Anybody have any jokes they can share?

[Paula O]

Never a Bad Hair Day
http://jpoliver.com/wordpress/archives/425

Last year when I was going through my tratment and bald as a newborn baby I saw this funny little story forwarded here. Thanks to whoever shared it, I've so appreciated the humor. I liked it a lot and tweaked it a tiny bit. I found it funny and insightful. I hated losing my hair just like everybody else and while I knew the anecdote was made up and unrealistic it made me laugh, take pause, think and reflect.

Love,

Paula

[Paula O]

[Paula O]

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly.
He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

[Paula O]

Everything you have on your car has a very specific function with the exception of one thing: the instrument panel dimmer switch. Why was this invented? Are people’s eyes too sensitive for the five-watt bulb behind the speedometer? It’s like, “Oh, don’t worry about those oncoming headlights, but this odometer light — it’s burning my retina.”
—Wayne Federman

[Paula O]

When I was going through surgery, chemo, and radiation last year, a friend challenged me to seek out humor and also do at least one enjoyable thing every day, even when I was feeling scared, sad, and awful.

My kids love it when we are goofy together, especially when I initiate it. I remember the laughter we had together doing the dinner trick in the link and dropping by and smiling at some neighbors. It's a great use for orange peels and such!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ecu1SWO0IM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTKFXEr7f4c&NR=1


Paula
"A merry heart does good, like medicine"

[Paula O]

Medical cartoons by T. McCracken:

http://www.mchumor.com/medicine_cartoons.html

[Paula O]

[Paula O]

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

[Paula O]

A grandmother was telling her grand daughter what her childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond.I had a swing made from a tire hanging in our yard.We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.The little girl was wide eyed , taking it all in. at last she said "I wish I would have gotten to know you sooner."

[Paula O]

[Paula O]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKBBMZQK6D0
Talking bird on Animal Planet

[Paula O]

[Paula O]

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

[Paula O]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CULU09VCu14

Talking cats play Patty-Cake

[Paula O]

4 Husbands

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained,

"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

[Paula O]

One day a big piece of string walked into a diner. He sat down at the counter and said, "Hey waitress, give me a coffee." The waitress replied, "We don't serve your kind in here." So, the string went outside, tied himself up in a knot and frayed his ends, then walked back into the resaurant and requested again, " I'd like to order a coffee". The waitress looked at him, gave him a cup of coffee, and then said, "Hey! Aren't you that piece of string that was just in here?" And the string replied, "Frayed Knot."

[Paula O]

[Paula O]

From a child's perspective:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pOO2_oFbBg

[whatz]

You make me smile Paula!

[Paula O]

That perspective of a child link made me smile too, Whatz. Hope you are doing well--how are things going for you these days?

Here's some cochroach humor :

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.
"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere. It's so sanitary that the whole place shines."
"Eww!" said the other roach frowning. "Please, not while I'm eating!"