelief...
As I write this, I'm sitting in Hawaii (home w/my parents) recuperating after liver resection 8 weeks ago. You may recall, I'd been wrestling w/a single stubborn liver lesion for a year before we finally decided that it was the right time & the right decision to do surgery. I sailed thru the surgery-the scope & the intraoperative sonogram showed no other lesions, clean clean clean, except for the one. My recovery has been going really well.
This time that I'm spending here in Hawaii was supposed to be my opportunity to really relax-after 3 1/2 yrs of an almost constant battle-81 weeks of chemo, so many scans, surgeries, etc-maybe let my guard down a little and look into a brighter future without this disease...at least a nice long reprieve.
It was just some random movement & I felt a new lump. Same breast, same quadrant, feels like it's the exact same spot. How could this be?I've been getting weekly Herceptin while I've been here, so I had the onc check it out. So now, after a week of tests-mammo, US & FNA (biopsy), it is cancer. Everyone said it "felt" benign-superficial, very moveable, smooth, soft. It even looked like a cyst on the US. But the mammo showed calcifications.Cancer Again. How can it be?
I had a lumpectomy w/my 1st dx in May 2002 & the breast has been clean ever since. It was my liver we were watching so vigilantly. And we took care of that w/the resection. So, I'm cutting my visit short by 2 weeks & returning to Atlanta to my docs & make a plan.
How can this be? Where was it hiding these past ~4yrs? I've been getting PET scans every 12 weeks...why didn't we see it last November when we saw the liver lesion was back? Where was it hiding all those 81 weeks of chemo? Am I, God Forbid, not responding to Herceptin anymore? Admittedly, I haven't been having mammos every 6 mos-it just felt redundant since I've been getting the PET scans so frequently...is this where I went wrong? I even asked my doc about getting a mammo, but we agreed that the PET could/should have been sensitive enough?My TM's right before my resection were 32...
I have so so many questions...when I get back to Atl, I'll hit the ground running...meet w/my onc, repeat the FNA, get all the receptor info, determine if this is a new primary or the same old disease...I don't even know which would be "better"...more surgery? more chemo? losing my hair again...
How can this be? What are the chances?It is so easy to be here, Hawaii, this beautiful place & just forget about the reality that's waiting for me in Atlanta. I have a long flight to gather myself and put my "game face" on...right now I'm just having a hard time finding it.
Any wisdom you can offer would be a great comfort.
Keep the Faith (...atleast trying really hard)

Jessica

[StephN]

News like this is especially tough when you thought you were doing all the right things and always a blow.

But you should keep in mind that the surgeons and med oncs always watch those surgery scars for recurrance. I don't know how many women I know that had the thing come back in a surgery scar area. Granted only one was on on Herceptin, but they all had the chemo/rads if not a mast.
You have had active disease and some cells can break off and settle anywhere. Better the breast than another vital organ, I say.

Seems to me that a PET scan would not catch the calcifications or a tumor smaller than about 1/2 centimeter. Why my docs have me get the regular mammos. New mammo scanners are quite sensitive. A breast MRI would have seen it. But those are not ordered on a general basis in this country.

Find that Game Face and put on the war paint. Know you have a great team waiting for you and they will put this sneaky devil in it proper place.

Once you are settled from the shock and have a plan in place, let is know.
And thanks for raising the alarm that we can never really let down our guard.

[Nicola]

Jessica my heart goes out to you. I can imagine the fear you are feeling. Please know that you are in my prayers and thoughts. Hopefully someone on the site can offer you some help with understanding how this happened and where to go from here. I know this will be important to us all as we all fear the recurrence. Know that we are with you in spirit and hoping for the best. Stay strong, I know you are a tough cookie by your posts and that you will get through this. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

Big Hugs & Lots of Love,
Nicola

I know this comes as a shock to you. We have all went through so much withis disease. But I do firmly believe that God only gives us what we can handle. You are a strong person and I'm sure you will get thru this with Gods help and the prayers of everyone on this site. bless you.

[Lolly]

Jessica, I'm in shock right along with you. I've seen the stats that this is a rare occurance, but when it's happening to you it doesn't feel so rare. I can only suppose, if it proves to be the same type of cancer, that some stray cells escaped the original surgery and have taken this amount of time to grow. If it is Her2 positive, that means Herceptin WAS working to keep the brakes on in combo with all your chemo regimens. We know this is an aggressive disease, and you're back in the fray sooner than you thought you'd be. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

<3 Lolly

[Debbie Harris]

Hi Jessica,

I am Nicola's sister, she is a member on this site and a cancer survivor. She sent me a copy of your post. I know this is such a struggle both mentally and physically. I have to tell you that when I read your post,I wondered if I know of you through a friend of mine. I live in the Atlanta area as well. I have a friend who is taking Pilates classes, and she had mentioned to me a long time ago that her Pilates instructor had cancer and was continuing to teach the class. Her name is Kim, and if you are the instructor she has told me about, you are a tough cookie and will get through this just fine. It can be such a small world sometimes. I would love to know if you are the gal I've heard of through the grape vine.

Best wishes,
Debbie

[jhandley]

Hi Jess

I too had a reoccurrence after 4.5 yrs same breast diff location..but didnt show on mammo or US. It was 4 cm x 2 cm and obviously had been there for a while possibly even all along. I believe 25 % of tumours in younger women are not detected by mammo. I was pretty cross at the time (last Sept) particularly since I had wanted the breast off the first time round. I was also cross because this time I had a liver "spot" and I believe if I had had the mast. first time maybe I wouldnt be Stage 4 (however I am now NED).
Anyway chin up and best of luck with your next move.

cheers
Jackie

[tammymarie1971]

awww Jessica..I am so sorry you have to go through this crap again!!!!!!but You can do it!!!! I know the thought of chemo again really bites!!! but you have to do what you have to do.....It is great that it is not an organ again!!!!!!!! I'm just so sorry that this has come up for you...BIG (((((HUGS)))))

Tammy

[DeborahNC]

(((Jessica)))

I'm so sorry. My tumor recurred exactly 2 years after lumpectomy and rads. Same breast, same spot, right under the scar. I was told I was one of the 10% who recurred. Those stats don't mean much when you're one of them.

You did what you thought was best for you at the time. I did the same. Please don't take beat yourself up for things you may or may not have done.

Take care, be gentle with yourself.

Deborah

[Diane H]

Jessica, so so sorry you have to deal with this. I also am in the midst of a lump recurrence. It is very surreal. Sending prayers and hope, Hugs, DIane

[mts]

Hi Jessica-
I am so sorry you are going through this -again. I am curious at the fact the PET showed nothing though... I was wondering if you have had a breast MRI at anytime before or after your surgery?
I had a breast MRI after my lumpectomy (clean margins) and two more tumors that were larger than the one that was removed were found. My mammo and ultrasound never revealed those. I have dense breasts. Anyway, just wondering if what you have has been there all along.
I don't have much wisdom to offer. But I do hope your end result is a healthy one. Hang in there!

Warmly,

Maria

[Patty H]

I am so sorry. I know this is all our nightmares on this site. This is the hardest part, the news! Once you get through this and start an action plan, it may get better. And like it was already said, I'd rather it was my breast then an organ. We can live without our breast but we need our livers and lungs. As you go through the next several weeks, think about how wonderful your first weeks in Hawaii were and take your mind back to those days when you need an out.
thoughts and prayers with you Patty H

[jessica]

Hi All~
Thank you everyone, for your support, words of encouragement & incredible compassion. It's such a shock to find myself back in Atlanta, in winter clothes again...
I met w/my docs the morning I returned & the pathologist did another FNA.He said it's very small-smaller than a pea, but there's no way to tell from mammo, US or FNA if it's invasive. Keeping my fingers crossed for DCIS...I was scheduled for a PET scan this morning to make sure there are no other active sites, but you'll never believe, THE PET SCANNER IS BROKEN! So I'm waiting to see how soon they can re-schedule.
I was hoping to have all the info-path from the FNA & info from the PET-by the end of today so that we could really get started on our action plan. This additional delay is wearing me out! My onc said that chemo is a possibility-we just need to find out all the info...and radiation is likely.
UGH! I'm starving & I really need that cup of coffee that I skipped in anticipation of this morning's PET scan.
I'm hanging on by my finger tips...thanks for the encouragement. I couldn't do this (again) without all of you.

Keep the Faith~
Jessica

ps-Debbie-I suspect I am the Pilates Instructor your friend has told you about...I'm humbled by the compliment. I haven't gone back to teaching yet since I'm still only 9wks post liver resection...& now this. I'm anxious to get back-I miss teaching so much. All in good time...

[Marlys]

My prayers & thoughts are with you today. I have to agree with the post that stated she believed God does not give us more than we can handle and I believe also that nothing happens in God's world by mistake. It is just so hard to understand sometimes!
Love & prayers,
Marlys