Down in the Dumps

jones7676 · 11-20-2007, 11:15 AM

I am feeling so down in the dumps....started Abraxane with Tykerb 2 weeks ago, as Pet showed activity increasing in my lung met. I guess I will be bald for my 50th birthday, and my friends had to cancel the surprize party they were planning because the Dr. told me to stay out of the public. 2nd treatment had me down on the couch/bed/chair for four days and I had to get IV yesterday because I was so dehydrated. I also have a small brain met and now they are saying they won't do stereotactic on that until the lung met is under control - and I am so afraid what will happen while I wait. It seems like for every step forward I take there is a step back...or more. I am usually considered one of the most positive people where I get treated....I am often utilized as positive reinforcement for other people - I just cannot seem to pick myself back up right now.
Ok, I'm done whining, but does anybody have any suggestions for me to help myself back up? Has anyone else had to wait to have a brain met treated like this or should I start looking for more opinions or somewhere else to be treated? Has anyone ever went to (or know someone who has went to) Cancer Centers of America and are they any good?

nitewind · 11-20-2007, 11:20 AM

Hi Barb,
Sorry to hear your latest news. Don't be so hard on yourself and expect to always have that postive attitude and happy smile. You deserve to have a down in the dumps day. You're human and have feelings and thoughts and hopes and dreams just like everyone else.
I haven't encountered the problem that you have but I'm sure that there are others who will answer you. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and praying tomorrow will be a much better day.
And I'm so sad that you're having a hard time with the treatment, you've been through enough.
Gentle hugs for you

Believe51 · 11-20-2007, 11:24 AM

I am picking you up and wiping them knees. You are not whining Darling, just having a moment of despair and that is so understandable. You have been through so much and yes, I too see you as a positive person. Even the most positive person can sound like your post, do not pressure yourself like that. Bad day Sweetie, we are here for you so talk away. Sometimes we need to fall a step behind in order to gain a few steps ahead. I will pray for you and hold you dear in my heart and hope that the wait for things to fall together gets better with each passing moment. Keep hydrated the best you can. Tomorrow is coming and hopefully you will be that much closer to fixing all the distress that you are facing at the moment. Love and Gynormous Hugs>>Believe51

tousled1 · 11-20-2007, 11:26 AM

Sorry you are down in the dumps but that happens to all of us. It's probably worse now with the Holiday season upon us.

I can't understand why your oncologist won't consider sterostatic on your brain met until your lung mets are under control. I was diagnosed with lung mets and a small brain met shortly after that. I was on chemo for the lung mets and had CyberKnife done for the brain met which was a total success. I did not have to stop my chemo in order to have the CyberKnife procedure done. I know that if you have WBR (whole brain radiation) you must stop chemo first but you should ask your oncologist about CyberKnife or GammaKnife. The CyberKnife procedure took about an hour and a half, was completely painless and did the job on my brain met. I'm still on chemo for my lung mets and my last scan showed slight improvement. Now my problem is that I have pneumonia and was unable to get chemo last week and probably will not get it this week either. But I'm still getting my Herceptin.

suzan w · 11-20-2007, 11:56 AM

Well, you might have to stay out of the public for your birthday...but that doesn't mean I can't come right up and give you a GREAT BIG OLD BIRTHDAY HUG!!!!!

hutchibk · 11-20-2007, 01:19 PM

OK, what I learned is this (now this is what my docs told me, but I can't say that it will apply to you...) - but that with my brain mets being small, showing no swelling, and not being in an area that was in danger of causing debilitating symptoms, that if I chose to start my Tykerb/Xeloda first and waited a month to MRI again to see if we were getting response, they didn't expect to see much growth (if any, it was predicted maybe 10%) of the brain mets in that period of time. Ask your onc how fast they think your met will progress (if at all) and based on the size and location, is it near anything that could cause symptoms or damage? Remember, too, that Tykerb crosses the blood brain barrier, so they may be thinking that it will help hold the met stable until you can radiate. (Tykerb/Xeloda completely eradicated my brain mets with no radiation so far... but everyone is different. I will do targeted radiation in the future if the pesky mets show up again.)

Hope this helps.

MJo · 11-20-2007, 01:48 PM

Sometimes I want to hug a teddy bear or a rag doll. Sometimes I want my mommy! Come to think of it, I think I will buy myself a raggedy ann for christmas. Seriously, we're never too old to get this kind of comfort. Do whatever it takes. I think you have a good chance to get those mets under control. Big hug from me, too.

Andrea Barnett Budin · 11-20-2007, 02:48 PM

I just bought my almost 3 yr old granddaughter an almost big as her DORA THE EXPLORER, a character she is in love with. I reached out and clipped her off the hook she was hanging on. She kind of called out to me. Darling! Now, I am thinking of going back to the store and buying one for *me* after reading MJo's post. Well my two little sheep (white Maltese boy pups) pretty much serve the same purpose.

Barb, it's okay for even you to have a not so cheery, borderline melancholy, what's going on day. Cyberhugs are guaranteed germ free. So I am sending you some, for today, and for your big Bday!! So you'll surprise your friends and get better fast and live to celebrate a different day. Life rarely goes as we plan. We don't know the Big Picture. And the bumpy jarring ruts in the road force us to appreciate what we do have and to learn to adapt to the annoying interruptions we hadn't counted on. It is good tat you're ruminating. You got some great advice from the wise ones on the board.

Hope you're feeling all the love headed your way.

BTW, you're not whining! You're ventilating. That's a good thing. Vent away. We can take it. We have strong shoulders. Especially when we have our dolls close by to hug and make us smile...
Andi

dhealey · 11-20-2007, 06:57 PM

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's okay to be mad, cry, be down in the dumps as you have been through alot. Mourn for your old self, then pick yourself back up and fight like hell!!!! Life has alot yet to offer you and you will be well again. Sending loving prayers that God wraps his healing arms around you and gives you the stregnth you need to keep on fighting.

Debra · 11-20-2007, 07:37 PM

Barb -

I don't really have any words of wisdom as some of the others on the site usually have but I wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and just darn frustrated that you have to deal with all this. Having to wait on treatment for that brain met-----no wonder you are down in the dumps.
Just lean on everyone here--you know we are all here for you.

kareneg · 11-20-2007, 09:47 PM

Dear Barb,

I don't have any info on the brain mets but I want you to know I do understand how you feel about being down in the dumps, I am praying for you my friend and I am sure you will pick yourself up and battle this set back with everything you have!

Love Karen